You know you are Croatian when...

[VetLegion]

A couple of weeks ago Pekka asked me to tell him something about Croatian people, how we are like, etc. Few days ago, I got this in my inbox. It was probably written by some Croatian emigree in some foreign country, but it's a nice intro and quite a few things are spot on. Anyone recognize themselves?

YOU KNOW YOU'RE CROATIAN WHEN:


All meals your parents have ever prepared contain one key ingredient, "Vegeta"

You were still in elementary school the first time you got drunk

You are never ever allowed to sit by an open window for fear of catching pneumonia from the "propuh" (even in the middle of summer)

There is a bar in your church hall that contains a 2 year supply of Brandy

You insist that you can spot a Serb from a mile away

The use of vulgar language at home is unacceptable, unless it is Croatian

English words are acceptable if used with the ending "A-T-I" which makes them Croatian..."play-ati", "study-ati"

Your Dida mowes the lawn in knee high black socks and sandals

Your Dida has a shot of Rakija for breakfast

At least one family member makes his own wine

"Sljivovica" is used not only to celebrate at all occasions, but to cure illness and as a massage lotion as well

At the age of 13, you are allowed to go out of town with your friends for Croatian soccer tournaments, folklore festivals and dances

Your parents were at the function where you got drunk

The majority of your friends are also your relatives, even if they aren't your relatives, you refer to their parents as "Teta" and "Striko"

You are the only kid in your class who doesn't get to sleep in on Saturdays because of "Hrvatska Skola"

"Kuhace" are not only used for stirring when cooking...they are also used by Mama to beat you when there is no "siba" handy

At least once before you've told your parents that you'll call the police to report "child abuse" and your parents said "Samo probaj"

Mama beat you in public on at least one occasion

When leaving the house to go out, you always receive the same
warnings(regardless of age): -"Pazi sta radis", "Pamet u glavu", "Nemoj me sramotit", "Nemoj da ja sta cujem"

Sadly, if something actually does happen, somehow Mama will know before you make it home

Mama gets pissed off at you for bringing home McDonalds saying, "sta ce ti taj junk?"

Your parents insist that you'll end up a nobody if you don't graduate from "fakultet"

Lunch on sundays have more courses than Amerikanci have for Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner

You know that in addition to fruit flavoured Jello, that gelatin can also be prepared with pigs feet

You love "pasteta", but don't like bringing it to school or work for lunch because you'd be embarassed if someone asked you what it was

There is a slab of fat in your fridge called SLANINA

Your mother washes the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher

Vegetarianism is not a concept your parents understand

All other action stops when you hear people speaking Serbian in a store somewhere and your mom starts to talk to you in english so that the serbian people won't find out you speak "their" language and start trying to be your friend.

You have at least one short-wave radio in your house

You smell garlic on the old man's breath behind you sitting on the klupa in church on Sunday mornings

You live with your parents until you are married

Mama thinks that whenever you get sick it's because you didn't eat enough

When upset, it isn't unusual for Tata to send you "u pizdu materinu"

Baba and Dida wear at least 3 layers of clothing in all seasons

Dida and/or Baka spits into a napkin at the dinner table

Your parents turn the channel when there is a kissing scene

Dida & Baka insist you are quiet while he watches the news even though he doesn't understand a single word they're saying. Regardless of the fact he doesn't understand what they're saying, he knows more about what's going on in the world than you do

You never got the "Birds and the Bees" talk from Mama and Tata as you were growing up

Whenever your parents said "vidit cemo" you knew that it meant "NO!"

Everything that goes wrong in the world can somehow be traced back to Serbs

Your cousin in Croatia who calls you to send him money had a cell phone before you and wears only name brand clothing

Your relatives in Croatia think it's strange if you are not married by the age of 18

You are only allowed to vacation in the homeland

You are only allowed to speak Croatian at home

You have 17 consenants in your name and only 2 vowels

Your 13 yr old sister can out drink any Amerikanac

You cringe when you hear the word BATINE and hide

Your parents still prefer buying cassete's over cd's

No one can pronounce your last name and every kid on the block has a nickname for it

A CROATIAN wedding consists of a minimum of 1000 people, 2/3 of which you dont even know

......You're still laughing your ass off cause u know every single one of these are true!!!!!

[Pekka]

So... you are like Greeks, except maybe more drunk, and instead of Turks, you have the Serbs?

[VetLegion]

Slavs in general are bigger drunkards than mediterranean peoples, and since we're partly mediterranean, we're not as heavy drinkers as, say, Poles. I think. But the drinking culture is firmly established here.

I do however with disgust repulse any comparisons with the Greeks . We're far more civilized and advanced than them

[VetLegion]

And about Serbs, well, it's not my fault that everything bad in the world can be tracked back to them, is it?

[Harovan]

Did you know, that Serb is Russian, while La Russo is Serbian? That's pretty confusing, no?

[Pekka]

http://www.helsinginsanomat.fi/english/extras/toolong

That's "You Know You Have Been In Finland Too Long, When... ".. kind of what foreigners get to feel in here, and they're also true.

Anyway, it's not your fault that everything is the fault of Serbs. Just like it's not the fault of Greeks you can trace everything back to Turks. You are still very similar.

[VetLegion]

Originally posted by Sir Ralph
Did you know, that Serb is Russian, while La Russo is Serbian? That's pretty confusing, no?

Yeah, I know that. And it is funny how it came out, since I think they don't know each other

Orthodox conspiracy

[VetLegion]

You are still very similar.

Right. Any you are just like the Swedes, only they are more macho and you are the famous girly men of the north. Common knowledge.

And if you ask someone "hey good man, where is Finland?", they point to their butt. Not my fault, but they do.

[Pekka]

We have similarities to swedes but they aren't more macho and we aren't really macho either. Macho culture does not really exist in north that much. Certainly the gilrie man image goes to central Europe.

If you ask where's Croatia, no one even makes the effort to point their butt, they just don't register it at all, or the ones who wanted to know says, "they didn't tell me".

[Harovan]

By the way, who the heck cares about Croatia, Slovenia, Serbia, Greece and Turkey, when the only power, that really counts in that godforsaken region, is teh free and independent Republic of MACEDONIA.

[VetLegion]

Macedonia

[C0ckney]

[VetLegion]

Originally posted by Pekka

http://www.helsinginsanomat.fi/english/extras/toolong

That's "You Know You Have Been In Finland Too Long, When... ".. kind of what foreigners get to feel in here, and they're also true.

It seems to me I would fit in well in Finland. I'd probably be a little more talkative than the average, but that's good, girls like that. I am also pretty punctual. But I could NEVER bow down to the Russians and become Finlandized, it's just not my nature. So I guess it couldn't really work in the end

[Az]

When upset, it isn't unusual for Tata to send you "u pizdu materinu"

God bless all Slavic languages!

[Harovan]

Even I understand that.