Ok, the puking will now commence

[Tiamat]

I got my e-mail from the producers of America's Got Talent today setting my audition time in Dallas on March 2. Can you say NERVOUS!!!

Yup that about covers how I"m feeling right now. Nope wait.....scared ****eless would be closer.

[DirtyMartini]

so....what's your talent?

[Tiamat]

I sing. I was a vocal major in college, made all the choirs, soloist for the church etc... so there would have to be something there 'cause in order to be accepted into the music programs you have to audition for the music department heads and voice teachers. So I obviously am able to carry a tune just how good can I carry it.

[SlowwHand]

Good luck with that. What are you going to sing?

[Asher]

You should sing Lady Marmalade. I bet they've never seen that one before.

[DirtyMartini]

I vote for Mariah Carey, vocal critics love that C above high C screeching stuff.



Seriously though, good luck.

[ZEE]

Good Luck Tiamat

[Kidlicious]

Awesome Tiamat. I hope we get to see you on TV.

[Tiamat]

The drill goes....you go and audition for I guess the first staff then if your good enough they let you know if you made the show, if you do then you have to return in 3 or 4 days for the taping of the show with "The Hoff", Sharon Osborne and of course Piers Morgan.

We're only allowed 1 minute 30 to perform an acapella song so I'm sticking with something I can pull out of my a$$ even if I do get nervous, Somewhere over the Rainbow.

Yes, I know it's been done to death but I have to stick with something I know that's a bit like auto pilot in case the nerves get worse then they already are and I go blank.

Nothing says I'm going to make it, but at least I'm not sitting on my couch looking at the TV thinking I can do better then them, I'm finally going to participate instead of letting the life parade pass me by. Anyway just getting to go and try out, how cool is that!

[Thoth]

Forget Over the Rainbow, sing the Hedgehog Song!

The sheep is a classic, as well you may find,
the llama's all right if he isn't too tall,
the donkey's a danger for standing behind,
but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

Chorus (repeat after each verse):
Roll them all over and turn them around,
The hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

You may pounce on the cat as he walks by his lone,
the mole has a hole into which you can crawl,
you must blindfold the basilisk or turn into stone,
but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

The sow is a darling, so slick and so tight,
to cuddle and kiss as you lie next the wall,
but she don't chew the cud, so you'd better not bite,
and the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

The squirrel requires the climbing of trees,
which puts you at risk of a slip and a fall.
The dog's man's best friend if you don't mind the fleas,
but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

You can do it with a frog in a puddle or pool,
though you might catch a cold in your whatchamacall-
it, or with a giraffe if you stand on a stool,
but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

The rhino is often... reluctant... to flirt;
the termite's a challenge because he's so small
you might wash him away with your very first squirt;
but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

The bonobo monkey --
Will someone please tell the Librarian I'm not talking about him?
He's in the last verse. -- Thank you!
The bonobo monkey is willing to hump:
he'll do all his friends, both the large and the small,
and he'll do it to you if you show him your rump,
but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

The humans are out, if you value your life:
it's incest, my son, since we're relatives all...
unless you'd make love to your very own wife!
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

I don't recommend that you tackle the skunk.
I did once myself, I'm ashamed to recall;
I must have been EXtr'ordinARily drunk!
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

The kangaroo's pocket can carry your tool
though her kick may propel you clean over the wall.
The platypus lurks in the muck of his pool
but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

The camel is likely to spit in your face,
but don't take it bad, for it ain't personAL:
he simply detests the entire human race,
and the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

As a friend to the children, commend me the Yak
he's perfect to start them on when they are small,
for they cannot slip off of his very broad back,
but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

You can take a wild ride on a wild catamount
if your ears can stand up to his wild caterwaul.
You can poke your own fist, but that really don't count,
and the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

Take care when you lift up the elephant's tail
or beware of the fate that else may befall:
if you pick the wrong end you could wind up impaled!
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

To futter the bat you must take to the air.
She'll flutter her wings and go into a stall
and pitch you off into God-only-knows-where,
but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.


The billygoat's habits, though pungent and weird,
you've got to accept if it's him that you'd ball:
he don't use cologne, he just cums in his beard,
and the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

The guinea pig's timid, and brainless to boot,
he's worse than no use in a ruckus or brawl,
but you can't pass him up 'cause he's so bloody cute!
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.


You can bugger a whale if you're willing to swim
or an ORanguTANG if you hang from a limb;
or make time with a snail if you slow... to... a... crawl...,
... but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all!

[Tiamat]

Well thank you for the offer but I don't even know what a bonobo monkey is much less I don't think I could pull off buggered with my southern drawl ya'll.

[Thoth]

It might be easier if you had a few pints first. Some songs just shouldn't be sung sober.

Bonobo monkey

[Wernazuma III]

Good luck Tiamat. Just imagine your nerves if you actually do succeed and will have to sing a song you don't "own" for a public of many millions.

[MikeH]

Kick Piers Morgan in the balls if you get the chance. What a c*nt.

[Tiamat]

Originally posted by Wernazuma III
Good luck Tiamat. Just imagine your nerves if you actually do succeed and will have to sing a song you don't "own" for a public of many millions.

Thanks, so no pressure. Already going that route we have to have between 20 and 30 songs that we can do and if it isn't one that's licensed to them then we have to go with one of theirs.

So ok, let me ask this I'm from Texas and around here two fingers means peace but in England it means something else......what does that mean and would I get in trouble if I did make it and Piers was a total prat to me and I stuck up the two finger salute. Would I get in trouble, censored I mean here in America?