You Know you're from _______ when....

[Vince278]

Originally posted by notyoueither

You Know You're From Alberta When...

You think of the major four food groups as steak, beer, fish and people from Saskatchewan.

"And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country. My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man." -- JFK Inaugural, 1961
"Extremism in the defense of liberty is not a vice." -- Barry Goldwater, 1964 GOP Nomination acceptance speech (not George W. Bush 40 years later...)
2004 Presidential Candidate
2008 Presidential Candidate (for what its worth)

[notyoueither]

Shhhhh!

[Tuberski]

You Know You're From Utah When...

Green jell-o with carrots mixed in doesn't seem strange. >> Always seemed strange to me, but it was common. You can pronounce Tooele. >>2-ill-a The U is not just a letter - Neither is the Y. >>For the Colleges Utah and BYU, also painted on the sides of a mountains!!! You have actually eaten funeral potatoes. >>Yummy! You've gotten both heat and frost burns off your car's door handle in the same month. >>Yep, but not that uncommon other places You are not surprised to hear words like "Darn, Fetch, Flip", "Oh, My Heck" and "Shoot". >>Mormon swearwords. Your tulips get snowed on three times after they come up and twice more after they bloom. >>No, but had snow on my organ. Hunting season is a school holiday. >>True. The largest liquor store is the state government. >>True You can go skiing and play golf on the same day. >>I could, yes. You can other places too. 30% humidity is muggy and almost unbearable. >> Eh. Somewhere in your family tree is a polygamist. >>Maybe. You know the difference between a 'Steak House' and a 'Stake House'. >>When I was a kid, they said we were going to the stake house, I was wondering if the served something besides steak. The elevation exceeds the population. >>Wrong. You've broken down on the highway and somebody stops to help you. >>Never. You can see the stars at night. >>Yep. You have a bumper sticker that says "Families are Forever." >>Not on a bet. You were an aunt or uncle before you were three. >>Nope, but knew people who were. Your spouse's mother was pregnant at your wedding. >>Nope. You have more children than you can find biblical names for. >>Nope. Your family considers a trip to McDonald'd a night out. >>Eh. Your first child was conceived on your honeymoon. >>Nope. You feel guilty when you watch Monday Night Football. >>Hell no. I didn't feel guilty watching on Sunday either. Your kids believe the deer hunt is a national holiday. >>Just got out of School for the opening of it. You drink Coke from a brown paper bag. >>Only with rum. You consider a temple recommend a credit reference. >>Hogwash. At least two of your salad bowls are at the homes of neighbors. You believe that you must be 18 or older to order coffee at a restaurant. You wonder why fire truck drivers honk when you drive 35 mph in the left lane on the freeway. There is a similarity between a ward basketball game and the L.A. riots. >> Very true. You think Jack Daniels is a country western singer. You negotiate prices at a garage sale. You can make Jell-O salad without the recipe. You've heard about BYU football in a testimony meeting. You have two gallons of ice cream in your freezer at all times. Your father-in-law thinks Ronald Reagan was a liberal. A member of your family wrote in Lavell Edwards for president in the last election. Cars in the slow lane are traveling the fastest; cars in the fast lane are traveling the slowest; cars in the middle lanes are always trying to exit. Sandals are the best-selling shoes. You have to ask for the uncensored version of "Titanic." Hotel rooms all have the Book of Mormon. It's true in Austin, Texas as well. You buy your wardrobe at the local grocery superstore. You learn about the Mormon Church by taking history in elementary school. >> true. You live in a state where Democrats always come in third place, unless a zoo animal is running. Then they come in fourth. >>True. You're on your own if you are turning left. Schools stay open, even if two feet of snow falls overnight, but close for the opening of hunting season. People wear shorts and T-shirts if the temperature rises above 32 degrees. There is a church on every corner, but they all teach the same thing. The most popular public transportation system is a ski lift. People drive to Idaho (or Arizona) to pick up a gallon of milk so they can play the lottery. >>Yep. In-state college football rivalries are bigger than the Super Bowl. Beer drinkers don't shop on Sunday. You don't have to breathe cigarette smoke until you walk outside a building. The cost of living rises while your salary drops. Every driveway has a minivan and a pickup truck. When you buy a new vehicle, cigarette lighters are optional equipment but gun and ski racks are standard. Every time a new family moves into your neighborhood, the local elementary school has to hire a new teacher. Your paycheck has an additional 10 percent deduction. "Temple recommends" is acceptable identification for cashing a check. More movies are filmed in your town than in Hollywood. You've never had a Mormon missionary knock on your door. Your neighbors complain about where they live, yet refuse to return to the state they moved from. >> Very true. You make a toast with red punch at your wedding reception. You have more raw wheat stored than some Third World countries. Your idea of a good time is playing Pictionary in the cultural hall. Your idea of a wild party is a six pack of Pepsi and a PG-13 movie. You and all your friends come to your mother for a haircut in her kitchen. You measure Kool-Aid by parts per million. You think "You're a 10 cow wife" is a compliment. >>This is, by far, the funniest of them all. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Utah.

