Do the right thing..

[Pekka]

Something happened.. basically.. a girl called me and told she'd like to try out.. you know like NHL has summer try outs? She wants to arrive to Pekka Try Outs and see if she can make it..

Anyway, that's not the problem. The problem is, I do think she's beautiful, sexy, funny and nice, we do get along and have known each other for years, but there's only one thing.. she broke up with my friend..

It's been a while, sure. But it's still a no no in my books. Some folks think it's ok if it ended earlier, and you didn't do anything to .. break it up so you could try yourself. However, I would feel guilty, even though they aren't together anymore and it's been a while. Doing the right thing would be politely saying that it won't happen.

But it kills me that I still play with the idea in my head. But I think I'm doing the right thing. Relationships come and go, friendship lasts forever.

[Sava]

ask your friend if he has a problem with you going out with his ex

it is not cool to go out with your friend's ex girlfriend without his permission

[duke o' york]

Ask your friend first. If he's happy with it then go!

[edit]Damn! The only good advice I've given out all day trumped by Sava.

[laurentius]

Bah, its not the first time friends have swapped gfs. It shouldnt be a biggie. Besides its kinda kinky. Go for it!

[reds4ever]

How long ago did they finish? Any longer than say, 3 days, and I'd go for it!!

[Pekka]

laurentius, haha.. true dat.. but you know, they were thinking of getting married at some point, they were together forever! So.. it's not like it was a short thing.

And it's all about the appearance of things too, I say hear with my hand on my heart that I would have never made a play earlier, or even play with the idea (outside my head). Yeah I think she was hot and funny and stuff, but so are most of my friends gfs. And we were genuinely friends too, so ... you know it's not dirty history. BUt if I would now make a move, it would seem as if it was for sures.

But the dude is one of my best friends, you know the kind you do things with, travel, and feel comfortable what ever it is that you are going through. I can't risk that friendship over this... I mean that's when I listen to sense.

And the problem with asking from my man first is that he'd prolly be polite and 'friend' and say 'sure it doesnt' bother me'. He would lie and I can't know the truth if he would be really meaning it. We go to same circles, it would be akward for sures.

But then again.. she's one of the rare girls that I like. I mean in a way that I enjoy talking and doing stuff with, and we know each other really well so there wouldn't be many surprise in the future. She's one of those I could consider long time relations, who knows.. It's weird, I'd consider one night bonking OK, but this.. this feels wrong. You know 'Hey I fancied you and now that I'm out of this, I want to show my baby popper to you, wanna taste?' and I'd go 'one night thing?' 'yeah, just to get it out of the system' 'cool'.

I'd feel that's more appropriate than the other. I think I shouldn't, I mean I know I shouldn't. I guess I'm looking for word of confidence, that 'yeah you are doing the right thing', hence the topic.

[Pekka]

reds4ever, more like 6 weeks.

[reds4ever]

Well if was a 'big thing' between them then I'd think twice, but if it was just a passing fling then it's no problem in my book.

[duke o' york]

Originally posted by Pekka

And the problem with asking from my man first is that he'd prolly be polite and 'friend' and say 'sure it doesnt' bother me'. He would lie and I can't know the truth if he would be really meaning it. We go to same circles, it would be akward for sures.

If he's your friend, then surely you'll know if he's lying. But you have to ask him first. If you don't then you might miss out on something great with this girl, whereas if you ask him then at least you'll have had a shot at this. She'll understand if you tell her you'd love to, but that you can't because it'd be too hard on your friend.

[reds4ever]

Originally posted by duke o' york She'll understand if you tell her you'd love to, but that you can't because it'd be too hard on your friend.

In fact if you do it that way you'll come across as the caring, sensitive type, she's bound to let you bang her!!!

[Pekka]

reds, definitely no fling. Years, man.. years.

duke, yeah but if I'd ask, that would be the same as actually doing it. You know, if I ask and he says no, I'd say OK cool I respect that, and then it would still leave us in weird situation.

I guess I'm trying to say that I want to forget this whole thing ever happened.

Besides, you know it's lose-lose situation. If I just go and do it, it'll weird the hell out of the situation between me and my good friend, PLUS all the other good friends that forms the core group we are. You know.. they'd think I'm an *******. And they'd be right because I'd think the same if it was someone else in that group. You know.. don't do that.. And now that I'm restraining myself, I will ask the question what if exactly 5 years from now in my miserable relationship. Or I have a good one but suddenly it pops into my head and I'd think about it and it would make the good relationship into bad one because of me

I just can't win.

[duke o' york]

No, your friend will be pleased that you asked him. Even if he doesn't want you to, then he'll say so and appreciate your honesty (and, in all probability, think that she's the new whore of Babylon), so it's a win-win.
You either get closer with your mate, or get a hot new girlfriend, and leave him feeling a bit strange for a while, but he'll know that you still appreciate him. The biggest problem here would be if he said yes, and then changed his mind after a while. Is he likely to do that?

[Pekka]

duke, I like your optimist view, but to me that's like saying 'oh we'll just cruice into Bangladesh with bunch of elephants and erect WalMarts, and everyone lived happily ever after'

I'm just mirroring this to myself, you know like what if I was him. So I definitely know that's not the only outcome, in fact I think it's the more unlikely outcome.

But you're right.. I mean you never know..

[duke o' york]

So he asks you if he can start dating your ex. You say no, and he doesn't. But wouldn't you be pleased that he had asked you first, and not just done a "reds"?

[Pekka]

Sure. But if we had a relationship that lasted for years and was serious one, I would think he is wrong human to even bring it up.