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Several things. I don't know why it hit me again like a brick but it hit me OK. It's like a decease. Only cure is to get the hell out of here.
1. I'm pissed off that my dad didn't even notice my b-day on any single way. He didn't even say happy b-day. Not even 'hey it's your b-day'. Nothing. He knows that I had it, I turned 25, and nothing. I'm pissed off that the same thing happened last year. I was here too, he's right there in the living room. I tried to help him and direct it so that he is forced, but no. Nothing. **** it I figure then.
2. I'm pissed off that he threw away my sunglasses. I had a really good pair I bought few years ago, and I always had crappy ones so I finally made a difference and put money on the table to get good pair. Like 200 euros almost. I left them at the table in here (back at home), and he threw them to trash, thinking it was his glasses and he didn't feel like wearing them. But they were mine. And they were EXPENSIVE. I don't have sunglasses now and I can't afford to buy ones now or in the near future and it's sunny as hell. When I mentioned just few minutes ago that they were mine, he didn't even apologize. It pisses me off that I can't say anything to him, because if I would say like 'well they were mine, expensive and now I don't have glasses..' he would get angry and make it my fault. And complain hwo I never do anything, which is a weird allegation. But he knows it pisses me off to hear it so that's what he says, and he gets angry too I don't have to say anything anymore at this point, just point out that he screwed up. Do I get apology and offer to get me new pair? Hell no. The fact that he screwed up doesn't even get acknowledged.
3. I'm pissed off that he also threw away everythign else I had. This day, celebrating my new quarter century year did not start as good one with 'hey nice present, thanks dad'. It started with 'you threw all my stuff away?'. And I can't get angry about it, or even mention it. Otherwise he gets pissed off and it's all my fault. He threw away my second computer, not THAT old, damn 2 years only, I wanted to use as some kind of server later on. No questions asked from me though. He threw away ALL my CDs. About 300-400 of them. He threw away ALL my burned CDs. About 400 of them. He threw away most of my clothes, because I didn't have them with me in my place now. Well that's because I hadn't had the time to get them because I moved there some time ago and I haven't yet gotten all my stuff. Now I don't have that stuff. Oh and I have very few clothes with me in my place. Nice. I can't afford buying clothes either. ****ing brilliant. He threw away everything I had, all my graduation gifts, everything, also the box that had all the bling bling, golden pins and few very special piece of jewelry I had gotten from my granpa, who gave them to me as special gift. These REALLY classy things, not only super expensive and valued, but also mentally valued. They were my price posession. now? Gone in some damn garbages. Because it was in a box, what do I do with a box?!?!? He didn't even bother to look in.
5. It pisses me off that he has hogged all my plates, well the only few I have, my glasses, forks and knives. They have also been a present from different years to me, actually design stuff. Again, valued in price, and even more valued mentally to me. Now that I need them again, to my new place, he has taken them and says he has bought them. What pisses me off is that I know he really thinks he has bought them. And because of that they're not mine and I still 'have my stuff'. But that IS my stuff and I don't know anything else!!!! ****ING *******! I now have those plastic plates and stuff you eat once from and throw away. That's what I eat off from now. Really classy ****, with similar forks and knives. Knowing that I have MY STUFF, but he's on a brain fart course. Does he then say 'OK you can have them anyway since you need them'? NO!
6. It pisses me off that I don't have anything in my place, even a place to sit. Well that's untrue I have this one ****ty chair for my computer and desk but that's it. Otherwise my place is empty like a school hall. I wanted a sofa, but I can't afford one. 'Buy used one?' YEAH but I can'ta fford one, get it?! Hell yes I am working, and I am working HARD and stupid freaking hours too, but you think I get paid so much that after rent and food and gasoline something is left? NO! Well about 100 euros is left every month, so I can buy something for me and party wild! Nice. Can't get ****. And that money always goes during the month anyway, when I decide to go luxorious and buy something fancy like cheese and maybe few times eat another warm meal in day, which I naturally make myself. Or go buy breakfast stuff from grocery store.
7. It pisses me off that I now pay 31.5 income tax, even though I have gotten few pay cheques to my name now. This whole year. Already 31.5? Who is the genious mofo that takes the lasts cents of my pay cheque and re-distributes it to drunken bastards who don't do nothing but drink the money and use taxi to get back home with social security money? I will kill one of those ****ers one of these days, just to ease up the load on this society. I do't give a rats butt anymore about those losers. They can die all I care if they don't even have the will to straighten up their act. Or drink with money they get from their relatives or friends I don't care but state supported alcoholism is straight from the anus it makes no sense.
8. It pisses me off that I don't have free time usually at all. I only work work and work, which is what other people do as well, so that's normal. But it doesn't show in my account. I still can't afford anything, like a shirt or shorts or go out and party wild once in a while or get something I need, a used sofa. It pisses me off that some young PUNK comes my way and starts arguing how he feels taxes are so good thing since if there were no taxes, I woudl be in trouble too. Get real mother****er and get a job. That's my only argument and if it doesn't stop, I just have to break something in their bodies.