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ACK!

[:) Smiley]

You know you're from Berkeley when...

Your house has eight different recycling bins.

You get better reception on your wireless internet than your cell phone.

There is a landmarked building on your block.

You consider hamburgers to be exotic.

You know that there aren't any hippies outside of a certain ten-block area.

You've ditched class in high school to protest the war.

You think that foreign policy should be made by municipal governments.

Every type of fruit or vegetable comes in at least ten different varieties.

You have to drive two miles to go three blocks down the street.

The building you live in is at least 40 years old.

Walking on the street you hear multiple languages spoken, and rarely is one of them English.

There is some sort of festival happening this weekend.

You know someone who lives in an apartment building run by Panoramic Management.

Tap water tastes better than bottled water.

Your car has at least one bumper sticker, even if you are completely apathetic about politics.

You've ever had a Tapioca Milk Tea.

You don't know where the nearest Wal-Mart is, but would never shop at one anyway.

The sun doesn't come out before 10AM.

You hate cars, but own two.

Halloween is the biggest holiday of the year.

[Spiffor]

You Know You're French When...

You think nobody eats as well as you do, not even the Algerians, Chinese, Indians, Italians, Japanese, Lebanese, Moroccans, Thai, Tunisians and Vietnamese although you incessantly patronize their restaurants.
>>> absolutely true

You still think the Germans arrested all the Jews themselves in the WW II timeframe.
>>> Completely false

You secretly feel Algeria would be better off today if it were still a French possession.
>>>

You're really hungry for a peek at your next door neighbor's tax returns.
>>> Well, obviously

You can figure out why something doesn't work a whole lot faster than you can fix it.
>>> exactly!

You think that only the Chinese may have as much culture as you do.
>>> "may" is the operative word

You despise MacDonald's and KFC at home but eat there abroad.
>>> I don't, but I'm special

[Cyclotron]

Most of the California Bay Area ones assume I'm a 30 year old yuppie who works in IT. I'll just highlight the relevant ones.

You Know You're From the Bay Area When...
You know that "taking the Nerd Bird" means you're flying to L.A ... for the 3rd time in a week.
No, I did not know that.

You have a daughter named Meg and a son named URL.
- That would just be sad.

You bought stock in Starbucks just for the free chocolate-covered coffee beans.
- No, but those are the best part

Almost all of the companies featured on your resume are no longer in business.
- Where else does one get a good desk chair?

You make $120,000 a year, yet still can't find a place to live.
TRUE

Your commute time is 45 minutes and you live 8 miles away.
- True, for anyone who works in the City

You live an hour or more from the office so that you can afford a larger house.
- Are you sh!tting me? If I could afford a large house in Marin, I wouldn't need to work.

You spend more time in your office and car than in your house.
- Well, my dad does.

You stop asking how much things cost, but instead ask "how long will it take?"
eerily true.

Two-thirds of the people you know are from Boston or New York, but you are living in PST.
- There are other time zones?

You know vast differences difference between Thai, Vietnemese, Chinese, Japanese, Cantonese, and Korean food.
Yes. Yes I do.

Your home computer contains mostly hardware/software that is not on the consumer market yet.


You go to "The City" on weekends but don't live there because you like your car.
True. Though there are other reasons, too.

You go to an industrial-heavy-metal bar and see two guys get into a fight over what flavor of Unix is better.
I wish.

