What a vasectomy feels like

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

So let's set the scene. I'm currently lying on my back on a treatment bench, set in a Health Centre in the grotty end of town. My underpants are around my ankles, and the doctor is about to lay his hands on me for the first time. Being confused by the conflicting information on whether I should shave my tackle beforehand or not, I had compromised with a light trim. The doctor doesn't appear to care either way. Obviously I'm affecting a bluff and manly manner at this point, and fighting a nervous reaction to start talking about brutal contact sports.

My friend Chug said the most unnerving part of his vasectomy was having another man manhandling his genitals. As the doctor starts lifting and rearranging things whilst swabbing me down, I realise that I'm really not bothered by this in the slightest. Maybe I'm just gayer than the average bear. Whatever. Anyway, he's covered the area in green paper, and has tugged my bollocks through a hole in it. Now he's pinching at my scrotum to see if he can find the vas. He finds it and looks pleased. For some unaccountable reason that makes me feel proud.

Anaesthetic time. The first one is into the scrotum, and it's just a minor pricking sensation- no worse than the sort of thing you get at the dentist. No sweat.

The next injection is into the vas itself- the spermatic cords. Holy. ****ing. Christ.

Imagine a sensation like a corkscrew, colder than liquid helium, boring down into your testicle, upwards into your rapidly-shrinking ****, and backwards into your prostate. Rrrrrrrrrrrrr. Toes curling up. Doctor asks if I'm OK, and I say that I'm fine (in a shaky voice).

OK, everything's numb now. There now follows about five minutes of rummaging around, a few "shick!" sounds, and about ten seconds of a nasty hissing noise. Then the doctor announces "Right, let's do the other one".

No need for a second incision- instead he just does a sort of juggling act inside my scrotum and rearranges the spuds. Then it's time for the second vas injection. Holy. ****ing. Christ. Again. Doctor asks if I'm OK, and I say that I'm fine (in another shaky voice).

More juggling. More "shick!" sounds, and about ten seconds of another nasty hissing noise. Then it's done. An adhesive dressing is applied, my Calvin Kleins are stuffed with wadding, and I'm asked to spend the next 15 minutes sitting in the waiting room, in case my nuts fall off and go bouncing across the floor while the typically English crowd in the room pretend nothing is happening. Or something.

My entire genital area is numb. Here's a funny thing- in 36 years of life I've never once considered how basically uncomfortable it is having a set of male genitalia hanging around and getting in the way.Now, for the first time, I am liberated. For the first time, I can sit around with feeling the need to untangle or shift things. How curious to start envying eunuchs.

The drive home gets interesting as the anaesthetic wears off. The rest of the evening is spent with my feet up, waddling around, and trying to have a wee without moving the padding (which is not easy). With every cough I am reminded that I have suffered a genital injury. I'm popping paracetamol and trying not to move.

What I can expect is about seven days of decreasing discomfort. Unless I get an infection. Or if I get cocky and overdo the exertion, in which case I'll get a scrotal heamatoma causing my bollocks to swell up to twice their size and turn black. **** that.

[Kidlicious]

Holy ****! I read enough half way through. That's not for me.

[SlowwHand]

Ditto.

[Provost Harrison]

Is there something wrong with the pill?

[ZEE]

now THAT was freaky

[Arrian]

Yeah, stopped halfway through.

-Arrian

[Donegeal]

Well, thank you very much for that you boob. I am going to be having one in the next couple of months.

[Demerzel]

ouch, rather you than me!

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

Originally posted by Donegeal
Well, thank you very much for that you boob. I am going to be having one in the next couple of months.

Everyone's experience is unique, so you might find it easy.

Then again, you might crap yourself in agony.

[Lorizael]

Anyone seen the movie Hard Candy? If you can't get through Laz's colorful description, that movie will kill you.

[Elok]

A vasectomy's a surgical procedure,
One that makes you half a man (you're half a man!).
Do you remember when you twisted up that garden hose?
Well, essentially that is the plan (that is the plan!).

