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  • Serious problem of not forgetting

    I think I'm overloading soon about few things. First of all, few friends of mine, I kind of sometimes (like right now) burden myself with remembering every single insult and suggestive stuff I've gotten from them in the last... 20 years. Meaning that I don't have like a real problem with any of my friends, it's what happens over a long period of time, none of these insults are even that big. But to me few of them are. Few of them prolly do not realize it.

    I don't like engaging in debates with few of them. I don't like the debate my friends, period. Because we sometimes fall into my personal domain, which they have inferior knowledge on, and it frustrates me that I have to explain so much, and clearly the background info is so off base, that it's just no use.

    So, in these kidn of situations, I feel insulted. I feel insulted, that many times the rules of reasoning, logic and debate are overrided by the passion for some kind of ideology, or what ever. Almost Godwinizing them, I mean, to me that is an insult if you want to ask me what I think about it, don't start a debate unless you'd be ready to go for some depth and respect the debate itself.

    Last weekend was one of those moments again. One of my buddies was drunk, he's very passive and gets more aggressive drunk, but not like violent or anything, or abusive, just not-passive. One of them who can't make the simplest decisions in life. Red or blue, bread or milk. What ever the decision is, there's no way it takes less than an hour to decide what he wants. So when drunk, he just can't see things going any other way than his way. I understand the need for that, but he wants to talk about stuff I don't care about talking when we're supposed to be just having fun. Like politics. I argued, that I don't like the system we have currently, because the parties are too close to each other, and I disagree with the system itself. He did not want to listen why this was so, he started arguing 'they are very different!!!' and then I got the BS that frustrates me, that showed the super narrow knowledge he had on the very subject, as if he had eaten the biggest pie of propaganda of one party or something. I was like damn, completely puzzled, so I decided not to debate but just listen and nod. But then it turned into weird ****ing issues and totally illogical chains of thought so I intervened in few of them but politely as in, "do you really think that? Or is that just your heart saying that's the way it should be?" and stuff like that. So suddenly, without even saying a word, I was hating the poor, the minorities, everyone. I didn't even say anything. And these kinds of things happens to piss me off very very badly. So I just said that I don't agree and I dont' want to talk about this anymore. Then my opinions where 'crap'. Woaah? I don't give a **** if you're drunk, but don't tell me my opinions are crap, when you don't back up your claims, and I don't even participate, and you never listened what I said, and especially when you don't even realize what part I don't agree with. When you have no clue when I say that I disagree with the current system, that what it means. As in, there's only one system to you, because oyu don't even know any other systems exists.

    The stupidity was just so freaking high, and the demand to continue, I mean please, let's not.

    Sometimes this guy pisses me off. But he is so passive that I don't want to hurt his feelings. And he does not realize when he insults me. It's like, we were having a dinner out, and he said take white wine, I said I don't like white wine. Then he was like yes you do. I said no I don't, I don't know why but I just don't like it. Apparently I was wrong and I do like it. But I don't. It's like frustrating crap like that sometimes. And then I was given this long lecture about white wine, and how I do like it because it is very good. When I really have to listen to this kind of reasoning for a long time, I just find it insulting and frustrating.

    Just little things, but oh so annoying.

    I hate the way he wants to do things, as in everything planned by the second. And every second of it is 'the only way'. And every second of it is 'good'. The level of detail is 'and then we eat one tomato, after that, a zip of drink x, then a bathroom break, then we go to club Z, we spend 30 euros per person and drink one cafe latte' etc. You know? Just frustrating, and really ****ing stupid. And then when you say well, you're not sure if you want to do it exactly like that but most of ti sounds fun, then it's debate time as in 'it is good. Oh but it is good. Of course it is good'. And if I ask any of it, it just is and I don't get it.

    If I just say screw that, I just don't feel like doing that, then he starts *****ing about it, and just sits quiet or something like that. And 'I wanted us to do something together', and I say, well, I don't WANT to do that, let's do something else instead... blaablaablaa. He doesn't give a **** if I disagree but still just go to, just to have it his way. Then he is like 'so, what do you wanna do? You decide', when we're at the spot I didn't want to go in the first place. I say 'I don't know, you wanted to come here'. Then it's all about 'well, you decide'. As in ****, you wanted to come here for a reason, now let's do what you wanted to do?!?!?

    I'm not sure if he realizes what he does, which is being very aggressive. I know why this is so, and it's kind of a sad long story, so I do put up with it. And he is my friend, and I really do believe he does not realize it. If I told him, he'd just say 'no'.

    OK.. needed to vent some. It's just that I have a good memory and I rarely forget things, so, I guess some of the little things that annoys me needed to be said, because I remember little things from years back, exact quotes, most of them.
    In da butt.
    "Do not worry if others do not understand you. Instead worry if you do not understand others." - Confucius
    THE UNDEFEATED SUPERCITIZEN w:4 t:2 l:1 (DON'T ASK!)
    "God is dead" - Nietzsche. "Nietzsche is dead" - God.

  • #2
    wtf pekka?
    Eventis is the only refuge of the spammer. Join us now.
    Long live teh paranoia smiley!

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    • #3
      wtf
      www.my-piano.blogspot

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Tacc
        wtf pekka?
        “I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
        - John 13:34-35 (NRSV)

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        • #5
          I don't like passive aggressive behavior either. Or white wine.

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          • #6
            Aeson, right. Plus, one thing that really puts me over the top is what can happen afterwards, which is that the person really thinks that his interpretation of what I said is the right interpretation, even when I clearly say that's not what I said. So, that becomes the truth about me then. You know? As in I do hate the poor. I just said I don't agree with the current system.

