Cats

[Zkribbler]

Originally posted by Aabraxan
One of my favorite jokes is about the difference between dog theology and cat theology.

The dog looks at you and thinks:
He loves me.
He feeds me.
He gives me a good home. . . .
He must be a god.

The cat looks at you and thinks:
He loves me.
He feeds me.
He gives me a good home. . . .
I must be a god.

This says the same thing I was trying to say earlier, but this says it far better.

[Wernazuma III]

Heil Kitler!

[Tattila the Hun]

[Ogie Oglethorpe]

Just got this one from the wife. Don't know if its old or not but first time I saw it. Cute.

Excerpt from Cat Diary

DAY 752- My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling
objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry
cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and
the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of
furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761 - Today, my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their
feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top
of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile
oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair
. . . must try this on their bed.
DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep
depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in
attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike
fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a
good little cat I was . . . Hmmmm . . . Not working according to plan .
. .
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good
reason, I was chosen for the water torture. This time, however, it
included a burning, foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds
could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb
still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was
placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise
and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More
importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of
"allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe
snitches. The Dog is routinely released and seems more happy to return.
He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird, on the other hand, has got to be
an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue and speaks with
them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his
current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can
wait. It's only a matter of time. . .

[LordShiva]

Excerpts from a Dog's diary:

8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!

9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!

10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!

11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!

1:00 PM - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!

1:30 PM - ooooooo. bath. bummer.

4:00 PM - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!

5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

[GhengisFarb™]

Cats!