Announcement

**Dracon II** · August 22, 2007, 11:01

CivWars 2

{We find ourselves in the dark bowels of the Apolyton Compound, where for evil overlord forum administrator, Ming, it is business as usual}

Ming - "Provost, I find you guilty of posting nonsensical crap in the off topic forum, I sentence you to….."

ProvostB- "Please master! I was simply pissed off with all that Australian Nationalist Propaganda! It sickened me! I lost my head!"

Ming - "I am disappointed in you, my son."

ProvostB - "You're my father?"

Ming - "No, I just say that I am for dramatic effect! Guards! Throw him into the dungeon!"

ProvostB - "Nooooo!! Please!!! Don't Do this!!!! Audentior will save me!!!! You remember that Ming! Your days are numbered!!"

{Provost is dragged screaming into the dungeons, Ming leaves the audience chamber and makes his way to the labs}

Ming - "How is he going Brain?"

The Brain - "Perfect, master, Perfect. I'm almost finished scripting in his new throat."

Ming - "That bastard YYYH ruined years of AI experimentation by that single rash act of murder. Little did he know that we could just patch a new throat for him"

The Brain - "Almost master. It is almost time for the throat to assimilate itself with the rest of the script. I'll just change a few parameters, and…there! Yes!"

Ming - "Okay, so what now?"

The Brain - "We've just got to open him using a java compatible browser, master. IE5 will do."

Ming - "IE5? But Bill Gates is my Archnemesis!"

The Brain - "Ironic, isn't it? But seriously, there is an ActiveX component in his brain that can only be opened by Microsoft Browsers"

Ming - "Oh, I see."

The Brain - "Okay, we can open him now. Start up IE5"

Ming - "It say's it can't access the script"

The Brain - "Oh, of course. We have to specify the Proxy address. Doing it now. Okay, NOW open him"

{All of a sudden, the room was filled with a bright light, then, everything was back to normal. The body was stirring}

The Brain - "It's alive. ALIVE!"

Markos - "W-what happened. All I remember is YYYH then…darkess"

Ming - "You fool. You shouldn't have let him kill you."

Markos - "I'm sorry master! I will do better this time!!"

Ming - "Yes, but first you've got to update Apolyton. I hear they've pushed back the Civ III release date."

{We find ourselves in Apolyton's Off topic café, where the Audentior rebels now sit}

Dracon - "I'm telling you, you're wrong!"

Dracon - "I'm telling you, you're wrong!"

Dracon - "Oops. Double post. Sorry"

Kunal - "Cutiegirl11 IS a double login. There's no other way about it!"

YYYH - "….."

Dracon - "It's a pity YYYH can't talk in here. I think DanQ should unban him"

DanQ - "I can't, I still haven't gotten administration rights back! Gamestats wants 'proof of identity' before they can be convinced that I am in fact DanQ."

Kunal - "You know I've got this nagging feeling….that something isn't right. Have you seen Provost around?"

Dracon - "No, he seems to have disappeared. I'll ask Bill3000. Hey Bill!"

Bill3000 - "Wait a moment. I'm having an argument with Djugashvili. Djugash! Society WILL collapse if it doesn't revert immediately to my Demesos system!"

Dracon - "Bill!! This is important!!"

Bill3000 - "Alright already! I'm coming."

Dracon - "Where's Provost?"

Bill3000 - "I don't know. He got a bit angry at the Australians this morning I believe. Haven't seen him since. But I must say, those bloody Australians are taking Nationalism too far."

Dracon - "Hey! You seem to forget that I'M Australian. A little bit National Pride never hurt anybody. Now, back to more important matters."

Kunal - "Say, what is the best MBT?"

DanQ - "We had THAT discussion ages ago, Kunal."

Dracon - "Yeah keep up with the times!"

Kunal - "Do you know who Djugashvili is?"

Dracon - "Dunno, some newbie with a big mouth"

Djugashvili - "Hey! I heard that!!"

Rasputin00 and Bkeela - "AUSTRALIANS ALL LET US REJOICE, FOR WE ARE YOUNG AND FREE!!!! WITH GOLDEN SOIL AND WEALT-"

Kunal and DanQ - "SHUT THE **** UP!!"

{enter Lordstone1, obviously exhausted. He sits at Dracon's table}

Lordstone1 - "I have grave news from Giant Squid. Ming is still alive! And Markos has been resurrected!"

YYYH - "….!!!"

Dracon - "****!! Let's get our arses to Audentior"

DanQ - "No wonder I couldn't get my admin rights back! Ming has Gamestats in his sway!"

Kunal - "This time we'll REALLY have to destroy the forums"

Lordstone1 - "Unfortunately, that is not possible. Giant Squid will explain"

{the group flee the forums, observed from above by Ming}

Ming - "You can't hide forever, Audentior. I will persuade Geocities to close you down, forever. HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

The Brain - "Do you have to laugh like that?"

Ming - "It's evil overlord Standard Operating Procedure"

The Brain - "No, it's just a stupid cliché"

Ming - "Yes….you're right. But then, so is a mad scientist called the Brain."

The Brain - "True"

Ming - "Oh no, it's another, 'Free YYYH and Spink' thread. I s'pose I'll just take the perpetrator to my dungeon and torture him for a while."

The Brain - "I'll see to it immediately, master."

{We now find ourselves in the Audentior Rebellion Compound. YYYH has left on a covert mission to gamestats, but the rest of the crew are in the compound, discussing deep and meaningful matters}

Giant Squid - "….so you see, THAT is why we can't procreate with apes. But enough idle chatter, we must formulate a plan against Ming!"

Kunal - "hmm. Can someone explain exactly how Markos came back to life?"

DanQ - "We have reason to believe he was nothing but one of Ming's elaborate AI experiments"

Giant Squid - "Ming has employed a mad scientist who is known only as the Brain. It seems the Brain was the one who scripted Markos in the first place. All it would've taken to bring him back into operation would've been to program a patch for his throat. He probably would've seen this as a good opportunity to upgrade the rest of Markos as well."

Dracon - "What kind of script? This may be the key to bringing him down"

Giant Squid - "We know it to be browser dependant, I'm guessing Java, or DHTML, or both."

Kunal - "Interesting….why didn't I think of it."

DanQ - "because you're not a deranged scientist who goes by the name of 'The Brain' ?"

Kunal - "You could be right"

Dracon - "I KNOW!! If he was scripted with java, he's obviously running on a 4.0 browser or higher."

DanQ - "Yeah, and with script that complex, it would HAVE to be the latest edition, like IE5 or something."

Dracon - "So, what we do, is we find a way to close down IE5, and load him up with a text based browser like Lynx or something! The browser wouldn't recognize the Java script that he needs to function, and he would die!"

Giant Squid - "That's it! But I have two questions: How do we do it, and how the hell do we bring down Ming?"

DanQ - "I don't know about bringing down Markos, but what about sabotaging the forums to bring down Ming?"

Giant Squid - "No, he's prepared for that now. Come on people, I want answers to questions, not questions to questions!"

{At that moment, a man strode into the compund}

Dracon - "Who the hell are you, and how did you get into the compound?"

Starchild - "My name is Starchild. I got into the compound through the front entrance. And I may have a solution to your problems."

Giant Squid - "Well, we'd all be eternally grateful if you enlightened us with your bright idea."

Starchild - "Well, I know a way to bring down Apolyton's entire server!"

DanQ - "Not even I can do that! And I used to own the bloody thing!"

Dracon - "No! He might be onto something! Sci-fi, action and fantasy storywriting protocol dictates that there must always be a secret entrance into the enemy compound. Now, if we were to find this secret entrance, we could strike into the heart of Apolyton, and bring down the server! Of course, we'd have to get past the firewall protecting it, and once we do destroy the server, we'd better run, because the Apolyton compound will begin to not exist, if you know what I mean."

Starchild - "How did you know what I was going to say?"

Dracon - "Well, I AM the author of this mediocre script"

Starchild - "No fair"

Giant Squid - "Okay. Now all we have to do is locate the secret entrance. Any ideas?"

DanQ - "Hmm, well, I'll go watch Return of the Jedi and get back to you if I learn anything.

Starchild - "I'll do some spying around the area, and see if I can find anything."

Dracon - "I'll sit here, and ponder my existence."

Kunal - "No you're not! You'll be coming with me to make some enquiries about the subject to my informants on the forums!"

DanQ - "You have spies on MY forums? That is so ****ing weak!"

Kunal - "Hey! I wanted to keep track of all the threads without actually admitting that I have interest in Apolyton in any way other than persecuting you for stealing my ideas. But that's all in the past now. We're on the same team now."

Giant Squid - "Oh, quit the sentimental crap and DO SOMETHING!"

DanQ - "I wonder if YYYH is alright, he's been gone for ages"

Giant Squid - "He'll be back. He's a professional"

{The rebels leave the room to take up their assigned duties}

{Do you actually read the stuff in these brackets? Well, they're not actually called brackets, because brackets are these things: [], they're called something else, but I can't remember}

[Well, now they're brackets. Nice huh? Just thought you might like a small change in pace.]

[We now find ourselves in the Off-topic Café, with Kunal and Dracon]

Dracon - "Okay, so where are these informants of yours?"

Kunal - "Be careful what you say out loud Dracon, we ARE in Ming Moderated territory."

Dracon - "You got it"

[They come across a Middle Eastern man, with a dark blue turban around his face]

Kunal - "Imran, stop trying to look like Pravin Lal."

Imran - "Oh! Well if it isn't Unrealistic African Superpower World Leader Kunal?"

Dracon - "What the ****?"

Kunal - "Just a little misunderstanding over at the Third War forum."

Imran - "A LITTLE misunderstanding? I just come out of Ramadan to find that Africa is a world superpower on these stupid forums! You're no better than Salman Rushdie, curse his name forever! Allah willing, he will burn in hell"

Kunal - "Dracon, can you stop making Imran say stupid stereotypical Islamic stuff? He IS American, you know."

Dracon - "Sorry I couldn't resist it. Hey! I was thinking of making you start chanting 'Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna', but then I realized you were an Atheist Hindu, or something like that."

Kunal - "Just drop it"

Imran - "Okay Kunal, what do you want to know? Make it quick, because I was just on my way to SMAC General"

Kunal - "Perhaps it would be better if we went to the Sidgames forums?"

Dracon - "Yeah, I've got to see is there are any replies for my thread in the SG Off topic"

{Dracon, Kunal, and Imran head for Sidgames. All the while they continue to be observed by Ming and The Brain}

Ming - "I wonder what futile plan they are hatching now?"

The Brain - "I do not know"

Ming - "Well, I don't pay you to not know things! I pay you to know things! So get your arse into gear and start getting to know this thing!"

The Brain - "Yes, master!"

{Meanwhile, at Sidgames}

Imran - "Secret entrance? Haha. Come on Kunal, be realistic. Do you seriously think Ming would have a secret entrance?. This is almost as much of a joke as your Union of 500 Nations in the 3rd War Forum! You've been watching too many movies! Ahahaha"

Kunal - "Hey! It was Dracon's idea in the first place!"

Imran - "And you didn't recognize its absurdity, did you? Hehe, a totally unrealistic idea"

Dracon - "Hey! I'm the Author! So if I want a secret entrance, I'll make one!"

**Dracon II** · August 22, 2007, 11:02

{At this moment, Starchild walks in}

Starchild - "I'm sorry folks, but there is no secret entrance"

Dracon - "Doh!"

Kunal - "Okay, let's return to base to report this to Giant Squid"

Imran - "Giant Squid? Hah! That's such an unrealistic name!"

Kunal - "Shut up!"

{At the Audentior compound}

Giant Squid - "WHAT DO MEAN THERE IS NO SECRET ENTRANCE!! NO!! I CAN'T ACCEPT THAT! I'VE INVESTED TOO MUCH TIME IN THIS THEORY, SO WE'RE GOING TO FIND A SECRET ENTRANCE IF WE HAVE TO DIG IT OURSELVES!!"

DanQ - "Uh, Squid, settle down man."

Giant Squid - "SHUT UP!! AARRRGGH. I must think."

