Imran and Slowwhand's World Cup Excellent Adventure

[Colon™]

Meanwhile in Antwerp...

Colon: We need cook up a devious scheme to get to Germany for the World Cup. A cunning plan that shall astound the world. A daring move not even Napoleon could have dared. An ingenious strategy not even Alexander the Great have matched

Alva: We can take the train.

Colon: Yes.

Alva: I bought tickets.

Colon: Yes.

One day later in Berlin...

Colon: We have prevailed! BERLIN IS OURS!

Alva: What are we going to do now?

Colon: We're going to see the WC final.

Alva: That's three more months.

Colon: Yes.

Alva: Maybe we should go back to Antwerp, drink beer, and return when it's time for the finals?

Colon: Yes.

[Imran Siddiqui]

Imran: Dakota, Dakota... do we know anyone in Dakota?

Sloww: Are we in Canada or something? It's freaking cold!

Imran: SLOW, we are in the US! And it's summertime. And its 70 degrees Farenheit!

Sloww: Still too cold. Hand me my parka.

At that moment Imran notices a brick wall in the distance. He thinks he notices some cars and a private plane beyond said wall. There is one gate and some guy with a hat that says "NEWS" on it is pacing around the front.

Imran: Excuse me...

Gatekeeper: I am the Gatekeeper, are you the Keymaster?

Imran: Not that I know of...

Gatekeeper: (to Sloww) Are you the keymaster?

Sloww: I ain't got no key!

The Gatekeeper starts to adjust his gaze... and ends up at Sloww's crotch.

Sloww: Oh, HELLS NO!

At this moment, the narrator feels a need to include the only other Upper Midwest (US) poster of any import for cheap laughs and giggles. The narrator is, of course, speaking about Odin. And let this be notice that the narrator is now speaking in the third person about himself and will continue to do so until he gets a new contract... with a hefty signing bonus. *ahem*

A car plastered in anti-Bush bumper stickers comes trickling down the road. The only place where there are no anti-Bush stickers is where the solar panels are. This was a solar powered car... which is why it was topping out at a speed of 20 miles per hour... fortunately it was not cloudy...

Odin: Hey all, and Bush sucks!

Sloww: I will rip out your spine and use it to play stickball with against Roger Clemens...

Imran: Uh... those... uh... cute Southern sayings. They have one for everything don't they?

Slow: {But I meant... } Oufff!

Imran elbowed Slow in the midseason to get him to shut up. He realized that a car could be used to ram the gate, bypasse The Gatekeeper's strange demands (though he was a pretty good source for the day's news, Imran had to admit), and get to the transportation on the other side.

Imran: May we... use your car?

Odin: What for?

Imran: That fleet of cars and plane belong to George W. Bush and we are going to.. BURN them!

Odin: ALRIGHT!

Sloww: {I thought you liked Bush}

Imran: {A different variety of 'bush' my friend... besides these aren't Bush's cars, but Odin thinks SUVs are a Republican plot anyway}

Imran and Sloww climbed into the car and Odin put his foot on the gas. The car climbed in speed as it hit its top gauge and casually nudged the gate.

Imran: A golf cart can go faster than this... you drove from Minnesota in this?!

Odin: Yep, it only took me 47 hours! And it was good for the environment. Let me tell y...

Imran: Another time maybe. Sloww, to the roof!

Imran and Sloww jumped on the roof of the car, causing it to start collapsing, as the car seemingly was made of tin. Though under the solar panels and anti-Bush stickers, no one had any idea. Right before the car collapsed on itself and was soup can fodder, Imran managed to grab onto the top of the gate and swing himself over.

Gatekeeper: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Imran threw a random key in the general direction of 'away' and Gatekeeper chased after it, allowing Imran to open the gate from the inside and let Slowwhand in... after Imran had to drag Slowwhand away from trying to beat down Odin for saying something derogatory to Bush, while muttering "Don't Mess with Texas".

Imran: Alright! Head for the plane!

Sloww: Imran... something doesn't look right.

And Sloww was right (for a change), the 'plane' was merely a cardboard cutout of a plane. When they got there, a big sign broke over the cardbord reading: FOOLED YOU!

Suddenly a rustling was heard behind them.

Mysterious voice: I have finally caught up with you.. MWAHA

Imran turned around and was shocked to meet face to face with the speaker. Sloww was too busy picking his toes to notice or else he would have been as well..

[Imran Siddiqui]

The Bump! The Bump! The Bump is on Fire!

[OzzyKP]

After cackling manically for several minutes, the mysterious figure finally looks up at the two travelers he has ensnared.

Mysterious voice: Oh.... its you. I.. oh.

Puzzled by the awkward silence that had fallen over the entire compound, Sloww looks up from picking his toes to see a fit Canadian leaning out of a large window overlooking the compound with a menacing weapon in the shape of a long horn.

"Asher!" Sloww exclaimed, "What do you want with us!"

"Uh... nothing actually. You just fouled up my plans. Drat, I planned for months to make this happen. You aren't the ones I was expecting." said Asher.

