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  • Beijing Penis Emporium



    With pictures: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programme...nt/5371500.stm

    Beijing's penis emporium

    By Andrew Harding
    BBC News, Beijing


    There are many thousands of Chinese restaurants around in the UK and everyone has their favourite dish, but only in China itself do chefs specialise in a range of slightly more unusual delicacies.

    The dish in front of me is grey and shiny.

    "Russian dog," says my waitress Nancy.

    "Big dog," I reply.

    "Yes," she says. "Big dog's penis..."

    We are in a cosy restaurant in a dark street in Beijing but my appetite seems to have gone for a stroll outside.

    Nancy has brought out a whole selection of delicacies.

    They are draped awkwardly across a huge platter, with a crocodile carved out of a carrot as the centrepiece.

    Nestling beside the dog's penis are its clammy testicles, and beside that a giant salami-shaped object.

    "Donkey," says Nancy. "Good for the skin..."

    She guides me round the penis platter.

    "Snake. Very potent. They have two penises each."

    I did not know that.

    Deer-blood cocktail

    "Sheep... horse... ox... seal - excellent for the circulation."

    She points to three dark, shrivelled lumps which look like liquorice allsorts - a special treat apparently - reindeer, from Manchuria.

    The Guolizhuang restaurant claims to be China's only speciality penis emporium, and no, it is not a joke.

    The atmosphere is more exotic spa than boozy night-out.

    Nancy describes herself as a nutritionist.

    "We don't call them waiters here. And we don't serve much alcohol," she says. "Only common people come here to get drunk and laugh."

    But she does offer me a deer-blood and vodka cocktail, which I decide to skip.

    Medicinal purposes

    The restaurant's gristly menu was dreamt up by a man called Mr Guo.

    He is 81 now and retired.

    After fleeing China's civil war back in 1949, he moved to Taiwan, and then to Atlanta, Georgia, where he began to look deeper into traditional Chinese medicine, and experiment on the appendages of man's best friend.

    Apparently, they are low in cholesterol and good, not just for boosting the male sex drive, but for treating all sorts of ailments.

    Laughter trickles through the walls of our dining room.

    "Government officials," says Nancy. "Two of them upstairs. They're having the penis hotpot."

    Most of the restaurant's guests are either wealthy businessmen or government bureaucrats who, as Nancy puts it, have been brought here by people who want their help.

    What better way to secure a contract than over a steaming penis fondue.

    Discretion is assured as all the tables are in private rooms.

    The glitziest one has gold dishes.

    "Some like their food served raw," says Nancy, "like sushi. But we can cook it anyway you like."

    Rare order

    "Not long ago, a particularly rich real estate mogul came in with four friends. All men. Women don't come here so often, and they shouldn't eat testicles," says Nancy solemnly.

    The men spent $5,700 (£3,000) on a particularly rare dish, something that needed to be ordered months in advance.

    "Tiger penis," says Nancy.

    The illegal trade in tiger parts is a big problem in China.

    Campaigners say the species is being driven towards extinction because of its popularity as a source of traditional medicine.

    I mention this, delicately, to Nancy, but she insists that all her tiger supplies come from animals that have died of old age.

    "Anyway, we only have one or two orders a year," she says.

    "So what does it taste like?" I ask.

    "Oh, the same as all the others," she says blithely.

    And does it have any particular potency? "No. People just like to order tiger to show off how much money they have."

    Welcome to the People's Republic of China - tigers beware.

    Sliced and Pickled

    "Oh yes," she adds, "the same group also ate an aborted reindeer foetus.

    "That is very good for your skin. And here it is..."

    Another "nutritionist" walks in bearing something small and red wrapped in cling film.

    My appetite is heading for the airport.

    Still, I think, it would be rude not to try something.

    I am normally OK about this sort of thing. I have had fried cockroaches and sheep's eyes, so...

    There is a small bowl of sliced and pickled ox penis on the table.

    I pick up a piece with my chopsticks and start to chew. It is cold and bland and rubbery.

    Nancy gives me a matronly smile.