You own more than 10 articles of clothing that have hardware/software companies printed on them. Bonus for embroidered stuff.
Does Dolby Labs count? If so, yes.

You know where Woz Way, Resistor Avenue, and Floppy Drive are located.
- No.

You know who and where Woz is.
- Who?

You know that 280 North goes west and that 680 North goes east.
- Well, obviously.

It rained ... and your birdbath fell over ... or your tree fell over ... or a utility pole fell over.
- The trees in my backyard fell over.

It rained ... and the spiders came in ... and the ants came in ... and the mice came in.
- Oh god, I fear the ants...

You realize that even though Microsoft employs quite a few programmers in the Bay Area, they only work on PowerPoint.
- That's a revelation to me.

You see a billboard that says "FPG2ASIC" and understand what it means.
-

You can get the updated Diamond Monster 3D drivers by just walking across the street.
- I don't live in silicon valley, dammit.

You have more bandwidth inside your home than there is in most major universities.
- My internet certainly is faster at home than at school.

Your wireless LAN is interfering with your wireless phone and your home automation system.
Yes, it's a real pity.

None of the people you work with are bible thumpers.
- Don't they all live in, like, Kansas? Or something?

Your workplace vending machines dispense "100% natural twig-bars" right next to Jolt cola and Instant Espresso mix.
- No, though I wouldn't be surprised.

No one brings radios to work because they listen to RealAudio.
- Radios are for chumps.

[Zoid]

Bah, no swedish list ´But the norwegian is at least partly accurate

You Know You're Norwegian When....

You assume that a stranger on the street who smiles at or greets you is: a) drunk. b) insane. c) an American. d) All of the above. You vigorously defend whaling and enjoy consuming whale meat. You enjoy the taste of lutefisk (jelly-like, bad-smelling fish) and cod prepared in any way, including fried cod tongues. You can prepare fish in five different ways without cooking it. You don't question the habit of always preparing a "matpakke" (sandwich in paper). You have two cars, a cabin and a boat, if not more. You think there is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing. It feels natural to wear sport clothes and backpack everywhere, including the cinema, bowling alley, and to church. You are think it's weird if a house isn't wooden. You know at least five different words for describing different textures of snow. You don't fall when walking on ice. You earn more than you spend. You associate Easter with cross-country skiing with friends and family in the familys mountain cabin. You are shocked if it's not 2 months of snow every year, at least! You can see mountains and the ocean, no matter where you are. You expect all dinner parties and meetings to start precisely on time, if not before. You fall 3 metres, and don't get hurt. If you do, you're not worried at all. You haven't heard of "fast-food". You can't understand why foreigners haven't heard about Bjorn Dahlie. You're proud to be Norwegian - and you pass these jokes on to all your Norwegian friends!

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[Dauphin]

I'm curious to know why Sydney is not considered a part of Australia, as per that main page list.

[Provost Harrison]

The London list - strangely true, although I am a northerner myself and live out in the sticks

You Know You're From London When...

You say "the city" and expect everyone to know which one. You have never been to The Tower or Madame Tussauds but love Brighton. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Shepherds Bush to Elephant & Castle at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can't find Dorset on a map. Hookers and the homeless are invisible. You step over people who collapse on the tube. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual. You've considered stabbing someone. Your door has more than three locks. Your favourite movie has Hugh Grant in it. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression. You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a garden. You know where Karl Marx is buried. You consider Essex the "countryside" You think Hyde Park is "nature." You're paying �1,200 a month for a studio the size of a walk-in wardrobe and you think it's a "bargain." Shopping in suburban supermarkets and shopping malls gives you a severe attack of agoraphobia. You've been to Tooting twice and got hopelessly lost both times. You pay more each month to park your car than most people in the UK pay in rent. You haven't seen more than twelve stars in the night sky since you went camping as a kid. You own hiking boots and a 4WD vehicle, neither of which have ever touched dirt. You haven't heard the sound of true absolute silence since 1977, and when you did, it terrified you. You pay �3 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28p. You actually take fashion seriously. Being truly alone makes you nervous. You have 27 different menus next to your telephone. The UK west of Heathrow is still theoretical to you. You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you. You haven't cooked a meal since helping mum last Christmas with the turkey. Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes. �50 worth of groceries fit in one paper bag. You have a minimum of five "worst cab ride ever" stories. You don't hear sirens anymore. You've mentally blocked out all thoughts of the city's air quality and what it's doing to your lungs. You live in a building with a larger population than most towns. Your cleaner is Russian, your grocer is Korean, your deli man is Israeli, your landlord is Italian, your laundry guy is Chinese, your favourite bartender is Irish, your favourite diner owner is Greek, the watch-seller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was Pakistani, your newsagent is Indian and your favourite falafel guy is Egyptian. You wouldn't want to live anywhere else until you get married. You say 'mate' constantly Anyone not from London is a '****er' Anyone from outside London and north of the Watford Gap is a 'Northern ****er' You have no idea where the North is. You see All Saints in the Met Bar (again) and find it hard to get excited about it. The countryside makes you nervous Somebody speaks to you on the tube and you freak out thinking they are a stalker. You talk in postcodes. "God, it was really warm round SW1 the other day" You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from London.

