Evil Telemarketers Get Eviler

[OzzyKP]

http://www.oneandfour.org/archives/2005/07/evil_telemarket.html

If getting annoying calls every day urging me to buy aluminum siding or informing me of a fabulous vacation package I may have one in the Bahamas isn't annoying enough, telemarketers have cooked up a new plot in their quest to destroy the minds and disrupt the lives of all innocent Americans.

Quite a crafty, formidable opponent to be sure.

These evil geniuses sat down in their secret headquarters, the Cavern of Evil, and brainstormed a way to increase the level of their annoyance for the American public. In recent years they have been losing ground to online spammers and terrorists. Wishing to recapture their number one-most-evil spot they've held onto for so many years (according to Gallup), and weakened by the Do Not Call List, that wonderful super-hero team operating from the Tower of Justice, they did some hard thinking.

They approached the problem methodically. Their jointly-held evil superpower involved the power to make unsolicited phone calls. What were the top ways phones annoy people? They brainstormed for hours. Telemarketers, incompetent tech help from India, calls from the in-laws, being put on hold for hours, annoying automated phone systems, etc.

Since of course they had the telemarketing thing down pat, they looked to the other options to enhance their evil machination. In-laws? Naw, that'd never work. Incompetent tech help from India? That'd only work if people actually needed the tech help. Otherwise they'd just hang up like usual. Ah-ha! (they exclaimed) putting people on hold for obscene amounts of time. The Cavern of Evil thundered with automated recordings of maniacal laughter.

This is all true.

So it was that the newest plot by the Alliance of Evil (Axis was taken) came into being.

I, as one of their newest hapless victims, have brought you this tale as a warning. For I have suffered their wrath and am none too happy about it. I shall tell my story.

For the last week or two I have gotten a telemarketer call (I assume from the Alliance of Evil - who else?) every single day. As far as I'm aware, the call isn't advertising anything. As soon as I pick up I am put on hold. Were I left to simply enjoy the pleasant classical music playing, perhaps it wouldn't be so bad, but as with any company you are put on hold with a recording of a woman comes on every 15 to 20 seconds to say "Please hold on the line for an important message. We will be with you shortly."

Usually I hang up once I realize what it is. But today I decided to stay on the line in hopes of finally finding out what this important message could be. I waited.

Then I waited some more.

Then finally, after being on hold for 10 full minutes (and precisely 10 minutes), they hung up.


What in the name of all that is holy is wrong with these mother ****ers?!?!

AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.oneandfour.org/archives/2005/07/evil_telemarket.html

[Asher]

They always give these jobs to kids. Discrimination.

[Flubber]

I don't know why but I find the annoyance of telemarketers to be not too bad. We just call screen-- if we don't know who you are, we don't answer. The 2 seconds it takes to look at the phone is not a big deal.

Occasionally if I'm in an argumentative mood, I'll pick up, hoping they might be the persistent sort. But alas my " I do not respond to telephone solicitation of any kind" response has always caused an immediate retreat.

[Provost Harrison]

I tell you what gets to me. Recently I had one of these phonecalls (I now have caller display so I can just ignore these phonecalls) and I picked up the phone. Usually they have a person on the other end trying to convince me that I want a conservatory on my 12th floor flat or that I want to change my gas supplier in an electric-only area. I don't want to know! But to actually get some automated answer machine to ring me up is really taking the piss...do they honestly expect me to listen to it without hanging up precisely as soon as the voice kicks in?

I am not going to tolerate person trying to fob some crap off on me, let alone a recorded message...get real

[Provost Harrison]

...if it is an important call from a withheld number, there is a perfectly functional answerphone available to leave a message on...not one has taken this opportunity thus far...

[OzzyKP]

At least they try to sell you something.

I got put on hold.

[reds4ever]

Originally posted by Flubber
I don't know why but I find the annoyance of telemarketers to be not too bad. We just call screen-- if we don't know who you are, we don't answer. The 2 seconds it takes to look at the phone is not a big deal.

Thats what I do, the problem is I work shifts and if I forget to unplug the phone I get woken up at stupid o'clock in the morning by a guy trying to sell me a patio door.

[Japher]

Is "eviler" even a word?

Telemarketers

What we really need is some one willing enough to call people without anything to sell. Phone spam!

[Flubber]

Originally posted by Provost Harrison
But to actually get some automated answer machine to ring me up is really taking the piss...do they honestly expect me to listen to it without hanging up precisely as soon as the voice kicks in?

I am not going to tolerate person trying to fob some crap off on me, let alone a recorded message...get real

Agreed-- I actually am even peeved by their use of predictive dialers-- those are those computerized obscenities that can dial 50 or 100 people at once an connect whomever answers to one of their reps so the reps don't waste THEIR time listening to ringing or busy signals. There is usally a 1-2 second delay before the agent gets on the line. Even that is enough for me to hang up.

I did get a recording call me once and ask me to hold the line for an agent-- that call lasted nanoseconds

[Japher]

Why isn't there a device that detects those telemarketer devices and dumps them?

[Flubber]

Originally posted by reds4ever


Thats what I do, the problem is I work shifts and if I forget to unplug the phone I get woken up at stupid o'clock in the morning by a guy trying to sell me a patio door.

My wife could have the same problem when she works nights but they ALWAYS seem to call in the later afternoon or early evening here when she is awake anyway-- Our bedroom phone ringer is almost perpetually OFF anyway though because she doesn't want ANYONE waking her. . . .

[Flubber]

Originally posted by Japher
Why isn't there a device that detects those telemarketer devices and dumps them?

I don't know, maybe there is. I learned about them from my sister who works at a phone company. She said that in a big telemarketing centre they could pretty much have a customer on the line for the agent within a couple of seconds of the agent flagging himself as available. The computer knows average call length, caller response ratios etc and when the number of calls and agents get large, the machine can pretty much keep those agents hopping.

[Combat Ingrid]

I never answer the phone if I don't recognize the number who's calling.

[Provost Harrison]

I do the same CI, I just cannot be arsed...

[BlackCat]

Here that kind of sh!t is forbidden - only if you ask them to make a call, they are allowed to do it, but who in their right mind would do that ?