Kunal - "So must we all think"

Imran - "Come on Giant Squid, be realistic about this-"

Giant Squid - "SHUT UP!!"

Dracon - "Okay, looks like Giant Squid doesn't want to be disturbed, so we're just going to have to think this through for ourselves. Now, if there is no secret entrance, where is the compound at its weakest?"

Imran - "umm…the Alternate Civs section? It's pretty weak."

Kunal - "No, the hosted sites. They might even help us."

Giant Squid - "YES! That's where the secret entrance is!"

Starchild - "Like I said before, there is no secret entrance. But if we could get Reismark, Blackclove, Allard, Kwang, Mark Everson, or Jesus to help us, we could get in."

Dracon - "Exactly! Okay, folks, let's get to work!"

{We now find ourselves at Ming's Apolyton compound}

Ming - "So, Brain, what have you found out?"

The Brain - "They seek a secret entrance"

Ming - "What secret entrance? I haven't heard of such a thing"

The Brain - "That's because there IS no secret entrance master. They're on a Wild Secret Entrance chase"

Ming - "You mean a Wild Goose chase, do you not?"

The Brain - "No. Why would they chase Wild Geese?"

Ming - "Don't worry"

The Brain - "I worry about you sometimes"

Ming - "SILENCE! No one talks to me like that! NO-ONE! Bring Markos to me, now!"

The Brain - "Yes master"

{After a few minutes, Markos enters the room}

Markos - "Yes master?"

Ming - "I want you to use the secret weapon on The Audentior Compound. No more mister nice moderator, Ming is expanding his boundaries. HA HA HA HA HA!!!”

Markos - "Indeed master. It shall be as you say"

{The Apolyton Compound}

Giant Squid - "Well, we have an ally among the hosted sites - Allard. The rest have been twisted by Ming's corrupting power."

Allard - "Indeed. My fellow hosted sites were swayed by Ming's promises of more power in the Apolyton community. Many did not believe him at first, but then he started handing out free T-Shirts and Coffee mugs. He brainwashed them all!"

Dracon - "What were the T-Shirts like? Were they good coffee mugs? Did you get any? Can I see them?"

Starchild - "Freebies hold great power over weak minds"

Kunal - "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's attack the bastards!"

Imran - "Oh come on, be realistic Kunal. We need to prepare for such things"

DanQ - "So, when do we attac-"

{DanQ's voice was cut off by a tremor of Earthquake proportions. The Audentior Compound began to crumble apart, and Error messages flashed everywhere}

Giant Squid - "****! Someone's attacked our FTP space! Audentior is being deleted!"

Dracon - "****! Let's get out of here!!"

{The crew fled the crumbling compound. They sought refuge in Sidgames, but that too was destroyed}

Kunal - "No…….no…….my Sidgames……Sidgames……speak to me……please!…….NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" {Kunal burst into tears}

Imran - "Well, it's clear that Ming has some sort of Website deleting device in his possession. This complicates things somewhat"

Dracon - "This is a gross violation of the Civilization Decency Act, I can tell you that."

Allard - "That's it. We must attack Apolyton now, before he destroys more websites"

Giant Squid - "Let's do it. Let's do it for Audentior and Sidgames. They may be nothing but endless scraps of Binary code drifting the WWW, but they still live on in our Temporary Internet files folder."

Kunal - "Okay, here's the plan:" {They all huddled together to hear Kunal's plan}

{The Apolyton compound}

Ming - "CutieGirl11, I find you guilty of being a double login of Djugashvili"

Cutiegirl11 - "But I'm a girl, and Djugashvili is a man"

Ming - "Djugashvili was you, because you wanted people to think you were a man"

Cutiegirl11 - "But you said that I was a double login of Djugashvili, but what you just said after that implies that Djugashvili is a double login of mine, not me being a double login of him."

Ming - "Please do not attempt to confuse Ming"

Cutiegirl11 - "Why are you speaking in the 3rd person?"

Ming - "Ming is all powerful, Ming can do what he wants"

Cutiegirl11 - "Nonetheless, it IS stupid."

Ming - "SILENCE!!! Go to the dungeons! NOW!!"

{Cutiegirl11 is dragged to the dungeons}
Ming - "Now, Djugashvili. You may enter now."

Djugashvili - "What do you want?"

Ming - "I find you guilty of being a double login of Cutiegirl11, I sentence you to…."

{The Brain runs into the room}
The Brain - "Master, look out the window!!"

{Ming looked out the window to see the forums in Chaos. People were spamming, flaming, posting pornographic material, html was turned on, people were posting obscene accounts of Ming's intimate relationships with Werefox, and they were calling for him to be impeached. All through the forums, little Gifs representing burning effigies of Ming were appearing. "FREE YYYH AND SPINK!!" people were saying.}

Ming - "Christ almighty! Send down the terror guard immediately!!!!!"

The Brain - "Are you sure? They should be here to guard the compound"

Ming - "NO!! I want this matter to be cleaned up quick and brutally! They will pay for their foolish pride"

{Things continue to go sour in the forums as the chaos spreads to the Javachat room and IRC server. The Terror guard made it to the forums just in time to be overwhelmed by the thousands of registered posters. And in the distance, reinforcements from the Sidgames forums, angered by Ming's destruction of their website, approach Apolyton with but one thought on their mind: Vengeance.}

Dracon - "Gee Ming, things are certainly getting hot down there, eh?"

{Ming turned around rapidly to find Kunal, Imran, DanQ, Dracon, Giant Squid, and Starchild standing before him. The Brain was lying on the floor. Dead. Djugashvili had fled.}

Ming - "What is this?"

Kunal - "This is where you pucker up and kiss my ass" {Gratuitous rip off of a quote from the X-files}

DanQ - "Hehe, that's out of the X-files, Kunal. I always knew you weren't original"

Dracon - "Shut up. Remember why we're here."

Ming - "Enough! You haven't defeated me yet. I still have some power at my command."

DanQ - "Give up Ming. As we speak, revolutionaries have breached the outer walls of the Apolyton Compound. And the survivors of the Sidgames disaster want their revenge. You have to give up!"

Markos - "No he doesn't. Now, put your hands above your heads. I have THE WEAPON!"

{They turned around, only to see Markos standing in front of them with a laptop in his hand}

Markos - "Welcome to your worst nightmare"

Dracon - "What is that?"

Ming - "It is a device with which one can hack into ftp servers, destroying whole websites in one swipe. It's quite a marvel, really. It was invented by the late Brain, who you killed, something which I was going to do anyway. I had no further use for him."

DanQ - "And how will that harm us?"

{Markos pulled out a gun}
Markos - "That won't. But this will. Come along ple-"

{At that moment, Markos lapsed into a series of convulsions, his body distorted, his mouth opened, spewing forth streams of binary code. He died}

Voice seeming to come from everywhere - "You have performed and Illegal operation"

DanQ - "Holy ****! What was that?"

Starchild - "I took the liberty of obtaining a favour an old friend of mine. You can come out now Bill"

{A figure stepped out of the shadows, the light revealing the unmistakable face of Bill Gates}
Bill Gates - "Ming, you should've known better than to use one of my products. You of all people know about the hidden bugs"

Imran - "HIDDEN bugs? Be realistic Bill. Everyone knows about them!"

{At that moment, a group of people burst into the room. Their leader came up to the forefront}
Leader - "Ming, you're under arrest"

Ming - "Who says so?"

{The man pulled out a badge}
Leader - "Geocities says so. I'm Sergeant Sheets of the Yahoo-Geocities Police. You are under arrest for violating Yahoo-Geocities's long standing Anti-Hacking Policy. You wiped a whole website off our servers, which is a serious offence!"

{Another group burst into the room one man stood forward}
Dominikos - "I'm agent Dominikos of the Gamestats Gestapo. This is Gamestats jurisdiction, not Yahoo-Geocities. Leave now Sheets."

Sergeant Sheets - "Not so fast. We have written authorization from Internic to enter Gamestats jurisdiction and arrest this Terrorist! I have it here!"
{Sheets produced a piece of paper from his pocket, and showed it to Dominikos}

Dominikos - "It's a forgery"

Sergeant Sheets - "NO IT ISN'T! Anyway. You have no proof. You must yield, we are in the right!"

Bill Gates - "Just do it Dominikos. Ming is history anyway. Think of the damage that Microsoft could visit upon your regime, and realize that by letting Ming go, you're doing your Fuhrer a great service."

Dominikos - "Hmmm. Yes, you're right. Ming, there's nothing I can do for you."

{The Geocities police drag Ming out, and the Gamestats Gestapo leave.}

Dracon - "Well, looks like our mission is over."

DanQ - "Yeah, and I get Apolyton back."

Bill Gates - "Well, that is yet to be decided. After the shame you brought upon Gamestats, you might have to go into exile. Don't worry, Audentior will be rebuilt. I will see to it."

Giant Squid - "Thankyou Bill"

Bill Gates - "Hey, I'm a generous guy"

Imran - "Aw come on, be realistic"

Kunal - "Shut up Imran. What about Sidgames, Bill?"

Bill Gates - "Sidgames? Oh sure, that can be rebuilt too."

Kunal - "Yipee!"

Starchild - "Well, it's all settled then"

Giant Squid - "Say, where's YYYH?"

YYYH - "I'm back here"

{YYYH was at the entrance to the dungeons, with a host of freed prisoners behind him}
YYYH - "You wouldn't believe who I found down here, man"

Andrew Hoekzama - "Say, is that daylight?"

ProvostB - "Well, looks like we won't be worrying about Ming anymore"

Starchild - "No, no we won't"

{Everyone went to the forums to have a party and got pissed. All except too people, who stayed in the compound}

Starchild - "Hehe. I can't believe they were so gullible"

Bill Gates - "Idiots. They totally forgot about Ming's secret weapon. Now it's mine"

Starchild - "Hey, don't forget your side of the bargain"

Bill Gates - "I haven't forgotten. You get Apolyton, and all the other civ fan sites will be forced to be absorbed by your site. You will have a total monopoly on Civ sites. You will have ownership of Firaxis, and Sid Meier will be your Personal Servant, Brian Reynolds will wash your feet daily, and Jeff Briggs will eat the scraps of food you toss aside from your plate. You will eventually create for yourself a '1984' style society where you will be called Big Brother, and you will be worshipped by all in your domain. All independent thought will be eliminated. There will be no dissent, because people won't know any different. Was that all? Oh! Yes! I forgot, you will receive free Microsoft Products for the continuation of your lifetime."

Starchild - "Bill, it has been a pleasures doing business with you"

Bill Gates - "Hey, like I said, I'm a generous guy"

{The rest are down in the forums}

Dracon - "So, what next?"

Giant Squid - "Well, first of all, we rebuild Audentior"

Kunal - "Then Sidgames"

Imran - "Oh come on, be realistic about this"

Kunal - "Shut up!!"

{At that moment, an announcement boomed out of the loudspeakers, with the unmistakable voice of Starchild}

Starchild - "Fellow Civvers, I come to you in the wake of recent events to issue a call to reason. Let no man deny the perils of our time. While we battle one another, divided by the petty strife of our common history, the tide of a greater conflict is turning against us, threatening to destroy all that we have accomplished. It is time for us as Nations and as Individuals to set aside our long standing feuds and Unite. Apolyton is no more, whatever semblance of unity and protection it once provided is a phantom, a memory. With our enemies left unchecked, who will you turn to? The damage wrought by the enemies is self evident. We have seen our homes and communities destroyed by the calculated moves of Ming, and our friends and loved ones devoured by nightmary Gamestats. Unprecedented, and Unimaginable though they may be, these ARE the signs of our time. The time has come my fellow civvers to rally to a new banner, in unity lies strength. Already many of the dissident webpages have joined us, and out of the many, we shall forge an indivisible whole, capitulating to a single throne. And from that throne, I shall watch over you. From this moment forward let no civver make war upon any other civver, let no civver oppose this new beginning, let no civver consort with foreign powers, and to all the enemies of Civilization, seek not to bar our way, for we shall win through, No Matter the Cost!" {Gratuitous rip off of Arcturus Mengsk’s speech in Starcraft}

Dracon - "That Bastard!"

