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Things that make you ask "WTF?"
Shoelaces.
I have a pair of sneakers to exercise in and I have a pair to wear to work – both of them Nikes 'cause I like the things.
But what the **** is up with the laces nowadays? Did they change the shoe-tying process sometime in the past 35 years when I wasn’t looking and then never sent me the memo? Because that’s the only reason I can figure why, whenever I buy or try on a pair of shoes (or laces), I’m left with like a foot and-a-half worth of laces on each side.
I look at them feeling slightly foolish, like the old fart realizing he doesn’t know what half the **** on the remote even does. I wonder if I’m somehow abnormal – as if my size 10-medium foot was anything but, that it was actually so narrow that I was ending up with an unplanned-for extra amount of laces… or maybe, maybe it’s that my legs are short, in some bizarre way that is completely unnoticeable to anything or anyone other than my shoelaces. I wonder if it’s the shoe on the display – maybe they give them long laces because… hell, I don’t know “because that’s how shoes are”.
I only know that, in the past decade, when I’m done tightening my laces I invariably have laces extending all the way up above my shin. On each side. And I’m all confused and ****, thinking it doesn’t make a damn lick of sense, hating my poor, invisibly-abnormal feet and legs, wondering what the **** is up with the stupid things.
I mean, I can’t figure it out – what are you supposed to do with the extra laces? Do people tie their shoes differently now than when I was a kid? Is the extra 1.5 feet on each side supposed to … hell, I don’t know – is it supposed to be double-laced? Double-tied? I even once tried lacing the things through that loop above your Achilles tendon – I didn’t even need my wife to confirm the complete dorkiness of that idea.
It's not that I need to know how to solve the problem, I just can't figure out WTF they were thinking when they decided to put an extra 3 feet of laces in every Nike?
I have a pair of sneakers to exercise in and I have a pair to wear to work – both of them Nikes 'cause I like the things.
But what the **** is up with the laces nowadays? Did they change the shoe-tying process sometime in the past 35 years when I wasn’t looking and then never sent me the memo? Because that’s the only reason I can figure why, whenever I buy or try on a pair of shoes (or laces), I’m left with like a foot and-a-half worth of laces on each side.
I look at them feeling slightly foolish, like the old fart realizing he doesn’t know what half the **** on the remote even does. I wonder if I’m somehow abnormal – as if my size 10-medium foot was anything but, that it was actually so narrow that I was ending up with an unplanned-for extra amount of laces… or maybe, maybe it’s that my legs are short, in some bizarre way that is completely unnoticeable to anything or anyone other than my shoelaces. I wonder if it’s the shoe on the display – maybe they give them long laces because… hell, I don’t know “because that’s how shoes are”.
I only know that, in the past decade, when I’m done tightening my laces I invariably have laces extending all the way up above my shin. On each side. And I’m all confused and ****, thinking it doesn’t make a damn lick of sense, hating my poor, invisibly-abnormal feet and legs, wondering what the **** is up with the stupid things.
I mean, I can’t figure it out – what are you supposed to do with the extra laces? Do people tie their shoes differently now than when I was a kid? Is the extra 1.5 feet on each side supposed to … hell, I don’t know – is it supposed to be double-laced? Double-tied? I even once tried lacing the things through that loop above your Achilles tendon – I didn’t even need my wife to confirm the complete dorkiness of that idea.
It's not that I need to know how to solve the problem, I just can't figure out WTF they were thinking when they decided to put an extra 3 feet of laces in every Nike?
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