So how would you feel?

[Tiamat]

As many of you know this past year I lost my father. He was what you might call a bit of a pack rat and saved many treasures over the years. He went to West Point and played football with Heisman trophy winners and had quite alot of memorabilia from that time.

After his death my step-mother and I went through the house and found many of these treasures, some of them she let me have and some she said she still wanted to hang on to until she was ready to let go. My husband wants me to now preface what I'm about to say by saying that I have quite a few items of my fathers ie: his West Point hat, his diploma, flight jacket, medals, west point books, football programs, pictures of him as a young man, mugs, trophies etc. I came away with alot of stuff since I'm the only child.

So over the last couple of months she has be talking about a girl in her town that sells things for people on e-bay so I got the girls e-bay address because step-mother has been selling things and found some very personal and prize posessions of my fathers that had been sold on freeking e-bay. My fathers 60th West Point Renioun had the D-Day class was sold for $6. His engineering set was sold and other assorted items. Now I got very upset when I saw this because these were things I had wanted and asked for being sold on e-bay.

Here's the issue. Husband doesn't think that I should really be getting to upset because I have many of his things already, however my point is how in the hell would you feel if your families items were being sold over the internet when you want them and would cherish them. Plus Hellooooooo the wound is a bit fresh he's not been gone that long. How would you feel?

[SlowwHand]

Photographs and letters would mean more to me. Don't let it get you down, Tia.

[Tiamat]

I have lots of his letters he wrote me over the years and have personal drawn portraits of him and my grandfather. I got alot of his personal effects, even have his dog tag on my key chain. It just blew me away and upset me and I just wanted to know am I being crazy to feel like that?

[SlowwHand]

Not really. Not as an initial response.

Makes you feel any better, my step mother gave we 3 boys his clothes. That's it, in total. Not my grandfather's watch. Not even one of dad's firearms collection. Nada.

[Terra Nullius]

Originally posted by Tiamat
It just blew me away and upset me and I just wanted to know am I being crazy to feel like that?

Nope. Certainly not crazy to feel that way. I'd be pretty upset myself.

Especially given that; (a) she didn't discuss it with you, and (b) it's being done so soon, while the issue is still sensitive.

At the same time, I tend to think that personal possessions have a kind of will of their own. You can try to treat them with sensitivity, but you can't always control where they will end up.

I'd try and talk to her about it and see if she's prepared to compromise a bit. But if that just doesn't work, you'd be best off to let it go.

[asleepathewheel]

Buy the mementos off her directly.

[MarkG]

Originally posted by Tiamat
It just blew me away and upset me and I just wanted to know am I being crazy to feel like that?

not at all! you have every right to be angry!

[duke o' york]

Talk to her, but don't let it degenerate into a fight or argument. There is no way that you can get back the items that she has already sold, so let her know that if she wants to sell anything else to let you know first.

[Zkribbler]

His grace, the Duke of York, is correct. You should ask for the right of first refusal. You stepmom can't get too angry if your offering to give her a few bucks more than she'd otherwise make.


I have just to opposite problem. When my parents died my siblings foisted off all our family treasures on me because even tho the didn't want to tote them back to their out-of-state residences, they wanted them kept in the family. I felt that way too....then. Now, I look at things like our wonderful porcelain pig cookie jar that has never held cookies since it came back into my possession, and I think "What's the point??"

[MarkG]

Originally posted by Zkribbler
Now, I look at things like our wonderful porcelain pig cookie jar that has never held cookies since it came back into my possession, and I think "What's the point??"

have you ever considered filling up the jar again?

[Tiamat]

most of the people who bought the items have contact information on ebay and I thought of maybe just shooting them an email saying hey, this is my dad's stuff and I would be willing to buy it from you for twice the price etc. but then again I don't really know. I got most of the really personal things like my grandfathers' world war I calvary boots, dad's west point uniform so it'snot like I didn't, it's just that it's his stuff and I want it.

**goes into petulant child mode**

[Whoha]

Re: So how would you feel?

Originally posted by Tiamat
As many of you know this past year I lost my father. He was what you might call a bit of a pack rat and saved many treasures over the years. He went to West Point and played football with Heisman trophy winners and had quite alot of memorabilia from that time.

After his death my step-mother and I went through the house and found many of these treasures, some of them she let me have and some she said she still wanted to hang on to until she was ready to let go. My husband wants me to now preface what I'm about to say by saying that I have quite a few items of my fathers ie: his West Point hat, his diploma, flight jacket, medals, west point books, football programs, pictures of him as a young man, mugs, trophies etc. I came away with alot of stuff since I'm the only child.

So over the last couple of months she has be talking about a girl in her town that sells things for people on e-bay so I got the girls e-bay address because step-mother has been selling things and found some very personal and prize posessions of my fathers that had been sold on freeking e-bay. My fathers 60th West Point Renioun had the D-Day class was sold for $6. His engineering set was sold and other assorted items. Now I got very upset when I saw this because these were things I had wanted and asked for being sold on e-bay.

Here's the issue. Husband doesn't think that I should really be getting to upset because I have many of his things already, however my point is how in the hell would you feel if your families items were being sold over the internet when you want them and would cherish them. Plus Hellooooooo the wound is a bit fresh he's not been gone that long. How would you feel?

See, heres where violence is the perfect solution.

[Terra Nullius]

Originally posted by Tiamat
**goes into petulant child mode**

You go right ahead Darlin'

I think you've got every right.

[Zkribbler]

**goes into petulant child mode**

I'd give you a cookie to make you feel better, but my cookie jar is empty.

[Dauphin]

Sometimes the items don't even need to have sentimental value to be...sentimental.

When my grandmother died 10 years ago and my uncle was collecting her stuff from the house he felt compelled to take everything. Including the proverbial kitchen sink - it was the TV aerial atop the house. Sometimes you just want something because it has a connection to the person you've lost.

Originally posted by Tiamat
most of the people who bought the items have contact information on ebay and I thought of maybe just shooting them an email saying hey, this is my dad's stuff and I would be willing to buy it from you for twice the price etc. but then again I don't really know. I got most of the really personal things like my grandfathers' world war I calvary boots, dad's west point uniform so it'snot like I didn't, it's just that it's his stuff and I want it.

**goes into petulant child mode**

Ask if you can buy it back off them, but don't say what you will pay. Just explain the situation and rely on human conscience and compassion for them to sell it to you for roughly what they paid for it. Of course, you'll have to be emotionally ready for people to see a premium on sentimental value and charge through the roof.