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[Donegeal]

You Know You're From Wisconsin When...

You can taste a difference in cheese made somewhere else -Yes, you can. You own at least one tie with a or peice of jewelry with a Green Bay Packer theme -Sorry. Bear fan. You can find and pronounce : Eau Claire, Oconomowoc, Menomonee Falls, Waukesha, and La Crosse, Fond du Lac. -Who can't? You can correctly spell Milwaukee. -Most people can. You know what "bubbler" means. -Drinking fountian, At least one of your family members works / worked in a cheese factory. -Nope. A holstein cow outside of Wisconsin makes you miss home. -Nope. You can taste the difference between apples grown up north and the ones that you can buy in the south. -Nope. When talking about the Green Bay Packers you refer to them as "we". -Nope. But I do refer to the Bears as "we". When the weather hits 0 degrees you decide that maybe it's time to get out a jacket instead of a sweatshirt. -I did just change from my fall jacket, and theres about 8" of snow. The family gets together every week for fish fry at the local pub. -Nope. You know what a brat is, and they're at every outdoor event that your family has ever had. -An outdoor event without a brat isn't an outdoor event. You know how to make a very good sled out of normal household items. -Yes. Your love you outdoor pool because of how it doubles as an ice skating area during the winter. -Nope. You can tell the difference between the smell of cow manure and pig manure. -Ewwww! Nope. You have watched Fargo and not noticed an accent. -Someone pointed it out to me after I watched it. Didn't notice until I saw it the second time. You drive around with the air conditioning on until it hits 30 degrees, because it just was so darn hot outside. -Nope. The local paper needs 6 pages to cover the Packers... in July! -Yes, and its VERY annoying. Your best shirt has a big letter G on it. -Nope. You've said "Of course they'll win. They're God's team." -Nope. You think it's nice enough to swim when the temperature hits 50. -Eh... 60 is a shoo-in. You family owns a "winter car" while the "good one" sits in the garage from Nov-Apr. -Nope. Your put ketchup on a charcoal grilled NY strip steak. -Nope. You live in a house that has no front steps, yet the door is one yard above the ground. -Nope. You think everyone from south of Madison has an accent. -I'm from south of Madison! You can identify a Michigan accent. -Sometimes. Down South to you means Chicago. -Yes. Traveling coast to coast means going from Superior to Milwaukee. -Nope. You can make sense out of the words "upnort" and "Trivers". -What the hell is "Trivers"? You have to go to Florida to get a tan in August. -Nope. You consider Madison exotic. -Madison is the San Fransisco of the midwest. So, Yes. You can visit Luxemburg, Holland, Belgium, Denmark, Berlin, New London & Poland all in one afternoon. -Yes, and I have done so. You can recognize someone from Illinois from their driving. -Easily. You buy cat litter every winter, but you don't own a cat. -Nope. I own a cat. At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant or cannery. -Nope. I don't hunt. You know what to do with a Blatz. -Yes. Drink it. You don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Pabst Blue Ribbon. -Nope. I don't drink PBR. Bucky the Badger hangs on your Christmas tree even if you didn't go to University of Wisconsin Madison. -Yes. You're a member of the Polar Bear Club and proud of it. -Nope. You can use the word "ya der hey" easily in a sentence -Only when making fun of someone from Minnesota. You hear someone use the words "uff-dah" and you don't immediately break into uncontrollable laughter. -Yes. Your whole family wears green and gold to church on Sunday. -Nope. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a cow next to your blue spruce. -Nope. Too much to mow around. You know how to polka - Yes. You own a cheesehead -Yes. A cheesehead was origionally made for Badger fans. Then the Packer fans too it. Bleh. You have cow pharaphenilia around your house, including your pajama pants -Nope. You know what a FIB is and can spot them a mile away. -Yep, and there are three types. Illinois, Iowa and Indiana. You think of the major four food groups as cheese, beer, brats and Jell-O salad with marshmallows. -Nope. The Jello is replaced with steak. FFA was the most popular club in high school -Nope. You have eaten a cow pie at the State Fair. -Nope. County fair. There was at least one kid in your class who had to help milk cows in the morning -Yes. Country Kitchen is the place to meet after the party -Nope. You have ever seen or played in a "broom ball" game. -Yes. Lots of fun. You have ever partied at Summerfest, Festa Italiana, German Fest, Irish Fest, Oktoberfest, or all of the above. -All except for the Italy one. You or someone you know was a "Dairy Princess" at a county fair. -Yes. You can't be friends with a Vikings fan -You can, but you don't let others know about it. Your idea of diversity is having black, white, and brown cows. -Nope.

