Which Hellhole Should I Volunteer For?

[LordShiva]

The "Middle Eastern Hellhole" option.

[VetLegion]

Kosovo is perhaps safe (I have no idea), but it's a hole with nothing to see or do. It's also not that close to Greece, Italy, or, say, Croatia. Roads are ****ty and it's a long drive to any of the nice locations in the neighbourhood so you're not likely to go around much if you have to drive yourself.

Learning Albanian is pretty useless too. It's a dead end language with no close relatives, sounds awful to the ear, is difficult to learn and as such probably won't be useful to your career at all.

[SlowwHand]

Haiti (2 years, spouse)

[Elok]

I'll ask Mom about Haiti. She goes there every January to bring Xmas presents to the kids at an orphanage down there; she saw them getting dirty, broken Barbie dolls and other crud one Christmas and cried at the sight of it, so she's been "Mere Noel" twice. I'm not sure how your experience will compare to hers, as you'll be a Federal employee rather than a private citizen staying over at an orphanage, but you should be at least as safe.

From what I gather from her accounts, Haiti has the disadvantages of being miserable climate-wise, garbage fills the streets, and there's not much available in terms of food or basic utilities. The orphanage doesn't even have running water, though of course your building is more likely to. Also, the government is crooked as a boomerang, so anything you send through the mail in either direction is at risk of being stolen and hawked by the folks at Customs.

On the other hand, American money goes a LONG way in Haiti. My aunt supports about eight Haitians on her social security check every month. A proper salary should be enough to let you bathe in rum every evening if you so desire (rum being one of the few things which is not scarce, and apparently quite nice). The people there do not hate America; they actually rather like it, and except for the militants are extremely friendly. The only danger is of being kidnapped for ransom or getting caught in an insurrection. Government security and common sense should guard against those. And there are more pleasant Caribbean islands to visit on vacation, all around Haiti. I'd certainly recommend it over $#@%! Iraq. Dunno about Kosovo and the rest.

[SlowwHand]

Aruba, jamaica ooo I wanna take you
Bermuda, bahama come on pretty mama
Key largo, montego baby why dont we go
Jamaica

Off the florida keys
Theres a place called Kosovo
Thats where you wanna go to get away from it all

Bodies in the sand
Tropical drink melting in your hand
Well be falling in love
To the rhythm of a steel drum band
Down in Kosovo

Aruba, jamaica ooo I wanna take you
To bermuda, bahama come on pretty mama
Key largo, montego baby why dont we go

Ooo I wanna take you down to Kosovo
Well get there fast
And then well take it slow
Thats where we wanna go
Way down to Kosovo

To martinique, that monserrat mystique

Well put out to sea
And well perfect our chemistry
By and by well defy a little bit of gravity

Afternoon delight
Cocktails and moonlit nights
That dreamy look in your eye
Give me a tropical contact high
Way down in Kosovo

Aruba, jamaica ooo I wanna take you
To bermuda, bahama come on pretty mama
Key largo, montego baby why dont we go

Ooo I wanna take you down to Kosovo
Well get there fast
And then well take it slow
Thats where we wanna go
Way down to Kosovo

Port au prince I wanna catch a glimpse

Everybody knows
A little place like Kosovo
Now if you wanna go
And get away from it all
Go down to Kosovo

Aruba, jamaica ooo I wanna take you
To bermuda, bahama come on pretty mama
Key largo, montego baby why dont we go

Ooo I wanna take you down to Kosovo
Well get there fast
And then well take it slow
Thats where we wanna go
Way down to Kosovo

Aruba, jamaica ooo I wanna take you
To bermuda, bahama come on pretty mama
Key largo, montego baby why dont we go

Ooo I wanna take you down to Kosovo

[DinoDoc]

Would you be in the Green Zone in Iraq or someplace equally defended? I'd probably consider that then. It'd probably be a good career boost.