    "This one," she says, "should be eaten every day."
    THEY!!111 OMG WTF LOL LET DA NOMADS AND TEH S3D3NTARY PEOPLA BOTH MAEK BITER AXP3REINCES
    AND TEH GRAAT SINS OF THERE [DOCTRINAL] INOVATIONS BQU3ATH3D SMAL
    AND!!1!11!!! LOL JUST IN CAES A DISPUTANT CALS U 2 DISPUT3 ABOUT THEYRE CLAMES
    DO NOT THAN DISPUT3 ON THEM 3XCAPT BY WAY OF AN 3XTARNAL DISPUTA!!!!11!! WTF

  • #2
    yummy
    CSPA

    Comment


    • #3
      Wonder what the name of this restaurant is...
      Visit First Cultural Industries
      There are reasons why I believe mankind should live in cities and let nature reclaim all the villages with the exception of a few we keep on display as horrific reminders of rural life.-Starchild
      Meat eating and the dominance and force projected over animals that is acompanies it is a gateway or parallel to other prejudiced beliefs such as classism, misogyny, and even racism. -General Ludd

      Comment


      • #4
        "penis on your table"?
        I will never understand why some people on Apolyton find you so clever. You're predictable, mundane, and a google-whore and the most observant of us all know this. Your battles of "wits" rely on obscurity and whenever you fail to find something sufficiently obscure, like this, you just act like a 5 year old. Congratulations, molly.

        Asher on molly bloom

        Comment


        • #5
          "penis from heaven"
          Speaking of Erith:

          "It's not twinned with anywhere, but it does have a suicide pact with Dagenham" - Linda Smith

          Comment


          • #6
            "even if you are not gay, you will just love our penises"
            I will never understand why some people on Apolyton find you so clever. You're predictable, mundane, and a google-whore and the most observant of us all know this. Your battles of "wits" rely on obscurity and whenever you fail to find something sufficiently obscure, like this, you just act like a 5 year old. Congratulations, molly.

            Asher on molly bloom

            Comment


            • #7
              I can't imagine eating penis of any creature.
              "I realise I hold the key to freedom,
              I cannot let my life be ruled by threads" The Web Frogs
              Middle East!

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Heresson
                I can't imagine eating penis of any creature.
                have you ever heard of liquid chicken?
                Visit First Cultural Industries
                There are reasons why I believe mankind should live in cities and let nature reclaim all the villages with the exception of a few we keep on display as horrific reminders of rural life.-Starchild
                Meat eating and the dominance and force projected over animals that is acompanies it is a gateway or parallel to other prejudiced beliefs such as classism, misogyny, and even racism. -General Ludd

                Comment


                • #9
                  no. what's that?
                  "I realise I hold the key to freedom,
                  I cannot let my life be ruled by threads" The Web Frogs
                  Middle East!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I suspect it is chicken in liquid form...call me a genius for figuring out that conundrum if you will
                    Speaking of Erith:

                    "It's not twinned with anywhere, but it does have a suicide pact with Dagenham" - Linda Smith

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Captain of Team Apolyton - ISDG 2012

                      When I was younger I thought curfews were silly, but now as the daughter of a young woman, I appreciate them. - Rah

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        it's a common product used in the US fast food industry... toss live chickens in blender, then take the liquid and injection-mold chicken nuggets. They switched to liquid chicken from simply cutting up chickens after the chicken head incident.
                        Visit First Cultural Industries
                        There are reasons why I believe mankind should live in cities and let nature reclaim all the villages with the exception of a few we keep on display as horrific reminders of rural life.-Starchild
                        Meat eating and the dominance and force projected over animals that is acompanies it is a gateway or parallel to other prejudiced beliefs such as classism, misogyny, and even racism. -General Ludd

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Feathers included?
                          THEY!!111 OMG WTF LOL LET DA NOMADS AND TEH S3D3NTARY PEOPLA BOTH MAEK BITER AXP3REINCES
                          AND TEH GRAAT SINS OF THERE [DOCTRINAL] INOVATIONS BQU3ATH3D SMAL
                          AND!!1!11!!! LOL JUST IN CAES A DISPUTANT CALS U 2 DISPUT3 ABOUT THEYRE CLAMES
                          DO NOT THAN DISPUT3 ON THEM 3XCAPT BY WAY OF AN 3XTARNAL DISPUTA!!!!11!! WTF

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Smiley
                            it's a common product used in the US fast food industry... toss live chickens in blender, then take the liquid and injection-mold chicken nuggets. They switched to liquid chicken from simply cutting up chickens after the chicken head incident.
                            What chicken head incident was that exactly?

                            PS: The foul meat industry apparently has no scruples at all; not that it had yet to be proven but yknow...
                            "An archaeologist is the best husband a women can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her." - Agatha Christie
                            "Non mortem timemus, sed cogitationem mortis." - Seneca

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Traianvs
                              PS: The foul meat industry
                              Oy....
                              Captain of Team Apolyton - ISDG 2012

                              When I was younger I thought curfews were silly, but now as the daughter of a young woman, I appreciate them. - Rah

                              Comment

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