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  • Pope to change D&D cosmology

    Pope to change D&D cosmology
    Vatican City (Reuters): The Pope is set to abolish the concept of Limbo, overturning a belief held by Dungeons & Dragons players since Gary Gygax first described the cosmology of the game in the Players Handbook in 1978.

    Limbo has long been held by the Catholic Church to be the place where the souls of children go if they die before they can be baptised, as well as the source of the chaotic neutral alignment and home of the Slaadi. However, a 30-strong international commission of theologians summoned by the late John Paul II last year to come up with a "more coherent and illuminating" doctrine in tune with the modern age is to present its findings to Pope Benedict XVI on Friday.

    Vatican sources said yesterday that the commission would recommend that Limbo be replaced by the more "compassionate" doctrine that all children who die do so "in the hope of eternal salvation", rather than the traditionally held belief that their souls suffer eternal deprivations at the hands of the Slaadi and their demented lords Ssendam and Ygorl.

    What this change in theology will do for the millions of Dungeons & Dragons players across the world is not yet clear. Randy Thomson, a Dungeon Master of 23 years from Buffalo, New York, is livid. "The Pope has no authority to mess with the cosmology of our beloved multiverse!" Thomson ranted, between gulps of cola. "This will be like Second Edition all over again, when they tried to take away our demons and devils. If it's a schism the Pope wants, it's a schism he'll get!"

    But not all players of the game are so enraged. Lisle Sheffield, a player for 14 years from Tucson, Arizona, said, "Frankly, I'm pleased with this move. The planar cosmology was a straitjacket imposed by the medieval-style beliefs of roleplayers from the 1970s, who saw the need for a way to restrain the actions of characters within a rigid alignment system. In these enlightened times, such measures are not necessary, as modern secular humanism encourages accountability for actions within the moral framework of the D&D setting without the need for rules. I see the abolition of Limbo as the first step towards a more open and honest roleplaying system."

    These arguments don't go down well with Timmy Livingstone, a 14-year-old from Sacramento, Caifornia, who discovered the game with his friends last summer. "The Pope can't take away Limbo! Who does he think he is! My 78th level half-elf-half-dwarf paladin-ranger-barbarian just got a +23 sword of Slaad-slaying, and was going to go to Limbo and kill Ygorl and take over the whole plane! How's he going to do that now? He might have to take over the Seven Heavens instead! Let's see how the Pope likes that!"

    The Vatican has so far declined to comment on the reactions of the faithful D&D players of the world.

    Linky
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  • #2
    First Purgatory, now this! What next, Hell to be replaced with something more compassionate, that all people in Hell get out early for good behavior?
    “As a lifelong member of the Columbia Business School community, I adhere to the principles of truth, integrity, and respect. I will not lie, cheat, steal, or tolerate those who do.”
    "Capitalism ho!"

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    • #3
      That doesn't come until they adopt the apocrypha, sorry.
      "In the beginning was the Word. Then came the ******* word processor." -Dan Simmons, Hyperion

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      • #4
        Think of all the poor Slaadi, made homeless with the stroke of a pen.
        (\__/) Save a bunny, eat more Smurf!
        (='.'=) Sponsored by the National Smurfmeat Council
        (")_(") Smurf, the original blue meat! © 1999, patent pending, ® and ™ (except that "Smurf" bit)

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        • #5
          Poor tossed slaadi.
          “As a lifelong member of the Columbia Business School community, I adhere to the principles of truth, integrity, and respect. I will not lie, cheat, steal, or tolerate those who do.”
          "Capitalism ho!"

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          • #6
            They'd better not come here. First the Mexicans, now another bunch of illegal aliens.
            (\__/) Save a bunny, eat more Smurf!
            (='.'=) Sponsored by the National Smurfmeat Council
            (")_(") Smurf, the original blue meat! © 1999, patent pending, ® and ™ (except that "Smurf" bit)

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            • #7
              Funny.
              He's got the Midas touch.
              But he touched it too much!
              Hey Goldmember, Hey Goldmember!

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              • #8
                Defend the Spawning Stone!

                Clearly, all Slaadi must move to Mechanus. It's about time they show those uppity Modrons a lesson.
                Lime roots and treachery!
                "Eventually you're left with a bunch of unmemorable posters like Cyclotron, pretending that they actually know anything about who they're debating pointless crap with." - Drake Tungsten

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                • #9
                  Further proof that organised religion is the product of man's imagination...

                  Wake up you religious freaks!
                  Is it me, or is MOBIUS a horrible person?

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                  • #10
                    LOL!
                    "An archaeologist is the best husband a women can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her." - Agatha Christie
                    "Non mortem timemus, sed cogitationem mortis." - Seneca

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                    • #11
                      Any word on purgatory yet?
                      "I say shoot'em all and let God sort it out in the end!

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Dr Strangelove
                        Any word on purgatory yet?
                        The rumor is at a minimum they are going to include some bathrooms and some benches, perhaps a snack bar.
                        He's got the Midas touch.
                        But he touched it too much!
                        Hey Goldmember, Hey Goldmember!

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Sikander


                          The rumor is at a minimum they are going to include some bathrooms and some benches, perhaps a snack bar.
                          But the kind where they charge $4 for a Hotdog.
                          Today, you are the waves of the Pacific, pushing ever eastward. You are the sequoias rising from the Sierra Nevada, defiant and enduring.

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                          • #14
                            Does Limbo get to roll for a save? I think it would be only fair. Of course, I'd give it a +2 save vs. pope bull****edness since it is a totally different plane and I think that type of magic is weaker there.
                            Monkey!!!

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                            • #15
                              Surely it's God who makes the rules, not the RC church?
                              Speaking of Erith:

                              "It's not twinned with anywhere, but it does have a suicide pact with Dagenham" - Linda Smith

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