{The End}

**Dracon II** · August 22, 2007, 11:04

Civ Wars 3

Civ Wars 3

{Not a long time ago….In a Cyberspace Not so far away…..
CIV WARS}
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Things have changed in the World of Civ Fan Sites. Big Brother Starchild has begun to establish a purely regimented society upon the disgraced ruins of Apolyton, The Already Purely Regimented Society of Gamestats marches to war against The New regime, in the hope that they might gain control of the Highly Prized Apolyton Ultimate Bulletin Board Scripts, who's oppressed citizens are even more brutally moderated than in the days of Ming and Markos. Smileys, any expression of satisfaction (lol, ROTFLMAO, etc), and any Hyperlinks leading to foreign sites are now banned. Any offence, including 'impure' posts, and posts that don't in some way glorify Big Brother Starchild, are now punishable by death, permanent positions in Database update camps, and with the Apolyton Sewerage Maintenance Authority. There is hope however, but even Audentior has drifted apart.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
{The secret Audentior Base}
Bill3000 - "Audentior must IMMEDIATELY adopt Demesos if it is to remain a politically viable Micronation!!!"

Michael Jeszenka - "NO!! I'm telling you, we MUST adopt The Church as our governing body. Morality is at an all time low! Take Dracon for example, only a fool would fail to notice that he's been having impure thoughts about Werefox"

Bill3000 - "Aw, come on. We all have impure thoughts about Werefox. She IS the only woman around here"

Cutiegirl11 - "Hey! I'm a woman!"

Michael Jeszenka - "No you're not, you a double login of Djugashvili"

Djugashvili - "No She isn't!! Now, as I was saying Imran, Audentior MUST adopt Stalinism if it is to survive"

Imran - "Djugash, be realistic. We all know that Communism only works in theory. We MUST listen to Rush Limbaugh, HE is the answer here"

Dracon - "Hah! Limbaugh talks crap. Listen to Green Party, they know what they're talking about"

Imran - "Aw come on Dracon, be realistic. We all know that Environmentalism is not economically sustainable. Rush said so himself"

DanQ - "If you ask me, you should all be joining my 'Rebuild Apolyton NOW!' Party"

Alexander's Horse - "NO way, People's Republic of the Off Topic is the way to go"

Gibster - "How can that bloody horse talk?"

Lordstone1 - "Hey, you all seem to forget that I was the original President of the Off Topic"

Gman14 - "Well I say we should all adopt anarchy! **** society man, yeah, baby!"

Imran - "Aw come on, be realistic"

Albert Speer - "No, Gman, good idea. Who gives a **** about the world?"

Rasputin00 - "I say we should adopt a class society. Aussies on top, everyone else on the bottom"

Bkeela - "I'll drink to that one mate!"

David Floyd - "Hey! Enough of this bull****, let's stop arguing, and talk civil about this"

Everyone else - "SHUT UP!!"

{The two 'official' leaders of Audentior, Giant Squid and YYYH observe all this from above}

Giant Squid - "I CAN'T HANDLE THIS!! APOLYTONERS ARE BEING OPPRESSED IN THE FORUMS, GAMESTATS IS MARCHING TO WAR WITH STARCHILD, A WAR WHICH THEY ARE LIKELY TO WIN, AND WHEN THEY ARE FINISHED WITH HIM, THEY'RE GOING TO GO LOOKING FOR US, AND ALL THESE BASTARDS WORRY ABOUT IS THEMSELVES!!"

YYYH - "Yes, this is definitely our most difficult assignment, Squid"

Giant Squid - "Well, what do we do?"

YYYH - "Hmm, I was thinking of something along the lines of a Guerilla campaign"

Giant Squid - "Hmm, yes. Maybe something more covert? Yes? I think we should get the original team back together. You, me, DanQ, Kunal, Dracon, and Imran. And get that woman too"

YYYH - "Werefox? Why her? Does she have unsurpassable combat abilities? Because I haven't noticed it."

Giant Squid - "No, it's part of the Author's new 'Equal opportunities' policy. Anyway, it'd be nice having a chick in the crew, wouldn't it?"

YYYH - "Well, er, yes, of course. If you say so, sir"

Giant Squid - "What is it YYYH? Spit it out soldier!"

YYYH - "Well, I've sort of, got a crush on Werefox, sir"

Giant Squid - "Idiot! You're not supposed to reveal your feelings for the female lead character until the END of the story. But it's too late now, I suppose. Anyway, bring them all to me"

YYYH - "Well, Drac, DanQ, Imran, and er…Werefox will be fine, but Kunal left to rebuild Sidgames"

Giant Squid - "Stupid!! He'll be captured by Starchild!!"

YYYH - "There's nothing we can do, I'm afraid"

{As YYYH goes out to find the rest of the team, who are now in the midst of heated discussions about 'why your ideological model doesn't work, and why mine does', Starchild sits in his audience chamber}

Starchild - "I don't know exactly why you're here Ms Spears, but I can guess: Gamestats sent you here to seduce me and extract state secrets from me."

Britney Spears - "Uh, yes, and I suppose you're going to threaten to kill me with your terror guard if I don't offer you sexual favours"

Starchild - "No. I'm going to send you back to Gamestats, on one condition."

Britney Spears - "What is that?"

Starchild - "You tell them to send the Backstreet boys next time they want secrets"

{Britney Spears stares at him in astonishment. Starchild smiles and nods his head}

Britney Spears - "Uh, okay..,.. I'll do that"

{Britney Spears leaves the room. Starchild laughs}

Starchild - "How Gullible! Hah! As if anyone would want the Backstreet Boys!"

{Bolo enters the room, leading in Kunal Shah, who is bound in chains}

Starchild - "Ah! How delightful! A prisoner! Oh, hello Kunal"

Bolo - "Master, we found him making his way the deleted ruins of Sidgames"

Starchild - "Hah! Hoping that you could rebuild Sidgames? Eh? Fat chance. I have a monopoly on Civ sites!"

Kunal - "My friends will save me. Audentior will have your head on a platter"

Starchild - "That, my friend, won't happen. You know why? Because I'm not a fool like Ming!"

Kunal - "Could've fooled me"

Starchild - "HA HA HA HA HA HA (Evil Laugh Ming 1999, all rights reserved)"

Kunal - "Hey! Ming copyrighted that laugh"

Starchild - "So sue me. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. Enough, throw him into the work camps!"

Bolo - "Yes master"

{Enter Fast Eddie}
Starchild - "Aah, Fast Eddie, I have been expecting you. What news?"

Fast Eddie - "Bad news I'm afraid. Gamestats forces have razed the Civilization 1 section, and are currently marching towards the Apolyton Link Directory. They have already attacked the absorbed Fansites. The Almighty Holy Civ site is in flames, master"

Starchild - "Well, we must intercept their forces. Conscript a few of the Proletarians"

Fast Eddie - "But Gamestats are using professional troops. We should send our terror guard!"

Starchild - "But the terror Guard are too busy keeping the underlings under heel. Why don't we send some cannon fodder to test our opposition?"

Fast Eddie - "Yes, master."

{At a High Security Prison, somewhere deep in Yahoo-Geocities Territory}

Sergeant Sheets - "Evil Knevil, take me to Ming's cell, please"

Evil Knevil - "Yes sir! Immediately Sir! Delighted to Sir!"

Sergeant Sheets - "Just do it Knevil"

Evil Knevil - "Sir, yes , Sir!!"

{The two stride down the cell block towards Ming's isolated cubicle, as they walk, the prisoners plea for freedom}

Prisoner 1 - "They were harmless mp3s, sir!! Release me, please!"

Prisoner 2 - "Sir!! A little bit of pornography never hurt anyone!!"

Prisoner 3 - "Animal Pornography is harmless!!"

{Everyone looks at Prisoner 3. Silence descends on the room}

Prisoner 3 - "Well…..uh…… that's what I'm saying, any type of pornography is harmless…."

Sergeant Sheets - "Think twice, speak once, and you'll fit in here, my man. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got business. Come on Knevil, let's proceed"

Evil Knevil - "Yes sir. Sorry about those idiots, they're always complaining"

{They proceeded towards Ming's cell. When they got there, Evil Knevil unlocked the door, drew a nightstick, and went in}

Evil Knevil - "Uh……Sergeant…..I don't think you should come in……..ah….****"

Sergeant - "What is it this ti- Oh my Knevil. This room must be a vacant cell, not Ming's, mustn't it, Knevil? That hole in the wall is used exclusively for ventilation purposes, isn't it Knevil? KNEVIL YOU INSUFFERABLE LITTLE IDIOT!!!!!! YOU LET HIM ESCAPE!!! ARRRGGHH!!! I CAN'T STAND THIS INCOMPETENCE!!!"

Evil Knevil - "I'm sorry sir! He's too smart for me!!"

Sergeant Sheets - "Evil Knevil, you are to accompany me on my search for Ming. And make no bones about it"

Evil Knevil - "Okay, sir"

{Meanwhile, at the Audentior Secret Base, The original team is back together, with Werefox}

Giant Squid - "It is confirmed. Kunal has been captured by Starchild"

Dracon - "Looks like we have a rescue mission on our hands"

YYYH - "No, that is a job for a trained professional. I shall go alone"

Werefox - "No! Let me go with you!"

{YYYH instantly turned red}
Werefox - "What? Don't you want me to?"

Giant Squid - "None of us are going anywhere alone! We all know what happened to Kunal when he did that!"

Dracon - "Well, what DO we do?"

DanQ - "I don't know, I suppose we do what we usually do: break into The Apolyton Compound and do what we usually do: wait for some guy like Bill Gates to save the day"

Werefox - "No! That would be stupid! Gamestats is the threat here. We must strike at THEM!!"

YYYH - "She's right, you know"

Imran - "Aw come on, be realistic about this. How can we strike at Gamestats and get away with it?"

Dracon - "Well, we could send Werefox to seduce a high ranking Gamestats Officer and extract state secrets from him"

YYYH - "NO!!! Over my dead body!"

Dracon - "If my powers of observance are serve me right, I'd say you have a thing for Werefox"

YYYH - "Just shut up"

Giant Squid - "Yeah Dracon. Where are your feelings?"

DanQ - "Well, come on people, we've got to think of something!"

{At that moment Lordstone1 entered the room}

Lordstone1 - "Sir, we have a prisoner"

Giant Squid - "Bring him in"

{The prisoner was led into the room}
Dracon - "The Brain!! I thought you were dead!"

The Brain - "No-one truly dies, DragonLion, life is simply a cycle, until you finally reach Nirvana"

Lordstone1 - "Umm, from what we have gleaned from him, after the arrest of Ming, he escaped, terribly injured, and sought refuge in the High Mountains, where he found a Zen Buddhist Meditation Commune"

The Brain - "Never stray from the path. For if you do, you find another path, but it is not a good Karmic path to tread, as it does not lead to the divine truth, but to lies"

Imran - "Is he always like this, or does he have brief flashes of sanity?"

The Brain - "To be insane means to reject the divine truth. I have not. Therefore I am not insane, Mr Siddiqui"

Dracon - "Folks, either he's a good actor, or he's a reformed man"

DanQ - "Yes, he might be able to help us bring down Starchild and Gamestats"

The Brain - "I take no part in matters of the physical world"

Imran - "What of the secret weapon. Bill Gates took it. He is allied with Starchild and could do some serious damage!"

The Brain - "Hehe, the secret weapon will not harm anyone anymore, Imran"

Imran - "Why is that?"

{At the Apolyton Compound}

Starchild - "Ah, Bill Gates, always a pleasure to see you"

Bill Gates - "Quit the asskissing Starchild. I want answers"

Starchild - "What about?"

Bill Gates - "About why this bloody secret weapon doesn't work!! You deleted vital DLL files didn't you? Wanted to cheat Bill Gates! Well, that kind of thing doesn't happen Starchild! After all that I've done for you"

Starchild - "It wasn't me!!!! I swear! It must've been The Brain. I have heard rumours that he still lives!!"

