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Wednesday morning i made a huge mistake at work. To say it simply, i deleted the user accounts of roughly 400 users, many of them Directors, some VPs and the President and CEO of a big company.
I spent the rest of the week coordinating the recreation of the user accounts, with the access that they previously had and notifying them that this had been done and that their password had been reset (no choice) and that they could contact me directly for help.
All through this i was a nervous wreck. I physically felt the pressure and the strain, and it was obvious to my co-workers too. I felt dizzy a couple of times on Wednesday, and i had chest pains. One of my co-workers tried to alleviate my tension by making a joke - which i ignored, trying to stay focused - at which point she said she was worried about me, that i was pale as a ghost and that she wanted to slap me to snap me out of it, and put some color back in my face.
Things are almost back to normal now, and there will definitely be a postmortem soon, to review what happened and why and how. I have been given no indications about possibility of sanctions. In fact it is pretty much business as usual at work. They're even sending me out of town next week to support a new call center being implemented. (And no: i don't think one has to do with the other
).
As i write this i am still stressed out (maybe because we haven't had the postmortem yet) and i've cancelled a visit to a friend. I just don't feel up to it. But i put that pressure on myself. My boss was a bit angry at first, but then only focused and determined to get through this. All my co-workers were of great help. I even refused some help because i wanted to correct things myself and i was too "involved" to let anyone else in. Even if it was to help. I blamed myself and I was going to make this right.
There are a few things about this that i'd like to ramble about and get some opinions on.
The first one is: I am amazed at the hurt that i inflicted on myself because of this. These were only user accounts; access to an IT system. No life and death situation here. It was an inconvenience to most of the users, a pain in the neck for some and a problem for a few. And yet i nearly drove myself to a heart attack over this.
Which brings me to my second point: It seems obvious that my value system is skewed. ****ed up probably describes it better actually. How can I give enough importance to this as to put my life in danger. How can i put such value on being good at what i do, not making mistakes, taking the blame for my mistakes, you know: being "a man ", that i would endanger my life for it.
It just seems so pointless. Silly in fact.
Comments?
I spent the rest of the week coordinating the recreation of the user accounts, with the access that they previously had and notifying them that this had been done and that their password had been reset (no choice) and that they could contact me directly for help.
All through this i was a nervous wreck. I physically felt the pressure and the strain, and it was obvious to my co-workers too. I felt dizzy a couple of times on Wednesday, and i had chest pains. One of my co-workers tried to alleviate my tension by making a joke - which i ignored, trying to stay focused - at which point she said she was worried about me, that i was pale as a ghost and that she wanted to slap me to snap me out of it, and put some color back in my face.
Things are almost back to normal now, and there will definitely be a postmortem soon, to review what happened and why and how. I have been given no indications about possibility of sanctions. In fact it is pretty much business as usual at work. They're even sending me out of town next week to support a new call center being implemented. (And no: i don't think one has to do with the other
). As i write this i am still stressed out (maybe because we haven't had the postmortem yet) and i've cancelled a visit to a friend. I just don't feel up to it. But i put that pressure on myself. My boss was a bit angry at first, but then only focused and determined to get through this. All my co-workers were of great help. I even refused some help because i wanted to correct things myself and i was too "involved" to let anyone else in. Even if it was to help. I blamed myself and I was going to make this right.
There are a few things about this that i'd like to ramble about and get some opinions on.
The first one is: I am amazed at the hurt that i inflicted on myself because of this. These were only user accounts; access to an IT system. No life and death situation here. It was an inconvenience to most of the users, a pain in the neck for some and a problem for a few. And yet i nearly drove myself to a heart attack over this.
Which brings me to my second point: It seems obvious that my value system is skewed. ****ed up probably describes it better actually. How can I give enough importance to this as to put my life in danger. How can i put such value on being good at what i do, not making mistakes, taking the blame for my mistakes, you know: being "a man ", that i would endanger my life for it.
It just seems so pointless. Silly in fact.
Comments?
@ nostromo
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