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Not bad, but they tend to be wrong with me because I'm a Bear fan and I live in a city.

[Dinner]

You Know You're From San Diego When...

You'd driven from East County San Diego to a mall somewhere in North County because of one particular store you like. You have a 12 month pass to the San Diego Zoo, San Diego Wild Animal Park, and Sea World. You lost your virginity or first drank in TJ. You're enjoying 80� weather at the end of February while those up north complain about 12 inches of snow. The people at the local smoothie bar know you by name. Your birth certificate indicates that you were born in Kaiser Hospital off of Zion Ave. You can't leave the Del Mar Fair each summer without a plateful of Australian battered potatoes, a funnel cake, and other junk food. Your tan lines never go away. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from San Diego.

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You Know You're From California When...

The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway. You were born somewhere else. You know how to eat an artichoke. The primary bugs that you worry about are electronic. Your car has bullet-proof windows. Left is right and right is wrong. Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income. You can't find your other earring because your son is wearing it. You drive to your neighborhood block party. Your family tree contains "significant others." You don't exterminate your roaches, you smoke them. You see 25 lawyers chasing an ambulance. More than clothes come out of the closets. You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach. More money is spent on facelifts than on diapers. Smoking in your office is not optional. You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow, and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach. When you can't schedule a meeting because you must "do lunch." Your children learn to walk in Birkenstocks. Rainstorms or thunder are the lead story for the local news. You'll reluctantly miss yoga class to wait for the hot tub repairman. You consult your horoscope before planning your day. A glass has been reserved for you at your favorite winery. All highways into the state say: "no fruits." All highways out of the state say: "Go back." The Terminator is your governor You can't remember . . . is pot illegal? It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH" You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from California.

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[MOBIUS]

Originally posted by Provost Harrison
The London list - strangely true, although I am a northerner myself and live out in the sticks

Scarily, I'd say at least 75% of those are incredibly accurate!

Seeing as I no longer live in the city these days...

You Know You're From Britain When...