Bill Gates - "Don't attempt to fool me! I made a total ass of myself when I openly threatened Netscape with this thing, and it didn’t work! They laughed at me. So, my terror guard killed them. But that still gained me no satisfaction. I just want you to know that my mother didn't raise a fool"

Starchild - "You have a mother? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. Well, why don't you go running to her? Oooh, mummy, mummy."

{At this moment, Ming steps out of the shadows}
Ming - "I copyrighted that laugh Starchild. Give me back Apolyton, and I won't notify my Lawyers. Oh, and I trust you made a backup of the vital DLLs?"

Starchild - "I didn't delete them!! The Brain did!!"

Ming - "Never! The Brain is dead!!"

Bill Gates - "That's it. You're going to hear from my armies, Starchild. Come Ming, we must leave"

Ming - "I'll be back to reclaim MY throne, Starchild"

Starchild - "You're working with Ming? You double crosser Bill!!"

Bill Gates - "The way I see it, YOU double crossed ME. I'll see you in hell, Starchild"

{Bill Gates and Ming leave, five minutes later, Sergeant Sheets and Evil Knevil enter}
Sergeant Sheets - "Starchild, we're from the Yahoo-Geocities Police, we're looking for a fugitive who goes by the name of Ming. We believe he may have been here recently"

Starchild - "Yes, but it wouldn't be wise to follow him. He's allied with Bill Gates, who is massing his forces for war with Apolyton"

Evil Knevil - "Geez, things aren't going too well for you are they? First Gamestats, who are laying waste to the Alternative Civs section as we speak, and now Microsoft? Man, you're going down, man!"

Starchild - "What? Fast Eddie!!!!"

Fast Eddie - "Yes, sir?"

Starchild - "Bring in our cannon fodder!"

{Into the audience chamber comes Ghen}
Fast Eddie - "The cannon fodder sir!"

Starchild - "He's the cannon fodder? Where are the rest?"

Fast Eddie - "They've hidden, sir"

Starchild - "And where is the Terror Guard through all of this?"

Fast Eddie - "Fighting Gamestats, sir"

Starchild - "What????? IDIOTS!!!! Who gave the order??"

Fast Eddie - "Umm…Hardman did, sire"

Starchild - "Send him in!!"

Sergeant Sheets and Evil Knevil - "Umm, we will, leave now"

{Sheets and Knevil leave, and Hardman enters}
Starchild - "General Hardman?"

Hardman - "Wot"

Fast Eddie - "Umm, Hardman's grasp on the English language is not all that tight, sir"

Starchild - "Hardman, you gave orders without my authorization. I'm going to send you to the Database work camp, where you will toil day and night uploading and uploading and uploading and NOTHING more"

{Meanwhile, in the Gamestats Government Building}
Dominikos - "Master, the War goes well. We have established control of the fansites, and are now proceeding to take the CtP section"

Fuhrer - "CtP? Raze it to the ground, we don't need a CtP section"

Dominikos - "Yes master"

Fuhrer - "And what of the forums?"

Dominikos - "The posters have hidden. It seems they are organizing a militia force to fight both Starchild AND us. They claim that at the last moment, Dracon of Audentior will come out from his secret base and lead them to victory"

Fuhrer - "Hah! Fools, we will annihilate them! Send for Lieutenant Kwang, will you?"

Dominikos - "Yes master"

{Dominikos leaves the room, and Kwang enters}
Kwang - "What is it master?"

Fuhrer - "What news of Microsoft?"

Kwang - "It is unclear at this moment, but it seems they had a disagreement with Starchild, and are massing their forces as we speak"

Fuhrer - "Damn! If they get here soon, Apolyton will not be ours, but THEIRS"

Kwang - "There are also rumours that Geocities might send an army to help Audentior."

Fuhrer - "Jesus! How many bloody armies are there going to be?"

Kwang - "Indeed master, indeed."

Fuhrer - "I want you to go to the front, and do what you can"

Kwang - "Yes master"

**Dracon II** · August 22, 2007, 11:05

{Back at the Audentior Hidden base, battle plans are being made}
YYYH - "The registered posters and the former Sidgamers are in hiding, but they have alerted us to their presence. We MUST reinforce them before they do something utterly stupid"

Lordstone1 - "Latest news folks, Bill Gates is massing an army to besiege Starchild's base, and Geocities is sending a few units of their soldiers. They should be arriving soon."

Giant Squid - "Geocities? Since when did THEY have any concern for human life?"

Lordstone1 - "It appears that Sergeant Sheets is more influential than we thought, his Green Army faction has persuaded the Geocities government to show mercy for the oppressed Apolyton Forums"

{Djugashvili enters the room. He is evidently distressed}
Djugashvili - "Sir! Your people are fighting amongst each other!! It's getting quite violent out there!!"

Giant Squid - "Why do I have to do everything around here? I'm coming Djugash"

{Giant Squid went outside and was greeted with a stone flying straight into his chest, knocking the wind out of him}
Giant Squid - "oof!"

Djugashvili - "Are you alright sir?"
{All around them people were fighting. Gman's anarchists were fighting the communists, Bill3000's Demesos followers were beating the living **** through PROT, Michael Jeszenka's Church-State Party were kicking the Greens, the Atheists were trying to join in the fight against Jeszenka, and the Nihilists were sitting down smoking cigarettes, because they didn't give a ****}

Giant Squid - "Yes, I'm fine. MAY I HAVE EVERYONE'S ATTENTION PLEASE?"
{the fighting continued}
Giant Squid - "STOP ALL THIS FIGHTING AND *****ING AND FLAMING NOW! OR I WILL KILL YOU ALL SLOWLY BECAUSE I HAVE HAD ENOUGH! DO YOU UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!!!!!!"
{This managed to gain the attention of the Audentior Citizens}
Giant Squid - "Now will someone please explain to me just what the HELL is going on?"

Cutiegirl11 - "I will"

Giant Squid - "No, you're just a double login of Djugashvili"

Djugashvili - "She isn't Goddamnit!!"

Rasputin00 - "We had broken into factions, and we were fighting to see who will govern Audentior"

Giant Squid - "I govern Audentior! And until an election is announced, there will be NO factions fighting amongst each other! While we speak, our fellow forumers hide in fear of being sought out by not only Gamestats, but Starchild! Ming has escaped prison, Bill Gates will be attacking Apolyton soon, Gamestats are ravaging the forums as we speak, in other words, we are ALREADY up to our necks in Royal ****!! And all you idiots can worry about is whose ideologies are right and whose are wrong!?? Shame on you all!! Now, who incited these dreadful riots?"

{Everyone looked at Albert Speer. He began to run for dear life.}
Giant Squid - "Catch that bastard!! Now, all of you who want to follow me, will start preparing for battle, because we are fighting. General Dracon will brief you"

Dracon - "Alright ladies, welcome to the army!! I'll have you know NOW that there will be NO shirking, or slacking. There will be NO ideological arguments under MY command. This is war, and it will be treated accordingly! Now, this is what I'm telling you to do! We will begin marching tomorrow morning, and we will rendezvous with Geocities troops HERE {he pointed to a place on the map he had}. Then we will……."{Dracon continued to dictate his plans to the citizens of Audentior into the night. Meanwhile, YYYH and Werefox talk under the full moon.}

YYYH - "It's a lovely night, isn't it?"

Werefox - "Yes, I love a full moon, that’s why I called myself Werefox on the forums."

YYYH - "You know, I never really looked at the night sky, and I mean REALLY looked at the sky until after Markos banned me from Apolyton. I was really angry one night, and I was trashing my patio, when I looked up at the night sky and saw the constellation Sid, which includes the brightest stars in the sky. It inspired me, and I realized that I didn't have to exile myself, and at that point I decided to move to Sidgames. I became moderator of the Third War forum over there, you know"

Werefox - "It was sad when you left. Everyone was angry with Markos and DanQ. I missed you."

YYYH - "Did you really?"

Werefox - "Yes, I never stopped missing you."

YYYH - "Wow, because, I missed you too"

Werefox - "Yes, I can't explain it…but….I feel.. for you. I don't know, it might just be an author induced emotion, but it is there, in my heart"

YYYH - "Werefox, I have been meaning to tell you this for a long time. I….I….lov-"

Dracon - "Alright Ladies!! Get your arses into gear! We've got battle training now!!"

{YYYH leapt up and glared at Dracon in a way that would cause a normal person to wither away in fear. But Dracon was no normal person}
Dracon - "I see a LOT of anger there, that's good! You can use your anger as a weapon on the battlefield you know? You just bottle up that anger, and release it upon the enemy!"
{Dracon about turned and marched out of sight.}

Werefox - "What were you saying YYYH?"

YYYH - "I…I…..lov-"

Giant Squid - "Hey, YYYH! I have some reports here I want you to review. Now now, don't dawdle. I want these out of the way now!"

YYYH - "Grrrrr…"

{At the Gamestats War Camp, General Nimrod is at his desk, reviewing the deployment of his troops. A messenger arrives}
General Nimrod - "What is it?

Albert Speer - "General Nimrod, it's a pleasure to finally meet you in person"

Nimrod - "Ah! Albert Speer! How was your assignment with the rebels?"

Albert Speer - "Novel. I almost started a revolution. But Giant Squid caught wind of me. He's smart. I have the required information, though, the secret location of the forumers"

Nimrod - "Will Audentior reinforce them?"

Albert Speer - "Well, their plans on that front were quite closely guarded. But it seems the forumers in hiding are going to fight with or without Audentior."

Nimrod - "hehe. We might as well humour them with a bit of an army to fight. Or 'try' to fight, hey?"

Albert Speer - "Indeed sir. Maybe some of our AoE Heaven troops. They hate Apolytoners, so it should be an interesting fight, if not a costing one for Apolyton"

Nimrod - "That will teach Starchild to secede Apolyton from our Affiliate program. Once an affiliate, always an affiliate is what I say"

Albert Speer - "Words of wisdom, General"

Nimrod - "Yes, well, eloquence was always my strong point in school"

{The scene: The Audentior Soldiers are at the rendezvous point}
Dracon - "Where are those Geocities bastards? They're late!"

Imran - "Don't worry, they'll be here. I happen to know Sergeant Sheets to be a reliable guy."

Dracon - "I hope you're right. I don't want to this to turn out as a Mickey Mouse Operation, alright?"

Imran - "Yeah, okay."

{Lordstone1 walks up to Dracon}
Lordstone1 - "Dracon, Geocities forces are here"

Dracon - "Jolly good. Send for Sergeant Sheets. I have a plan"

Lordstone1 - "brb"

Dracon - "Geez, people are beginning to use Internet chat terms in normal conversation. Where is this world coming to?"

Imran - "lol. I'm gonna go out with the next patrol. cya"

Dracon - "cya. Doh! This internet talk is catching"

{The next day: the forumers are preparing for battle, the Gamestats force is near. They mass themselves before the forumers, who were beginning to have doubts as to whether they should fight the enemy}
Narck - "Look at the bastards! They're more experienced and better equipped than us! We'll be slaughtered! Let's run, and live!"

All - "Yeah!!"

Stefu - "Wasn't that Dracon guy supposed to turn up?"

Narck - "Nah. He's too chicken. Let's RUN!"

{But marching onto the battlefield came a group of people. They were: Dracon, Imran, YYYH, Werefox, DanQ and Giant Squid}
Imran - "Looks like they're going to run"

Giant Squid - "Yeah. Dracon, it's time to put your elocution to the test"

Dracon - "Or I could just rip off the Braveheart speech"

YYYH - "Great idea! Do that!"

{Dracon approached the crowd}
"Sons of Free Apolyton! I'm Dracon!"

Iain Lindley - "Dracon is seven feet tall"

Dracon - "Yeah, so I've heard. Kills men by the hundreds. And if he were here, he'd consume the Gamestats forces with fireballs from his eyes, and bolts of lightening from his arse!"
{Everyone laughs}
Dracon - "I AM DRACON! And I see, a whole ARMY of my fellow forumers, HERE in defiance of tyranny. You've come to fight as free men! And free men you are. WHAT WILL YOU DO WITHOUT FREEDOM?? WILL YOU FIGHT??"