            In his mind, the current system cares about the poor. I disagree. I say I disagree it cares about the poor. I don't believe a system is even able to care for living things, it's a system. People are able to care, systems are not. And that's just to begin with. So, he can't overcome and understand what I mean, even though it is very very simple. But now, I do hate the poor, and it has become the truth.

            Now, if he was to debate about htis thing with my other friends and I wasn't there, it might turn out this new truth will be shared by others, because it might be said I don't agree, and that's because I hate the poor. You know? I really really really really hate that and find it extremely insulting.

            If I turn to say, well, I don't like it that you go about spreading your interpretation that is based on your misunderstanding and lack of knowledge what we talked about last time, it's 'I didn't say that'. ****ing denials, as in insult on top of an insult. That's just so blatant disrespect to me.. it really is difficult to get over. And this is my problem. I should be able to get over it. So I never insult my friends? Of course I do. In these kinds of situations I might say something that has the message of 'this is because you're stupid, as in you are really are stupid' but with a mask on it. And I know this is even more insulting to normal people.

            I just can't deal with certain kinds of things very well, and that is passive aggressive behaviour. I can't deal with it. It's also because I don't want to hurt the feelings of my friends, so I tend to be polite, suck it up and nod. But sometimes enough is enough, because at the end of the day I build it up.

            This is my problem really. I know my friend doesn't mean anything bad by it. I know that I should just forget about it. But it's very difficult for me to forget things, period. So it builds up sometimes. Like, the next time I'll see him, I'll be fine and over it, in fact he prolly doesn't realize I was insulted in the first place. But when the same kind of stuff happens again, I do remember it all. And then I prolly need to vent again.
            In da butt.
            "Do not worry if others do not understand you. Instead worry if you do not understand others." - Confucius
            THE UNDEFEATED SUPERCITIZEN w:4 t:2 l:1 (DON'T ASK!)
            "God is dead" - Nietzsche. "Nietzsche is dead" - God.

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            • #7
              Drink until you forget.


              When you start to remember, have another drink
              You don't get to 300 losses without being a pretty exceptional goaltender.-- Ben Kenobi speaking of Roberto Luongo

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              • #8
                Doesn't help, drinking that is.

                But I do realize this is my problem, as in my inability to get over little things inside of my head. I do get on with the program, but these things remains and they bother me sometimes. I wish I could just forget the most little things in the world ,as in how few words were selected.. I mean it was prolly unconscious anyway, not meant the way it came out and stuff liek that, but I do remember it. And clearly that means I didn't get over it in the first place.
                In da butt.
                "Do not worry if others do not understand you. Instead worry if you do not understand others." - Confucius
                THE UNDEFEATED SUPERCITIZEN w:4 t:2 l:1 (DON'T ASK!)
                "God is dead" - Nietzsche. "Nietzsche is dead" - God.

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                • #9
                  I forget everything very easily.

                  JM
                  Jon Miller-
                  I AM.CANADIAN
                  GENERATION 35: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.

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                  • #10
                    Well, we didn't get to hear your friend's side of the story, so I'll reserve my judgement. Maybe you are the guilty party? This is difficult to see over the internets. But then again, why should I reserve my judgement just because I don't know all facts? I therefore convict you both to 15 days of socially useful labour

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                    • #11
                      Pekka, you are a looser. You let other people control you.
                      With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.

                      Steven Weinberg

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                      • #12
                        Looser than whom?
                        Speaking of Erith:

                        "It's not twinned with anywhere, but it does have a suicide pact with Dagenham" - Linda Smith

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Provost Harrison
                          Looser than whom?
                          You, definitely
                          THEY!!111 OMG WTF LOL LET DA NOMADS AND TEH S3D3NTARY PEOPLA BOTH MAEK BITER AXP3REINCES
                          AND TEH GRAAT SINS OF THERE [DOCTRINAL] INOVATIONS BQU3ATH3D SMAL
                          AND!!1!11!!! LOL JUST IN CAES A DISPUTANT CALS U 2 DISPUT3 ABOUT THEYRE CLAMES
                          DO NOT THAN DISPUT3 ON THEM 3XCAPT BY WAY OF AN 3XTARNAL DISPUTA!!!!11!! WTF

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                          • #14
                            I don't think remembering things is the problem, It's putting things behind you and moving on. I remember all kinds of **** id rather forget but I just have to learn to take the important stuff and dump the rest. My wife forgets all kinds of **** that she does on a day to day basis. She will be pissed in the morning and will have forgotten all about being that way by the time she gets back home. I on the other hand, remember exactly what was said and why a couple weeks later. Usually, I just say **** it and go on cause I know her mood will be changed before too long.
                            Which side are we on? We're on the side of the demons, Chief. We are evil men in the gardens of paradise, sent by the forces of death to spread devastation and destruction wherever we go. I'm surprised you didn't know that. --Saul Tigh

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                            • #15
                              "Well, we didn't get to hear your friend's side of the story"

                              There is no other side of the story. Me being silent and going along with it is not worthy of mentioning as another side.

                              Sprayber, yeah.
                              In da butt.
                              "Do not worry if others do not understand you. Instead worry if you do not understand others." - Confucius
                              THE UNDEFEATED SUPERCITIZEN w:4 t:2 l:1 (DON'T ASK!)
                              "God is dead" - Nietzsche. "Nietzsche is dead" - God.

                              Comment

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