If getting annoying calls every day urging me to buy aluminum siding or informing me of a fabulous vacation package I may have one in the Bahamas isn't annoying enough, telemarketers have cooked up a new plot in their quest to destroy the minds and disrupt the lives of all innocent Americans.
Quite a crafty, formidable opponent to be sure.
These evil geniuses sat down in their secret headquarters, the Cavern of Evil, and brainstormed a way to increase the level of their annoyance for the American public. In recent years they have been losing ground to online spammers and terrorists. Wishing to recapture their number one-most-evil spot they've held onto for so many years (according to Gallup), and weakened by the Do Not Call List, that wonderful super-hero team operating from the Tower of Justice, they did some hard thinking.
They approached the problem methodically. Their jointly-held evil superpower involved the power to make unsolicited phone calls. What were the top ways phones annoy people? They brainstormed for hours. Telemarketers, incompetent tech help from India, calls from the in-laws, being put on hold for hours, annoying automated phone systems, etc.
Since of course they had the telemarketing thing down pat, they looked to the other options to enhance their evil machination. In-laws? Naw, that'd never work. Incompetent tech help from India? That'd only work if people actually needed the tech help. Otherwise they'd just hang up like usual. Ah-ha! (they exclaimed) putting people on hold for obscene amounts of time. The Cavern of Evil thundered with automated recordings of maniacal laughter.
This is all true.
So it was that the newest plot by the Alliance of Evil (Axis was taken) came into being.
I, as one of their newest hapless victims, have brought you this tale as a warning. For I have suffered their wrath and am none too happy about it. I shall tell my story.
For the last week or two I have gotten a telemarketer call (I assume from the Alliance of Evil - who else?) every single day. As far as I'm aware, the call isn't advertising anything. As soon as I pick up I am put on hold. Were I left to simply enjoy the pleasant classical music playing, perhaps it wouldn't be so bad, but as with any company you are put on hold with a recording of a woman comes on every 15 to 20 seconds to say "Please hold on the line for an important message. We will be with you shortly."
Usually I hang up once I realize what it is. But today I decided to stay on the line in hopes of finally finding out what this important message could be. I waited.
Then I waited some more.
Then finally, after being on hold for 10 full minutes (and precisely 10 minutes), they hung up.
What in the name of all that is holy is wrong with these mother ****ers?!?!
AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
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