You believe that Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday are all good nights for drinking. Sunday day is also entirely reasonable. >>> Especially true in Wales! You're always a half an hour late to work ... no-one notices or cares. >>> It has been known... Coming to work with a hangover is entirely accepted and indeed expected at least once a week. >>> You can actually give directions to some of those annoying tourists in Oxford Street! >>> Why is it always me that gets asked for directions? You step over a drunk in the tube station rather than offering to help them. >>> You don't even bother looking out of the window when you get up in the morning to check what the day is like. You know it is overcast. >>> True in that I usually don't care what the weather is anyway. You consider a suit to be normal attire for the pub. >>> More true in London than 'in the country'. You expect men to actually cut, comb and style their hair (using hair products). And to wear decent clothes. >>> Is this a problem? You dissolve in laughter when listening to the funny accent of the Aussie international telephone operator (or on TV!). >>> Nah, I spent long enough laughing at them when I was in OZ! You think �40 for a haircut is quite reasonable. >>> I tried this once - no appreciable difference from a £6 barber job... You can't remember what 'customer service' means. >>> C-u-s-t... No sorry, what does that mean again? Unbelievably better here in Cardiff than London to the extent that my g/f is actually giving four sales/customer services people presents this year!!! After a big night out you find yourself looking for a Curry house >>> In Cardiff you make your way to Chip Alley! More than three hours sunlight on summer days seems excessive. >>> BOO! Not true! We had a great summer this year - must've been at least 4 hours! You don't think twice about tipping your hairdresser You finish every sentence with 'Cheers' or 'Yeah'. >>> You only just realise you have lost your sunnies, you left them in Greece 2 summers ago. >>> I'll need my sunnies today if I venture out today before dark. You like English cuisine. I mean, it's hard to beat a full English breakfast. >>> QFT! Especially at work after a hangover. You are on to your 6th umbrella and your second overcoat... this year >>> Umbrellas are for pussies! Though the UK does have a brolly love affair - I hate the bastard things! You've bought a disposable baby BBQ from Tesco. >>> WTF!? Though if it's available - Tesco's is where you'll get it! A day at the beach means wearing the warmest clothes you own while standing on golf ball-size pebbles and the thought of swimming doesn't even enter your head. >>> If you're a sad bastard from London who visits Brighton... Here in Wales we have mile upon mile of clean, unspoilt, sandy beaches! You always call soccer football and you have a team and it's not Manchester United. >>> WEST HAM! Winners of the 1966 World Cup! You don't think twice about buying a packaged sandwich. >>> [homer]MMmmmmmm, packaged sandwich...[/homer] A sunny lunchtime means searching for a patch of grass and stripping off practically down to your underwear >>> You've accepted queuing as a way of life. >>> You're not a civilised country unless you can form an orderly queue... You believe that every American is a fatass addicted to hamburgers and hotdogs. >>> Don't worry, I know not all Americans are fatasses... You despise the French (but then, who doesn't?). >>> Only Parisians - most other French I've met are actually quite decent people... You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Britan.

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[MOBIUS]

APPLICATION FOR ARKANSAS DRIVERS LICENSE

Last name: __________________________

First name: (Check appropriate box)
[_] Billy-Bob [_] Bobby-Sue
[_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo
[_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann
[_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee
[_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen
[_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth

Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ Not sure

Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right

Occupation:
[_] Farmer [_] Mechanic
[_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress
[_] Unemployed [_] Dirty Politician

Spouse's Name: __________________________
2nd Spouse's Name: _______________________
3rd Spouse's Name: _______________________
Lover's Name: ____________________________
2nd Lover's Name: ________________________

Relationship to spouse:
[_] Sister [_] Aunt
[_] Brother [_] Uncle
[_] Mother [_] Son
[_] Father [_] Daughter
[_] Cousin [_] Pet

Number of children living in household: ___
Number of children living in shed: ___
Number that are yours: ___

Mother's Name: _______________________
Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate
box)
___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks


Where you keep them firearms:
[_] Truck [_] kitchen
[_] bedroom [_] bathroom
[_] Shed [_] No;

Model and year of your pickup: ____________ 194_

Do you have a gun rack?
[_] Yes [_] No; If no, please explain:___________________________

Newspapers/magazines you read:
[_] The National Enquirer [_] The Globe
[_] TV Guide [_] Soap Opera Digest
[_] Rifle and Shotgun

___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe:
[_] Weekly
[_] Monthly
[_] Not Applicable

Color of teeth:
[_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow
[_] Brown [_] Black
[_] N/A [_] Teeth?

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
[_] Red-Man
[_] Other

How far is your home from a paved road?
[_] 1 mile
[_] 2 miles
[_] don't know
[_] paved road?

[Ming]

You Know You're From Chicago When...