Narck - "Fight? Against that? NO! We will run….and we will live!"

Dracon - "Aye, fight, and you may die. Run, and you'll live. At least a while. And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade ALL THE DAYS, from this day to that, for one chance, JUST ONE CHANCE, to come back here! And tell our enemies, that may take our lives…but they'll never take.. OUR FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
{Crowd goes into a frenzy of cheers. Chants of "Dracon!! Dracon!! Dracon!! Were even audible by the gamestats forces}
Kwang - "What the hell did he say to them?"

Albert Speer - "I don't know, but I'll bet he did the classic 'rip off the braveheart speech' routine"

Kwang - "Yes, we all know that he's an unoriginal re-hash monger"

{The armies charged at each other, and the battle begins}
{Later, at the Gamestats War Camp}
Nimrod - "WHAT THE HELL???? YOU LOST? WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU LOST?? ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? YOUR ARMIES WERE TOTALLY ROUTED??? HOW??"

Kwang - "Well, it's Dracon's fault sir. He arrived and drove the forumers into a frenzy with his 'rip off the braveheart speech' routine, and on top of that the-"

Nimrod - "The 'Rip off the Braveheart speech' tactic, hey? We should've been prepared for THAT one, knowing Dracon, the unoriginal re-hash monger. Go on Private."

Kwang - "But I'm not a private sir, I'm a Lieutenant."

Nimrod - "You're a private now, fool. Now go on"

Kwang - "Yes, sir. As I was saying. They had a surprise for us. Mid way through the battle we were flanked by Audentior and Geocities troops"

Nimrod - "Geocities troops? Sergeant Sheets must've pulled a few strings there, because I was bribing some very high-ranking Geocities officials….Oh, and Kwang? Prepare for another battle, because Microsoft forces are close…."

{Meanwhile, at Audentior Base, celebrations are taking place, everyone was on the dance floor}
Dracon - "Yeah baby! We won!!"

Imran - "Indeed." {Imran was dancing with Cutiegirl11}

Alexander's Horse - "Imran, are you gay?"

Imran - "No, why?"

Alexander's Horse - "Well, you're dancing with Djugashvili's double login"

Djugashvili - "SHE IS NOT MY DOUBLE LOGIN!!!!!!"

{YYYH was feeling lonely, he went looking for Werefox, he found her, and started walking towards her}
YYYH - "Werefox, do you want to dance?"

Gibster - "Hey! Join the queue, mate I've been waiting too long for someone to push in front of me! Now, Werefox, do you want to dance wit-"

Werefox - "I'll dance with you YYYH"

Gibster - "Man, that is so weak man!"

{Giant Squid went up onto the stage}
Giant Squid - "Ladies and gentlemen!! May I have your attention please? Okay. Now, we're having a party to celebrate our victory, and that's okay, but I think we'd be insensitive ****** if we didn't pause to remember our fallen comrades"

Michael Jeszenka - "'Comrades' ????? You're using a communist term. I take offence to that!"

Cutiegirl11 - "Shut up Jeszenka!! Stop being an idiot!"

Michael Jeszenka - "Djugashvili, will you PLEASE do something about your double login?"

Djugashvili - "SHE IS NOT MY DOUBLE LOGIN!!!!!!"

Cutiegirl11 - "I'm not a double login! I'm just a sad little girl who wants to be accepted into the group!" {Cutiegirl11 runs out of the room in tears}

Giant Squid - "Now look what you did Jeszenka! Now, before I was rudely interrupted {notice how teachers always say that? Well, at least MINE do} I was about to read out a list of dear Audentior citizens who gave their lives on the battlefield, a list that unfortunately doesn't include Michael Jeszenka." {Giant Squid proceeded to read out the list….}
{After a minute’s silence was observed, they continued the festivities}

**Dracon II** · August 22, 2007, 11:06

{….AS Audentior Celebrates it's recent victory, Bill Gates and Ming sit in their war camp, making preparations for a long siege}

Ming - "I can't believe it! They won against the odds! But not for long…."

Bill Gates - "Indeed, Ming. Okay, what's the plan?"

Ming - "We work with Gamestats, surround the Apolyton compound, and present Starchild with our terms, which are: Hand over the DLL files, and surrender Apolyton to me, or the compound will be under siege. Eventually, he will be forced to surrender, because he'll be starved out."

Bill Gates - "What about any secret entrances he may have to smuggle supplies in?"

Ming - "There are only the sewers. But I know the layout off by heart, so we'll be able to block them. He'll starve unless he yields"

Bill Gates - "HA HA HA HA HA HA HA (Ming 1999, All rights reserved)"

Ming - "I told you not to do that laugh"

Bill Gates - "Anyway, I'm curious. How did Dracon motivate the forumers? I heard that they were about to surrender"

Ming - "Well, apparently Dracon did his classic 'rip off the braveheart speech' routine"

Bill Gates - "Oh, that. Well, Dracon IS an unoriginal re-hash monger, you know."

{Meanwhile, at Audentior, plans are being made}
Imran - "Dracon, move your knight to b5"

YYYH - "No! He's got to move his bishop to A7!"

Imran - "Hey! I'M the chessmaster around here, and I say Knight to b5!"

YYYH - "And I say you're wrong"

Giant Squid - "And I say you should shut up and stop helping Dracon. He's already taken both my castles thanks to you guys!"

Werefox - "Jesus Christ! Why don't you all play football like normal men!"

Dracon - "No! I'll show you all how to play Cricket!"

Imran - "Cricket? Yeah all right! Cricket is a big game over in Pakistan"

Dracon - "Yeah, even though the Aussies kick your arses."

Imran - "We were out of form! You should see us normally!"

Giant Squid - "Cricket? That's a stupid game. Let's just play chess"

YYYH - "Hey! Let's set up a LAN game of Quake 3 Arena"

Giant Squid - "Yeah! Now you're talking!"

Werefox - *sigh*

YYYH - "What is it Werefox? Don't you like Quake? That's alright, we'll play Civ or something"

Werefox - "NO! Leave the computers alone! We should make plans!"

YYYH - "WE, make plans? Is this about us? This is about us isn't it"

Werefox - "Oh! And now you're talking about relationships. That's not important at the moment! We've got to pla-"

YYYH - "What…do you mean, 'us' isn't important? No! That's fine. I was expecting this anyway"

Werefox - "YYYH, you're very important to me! But the fate of Apolyton is what we should be focusing on!"

Giant Squid - "She's right you know"

Dracon - "Okay, so what're the plans?"

Imran - "I think we should break into the compound before the siege begins. We've gotta do something"

YYYH - "Okay, and HOW do we get in?"

Cutiegirl11 - "I know"

Dracon - "Hey! You were eavesdropping!"

Cutiegirl11 - "I know how to get into Apolyton"

Giant Squid - "Djugashvili knows how to get in?"

Cutiegirl11 - "Not Djugashvili, me!"

Imran - "Yeah, but you're just a double login of-"

Cutiegirl11 - "NO I AM NOT!!!! NOW LISTEN!!!"

Giant Squid - "Okay Cutiegirl11, for the sake of convenience, we're going to assume for a while that you aren't a double login of Djugashvili. Now, what do you know?"

Cutiegirl11 - "Well, there is a secret tunnel that connects to the sewer system"

Werefox - "Yuck! Sewerage!"

Cutiegirl11 - "Yes, well, when we get into the sewerage system, we will have direct access to the apolyton compound!"

Dracon - "So, Starchild was wrong when he said there was no secret entrance. I hate to say I told you so, Imran, but I told you so"

Imran - "It's not that Starchild was wrong, it's just that he probably hid his knowledge of the secret entrance so we wouldn't break in when he took over."

Giant Squid - "Makes sense. Okay Djuga- I mean Cutiegirl11. Welcome to the team"

Cutiegirl11 - "Grrrr…"

Dracon - "Hey, what's he- I mean she grumbling about? She's on the team!"

Cutiegirl11 - "Just let it rest"

Dracon - "Woah! Attitude!"

Imran - "Just shut up Dracon"

YYYH - "Alright, we've got to get this plan going now if it is to be effective."

{Meanwhile, at the Gamestats War Camp, General Nimrod is having his feet cleaned by former lieutenant- now Private Kwang, after losing a battle against Dracon's Forum Army}
Nimrod - "No, no, no! You're getting it wrong! Go with the contours of my foot!"

Kwang - "Yes sir, very good sir"

{At that moment a messenger ran into the tent}
Adam Smith - "Sir! The Fuhrer's retinue has been observed approaching the War Camp!!!"

Nimrod - "The Fuhrer? Well, what are you waiting for Kwang, start cleaning this tent!"

Kwang - "But sir, I haven't finished with your feet"

Nimrod - "I don't care!! Here's the room! Here's a broom! Clean the Room!"

Kwang - "Yes, sir"

Nimrod - "Adam Smith, I want you to make EVERYTHING is in order for the Fuhrer's arrival! Now, stop standing there man, Do it!"

Adam Smith - "Sir! Yes! Sir!"

Nimrod - "****! The Fuhrer! Kwang, how do I look?"

Kwang - "Marvelous, sir."

Nimrod - "You're just saying that."

Kwang - "No, seriously sir you're looking very-"

Nimrod - "Silence! The Fuhrer arrives!"

{The Fuhrer enters the room, followed by a group of black clad soldiers}
Fuhrer - "General Nimrod!"

Nimrod - "Master, it is always a pleasure to see you."

Fuhrer - "No it isn't Nimrod, you're ****ting yourself right now, I know. And tell me General, why is Lieutenant Kwang cleaning your room for you?"

Nimrod - "He led the army to defeat against the forumers. I have made him a Private."

Fuhrer - "YOU made HIM a Private? Did it occur to you the fact that I made him Lieutenant in the first place? For a good reason? AND YOU MADE HIM A PRIVATE JUST BECAUSE HE LOST A STUPID BATTLE?"

Nimrod - "I…..I…did it for the glory of the Fuhrer….master"

Fuhrer - "I named him your Lieutenant for one reason: To keep an eye on you. Hell, I s'pose he kept a better eye on you when he became your personal servant, but the fact is I GAVE HIM HIS TITLE, AND ONLY I CAN CHANGE IT. As of now, Nimrod, you're General Kwang's personal servant"

Nimrod - "NO!!"

Kwang - "Now now, Private, that's no way to address your Fuhrer"

Nimrod - "Kill me….please…..have mercy Fuhrer, KILL ME!! I'd rather die than be a private again!"

Fuhrer - "All the better. Kwang, make sure Nimrod doesn't die, will you? Now, Adam Smith?"

Adam Smith - "Yes master?"

Fuhrer - "Give me a tour of this camp will you?"

Adam Smith - "It would be an honour, master"

Fuhrer - "Indeed"

{At that moment a messenger ran up to the Fuhrer}
GP - "Master! Microsoft forces have been seen approaching our base under the banner of peace"

Fuhrer - "They approached Apple under the banner of peace, NOW look at them"

Kwang - "Master, I say we see what they have to say. I believe they just want Starchild, not Apolyton. They could be a powerful ally"

Fuhrer - "You're right, Kwang. Now, I have my own business to attend to. Good day."

Kwang - "Yes master, I have matters to attend to as we- Nimrod, will you please put the knife away."

Nimrod - "I wasn't going to slit my wrists, I swear!"
{Meanwhile, Bill Gates and Ming are discussing trivial matters}

Bill Gates - "Hah! You killed JFK? That's nothing! I was responsible for the killing of John Lennon, you know"

Ming - "Lennon? Why'd you kill Lennon"

Bill Gates - "Oh, all his talk of 'peace and goodwill' sickened me. I knew he'd oppose Microsoft eventually, so I killed him"

Ming - "You think that's bad? I brought down the Soviet Union!"

Bill Gates - "What?"

Ming - "Yeah, I used to work for the CIA"

Bill Gates - "I thought you said you worked for the IRS"

Ming - "IRS, CIA, what's the difference?"

