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Open-ended poll: Best zombie weapon

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  • Open-ended poll: Best zombie weapon

    "Shaun of the Dead" was just on TV (comedy central), and it got me thinking about the various ways of destroying the stumbly forms of undead. I've read a little bit on the subject online describing the various factors to consider, though it was a while back. I'd say there are six factors (roughly; there's some overlap, such as between speed and weight, etc.).

    Damage/stopping power: Most obviously, you want something that can pierce the remnants of the skull and destroy the brain, or else cut the head cleanly off, or render the body sufficiently deformed as to be no longer capable of motion.

    Weight: Weight may be a factor in damage, especially with a blunt weapon such as a hammer. However, too much weight tires you out with each swing as well as increasing the time between swings (for melee weapons), and forces you to carry around a heavy load while fleeing the hordes. You need that stamina to survive and repopulate the human race.

    Range: You don't want to get any closer than absolutely necessary. Duh.

    Speed: Zombies come in groups. You want to be able to attack repeatedly without stopping to reload or what-have-you.

    Reliability: One zombie-weapon guide I stumbled across long ago pointed out that some weapons, while seemingly desirable, might have a tendency to get stuck in the zombie's twitching corpse, leaving you helpless. That's bad, so you want something that comes out of the brainpan smoothly. Also in this general category are accuracy, lack of jamming problems, and durability.

    Availability: A harpoon strikes me as a rather good weapon: its barbs would risk getting stuck, but you can file those away during the hide-at-home stage, and it's got plenty of range and power without requiring ammunition. It's also quite cool. Unfortunately, it's hard to get a harpoon in this day and age. You want something found in a common garage, like a baseball bat. For firearms, you want something using common ammunition, since a fancy military-issue assault rifle is useless once you've expended all the clips.

    I've made this open-ended since there really are an almost infinite number of options. I suppose projectiles and bashing weapons should be in separate categories. Any thoughts?
    1011 1100
    Pyrebound--a free online serial fantasy novel

  • #2
    We went over this a couple weeks ago. I came to the conclusion that a shotgun, large caliber pistol and a wooden bludgeoning tool (baseball or cricket bat, practice sword) would be the best plausible arsenal for dealing with zombies.
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    • #3
      Napalm. Lots and lots of napalm.
      You just wasted six ... no, seven ... seconds of your life reading this sentence.

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      • #4
        The guy from evil dead/army of darkness.

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        • #5
          Hmm, I must have missed it the first time around, sorry...

          See, that's conventional wisdom, but I'm not so sure. Especially about the wooden weapon. Wood splinters and breaks, and furthermore in every movie I've seen it takes multiple blows from a wooden weapon to crush the undead skull. While you're hitting the zombie a bunch of times to make sure he stays down, the others are closing in. An axe or splitting maul is a bit heavier, but a solid blow WILL destroy the brain. Sledgehammer's heavier still, but even more reliable and less likely to get wedged in the flesh since it's blunt. It depends on whether you're strong enough to wield it repeatedly without getting exhausted. Failing that, how about a metal bat? Or a crowbar?

          WRT the shotgun, it's the conventional weapon, but I'm not sure about its efficacy. First off, I'm assuming you don't have access to a combat shotgun, so you'd have to worry about frequent reloading. Second, the spray of small pellets loses power greatly at range, and the wide area of effect doesn't much matter since only a dead-on blast will do sufficient damage. Even if the arm's all bloody and mangled, a zombie can still use it to clutch at you. They don't feel pain or go into shock.
          1011 1100
          Pyrebound--a free online serial fantasy novel

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Krill
            Napalm. Lots and lots of napalm.
            How so? Ignoring the question of availability, zombies tend to keep shuffling forward as long as they remain intact. They'll just set the surrounding buildings on fire while they burn, as well as risking burns to you as they reach out to grab you.

            I suppose there is the chance that they'll set each other on fire as they stumble around, but they're mostly still wet with body fluids, the ones who aren't directly doused by the napalm will only get superficial burns. Maybe third degree on extremities, but again, they don't go into shock and seem to stagger on just fine after losing limbs.

            Finally, it takes a lot of napalm to coat a human figure, no? How are you going to carry it around with you?
            1011 1100
            Pyrebound--a free online serial fantasy novel

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            • #7
              Here's my thoughts.

              Don't fight the zombies, don't even bother really carrying a weapon. Just outrun them. Every time you stop to fight a zombie, you just tire yourself out while more zombies close in on you. I figure if you do have to stop to fight, you're probably dead. So travel as lightly as possible.

              The best anti-zombie weapon is a vehicle, preferably a very sturdy one. Some kind of ATV (but also roadworthy) if possible. Lets you get away from the zombies, and squish those in your path without expending any energy at all. Remember the objective is to get away from the zombies.

              If you have to make a stand at some specific location, then the heavier the weapon, the better. A chainsaw I think would be ideal if you don't have to lug it around, like if you have to guard a doorway, then a chainsaw would be great. Although if the zombism is infectious by little bits of splatter then maybe the chainsaw would be unwise, or you should wear protective clothing.

              Of course military weapons would be even better, any kind of automatic weapon on a tripod. If you can get your hands on a military weapon in the first place there will probably be ample ammo too.

              My melee weapon of choice (other than chainsaw) would quite possibly be a Poleaxe, although it might be difficult to acquire one...

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              • #8
                An automatic shotgun with a high cap magazine would be nice, but you are limited by ammunition. As cool as I don't think they are, a Katana would probably be a good choice providing you know how to wield it. Using movie physics you can fillet a zombie in seconds with one, and still have the energy to take on the Crazy 88.
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                • #9
                  Bowling balls.
                  Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.
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                  • #10
                    nukes
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                    Middle East!

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                    • #11
                      I'll take one of these thanks

                      Speaking of Erith:

                      "It's not twinned with anywhere, but it does have a suicide pact with Dagenham" - Linda Smith

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                      • #12
                        Why kill them? They move at a snail's crawl.

                        You can walk away from them with probably enough spare time to stop for a coffee and danish while you're fleeing.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Zkribbler
                          Why kill them? They move at a snail's crawl.
                          To remove the threat posed by them individually in check and keep the zombie apacolypse from happening.
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                          • #14
                            I think a hammer like weapon (as in hammerthrowing) could be fairly useful. Maybe use a bunch of metre long lead-piping as the weight rather than an iron ball. It would need some field trials to see if you could keep the momentum going after hitting a zombie that comes into range.
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                            • #15
                              I'll take this over a baseball bat any day.

                              Speaking of Erith:

                              "It's not twinned with anywhere, but it does have a suicide pact with Dagenham" - Linda Smith

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