Harry Potter: final predictions

[Nikolai]

Originally posted by b etor
type up a review for the bookoff thread! you win!

Review? I don't know about that.

[Lonestar]

(Blatantly stolen from a Fantasy Website)
I read this book before it was officially released. I had to sleep with J. K. Rowlings three nights in a row and go on a road trip and offer an assortment of adult beverages to eight Ph.D-plus type guys to get my hand on this book, but man was it worth it. Here's a short list of some of the shocking plot-twists:

Spoiler:

It is revealed that Voldemort's nose was extremely runny one day and ran away to kill the Earth, but was stopped by Dumbledore at the last minute. Lord Voldemort hated Dumbledore ever since.

Ron mysteriously creates a new race of boggarts, called buggers. After the rape incident, they are his only friends.

Harry almost suffers a premature ejaculation, but at the last moment he manages to grab his wand and pull himself out of the potentially lethal situation.

Snape turns out to be the adult version of temporal doppelgänger-Hermione, from the third book, who goes back in time, but the time-shifting-doodad malfunctions. Temporal doppelgänger-Harry becomes Hagrid's brother.

Harry's owl sacrifices itself in the final battle with Voldemort, and it turns out that it was actually his father all along.

After Voldemort is defeated, Dumbedore returns and is revealed to be God and makes almost everything all rainbows and lollipops again.

Hagrid overthrows the government and becomes King of England.

Harry dies in a tragic yet comedic steamroller accident.

Hermione, married to a farmer, eventually forgives Ron for the rape incident, but he is then a sad and broken man with erectile dysfunction, who mostly does cheap card tricks for his buggers while drinking beer at pubs (the book ends with Hermione walking out of the pub where she found Ron, and Ron looking after her, then turning to his buggers, sighs, and says: "Alright, choose a card.").

[b etor]

[Dr Strangelove]

Originally posted by SpencerH
Final Prediciomn:


Taaa Daaaaa


Harry will reveal his hidden desire for worlkd domination (or Ron) I havent decided which yet.,

Harry will reveal his secret desire to dominate Ron? Wow! I didn't think that J.K. Rawling had it in her. So she's going to graduate from kidee literature to porn?

[DaShi]

I got my copy in the mail toady. I was surprised. I pre-ordered it on Amazon using the cheapest shipping method, which usually means lengthy delays. However, I came home from the grocery store to find it in my mailbox. Unfortunately, I don't want to start it until I finish the "His Dark Materials" trilogy.

[-Jrabbit]

Originally posted by SpencerH
Final Prediciomn:


Taaa Daaaaa


Harry will reveal his hidden desire for worlkd domination (or Ron) I havent decided which yet.,

Definitely Harry's hidden desire for Ron...

GOOD CALL!!

[Darius871]

Wait a sec...

Am I correct in assuming that the characters in these books/movies have access to magic? If that's the case, how can there be any modicum of suspense?

[hexagonian]

duhhhhhh...

Both sides have magic.

[MrFun]

Okay, enough.

I've never read any of the Harry Potters book yet and have never seen any of the movies. But since I like fantasy and science fiction genres, I am going to start reading the books, in proper order.

So Deathly Hallows is the final book. Can someone provide a complete list of all the titles in order? Then I am going to go to the local library and start reading!

Oh, and I have not read any of the spoiler posts in this or any other HP thread so I think I still count as a HP virgin then.

[Jon Miller]

I took a while to get into it also. By the 4th or 5th book it is a very good series.

JM

[Dr Strangelove]

OK, so book 7 is finally out. I want a report by tomorrow.

[SpencerH]

Now that I've read the book I'd like to point that I was totally right about Snape and his psychological motivations but slightly wrong about Potters hidden love for Ron emerging in this book. I have to admit I was slightly inebriated when I wrote that last prediction.

[lord of the mark]

is it time for gloating.

I would like to point out everything I said about Snape in this thread.


OTOH, Id much rather have been right about Iraq.

[hexagonian]

My predictions...

Pettigrew

Snape

Snape/Lily/Petunia

All were not quite the way I expected. There's gotta be some surprises...

Overall, a very satifying end to the series!