You say "Wanna go with?" when you mean "Do you want to come with me?" You know what Kennedy, Dan Ryan, Eisenhower, Edens, and Bishop Ford, have in common and curse one of them daily. You know what "the Hillside strangler is." You can name three or four extra taxes nobody else pays. You know the difference between Richard J Daley and Richard M Daley. You can use two or three Daleyisms in context. You can imitate the Mayor's whine. You say Chicawgo and not Chicaago. You think going to a Bears game in single digit temperatures with a wind off the lake (and freezing rain) is fun. Da is a proper definite article. You expect corruption in local politics. You go to the Dells in the summer to get away from the other 20 thousand that followed you. You've been caught speeding in Wisconsin because you had Illinois plates. You guard your shoveled parking space with an old chair and unusable broom. You know why they call it "the Windy City." You know dead people who voted. You understand the Democratic machine and don't fight against it. You've never ever considered the idea of hiring non-union laborers. You've never been to Springfield. You know a good gyros joint. You know what Giordanos, Lou Malnati's, and Gino's have in common. You know when the last time the Cubs won a pennant. You know exactly how many cars are "legally" allowed to turn left after the light turns red. You don't know which ethnic "fest" to choose on any given Summer weekend. Your idea of relaxing and getting away from it all is Ravinia (with 10,000 others who have the same idea). You can recite many of "The Blues Brothers" lines and know where they filmed certain scenes. You consider paying someone to watch your car at a sporting event as just another "city tax." The "Living Room" is called the "front room" You don't pronounce the "s" at the end of Illinois. You become irate at people who do You measure distance in minutes (especially "from the city"). And you swear everything is pretty much 15 minutes away You refer to anything South of I-80 as "Southern Illinois" You refer to Lake Michigan as "The Lake" You refer to Chicago as "The City" "The Super Bowl" refers to one specific game in a series of 35 played in January of 1986 You have two favorite football teams: The Bears, and anyone who beats the Packers! You buy "The Trib" You think 35 degrees is great weather to wash your car! You know what goes on a Chicago Style Hot Dog You know what Chicago Style Pizza REALLY is You understand what "lake-effect" means You know the difference between Amtrak and Metra, and know which station they end up at. You have ridden the "L" You can distinguish between the following area codes: 847,630,773,708, 312, & 815 You respond to the question "Where are you from" with a side" example:"WEST SIDE", "SOUTH SIDE" or "NORTHSIDE." You know what the phone number is to Empire Carpet! You wear gym shoes, not sneakers. Your favorite melody to hum is "Bang,Bang,Bang-Skeet,Skeet,Skeet!!!!" You faithfully attended Lil Louis parties at The Bismarck. You GOT to have spaghetti at your barbecue. You are STILL a Bulls fan........ You think kicking it outside of White Castles parking lot, (79th and Stony Island) is the "Freak Nik" You go to Harold`s and order 4 pc wing, mild sauce, salt and pepper. You have a picture of Harold Washington in your kitchen, living room, family room or basement. You have ever waited in line at Home of the Hoagy on 111th for 30-45 minutes for a steak samich wit cheese You have ever been to the Tiki Room lounge in Hyde Park You have Y made a special trip downtown because you had a craving for Garrett's caramel and cheese popcorn. What!!! We don`t get a Fifty? Oh yeah.... You drink at bars called "Bud on Tap" or "Milwaukee's Best" -- no names, just beer signs out front. It's January and you see someone's kitchen chair in the street, and you know that if you're a responsible citizen and bring it back to the sidewalk you will be shot on sight You live two miles from work and it takes you two hours to drive there You don't flinch when you pay the fifth toll of your 45-minute car ride on the highway When you read a big story in the paper about mob ties in the city government, your first reaction is "So, tell me something I don't know." You know Lincoln Towing is Satan incarnate. You've paid $105 for towing, $30 for more than one "street cleaning" ticket, $58 for a city vehicle sticker, and $70 for a license plate sticker -- and chalk it all up to "neighborhood taxes." You pluralize grocery stores and retail chains: "I'm going to Jewels"; "I bought it at Targets"; "I couldn't find parking at Wal-Marts" You've taken the Red Line past the point where all white people get off and all black people get on -- or vice versa. You've cursed at a cyclist, pedestrian, or in-line skater on the lakefront path. You know the significance of State and Madison. You wonder if the fries will taste the same at Sammy Sosa's Restaurant. You don't miss Planet Hollywood. You're not ashamed of wearing a big fur Russian hat, or a headsock with one hole in it, in public from November through March. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Chicago.