Bill Gates - "Well, the CIA doesn't use Chinese torture to extract taxes out of the rich. I had to put up with that drip torture once, it almost drove me crazy!!"

Ming - "Hehe, but you still didn't pay your taxes"

Bill Gates - "Hell no. But it cost me more bribing them than my taxes would've cost me!"

Ming - "Then why did you do it?"

Bill Gates - "It's a matter of principle"

Ming - "Ah, I see. See, even morally repugnant and ethically contaminated people have principles"
{Lancer entered the room}

Lancer - "Sir! I want your honest opinion! What IS the best MBT? So far I've had more than 300 replies, but no results!! I thought that you in your infinite wisdo-"

Bill Gates - "Lancer, The MBT question is one of the great unanswerable questions of the universe. It's right up there with 'What's meaning of life?' 'Is there a God?' and 'Is Cutiegirl11 REALLY a double login of Djugashvili?'"

Distant echo of Djugashvili’s voice - "SHE ISN'T!!!!!!!"

Ming - "Anyway, Lancer. What news of the front?"

Lancer - "Well, my spies have caught wind of a possible showdown between the Fuhrer and Starchild INSIDE the Apolyton Compound DURING the siege."

Bill Gates - "Yes? Ming, we've got to be there!"

Ming - "Yeah, we can kill both of them, while our forces outside pretend to be their allies."

Bill Gates - "Hehe. Ming, we're not going to miss this for the world."

Lancer - "I wish you all the luck in the world, sir"

Bill Gates - "Thankyou Lancer. Now, let's get about to plotting our scheme."

{At the Audentior compound}
Dracon - "Alright folks, this is it. Tonight we will break into the Apolyton compound and wait for the siege tomorrow. We will then strike at Starchild when he is at his weakest."

YYYH - "Sounds good to me. Alright Djug- I mean Cutiegirl11, you're going to have to direct us to the secret entrance when the time comes"

Werefox - "I really don't see why we should be trudging through all that sewerage"

Dracon - "Hmmmm, let me see…. SO WE CAN GET IN?"

Giant Squid - "Oh, come on Dracon, be nice"

Dracon - "Okay..okay"

Imran - "Alright, let's stop talking. Let's do this!"'
{Audentior planned into the night. All the while, Starchild sits in his throne room fretting.}

Starchild - "I…I'm…going to die Eddie"

Fast Eddie - "Don't worry Starchild, everything will be all right"

Starchild - "Hug?"

Fast Eddie - "No!"

Starchild - "Aw?"

Fast Eddie - "No.. I'm not like that"

Starchild - "I understand. On second thoughts, NO I DON'T! DUNGEONS!"
{Fast Eddie is dragged off to the dungeons; all the while Starchild strokes his pussycat}

Starchild - "Kropotkin understands, don't you Kropotkin?"

Kropotkin - "Miaow"

Rah - "Sir, getting a cat was a bad idea. Why didn't you buy one of my ferrets?"

Starchild - "Because you said they weren't for sale"

Rah - "Oh, yeah….okay. But you shouldn't have gotten a dog!"

Starchild - "Oh, what's wrong with Eroberer? He means well, you know"

Rah - "Yeah, but I hate it how St Bernards lick you all the time"

Starchild - "You HATE that?"

Rah - "Uhh…yeah."

Starchild - "Oh well, we'd better prepare for that damn siege then"

Rah - "Uh, yes sir"
{They planned into the night}
{The next morning, at the Gamestats war camp}

Kwang - "Nimrod! Get that rope from around your neck!"

Nimrod - "But I want to die!!"

Kwang - "I'll report you to the Fuhrer! He has contacts in the Afterlife you know!"

Nimrod - "OKAY!"

Kwang - "Now, the siege starts this morning, and I want the sewerage trenches clean. Do you understand Nimrod? Oh and don't try to drown yourself, man"

Nimrod - "I wasn't thinking of it"

{Adam Smith arrives with another man in Microsoft uniform}
Adam Smith - "Sir! General. Sir! I present General Sten Sure of the Microsoft 'People's' Army!"

Sten Sure - "I'm sorry, but did you put 'People's' in between quotation marks, as if to emphasize the word sarcastically?"

Adam Smith - "Uh, yes… I thought you guys took that as a joke too"

Sten Sure - "Well, we do! Haha. Think of it, we have the nerve to call ourselves the 'People's' Army! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA (Evil Laugh Ming 2000, All Rights Reserved)"

Kwang - "Okay! What's the news? Why are you here?"

Sten Sure - "Well, I'm here to offer alliance"

Kwang - "Hey! Don't forget you guys were the ones that put Starchild there in the first place!"

Sten Sure - "Yeah, well, The U.S. Government Funded Saddam Hussein before the Gulf War, did they not?"

Adam Smith - "He's right, you know"

Kwang - "I know, I know. Okay, what's the plan?"
{Sten Sure explained to Kwang what had to be done}
{Meanwhile, Starchild is in his throne room}

Starchild - "Okay, it looks like the siege will start soon. Rah, I'm scared!"

Rah - "It'll be fine, as long as we surrender"

Starchild - "NO! They want to kill me!! That's why they've taken over Apolyton. It's because I quit the Gamestats Affiliate Program. They want to force Apolyton back under their heel, and then kill me!!"

Fuhrer - "Indeed, that is our plan, Starchild…."

Rah - "Haha. Starchild, say hello to my real master, the Fuhrer of Gamestats."

Fuhrer - "Didn't your mother ever tell you not to trust anyone?"

Starchild - "Yes, she did. Right before she tried to kill me with an Ice Pick."

Fuhrer - "Homophobic Mum, huh?"

Starchild - "My dad didn't mind though, as long as I played football"

Fuhrer - "Starchild……I am your father…"

Starchild - "Are you????"

Fuhrer - "No, but I just like to rip off Ming's favourite lines. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA"

Ming - "Hey! That's my Laugh!!!"

Fuhrer and Starchild - "MING????"

Bill Gates - "And me"

Fuhrer and Starchild - "BILL GATES??????"

Ming - "Hey, we're back!!"

Bill Gates - "And better than ever. Our troops surround your compound Starchild. Yield now, while you still have knees upon which to kneel"

Starchild - "NEVER!!!!"

Fuhrer - "Then we will be forced to kill you Starchild. What will it be?"

Ming - "Give me back my realm!"

Bill Gates - "Give me the DLL files Starchild!"

Fuhrer - "Give me back MY realm Starchild!"

Ming - "Hey! It's MY realm!!"

Dracon - "No it isn't. It's DanQ's. We're here to avenge his death!" {Did I mention that DanQ was killed in the battle? Oops… sorry I didn’t. Well he was.}

YYYH - "We have you outnumbered, give up now."

Fuhrer - "Afraid not YYYH. I banned you from the forums for a reason, to keep you QUIET, and to give Giant Squid dominance over the off topic. We had to force Lordstone1 from Presidency and the off-topic, but when we did, Giant Squid was undoubtedly ruler of the Off-topic"

Werefox - "You mean to say that Giant Squid works for you?"

**Dracon II** · August 22, 2007, 11:07

{The Fuhrer pushed back his hood, revealing the terrifying face of……}

YYYH - "EVAN VON CHRISTOPH!!!!"

EVC - "Indeed, YYYH."

Dracon - "But you helped with Audentior"

Giant Squid - "HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. Fools, Audentior was just a front for Gamestats!! We wanted to keep a close eye on the Off Topic, and what better way than to become Off Topicers ourselves!"

Cutiegirl11 - "Woah, this is getting ****ed up right here dude"

Ming - "Shut up Djugashvili"

Djugashvili - "SHE IS NOT MY DOUBLE LOGIN!!!!!"

Ming - "Yeah, right."

Dracon - "Squid, we trusted you"

Giant Squid - "Which is why you're a fool, Dracon"

Dracon - "But we were mates. What happened to that?"

Giant Squid - "Hehe, I was never your friend. Now, I'm afraid you're going to have to die"

Lordstone1 - "Afraid not, Squiddo"

Giant Squid - "What is this?"

Lordstone1 - "This is where you pucker up and kiss my ass"

Giant Squid - "Hey! Someone already said that in Civ Wars 2! Where's your originality, Lordstone!"

Lordstone1 - "Never mind. I come here representing the AUP, Apolyton Unaffiliated Party! Off Topic, your President Has returned"

EVC - "No!! You're supposed to be in Self imposed exile!!"

Lordstone1 - "I know, but then I thought about how many people in the Off-topic who were suffering. And then I discovered the secret about the Fuhrer, or should I say EVC"

EVC - "Arrggh!! I've had enough of this bull****!! Let's kill them now!"

Sergeant Sheets - "As of now, Ming, EVC, Giant Squid, Bill Gates, and Starchild are under arrest for committing war crimes against the people of the Apolyton forums"

Ming - "Bull****!! Apolyton isn't Geocities territory! Kill this man!!"

{Ming leapt for Sergeant Sheet's throat, but Evil Knevil dived at Ming, tackling him to the ground, breaking his neck}
Evil Knevil - "One down, four evil villains to go."

Sergeant Sheets - "Indeed. Now, as I was saying, you're under arrest. Oh, and Lordstone, I'm going to have to have a word with you about your double login"

Dracon - "Double Login? Who?"

Lordstone1 - "Djugashvili. I just couldn't keep away from the off-topic"

Djugashvili - "Man, that is so weak! I'm not a double login!"

Giant Squid - "Hey, if Djugashvili is your double login, that would make Cutiegirl1 your.."

Cutiegirl11 - "Go on, say it. {she draws a knife} say it. I dare you"

Giant Squid "…triple login"
{Cutiegirl11 screamed and leapt at Giant Squid, stabbing him in the heart}

Giant Squid - "Arrrggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!"

EVC - "*****!! I'll kill you Djugash-I mean Lordstone-I mean Cutiegirl!! Man this is confusing"

Bill Gates - "Not so fast folks {He drew a gun} I get what I want, or one of you dies!"

Werefox - "NEVER!!" {She ran towards Bill Gates, screaming. Bill turns his gun towards her}

YYYH - "NOOOOOOOOO" {YYYH jumps in front of her, taking the full force of the bullets in the chest}

Bill Gates - "That….is the price of defying Bill Gates!"

Werefox - "YYYH!! My love!! Speak to me!!"

YYYH - "My…time…has come, Werefox. But there…is one thing, I'd like…to say….."

Werefox - "What is it?"

YYYH - "There……is….another…….Skywalker…….."

Director - "CUT!! CUT!! YYYH, what is this!!! This isn't Star Wars!!! What do you think you are doing?"

YYYH - "Well, I though it'd be a good part for a bloopers section at the end, during the credits, you know what I mean?"

Director - "You leave the film making to me bozo, and just say your line!"

YYYH - "Yeah, sure"

Bill Gates - "Director! What is my motivation here? What angle should I be taking? Come on! Throw me a line here!"

Director - "You're Bill Gates! You're a megalomaniac *****!! What other advice do you need!!"

Bill Gates - "Okay, Okay!!"

Director - "Okay, let's take it from the "That is the price!! Part"

Bill Gates - "That….is the price of defying Bill Gates!"

Werefox - "YYYH!! My love!! Speak to me!!"

YYYH - "My…time…has come, Werefox. But there…is one thing, I'd like…to say….."

Werefox - "What is it?"

YYYH - "I….I…..Lo-"
{Bill Gates then shot YYYH in the head, killing him}

Bill Gates - "Hehe. I think he meant to say 'I…..I……lo-' Damn! I haven't been able to say that since the early eighties!"

Werefox - "You bastard! I will kill you!! Bastard!!!!!!!"

Starchild - "Stay away, or he will kill you, won't you Bill"

Bill Gates - "Hey, you shut up!! I still want those DLLs"

The Brain - "I have the DLLs, Bill Gates, but in such hands as yours, who knows what might happen?"

Bill Gates - "GIVE THEM HERE GODDAMIT!!" '

Lordstone1 - "We can't allow that to happen. Brain, delete the DLL files."

The Brain - "It will be done"

Bill Gates - "NOOOOOO!!!!"

