If I had been the Turkmen-Bashi

[Wernazuma III]

This thread is inspired by the late death of beloved turkmen-bashi Nyazov, the only dictator who could compete with Kim Jong-Il in his Caesarian madness, and by my thread about widescreen format.


Surely, his regime was terrible, no excuses or apology here, but there's this something in his personality that makes him kind of funny. He issued a good number of those "little", peculiar laws of the type most of us claim to issue "if I were dictator".
Stuff like forbidding news readers to use make-up because "Turkmen women are beautiful enough".


Here's some decrees I'd issue:

1., of course, ban widescreen screens, making 4:3 the norm again.
2., dog owners who let their pets' poo-poo on the streets get rubbed into the poo-poo with their noses when caught.
3., dog owners who let their pets run free within the city area, except for designated areas, will be sent to an arena fighting with a bunch of pitbull terriers.
4. Dangerous dogs will be banned (except for the use in the arena)
5., it is legal to throw sticks and keys after cars that are going far too fast or who don't respect zebra-stripes.
6., it is legal to push cyclists (causing them to fall) who drive fast in walk-only areas.
7. It's legal to give a whipping to people who queue-jump.
8. forbid in-movie ads (punishment for TV station CEOs: 10 years in prison).
9. forbid mailbox firms (punishment for life)
10. forbid overvalue phone services and passive-pay SMS services etc. (that should be easy to simply decree and carry out).
11. Forbid email and phone advertising (life sentence)
12. limiting the number of hand-bags and pairs of shoes per person to 10.
13. forbid women to wear funny hats.


What did I forget?
What would you forbid or force people to do?

[Geronimo]

Actually I want to see more examples of these sorts of laws that he actually enacted first.

[Wernazuma III]

Young men are forbidden to wear beards or long hair, you are not to listen to your car radio, he (unlike I would) completely banned dogs from cities because of their bad odour.


But it's actually less about the Turkmen-Bashiu, but about you

[Geronimo]

Originally posted by Wernazuma III
Young men are forbidden to wear beards or long hair, you are not to listen to your car radio, he (unlike I would) completely banned dogs from cities because of their bad odour.


But it's actually less about the Turkmen-Bashiu, but about you

I'd probably try to restore democracy in the most equitable form I could contrive. That is to say I'd try to restore a democratic process without using a preliminary democratic process to determine what kind of democratic system would be enacted.

Any changes would have to be effected using the process I would set in place.

In short I wouldn't be able to bring myself to unilaterally force a single stand alone law on the population but I could bring myself try to force a (hopefully) more equitable form of democracy than is usually actually implemented on them by whatever laws necessary to effect the change.

[Aeson]

If I actually was a dictator I would implement none of these... but here goes...

Smoking on the beach would be punishable by having to spend a night in a bed comprised entirely of public ashtray contents, and a fine.

Litering (in general)... same thing but with public dumpster contents. The dumpster would be chosen (or reserved..potentially even "enriched") by the local sanitation department, and those representing the department would receive the fine if the offender didn't repeat the offense within a year.

Litering, specific to throwing your butts out the window of a vehicle, would be (further) punishable by having your vehicle replaced with an orange (fire hazzard... plus I like the color) electric car, with windows that don't roll down and doors which don't open while the car is moving, until you had served 100 hours at the local fire department, 100 hours of roadside cleanup, and your emission savings had exceeded the particle volume of a case of cigarettes. In cases where the electric car would be an upgrade from your current vehicle (or a repeat offense), it would instead be an orange 10 speed. A third offense, or any offense after having been downgraded to a 10 speed (but not a first offense by someone voluntarily riding a bike) would result in the 10 speed being downgraded to ride sharing with other similar offenders on one of those circular bikes. (All the bikes would again be orange.)

Girls who used the "let's just be friends" line to break up with someone within a year of having called them "boyfriend", or said "I love you" to would have their hair dye/bleach/highlights priviledges revoked for one year, and for repeat offenders, all makeup/jewelry as well. In cases where the girl had no applicable cosmetic usage to suspend, the guy would be considered adequately compensated unless the girl was ruled by a judge (me) to be really, really hot anyways. (In that case the "punishment" would be a year of civil service... ) The only exception would be if the guy had cheated on her, or was found to have more than 3 necessary home improvement projects, 6 unsightly, or a comparable combination thereof, pending for more than a month.

(and to be fair...) Guys who broke up with a girl they had said "I love you" to within a year of saying it would have their hairline "receeded" by 1 cm through laser hair removal. In cases where they were bald (by choice or nature, or found to have shaved their head within a year of having "receeded" punishment), instead (in addition to) they would receive a hair transplant onto their back. In cases where they were bald and had no spare room for hair to be transplanted on their back, the girl would be assumed to have already been compensated for her loss. The only exceptions would be if the girl being broken up with had cheated, or was found to have been shopping more than 7 times a week (regardless of who makes the money spent) and/or at any given time be found to own 5 or more outfits which she had never worn (after a month's grace period).

[Datajack Franit]

Aeson

[LordShiva]

Dogs

[duke o' york]

Droit de seigneur.

[Wernazuma III]

14. Spammers will be sent to Mingapulco.

[SlowwHand]

Increased driver's license tests.

[VetLegion]

More about city life:

1. It is legal to damage illegally parked cars, if you damage many you get some bonus or priviledge

2. Taxi service is demonopolized

3. ...

[SlowwHand]

2 is already on the books.

[Zkribbler]

He meant "demon-opolized"

[Meticulous Man]

Any candidate for a political position such as MP would be judged by an expert panel appointed by me and classified as a "media celebrity" or a "non-celebrity". The amount of votes the celebrity candidates receive would be divided by four after the vote count.

[Wernazuma III]

You all should leave the dictator business to me, I am far more genuine in my madness.