Stephen Colbert just announced he is running for president

[DRoseDARs]

Originally posted by Vesayen
I liked Rudy when he first announced. He has since done everything possible to make me realize he is poor choice. Despite being a democrat, I have every democratic canidate. I do not like any of the republican canidates.

Al Gore is not running, unfortunatley.

I'll be voting Colbert if this is not a stunt, or even if it is, if he is on the balot.

I'm sorry, but Rudy was NEVER likable. Toe cancer has more charisma.

Coalbear for President

[Rufus T. Firefly]

His NY Times article was pretty funny (especially the comment about Frank Rich -- and I say that as a Frank Rich fan):

I Am an Op-Ed Columnist (And So Can You!)

By STEPHEN COLBERT

Surprised to see my byline here, aren’t you? I would be too, if I read The New York Times. But I don’t. So I’ll just have to take your word that this was published. Frankly, I prefer emoticons to the written word, and if you disagree

I’d like to thank Maureen Dowd for permitting/begging me to write her column today. As I type this, she’s watching from an overstuffed divan, petting her prize Abyssinian and sipping a Dirty Cosmotinijito. Which reminds me: Before I get started, I have to take care of one other bit of business:

Bad things are happening in countries you shouldn’t have to think about. It’s all George Bush’s fault, the vice president is Satan, and God is gay.

There. Now I’ve written Frank Rich’s column too.

So why I am writing Miss Dowd’s column today? Simple. Because I believe the 2008 election, unlike all previous elections, is important. And a lot of Americans feel confused about the current crop of presidential candidates.

For instance, Hillary Clinton. I can’t remember if I’m supposed to be scared of her so Democrats will think they should nominate her when she’s actually easy to beat, or if I’m supposed to be scared of her because she’s legitimately scary.

Or Rudy Giuliani. I can’t remember if I’m supposed to support him because he’s the one who can beat Hillary if she gets nominated, or if I’m supposed to support him because he’s legitimately scary.

And Fred Thompson. In my opinion “Law & Order” never sufficiently explained why the Manhattan D.A. had an accent like an Appalachian catfish wrestler.

Well, suddenly an option is looming on the horizon. And I don’t mean Al Gore (though he’s a world-class loomer). First of all, I don’t think Nobel Prizes should go to people I was seated next to at the Emmys. Second, winning the Nobel Prize does not automatically qualify you to be commander in chief. I think George Bush has proved definitively that to be president, you don’t need to care about science, literature or peace.

While my hat is not presently in the ring, I should also point out that it is not on my head. So where’s that hat? (Hint: John McCain was seen passing one at a gas station to fuel up the Straight Talk Express.)

Others point to my new bestseller, “I Am America (And So Can You!)” noting that many candidates test the waters with a book first. Just look at Barack Obama, John Edwards or O. J. Simpson.

Look at the moral guidance I offer. On faith: “After Jesus was born, the Old Testament basically became a way for Bible publishers to keep their word count up.” On gender: “The sooner we accept the basic differences between men and women, the sooner we can stop arguing about it and start having sex.” On race: “While skin and race are often synonymous, skin cleansing is good, race cleansing is bad.” On the elderly: “They look like lizards.”

Our nation is at a Fork in the Road. Some say we should go Left; some say go Right. I say, “Doesn’t this thing have a reverse gear?” Let’s back this country up to a time before there were forks in the road — or even roads. Or forks, for that matter. I want to return to a simpler America where we ate our meat off the end of a sharpened stick.

Let me regurgitate: I know why you want me to run, and I hear your clamor. I share Americans’ nostalgia for an era when you not only could tell a man by the cut of his jib, but the jib industry hadn’t yet fled to Guangdong. And I don’t intend to tease you for weeks the way Newt Gingrich did, saying that if his supporters raised $30 million, he would run for president. I would run for 15 million. Cash.

Nevertheless, I am not ready to announce yet — even though it’s clear that the voters are desperate for a white, male, middle-aged, Jesus-trumpeting alternative.

What do I offer? Hope for the common man. Because I am not the Anointed or the Inevitable. I am just an Average Joe like you — if you have a TV show.

[Zkribbler]

Originally posted by DRoseDARs
Coalbear for President

He likes to not pronounce the ending consonants on words. So it'd be pronounced "Presi-duh."

[Perfection]

YES! NOW PERFY CAN VOTE FOR TWO COMMEDIANS COME 2008 (PROVIDED FRANKEN GETS THE DEMOCRATIC NOMINATION)!

[BeBMan]

I thought he'd be vice pres of Jon Stewart (the one who pwned Tucker Carlson, btw)

[DRoseDARs]

LOLMG DID U C JOHN STEWART LIKK TOTALEE PWN TUCKER CARLSON?!?! HE WAS AL LIKK "NO, I WILL NOT BE YOUR MONKEY." LOLOLOLOLOL!!!1!!!11!!ELVIS!!!1!

[BeBMan]

[Krill]

What Aeson said. American politics would become a better king od farce than they already are...

[LordShiva]

He said he'd make Happy Putin his running mate

[Japher]

Man of the Year

Robin Williams already did this

[Imran Siddiqui]

Colbert

[Japher]

Colbert for Presiden(t)

[Pekka]

Now that's a candidate worthy of the position

[Arrian]

Originally posted by Japher
Man of the Year

Robin Williams already did this

My thought exactly.

-Arrian

[Dis]

Colbert for president. No one could be worse than Bush.

Of course I said something similar when Bush became president. I was proven wrong by the sheer ineptidity (new word I made up) of this president Bush. I had no idea the presidency could dip even lower.