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[mrmitchell]

"Vacation" means goin' through Harrison on the way to Branson.
>>It did in the old days.

Down South, to you, means Louisiana.
>>Yes.

You have no problem spelling or pronouncin' Ouachita or Possum Grape.
>>Yes.

You know what Toad Suck and Booger Holler are.
>>Yes

Your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun and comes with cole slaw on top.
>>THIS GUY IS SPYING ON ME

You say catty-wampus and tumped over.
>>Tumped over, once or twice

You know the difference between a deer dog, a duck dog and a coon dog by the way they bark.
>>Actually, Im not a dog fanatic, so, no.

Pulaski County is considered a foreign or exotic place.
>>Yes. Come on people! Little Rock! You might as well go to Tokyo or Moscow!

You consider being a "Beef Queen" an honor.
>>Not really.

You faithfully rink Pepsi, Mt. Dew, or Dr. Pepper everyday of your life.
>>Dr Pepper, yes. They have this really cool bottle during football season that has an extra ounce in it.

You know what a "cow drop" is.
>>Is this something to be ashamed of?

You have your own secret bbq sauce.
>>But it's a secret.

You know how to snipe hunt.
>>But it's a secret.

You or your neighbors have more hunting dogs than you have family members.
>>This would apply outside city limits. State law says the ratio has to be 2 hunting dogs : 1 family member.

You visit the Arkansas State Fair mainly to see your neighbor's prize chicken.
>>I could've gone to see friends' prize pigs or goats...

You abhor homosexuality, but love "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy."
>>What?

You'd rather be No. 1 in football than No. 1 in education.
>>Nah. I'd rather they just put the lists backwards so we can always be No 1 instead of always being No 50.

You think that recycling means riding your bike down the same old path.
>>An Arkansan on a bike instead of a truck? Who wrote this thing, some bathroom-riddled Virginian?

You think orange barrels are really part of the interstate system.
>>THEY'RE NOT!!???

When the forecast calls for an inch of snow, you run out with all the other crazies to stand in line for three hours to buy a month's worth of groceries.
>>No. After society collapses I can go hunting.

You drink sweet iced tea out of a sports bottle.
>>Can't stand tea.

Your traditional Thanksgiving dinner is a deep-fried turkey.
>>Yes.

You call a shopping cart a buggy.
>>Sometimes

You see "No Hunting" signs are riddled with bullet holes.
>>Yeah, but so are lots of signs

You think "Animal House" is the training film for incoming athletes at the University of Arkansas
>>

The three food groups are Velveeta, pork rinds and a six-pack.
>>and Dr Pepper.

Everyone you think of as a "liberal" is either Methodist or Catholic.
>>This is getting freaky. Yes.

You think that Bill Clinton is a lyin', cheatin' sum*****, but you'd still vote for him again in a heartbeat because he's OUR lyin' cheatin' sum*****.
>>Almost. I would vote for him even if he was a lyin', cheatin' sum*****. But he's not.

You've "offered" someone an "ass-whoopin'."
>Yes

When you give directions they include "over yonder," "down the road a piece," and "right near."
>Over yonder - sometimes, down the road a peice - maybe once, right near - every sentence.

You're not commitment-phobic: you love God, guns and football.
>>

You'd rather have a Budweiser beer museum than a presidential library.
>>Well, I'm just saying, Presidents are boring, but...

You think pinto beans are nekkid without hamhocks, cornbread and buttermilk.
>>Oh yeah.

Sweet milk and torn up biscuits in a glass is your favorite dessert.
>>Nah. My favorite dessert is pumpkin pie.

You think bagels are nothing but a cruel doughnut joke invented by some Yankee!
>>The Truth!

You eat at Senor Tequila's for atmosphere and Lolita's Tex-Mex for salsa.
>>Is there a problem?

You say, "I voted for Clinton to get him out of the state."
>>BOOO

You own three cars and one license plate.
>>Not currently

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Arkansas.
>>That's how all of these things end.