I forget the rest, sorry.

[LordShiva]

Originally posted by Kidicious
Holy ****! I read enough half way through. That's not for me.

[Harovan]

I think this thread should be topped.

[padillah]

Wow, that was nothing like my experience. Here, let me tell you about it :

First, I'm in the United States and had generally good health care so this may not be representative. (Those who feel the need to throw stones at the U.S., health care, or both may do so in some other thread)

They got me on the table and the nurse was the one that actually straightened my "stuff" out. I was laying there on the table looking straight at the ceiling hoping not to get aroused since a woman that was not my wife of 7 years was handling my "thing". But I didn't (miracle) and she taped it down to my abdomen. (yes, my abdomen )

They did specifically ask me to shave my scrot, which was the most painfull part, to be honest. As those that have one can attest, scrotti do not present the smooth, tight, blemish-free surface the face or legs do. As such I thought to use the clippers since a razor was out of the f****ng question. Unfortunately I kept getting little wrinkles caught in the blades and ended up with about 6 or 8 little nips taken out. I stopped, the doc would just have to deal with it.

So, back to the table and my taped up johnson. The nurse proceds to swab the area with a very cold liquid (I believe she said it was iodine or some antiseptic) which brings back questions of arousal and thoughts of dead puppies and Margret Thatcher. Then she gives me a shot of Novocaine right at the base of my... well, right at the base. And leaves for like 20 mins!

There I am, essentialy no clothers on, wang taped up like an insect on a disection board - left to stew for 20 mins. I take back what I said about the clipping, THIS was the worst part. The anticipation. The last few seconds of "real" manhood. I could still call it off if I really wanted to. The last chance I will ever get to weigh all the options.

But then the doctor comes in and I realise I wouldn't have gotten this far if I had any real doubts so, away we go.

He gives a poke with a needle (I can only assume) and I feel nothing at all. He fiddles around and I hear a very soft "snip". I ask him if that's what I think it is. He tells me "No, that's just the bag. The vas will be cut, stapled, and cauterized. You'll probably smell the burning."

WHAT!!! "Smell the burning"?!?! Why was I not made aware of this before? I mean, yes they told me they were going to cauterize the vas but the whole "smell the burning" part really is more important than they think. It needs to be mentioned much earlier in the process.

I never felt a thing. No tugging, no cold sensation, no toe curling... If it wasn't for the table and the obvious circumstances I would never know the man at the end of the table was holding my Crown Royal bag, let alone cutting it to pieces. Four stitches, two for each side in my case, and he was gone.

The nurse "packed my bags" (literally) and let me get dressed by myself. I was out the door and gone in 15 mins. They told me to take Tylenol if there was any pain and see the doctor if it got so I couldn't handle it. I never felt a thing. I ditched the bandages the next morning and have only thought about it twice since then.

One thing this guy did was test to make sure the procedure worked. And I made absolutely sure what they meant: Enjoy porno into a cup. And my wife couldn't help in any way that might "contaminate the sample" so it was pretty much a one-man deal. Once seven days after, and once like a month after.

While the ordeal was something I'll never forget the procedure itself was not as impressive as getting a cavity filled.

If you honestly have no plans regarding kids, do it. But do be sure (and this office was adamant about it) you don't want kids ever again. The procedure costs about $500, getting it reversed costs about $15,000 and probably won't work.

Given the circumstaces, I highly recommend it. Well, at least I endorse it.

Tom P.

[Stuie]

Re: What a vasectomy feels like

Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
Anaesthetic time. The first one is into the scrotum, and it's just a minor pricking sensation- no worse than the sort of thing you get at the dentist. No sweat.

The next injection is into the vas itself- the spermatic cords. Holy. ****ing. Christ.

My doctor waited a few minutes for the first one to kick in before giving me the second injection. At that point, I didn't feel a thing. The rest of the procedure just felt like some tugging sensation - no pain at all.

I always liken the whole thing to a bad trip to the dentist, but at the other end.