I'm losing my manhood

[Pekka]

Oh now I realized what going postal means No I'd never do that.

[Lancer]

Yup it's kind of an American saying. 'The mail must go through', the philosophy since the Pony Express, stresses them out which drives em to deliver the mail then kill everybody, 'going postal'.

[Dr Strangelove]

Originally posted by Pekka
I don't know the answer to that though. Hey, maybe I'm an idiot. I don't know. You know I used to almost worship stoic way of living. I'm serious. I read that stuff and thought hey this is cool, let's not go overboard on anything. Then I figured I wanted a military career. I figured I need to kill all kinds of emotions. I'm not kidding you, this is what I thought back in the days. I was serious about going career soldiering, outside my country, OK?

You were going to become a mercenary? Cool! I say go for it. We've never had any real soldiers of fortune here at 'poly. I think that's what we're missing.

[Pekka]

It was years ago. Fortunately I never went. That would have been so stupid.

[Lancer]

Mercs! Bah, woosies. If you want real action join the US Postal Service.

[Xorbon]

It sounds like you need to go see the world. Go backpacking or something. Just don't come back a soy-eating hippie.

[Proteus_MST]

He could combine it with the thought he had before by joining the marines.
After all AFAIK their slogan is:
"Join the marines. Travel the world, visit exotic places, meet strange and interesting people and kill them"

[Pekka]

Well not only that, but now thinking back and reflecting, it seems so stupid that I can't believe I was so much considering it. It wasn't like an escape, it was rather a fantasy. What kind of a sick fantasy is that, to go to war? Everything, on the outside, is good for me. I survive, I have nice things and I can have the best in life. So why would I choose to go to somewhere crap, possibly make it even more crap and then damage my soul forever and if lucky, survive it, only to realize how wrong I was?

Don't get me wrong, I'll defend my country. But that's because I know for a fact we aren't going to attack anyone. So that's a bit different, but I'm beginning to see problems even in that. Not self defense, but armies. I think it's wrong that we recruit young boys. 17, 18, 19 year olds... I mean what the hell do they know? And that's exactly why they're recruited, because they don't think. They might still think it's actually cool.

You know? But at the end of the day, it's killing some people we dont' know and vice versa and for what? For what? All that for some words, maybe some abstract things as well. So... I'm confused. How could I pick up arms and shoot some 18 year old who didn't know any better to begin with and who most likely didn't want to be there anyway? Because "it's my duty?". No it ****ing isn't my duty. My duty is to myself first. Of course I'd have to, since I'd be defending myself, but I why on earth would I willingly put myself in a situation where I HAVE to defend myself? You know? That's screwed up.

What were my values? How can I be loyal to some entity that really doesn't even exist and is subject to change in time anyway, and the politics of it is exercized by some folks now, some folks later on etc. Who knows? So how can I be loyal to that. I'd rather be a good human being than a good citizen. Fortunately they're both inclusive at the moment, but I should be good human first, good citizen second, and if the second part comes into conflict with the first one? Loyal to myself. "go kill these young dudes because I think it's a good idea and... you should think it's a good idea toO! For.. for cakes and rabbits! DO it for them!". No... FU. You go. I'm not going to go. It's not because I'm afraid to go, it's because I don't want to shoot other people, period. I don't want to do that. And I think it sucks anyway so why woudl I contribute by going and silently accepting it? No.

edit: I mean of course you can rationalize this and say this but the point is, I FEEL this way now. Ok? I get disgusted about these things. Disgusted. I can't even watch news about the wars these days. It used to be kind of like entertainment, I wasn't happy about it but it was interesting and it had a cool factor in it, but now? I keep thinking about the pain of the ones who survived the victims, you know? What if it was my wife, what if it was me and I coudl never see my wife anymore, what if it was my child, my parent... what if it was ALL of them. You know? I don't want to be part of that. No way.

I still think Ghandi sucks ass though.

[Qilue]

To volunteer to go to some far off place and kill people and possibly be killed by those people seems to imply implicit and absolute trust in the people who are sending you there.

People who time and time again, turn out to be lying scum who care more about their own power and wealth than your's or anyone else's life.