Relationship advice needed

[Brundlefly]

So, yesterday my girl's cellphone breaks and she needs to make a call. I offer to let her use my phone. She takes it and goes into another room to make her call. She comes back 10 minutes later and immediately confonts me about the truthfulness of some claims I made regarding a situation from 3 months ago.. Catches me completely off-guard.. I immediately realize that the only reason why she would be asking such a question out of the blue is because she must have went into the text messages on my phone and found some text messages I sent on a certain date..

We have had issues in the past with me not being truthful with her... I spent a lot of time smoothing things out and a couple of months ago, we had agreed to put that in the past (I thought)- I've really changed and been totally committed to doing everything necessary to make this relationship work since then. We've had a great couple of months... until this..

When she confronted me about the situation yesterday, I was evasive. She asked me 3 times in 30 seconds to come clean about the situation.. I was stunned and did not really provide an answer because I was searching in my head for the best way to spin it while still being truthful.. The non-answer that I gave upset her a great deal, so she stormed out of my apartment and I have not heard from her since..


First of all, who should be more upset: her for catching me in a 3-month-old lie or me for her invasion of my privacy reading my text messages?

Second of all, if you had an issue with someone in the past (such as lying), and you had forgiven them, and they had gone on to prove they were deserving of your forgiveness, then why would you still care about any transgressions they had made before you had forgiven them?

[KrazyHorse]

You're a ****ing idiot for not cleaning out your inbox. Nothing else here matters. Drop and give me 20.

[Brundlefly]

Originally posted by KrazyHorse
You're a ****ing idiot for not cleaning out your inbox. Nothing else here matters. Drop and give me 20.

you are correct

[KrazyHorse]

I should run a training session to teach men how to hold their own in a relationship. Rule number one is "always destroy the evidence first".

[Winston]

Neither one of you seem like a very trustworthy individual. I think you'll be perfect for eachother.

[Japher]

I was searching in my head for the best way to spin it while still being truthful

obviously you do not know what honesty means
and it seems she knows this

[Agathon]

Jewellery is about your only option now.

[Lorizael]

If something so insignificant as a cellphone can cause this kind of issue, there are deeper problems at hand. Her violation of your privacy, and your "spinning" of the truth, are not what's really important here.

[Brundlefly]

Originally posted by Winston
Neither one of you seem like a very trustworthy individual. I think you'll be perfect for eachother.

Here is the situation in question: Valentines Day. I had two girls who wanted to be with me that night and I wanted to see both of them.. So my plan was to see one for an early dinner and one for a late dinner. Even though both girls knew I was dating other girls, I did not think that any explanation would work with either of them that involved me seeing two girls that night. So I told the late dinner girl that I was working late. The early dinner girl I told I had to get up early for work the next day... She is my current girlfriend.. She never really bought that story...

I didnt want to lie to either of them, but that was the only way I knew of dealing with the situation... I figured eventually I would pick one girl over the other, and I would not find myself in this situation again.. And thats what has happened..

But I guess I am going to pay for this lie now.

[Lorizael]

Does the lie revealed in the text messages go above and beyond the one you just told us?

[Brundlefly]

Originally posted by Lorizael
Does the lie revealed in the text messages go above and beyond the one you just told us?

No, it simply reveals that I sent a text to the late night girl saying "See you tonight"..

[Gibsie]

Well what do you want? She's a woman, they're always going to be suspicious, -especially- if you give them a reason. She doesn't trust you, but you didn't deserve to be given the benefit of the doubt. You both have the right to be angry- but the target of both your angers should be YOU.

[Brundlefly]

Originally posted by Gibsie
Well what do you want? She's a woman, they're always going to be suspicious, -especially- if you give them a reason. She doesn't trust you, but you didn't deserve to be given the benefit of the doubt. You both have the right to be angry- but the target of both your angers should be YOU.

So how do I fix this?

[Gibsie]

Apologise, say you were an idiot, come up with some BS about being afraid of commitment at the time, not wanting to get hurt, then **** the hell out of her.

[Lorizael]

That is extraordinarily similar to a situation I am currently involved with, except that I didn't actually do anything with another girl.

You can't be expected to apologize for the same thing twice, if you were sincere the first time.

The two of you, together, have to find a way to create trust again. And this has nothing to do with apologies or telling the truth or any stupid **** like that.

She has to understand what she is to you. She has to understand that she is a meaningful part of your life, and not just someone you use for your own pleasure (assuming that's actually true).

And then, once you make her understand that, it's her responsibility to actually trust you.