[Pekka]

I reckon since you have to go to one place, and none of those are nice, don't pick anything unknown like Haiti. You get more credit if you take Iraq or Afghanistan. People will go like, so you served in a hellhole, Iraq? And you go like "Nah man. Chad. It was ****ing hot there you know? And the local soda tastes like piss".

But Iraq is pretty dangerous, I'm not worried about you dying there, but I'm worried you might get injured badly. It's just how good your fortune is.

SO, that in mind, I'd say Afghanistan. It's safer than Iraq, yet it gives you a lot of credit, because during this time period, it is a known place. Yet safer than Iraq. And leave your wife home.

[Addled Platypus]

Haiti

learn some voodoo while you'r at it

[Ramo]

Beirut

[Zkribbler]

1) Kosovo
2) Saudi Arabia
3) Haiti.

I wouldn't recommend spending 1-2 years away from your wife if you can at all avoid it--unless she's the Wicked Witch of the West or something like that.

[DinoDoc]

Well it depends on how serious he is about the job. The really good jobs likely to get him noticed by the higher-ups are going to be in the ****tier parts of the world where it might not be a good idea to bring the wife.

[Elok]

If it's about building a career for the future, shouldn't that be all the more reason to avoid having his name associated in any way with Iraq or Afghanistan (or any other such predestinate failure)? I'm sure Rufus knows better than I do what the odds are of service in such areas counting for rather than against him, but you'd think that, in years to come, people involved in our Muslim-taming expeditions are more likely to be seen as an embarrassing reminder of a shameful era than as gutsy folk who volunteered for tough duty. Like a civilian Vietnam veteran.

This is leaving out the whole likelihood-of-embassy-bombings factor, which everyone else seems to be ignoring...I doubt any Green Zone will protect him. There's no wall too high for a mortar round to go over, and they've got a lot of mortar rounds over there, I hear.

[Lancer]

When will the transfer occur? If you take Iraq just before Hillary gets in we'll be leaving in short order. That might make your obligation shortened. Would that count the same as if you had spent a year there?

If it were me as much as it would be a super drag to be apart from Dolores for a year I'd rather do that than drag her into a hell hole. Also, she would be happy to be in the Phils and that would make it less of a burden for her. I'd sell the idea to her by lumping allmy off time and taking a vacation with her in Rome after a while. She wants to see the vatican, etc...

Rufus, maybe you could make it easier on her by some such? You mentioned Paris, meet her there for a long vacation...

Abstinance makes the heart grow fonder.

[Pekka]

Well, I'll give you my reasoning. It doesn't make any sense to go to Haiti or Kosovo or what ever. It's still 'dangerous', I mean accidents could happen. Except no one even knows where those places are.

Iraq, too much activity. A bit of bad fortune and you're out. ALso, why would you want to bring your wife to semi-**** hole anyway? I mean, it's not like there's a lot to do in the 'safer' places. And safer for who? At least you carry a gun, right, and have buddies with guns as well, and your wife?

If you really want to do this, I woudl advice to leave your wife home anyway, and pick something recognizable. So that's why I say Afghanistan, because it's not as dangerous as Iraq, yet it is seen as a hot bed of all kinds of activities. Also, Afghanistan wasn't such a PR failure like Iraq.

I think it's a safer bet.

OR just avoid the whole mess and figure out other ways to advance your career.

[Dinner]

Kosovo actually isn't bad. There is organized crime but not random crime or robbery and Americans are wildly looked up to as they assisted in stopping the ethnic cleansing. Services are reasonably good so water and power are always on plus on an American income you can live like a king there. As an added bonus you're still in Europe so you can take the wife on weekend trips to Greece or Italy if you want. Hungary isn't to far either and the super markets are packed with consumer goods.

I'd take Kosovo over the middle east any day plus you get to take the wify with you. If you can't get Kosovo then French speaking Africa would be my secondary choice since anti-Americanism isn't high there even if quality of life is low.