Just then, the person Asher was expecting just showed up munching on a bright red fruit. "Hi guys" said Agathon.

"Damn!" yelled Asher. "I've lost the element of surprize and wasted my best cackle on a damn Pakistani and a redneck. My plan is all messed up."

"Haha, figures. Once again, your evil plans end up as one buggy, broken mess. Your security was shredded as easily as the hippie car that shredded it. Maybe you'll realize that Apple is superior." retorted Agathon.

"NEVER!!" screamed Asher, blinded by rage, as he jumped down from his window and started to walk briskly toward Agathon.

[Frozzy]

Leaving the two tech-heads to fight over rotten fruit, our adventurers marched gleefully towards the Berlin airport, when they saw a grand building in the distance.

Imran: Dakota sure has picked up its infrastructure in recent years.

Then, the sky changed to green to red to blue and then back to pink again. Suddenly and spectactularly they were paralysed by fear and terror...

Sloww: I think it's a DEATHRAY!

Imran: Well the death ray isn't working. I'm not dead yet.

They needn't have worried. It was only Ming.

Or, well, it would have been if Ming wasn't away at the advetisers fair for 2006.

It was in fact Ming's cheaper alternative (hey, we're not complaining) stand-in rah.

rah: HEY! PEOPLE I KNOW! HOW AWESOME!

Imran: uh... hi rah.

rah: Since I heard you guys we're up north I've been searching for you day and night. Ming's away, and my god is it boring up here in Mingapulco. All my golfing buddies have slipped discs between the third and fourth vertebrae... so I was wondering if you guys wanted a game.

Sloww: Golf is a stupid game

rah: Oh yeah, what'd you know Texan?

Sloww: It just is, I'm always right, I'm from Texas, God is on my side, etc...

rah: But golf is a nice safe relaxing sport...

Sloww: OH YEAH?! WELL MY COUSIN'S AUNT'S WIFE'S COUSIN WENT GOLFIN' ONCE AND SHE GOT RUN OVER BY ONE OF THEM THERE GOLF CART THINGS! YOU WANNA TELL HER IT'S A SAFE SPORT! BETTER STICK TO PARAGLIDING OR SHOOTING! YOU GOT THAT! Moran...

Imran: Look Sloww, it can't hurt to try and get you over your fear of golfing.

Sloww: I aint scared of golfin I just don't wanna be aroung small balls...

*A figure emerges from the woods*

MrFun: Did somebody call?

Imran, rah: Noooo....

Sloww: Yessum, I mean nossum.

rah: Anyway, there's a golf course up near here so should we head off. I've got my golf cart.

Imran: Yeah, sure, let's go.

*The trio head off to the Berlin, ND Municipal golf course*

Sloww: So how many halls does this thing have?

Imran: It has 12 holes Sloww...

Sloww: Like fox holes.

Imran: Grr...

rah: Anyway fellas, I'll tee off first...

*rah manages to draw his ball into the black hole to the rightof the sand bunker*

rah: Damn Dakota foliage. You're next Imran.

*Imran manages to place his ball into the pine trees near the black hole where a yelp is heard, followed by a particularly unfunny comment*

Imran: Do you need help on swinging there Sloww?

Sloww: No sir it's just like hitting snakes aint it?

*Sloww approaches the tee as though he's going to smack a baseball*

Sloww: I'll show you yankees how to hit golf bowls

*Slow drags the club back and sinks the ball in the hole*

Sloww: Yeehaw! I got the golf bowl in the fox hole yessiree!

rah: Ok Imran, let's get our balls...

*Suddenly a yelp of pain comes from rah*

rah: OH NO! MY BACK! I'VE GOT A SLIPPED DISC OH NO! AAAARGH MY ANKLE I'VE ROLLED IT ARGH MY ARCHES HAVE FALLEN AAAARGH I'VE GOT BLISTERED HANDS AH FFS!!!

Imran: Hey Sloww you reckon we should help... *CRACK*

Sloww: Hey Imran, lt's make a break for it! We can get to Washington on this here pickup I mean golf cart

Imran: With you driving?

Sloww: Get in moran.

Imran: Fine...

And so our intrepid explorers moving at 5MPH towards the nation's capital ride off into the sunset. Who know's how long it will take. Will they get to the REAL Berlin in time? Will Sloww get all that toejam out of his feet and will somebody be arsed to make a new story out of this one?

[OzzyKP]

I like mine better....

[Frozzy]

I edited it to reflect your deviaton from the plot.

[OzzyKP]

My deviation?

[Frozzy]

Originally posted by OzzyKP
My deviation?

Thanks for correcting the typo.

[Imran Siddiqui]

MrFun being used as punchline whenever something 'gay' is mentioned: Priceless.

[Asher]

I'm not blond.

[Imran Siddiqui]

Well it's in the story, so you are now .

[OzzyKP]

I didn't say blond, I said fit.... you are fit, right?

[Asher]

Bastard, you changed it.

[OzzyKP]

Changed what?