5 lessons Monty Python taught you

[Winston]

1. Do not complain about the dirty cutlery unless you really mean it

2. Bishops have their diocese tattooed on the back of the neck

3. Always ask for a receipt when you're paying for an argument

4. There is no rule 6

5. If under attack by the redcurrant-laden foe, release the tiger

[ajbera]

1. No-one expects the Spanish Inquisition.

2. When purchasing a parrot, inspect it to see if it has been nailed to it's perch.

3. Hindus, Taoists, & Mormons spill theirs just anywhere, but God loves those who treat their semen with more care.

4. Every so often, it is time for the penguin on top of your television set to explode.

5. Always look on the bright side of life!

[Whoha]

1. As far as empires go, the Roman Empire is the big one.

2. Sheeps bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.

3. Blessed are the cheesemakers.

4. Do not stone the offender until told to do so, even if he says Jehovah.

5. Romani ite Domum. Conjugate the verb correctly.

[Flubber]

1. Make sure you victim is actually dead before disposing of them.

2 Watch rabbits-- they can be dangerous.

3. preludes may attack the main feature-- beware.

4. "NI" is a perfectly good response.

5 Know the wingspan of all manner of fowl. It may be on an important test someday

[Stuie]

1. The Meaning of Life - try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations...

2. Never order spam eggs spam and bacon spam without the spam.

Number 3: The Larch.

4. How to do the secret Mason's handshake.

5. Whenever bicycles are broken or menaced by international communism, Bicycle Repair Man is ready.

[BeBMan]

Using the "funniest joke" as a weapon was outlawed after WWII, and so is still considered against the rules of warfare and therefore illegal under international law.

[Japher]

5 it might be possible to cut down a tree with a herring

4 if something is not funny, just keep doing it until it is funny

3 always look on the bright side of life, big nose!

2 lumberjacks are closet homosexuals

1 even americans can fake a british accent if they watch enough tv

[LordShiva]

1. There is nothing funny about "Bigus Dickus." Why, I have a vewy gweat fwiend in Wome called Bigus Dickus.
2. Mosquitos are dangerous prey.
3. Be careful when electing your Minister for Silly Walks.
4. Move the penguin away from on top of the TV.
5. If you lose both your arms in a fight, you can still bleed on the other combatant.

[Dry]

1. Two comes after one, and before three

2. The french already got one

3. Very, very small rocks do float.

4. Kings are not covered whith sh**

5. Mooses bite.

[Japher]

oh, the majestic moose

[Proteus_MST]

1. If it knocks on the door and you see a hooded figure with a scythe don´t expect him to be someone from the village who wants to cut down your hedges.
2. Don´t agree to donate your organs. You might be forced to donate them during your lifetime
3. Beware of grannies
4. Never forget to use the the machine with the Ping during surgery
5. Be careful if you use an hungarian-english dictionary

[Japher]

4. Never forget to use the the machine with the Ping during surgery

you mean the really expensive one?

[Proteus_MST]

Originally posted by Japher


you mean the really expensive one?

Jep, the one which was sold and is now being leased because this way it appears in the budget and not the capital

[Lord Avalon]

Gee, so many good lessons - how shall I come up with 5 more? Let's see.

1. Zoot is a wicked, bad, naughty evil person… and deserves a spanking. And then spank Dingo, and all the rest of the young blondes & brunettes.

1b. After the spanking, the oral sex.

2. Castle Anthrax was too perilous for Sir Galahad.

3. Moose bites can be painful, you know.

4. Know your African & European swallows and their unladen airspeed velocities.

5. Crucifixion? Out of the door. Line on the left. One cross each.

[LordShiva]

Oh Zoot!