Dracon - "Too late, Gates"

Bill Gates - "No, no, my device, my device, it's USELESS!!"

{Three figures entered the room}
EVC - "What is this?"

Sid Meier - "This is where you pucker up and kiss my ass"

John Possidente - "Uh, Sid, I think someone said that before."

Brian Reynolds - "We're here to reclaim Apolyton for the sake of Civilization"

Bill Gates - "Oh, come on Civilization will go on without Apolyton"

Sid Meier - "We're talking about the GAME you idiot"

Starchild - "Oh ****, we've had it now"

EVC - "No! There are still our armies!"

Brian Reynolds - "Hehe, they won't be helping you. Look out the window"

{Outside the window, Microsoft and Gamestats forces were surrounded by a combined army of Apolytoners, Hasbro, Firaxis, and Geocities}
EVC - "Man, that is so weak!"

Sergeant Sheets - "Come on you. You're under arrest"
{As Sergeant Sheets and Evil Knevil handcuffed Starchild, EVC, and Bill Gates, Sid Meier, Reynolds, and Possidente congratulate Dracon, Werefox, Imran, and Lordstone1}

Sid Meier - "When I first started programming Civ, I had no idea what trouble it would cause, and how much greed and depravity people had in them"

Dracon - "It's not your fault Sid, it's just that some people are arseholes"

Werefox - "Perhaps we should pause for one minute to commemorate our fallen Comrades"

Michael Jeszenka - "'Comrades'??? That's a communist term!!!"

Imran - "SHUT UP Jeszenka!!"

{After the minute was observed, matters turned to the formation of the New Apolyton}
Kunal - "Hey! Don't forget Sidgames!!"

Dracon - "Kunal! We'd totally forgot- I mean missed you!!"

Sid Meier - "Kunal Shah, it's a pleasure"

{Kunal fell to his knees}
Kunal - "I am not worthy, I am not worthy"

Brian Reynolds - "Stand up Kunal, we've got plans to make"

{One Month later}
Sid Meier - "I hereby name Lordstone1, President of the Off Topic and Apolyton, and I believe he has some awards to present"

Lordstone1 - "Yes, first of all, the Yo Yo Yo Hey Memorial Award for bravery, goes to Cutiegirl11, who showed great bravery in the throne room, and is responsible for the death of Giant Squid, the traitor!…..But I suppose I should accept this award, seeming Cutiegirl is a double login of Djugashvili, and Djugashvili is a double login of me"
{Djugashvili and Cutiegirl11 arose, both with homicidal looks on their faces}

Lordstone1 - "OKAY OKAY, I'll give her the award!!!!"

Cutiegirl11 - "Thankyou."

Lordstone1 - "Okay, the next is the Giant Squid award for Treachery of the most horrid kind, and it goes to me AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!"
{All around the place Apolyton banners were being replaced with AOL banners, and AOL Troops were occupying the land all around}
Lordstone1 - "HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. AOL now owns Apolyton, and there's nothing you can do about it!!"

Dracon - "Man, this is so ****ing weak!"

--------------------------------------
Defendant - "…So you see your honour, THAT is how I came to be in bed with Mrs Andrew's Livestock"

Prosecutor - "Objection your honour! That appalling story has nothing to do with the defense whatsoever!! It's absurd!!"

Judge - "Sustained. Will the defendant PLEASE tell the court what REALLY happened?"

Defendant - "That's the story!! I swear!!"

Judge - "Then I find the defendant, Mr Mleonard, guilty of having indecent relations with livestock, and with attempting to pervert course of justice by telling stupid stories. I sentence you to 5 years in Prison!"

John Cleese - "And now for something completely different……..The end!"

THE END!!

**Dracon II** · August 22, 2007, 11:08

Civ Wars 4

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Three years have passed since the Great War that Rocked Apolyton. An uneasy peace has descended upon The Off Topic, now ruled by Lordstone1, governing the Province of Apolyton in the name of Steve Case, AOL, and Retail ICQ. Audentior is no more, GAPR has descended into anarchy, and the others didn't last very long anyway. After the treason of Giant Squid and EVC, micronations lost their appeal, and the Morale of The Off Topicers was broken. YYYH and Ming are dead, and Bill Gates, Starchild, and EVC are imprisoned. Lordstone1 and his OTSOC (Off Topic Socialism) Party rule Apolyton with an iron fist, and the forums are in need of serious repair (ever since Netscape and IE5 were uninstalled and replaced with an AOL browser). Our heroes, Dracon, Werefox, and Imran have dispersed, Dracon spending most of his time at the Morally deprived Mod Asylum ironing his favourite Che Guevara shirt, Imran has descended into near madness after too much exposure to the combined craziness of NIMism, Fjorxc and The Republican Party, and Werefox had a nervous breakdown after an attempt at rallying the women of Apolyton, only to find that they were all double logins of Djugashvili *cries of protest now arise from Djugashvili, Cutiegirl11, Empress, and Tiamat*. Alerted by this, the rising ban rate, the mysterious post count reductions, surprise midnight interrogations, and the obscure OTSOC party slogans, Djugashvili and Comrade Dan decide that enough is enough.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Djugashvili and Comrade Dan sit in the Victory Coffee Shop, discussing matters in hushed tones]

Djugashvili - "This has gone too far. We've got to rally our forces and strike!"

Comrade Dan - "What forces?"

Djugashvili - "You have a point. But this is outrageous!! Lordstone has the nerve to call his party Socialist!!"

Comrade Dan - "Yes! We Marxists must unite against this monstrosity!!!"

[readers will note, that although I said they were speaking in hushed tones, I have inadvertently included exclamation marks. I apologise for this abhorrent waste of Exclamation marks, when there is still a worldwide shortage of good punctuation. We will take steps to prevent such an atrocity in future]

Djugashvili - "Yes, but from where will we strike, and who shall we turn to for alliance?"

Comrade Dan - "Well, the Micronations have all gone to the ****, Masterbob's site is too busy trying to gain Epipo referrals, which leaves the Mod Asylum"

Djugashvili - "Then may Marx have mercy on us, because we will never win. Dracon has lost his touch with reality: he chooses to freestyle rap about Che Guevara and Buddhism with The 1212 Problem, and The Mod Asylum is nothing but an ill defended temple of depravity, spam and Australians"

Comrade Dan - "Australians *shudder* You have a point, but it's our only choice."

Mao - "Shall I pour you another cup of Victory Coffee, comrades?"

Djugashvili - "Lord no! Victory Coffee tastes like shi-!" [Djugashvili stifles himself, glancing nervously at the telescreen on the wall near him]

Mao - "You'd better have a damn good explanation for this Thoughtcrime, Comrade, or you'd better be able to run, and run fast, because the Posting Police are no doubt on their way"

[Into the Shop walks Corporal Connorkimbro of the Posting Police]

Connorkimbro - "Djugashvili! Do my ears deceive me or did you just express independent thought? Now, personally, I must admit that this coffee DOES taste like ****, but-"

Mao - "You just gave your personal opinion Connor, criticizing Party Issued Coffee!! Thoughtcriminal!!!"

Connorkimbro - "Well, you just accused a Party Officer!! You are one bad thoughtcriminal, and by God I'm going to make sure that you suffer!!"

Djugashvili - "You made a reference to God!!! Thoughtcriminal!!!"

Connorkimbro - "Okay! Okay! How about I just walk out of here, no one gets arrested, and we'll call it even, okay?"

Mao - "Sounds good to me"

Djugashvili - "Yeah, sounds good to me too"

Connorkimbro - "okay, you all saw and heard nothing"

Comrade Dan - "But what about the Telescreen, didn't it see all of this?"

Connorkimbro - "Oh… uh… yeah, it did. Okay, we'd better make a run for it then. All of us!"

[Connorkimbro, Djugashvili, Comrade Dan and Mao make a quick run for it, pursued by Corporal ProvostB and his 'merry' men.
Meanwhile, Lordstone is holding a dinner party for his friends]

Lordstone1 - "Ha! A holiday? In London? I hardly think so!"

Tony Blair - "It's actually quite a nice place if you get to know it, master"

Lordstone1 - "SHUT UP!!!"

Tony Blair - "Certainly, old chap"

Lordstone1 - "Spink!!"

{Two Stewart Spinks enter the room}
Spink1 and Spink2 - "Yes, master?"

Lordstone1 - "This is going to get confusing, I can tell"

Spink1 - "On the contrary, I am the Spink One. I like football, porno, and books about war, I've got an average house, with a nice hardwood floor, my wife, my job, my kids and my ca-"

Spink2 - "Oh, quit the Dennis Leary impression. Master, I'm Spink Two. I'm the bisexual transvestite bestio-necrophile master."

Lordstone1 - "What?"

Spink2 - "I'm a drag queen that has sex with both male AND female dead animals"

Tony Blair - "Ghastly! You're worse than Slobodan Milosevic!!"

Milosevic - "Hey! I heard that!!"

Tony Blair - "What's HE doing here?"

Lordstone1 - "I invited some friends."

Saddam Hussein - "Hah! So THIS is how you decadent westerners live"

Ronald Reagan - "Uh….hi everyone…."

Lordstone1 - "who let HIM in here?"

David Duke - "He followed me in. He's been stalking me for weeks"

David Koresh - "Yeah, well why didn't you kill him?"

Tony Blair - "Dave Koresh? You're alive!!!!"

David Koresh - "The good lord said to me that I wasn't finished on this planet, so in his eternal glory, he resurrected me!"

Lordstone1 - "No he didn't. You escaped the inferno, remember?"

David Koresh - "Yeah, you're right"

Elvis Presley - "Yeah, huh.. Thankyou, thankyou very much!"

Lordstone1 - "Folks! This isn't a Tupperware party!! Anyone who ISN'T an evil dictator or cult leader, can LEAVE!! And that includes you, Stefan!!"

Stefan - "But I'm a NAZI!!!"

Lordstone1 - "Just because you're German, doesn't make you a NAZI!!"

Stefan - "Yes it does!!!"

Rammstein - "You call us NAZIs again, we'll kill you!"

Tony Blair - "Okay, who invited Rammstein?"

Lordstone1 - "What's an evil gathering without music?"

Marilyn Manson - "Hey! Lordstone1 buddy ol' pal! Come here, give us a hug!"

Lordstone1 - "Don't touch me!"

Trent Reznor - "I just can't live anymore man. **** the Earth, **** god, man!"

Britney Spears - "Oh, like- this place has NO class! Oh, come on! What kind of interior design is THIS. Yuck!"

Ringo Starr - "Lordstone, She hates you yeah, yeah, yeah!"

Lordstone1 - "Who invited Ringo Sta- Oh, who cares?"

[Enter the messenger, Rah, with one of his specially trained messenger ferrets]

Lordstone - "Rah, this is the information age, and you still use Messenger ferrets?"

Rah - "Well, I WAS using ICQ, but then AOL started charging people for it, so I stopped. I wish it was still free"

Lordstone - "THOUGHTCRIME! TAKE HIM AWAY!!"

[as Rah is dragged screaming to the Ministry of Smileys, Lordstone strangles the ferret and reads the message]

Rah - "You strangled my ferret!!!! You bastard!!!!!"

Lordstone - *clears throat* "'Corporal Connorkimbro, Mao, Djugashvili and Comrade Dan have escaped, after being caught for thoughtcrime. They were last seen mingling with the Proles in the On Topic forums.'
WHAT!!!! NOW I AM PISSED OFF!!!!!!!!"

Marylin Manson - "I pierced my right testicle today"

Trent Reznor - "I thought you burnt your testicles off"

Marylin Manson - "No, that was just my left testicle. Oh, and Lordstone, could you please get rid of the 'Satan Gives me a Chubby' advertisements? They really hurt my feelings"

Lordstone - "SHUT UP!!!! THE PARTY IS OVER!!!"

Rush Limbaugh - "Aw? But we haven't even eaten yet!"

[Meanwhile, at the Mod Asylum…..]

Dracon - "Yo when I start a preachin'
About Buddha and his teachin'
I see visions of Guevara!
And….. what rhymes with Guevara?"

The 1212 Problem - "Dunno man. Here dude, try this weed, its killer dude! I'm really high dude!"

Dracon - "Man, that is parsley!"

The 1212 Problem - "Oh, yeah. Does that mean that I put marijuana in my Kebab?"

Dracon - "'Cause che's the man I like
Don't drive a car, ride a bike,
Yeah! I love tha Zen an' Amitabha
And yeah an yeah an…. What rhymes with Amitabha?"

Djugashvili - "We need your help"

Dracon - "That doesn't rhyme with Amita-"

Comrade Dan - "Sober up Dracon! We need your help, now, are you going to help us or not?"

The 1212 Problem - "Would you like to try a Kebab? They're killer dude"

Dracon - "Shut up 1212, he doesn't do Marijuana"

Djugashvili - "You've been doing pot, Dracon? You've really degraded, man! This Buddhist **** has really ****ed you up, man!"

Dracon - "No way man! [there is now a knock on the door] now, this must be my meditation instructor. He is a Monk from the Ohio vortex"

Fjorxcy Lama - "Ohio does not exist [breaks into a dance] Hare Buddha! Hare Buddha! Buddha Buddha! Hare Hare! Hare NIM! Hare NIM! NIM NIM Hare Hare!"

Dracon - "Wow, spiritual dude!"

Fjorxcy Lama - "I have a new mantra for you this week"

Dracon - "Oh, goody goody!!"

Fjorxcy Lama - "Meditate on this: 'Give to Buddha, Give to Fjorxc, Give to Buddha, Give to Fjorxc, money, give money, OM MA NI PAD ME HUM, NAMO AMITABHA BUDDHA'"

Dracon - "Wow, spiritual dude!"

Djugashvili - "Dracon!! Can't you see? He is a fake! He only wants you to give him money!!"'

Fjorxcy Lama - "Shut up, non-believer! Now, c'mon Dracon, don't listen to this communist man. He has no spirituality. You want enlightenment, don't you?"

Dracon - "Yes, but, I have noticed that I have been giving you quite a bit of money lately…."

Fjorxcy Lama - "Djug!! You bastard!!!! You just destroyed months of brainwashing and thought molding!!! Buddha will kill you!!!"

Comrade Dan - "HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

Ming's Lawyer - "Mr Dan, in my client's absence, I am going to sue you for plagiarizing the Laugh of Ming"

Buddha - "Go away!!!"

Ming's Lawyer - "Uh… Okay then"

Buddha - "I am here!"

Fjorxcy Lama - "Arrrgghh!! He actually exists!"

Dracon - "Oh, Buddha! Teach me how to be like you!"

Buddha - "No, I'm here for only one purpose"

Dracon - "What is that, enlightened one?"

Buddha - "TO GET THIS STORY BACK ON IT'S ORIGINAL PLOT! This story is degrading from a true Civ Wars tale into the autobiography of Dracon's theological misadventures! Now, in case you've all forgot, Djug and Comrade Dan need Dracon's help. Fjorxc! Get out of my sight!"

[Buddha disappears]

Djugashvili - "Okay, now where were we? Okay, Dracon, we need your help. We have joined forces with Connorkimbro and Mao, and we're planning to overthrow Apolyton"

Dracon - "Nah, we've already tried to do that. First we overthrow Ming, he get's replaced by Starchild, who's even more Diabolical, and then we overthrow him, and now it's Lordstone. I'm sick of being doublecrossed by so-called 'allies'. I trusted Giant Squid with my life, and he betrayed me. I'm content with being a deadbeat bum, raking up only enough money to pay for the Mod Asylum domain name"

Eliteservers Police - "Dracon, you have disregarded ALL Our Reminders to pay for your account. Say goodbye to the Mod Asylum! HA HA HA HA HA"

Ming Lawyer - "Excuse me-"

All - "**** OFF!!"

Dracon - "The Mod Asylum!!!! My Mod Asylum!!!!! Don't delete it!!!!"

[The Mod Asylum disappears; Dracon, Djug and Comrade Dan find themselves standing in a 404 Error page]

Dracon - "Oh well, looks like I'll have to help you guys then"

Djugashvili - "Goodo"

Comrade Dan - "Yah"

[Meanwhile, at Lordstone's Ministry of Smileys…….]

Lordstone - "Now, let's try this again, How many fingers am I holding up?" [Lordstone holds up five fingers]

Rah - "Five"

Lordstone [turns up Dial, Rah screams in agony] - "If I tell you that I am holding up four fingers, you will believe it, no matter how many fingers you think I am holding up!!!!"

Rah - "But you were holding up five fingers!"

Lordstone - "On to the next question! Who are we at war with currently?"

Rah - "Geocities"

Lorstone - "Exactly. Now, who were we at war with last week?"

Rah - "ACOL"

[Lordstone turns up the dial even more, Rah wails and wails]
Lordstone - "WRONG!!!! WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AT WAR WITH GEOCITIES, AND WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ALLIED WITH ACOL!!!!"

Rah - "But last week we were at war with ACOL and allied with Geocities!"

Lordstone - "This man isn't going to learn. Room 101 for you!!!!"

[Rah is dragged away to room 101. Lordstone has a drink]

Warvoid - "Sir, The Mod Asylum has been closed down, and Dracon has last been seen near Sidgames with none other than Djug, Dan, Mao and Connor."

Lordstone - "Dracon? I thought we sent that Fjorxc guy to take care of him!"

Warvoid - "Well, it seemed that Fjorxc didn't kill him, but made a lot of money out of him by pretending to be some sort of Guru."

Lordstone - "Well, it looks like he's back in business. Warvoid, I want you to find and kill Werefox and Imran before Djug can get to them"

Warvoid - "Yes, sir!"

Lordstone - "Damn! My past has finally come and bitten me on the ass!"

[sitting in the SMAC General forum at Sidgames was none other than Imran. He was arguing with Whistler about something or other]

Imran - "I like the Republicans better than you!!!!"

Whistler - "No you don't!!! I heard you yesterday suggesting that ‘people shouldn't be cutting down so many trees'. That is SO democrat, you greeny Left Wing Goon!!!!"

Imran - "I was drunk!!!!"

Whistler - "I thought Islam was against drinking!"

Imran - "Well, at least Islam is more Conservative than Hinduism!!!"

Whistler - "Bull****!!! Allah is a Democrat! Allah is a Democrat!"

Dracon - "SHUT UP!!!!!!"

Imran and Whistler - "Dracon???"

Dracon - "Yes, and Djugashvili, Comrade Dan, Mao, and Connorkimbro. We need your help"

Imran - "No, I don't help Marxists. Sorry"

Mao - "For Christ's sake Imran! Quit the stubbornness! We need to stop Lordstone!!!"

Imran - "Well if it isn't big Mao with his Coffee Shop? Oh! And connorkimbro, mister 'righteous', Djugashvili, whose career history could be abridged into one sentence: 'would you like fries with that?', Comrade Dan, who's relationship record basically involves Old McDonald's Farm! And last of all, Dracon, the Earthly Avatar of the God of Bad family programming!!!"

Dracon - "Imran, snap out of it!!"

Imran - "okay, what's in it for me?"

Dracon - "We all get to appear on the Jerry Springer show"

Imran - "Oh! Cool! Can I bring Whistler to the show? We could put on a really cool fight scene, and unlike most fights on Jerry Springer, it'll be real and uncoreographed!!"

Comrade Dan - "Take back what you said about me!!!!"

Imran - "The Old Mcdonalds farm bit?"

Comrade Dan - "Yeah!! It's not Old Mcdonald's farm, it belongs to a nice lady called Helen."

Connorkimbro - "Is that what really happens in New Zealand?"

Mao - "No, the writer of this story is Australian. He's just making fun of the kiwis"

Writer - "Hey! You weren't supposed to say that!"

Mao - "Ha! What're you going to do about it?!?"

Writer - "hehe"

Mao - "Hare Krishna! Hare Krishna! Cluck Cluck Chicken! Satan gives me a chubby! I am a Coffee-phile!!!"

Mao - "Hey! You made me say that!"

Buddha - "GET BACK TO THE PLOT!!!!!!!!!"

Writer - "Yes sir!"

Buddha - "This scene sucks, Writer, there was no humour in it. I suggest you change scenes immediately, in order to salvage some dignity"

Dracon - "Yeah, what he said!"

[Geocities Prison……]
Evil Knevil - "No, I don't care what Starchild is doing to you, you're not moving to another cell!"

Bill Gates - "But he's violating me! Like a ravenous tiger in touch with its feminine side!!!"

Starchild - "Hey! A queen's gotta do what a queen's gotta do!"

Bill Gates - "And Ming sometimes joins in!!!!"

Ming - "No I don't you lying son of a bi-"

Evil Knevil - "Starchild! Ming! Stay out of this! This isn't your business!"

Buddha - "Hey! I thought the writer said that Ming was dead!"

Ming - "Not I, said the fly. None can kill me! But Paul is dead"

Buddha - "No he isn't. John is."

Ming - "Bah! The Beatles suck anyway. I'm stones fan, to the death!"

Buddha - "Okay then. Now stop raping Bill!"

Bill Gates - "You see? They rape me!"

Ming - "I don't, but Starchild definitely does. The only thing keeping him from my ass is the fact that I have no a- oops, you guys weren't supposed to know that."

*A dark shadow looms behind Evil Knevil*
Mleonard - "You will release Ming, Knevil!"

Evil Knevil - "And what happens if I don't?"

Mleonard - "You will have to listen to an endless loop of ACOL's 'I am the HARDMAN' song"

Evil Knevil - "Arrggh! I'll release him!"

**Evil Knevil opens the cell, Ming, Bill Gates and Starchild run out of the cell**

Evil Knevil - "Hey! Only Ming is free!! Come back here!"

Mleonard - "Too late! HA HA HA HA HA"

Ming's Lawyer - *clears throat* "Excuse me-"

Ming - "Don't worry, he's with me"

**Ming's Lawyer vanishes**

Sergeant Sheets - "So, Knevil, I see that you have let them escape……AGAIN!!!! You idiot!!!! You are fired!!!"

Evil Knevil - "Aw? Why?"

[Meanwhile, Dracon, Imran, Djug, and Comrade Dan are discussing plans]

Dracon - "Hey? Where did Connorkimbro and Mao go?"

Writer - "I can't deal with that many characters at once. I'll let Connor and Mao back onto the text when I run out of ideas"

Djug - "Okay then, so where's Werefox?"

Imran - "Mmmmm…….. Werefox………….."

Comrade Dan - "Bah! Go take a cold shower you pervert! Now as we were saying- Say! Have you ever imagined what Tiamat would look like in Black Leather Negliges?"

Djug - "No! Even better! Imagine yourself stranded on a tropical island with Blackwidow, and she's nak-"

Dracon - "Oh come on folks, we've got to find Werefox! Where is she!"

Djug - "Hey! It's not our fault that there's about 1000 male Apolytoners for each female!"

**Pekka** · August 22, 2007, 11:22

TOO LONG DIDN'T READ!

**Dracon II** · August 22, 2007, 11:28

I felt the same way when Tolstoy posted his "War and Peace" thread a while back. Not to mention Aquinas and his damned Summa Theologiae...

**Dracon II** · August 22, 2007, 11:29

But you probably wouldn't get it anyway... most of the characters haven't posted here for many years... and pretty much all of the references and issues are well and truly superannuated.

**Imran Siddiqui** · August 22, 2007, 11:32

Btw, you wouldn't happen to have my Civ Wars Prequal, do you? I never saved it really.

**Dracon II** · August 22, 2007, 11:48

Just checked my archives and it's not there... maybe it's in the OT archives still.

**Lorizael** · August 22, 2007, 16:24

I'm much to lazy to read all of this, but it's kind of ironic that Ming is in charge now and Markos is just some random "Technical Director."

**Zkribbler** · August 22, 2007, 18:09

Originally posted by Dracon II
....Not to mention Aquinas and his damned Summa Theologiae...

That was about Aq's days as a bad boy frat rat, right?

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