9. I'm pissed off that I can't afford gym membership anymore and the nutrition I was holding up and trying to go through to peak once more. I detoriate fast when I'm not working out regulary and eating right. It's already starting to show. I hate the fact that I'm losing muscle, and gaining fat. I would LOVE to work out, but since my weird working hours, it's next to impossible now and I can't afford it. I can always do free stuff like jog and stuff but yeah..
10. I'm pissed off that my mom is ready to give me tickets to go to US and visit her, any price is OK, but she never asks me if I need anything in here, knowing I'm poor amongst poor students. I'm pissed off that someone has the balls to say to me what they think I should do, quit drinking etc, when I don't even drink with the studying time because I can'ta fford it. Supposedly if I stop drinking, I can affrod stuff. Well reality check, I can't. They can always go and look in the mirror, whose parents pay their way when they need money all the time, their partying and stuff. I don't get that money so I can't afford it, and that's OK that's the reality, but if that same person comes to me and tries to teach how I'm doing it wrong wearing brand new clothes and just coming off from trip to Thailand, I ****ing kill them. When push comes to shove, they are pussies and I am not so.. they better start thinkign when to shut up since I'm not the kind of guy who likes to listen crap all day long every day. Action isn't an option left out from me. If fair warning and polite one is given first, anything goes after that.
11. I'm pissed off that I don't have the time to continue fighting now, and I was so excited about it. I just don't have the time, this would pair up with the training part.
12. I'm pissed off that few of my relatives are coming to my place to stay because they want to see the town. It's ok that they come, but it's not OK that they stay night in my place, simply because I'm working all that time and I'm tired when I come home. They are adults, not young relatives. They can go and get a hotel room and THEN come to see my place, hang out, all that stuff, but my place is simply small, and I want to sleep there when I get home from work, not to host them. Because that's what I have to do, I have to be the host. Make them food, make sure they are having a nice vacation. I have to wonder why they chose the poor relative to come and waste their vacation in MY place when it's small and I don't feel comfortable with it anyway. I did suggest they take hotel room, because I was blunt with it, I didn't want them staying at my place, period. Did they accept it? NO! They will stay in my place ANYWAY. So I said OK. I didn't want to be a huge butthole with the whole thing. But.. it'll take up my energy, my space, my hard earned few cents of money and I get back what? Nothing. Head ache maybe. They should be more smart about it and realize since i told them how it is, and take a ****ing hint. But NO!
13. It pisses me off that I'm now 25 and I have nothing to show for.. now that my dad threw away all my property and possession, now I literally have nothing but the few sets of clothes, my computer, desk adn chair for it. That's it. Oh and a car that is broken and can't afford to fix it up properly.
14. it pisses me off that I'm the only driver in our car pool for work, and the ones who get in with me don't pay their share on time, pay too little from what we agreed on, and then ***** about it too. I have to get up way earlier to pick them all up from their home, I biggest share of gasoline ALONE, I'm always on time and they are not, and they ***** about the prices. Can't they count? I STILL PAY MORE THAN ANYONE OF THEM! How is that fair? They should shut the hell up. But I need to take them because otherwise I ca n't afford it. So I need to do it. But next time someone starts *****ing about it again and doesn't pay me on time and too little even then.. I'm seriously not responsible for my actions if I get too hot headed.
15. I'm tired of sucking up all the stuff above. I sound like a guy who is in rage about all of these, but to my dad I can't say anything to him because then it's my fault and he gets pissed off. To anything else.. well, I have to vent here because I feel like I have pressure in my brains after all this crap. I'm tired of keeping my mouth shut and my fists unused.
16. I'm pissed off that there are all these things I want to do and some things I will do but they are still so far away. I'm pissed off that I know this situation will continue at least two years more. I just want a freaking sofa to sit on. That's all. Just to have normal things, so that my place wouldn't look like an empty storage hall for two years in different places now. I just want to be able to relax normally, or do stuff. Afford at least something. TO have something to show from all these years. I guess all the property I have from all these years is in my head in plans and to be executed and implemented hopefully soon enough, but I'm just getting tired with the slow advancing and I just might kill a man.
17. The summer is about to end and it's back to 8 motnhs of darkness soon. This summer I accomplished nothing fun but work only, so I wasted the sun. So I will get depressed in few months and it'll last until the summer comes again. Really fun, ha-ha.
18. I just want to get out of here. I want to live and not wait.
19. It pisses me off that someone with no time or effort will post 'summary please' and then the next one replies 'he's pissed off about some small things'.
1. I'm pissed off that my dad didn't even notice my b-day on any single way. He didn't even say happy b-day. Not even 'hey it's your b-day'. Nothing. He knows that I had it, I turned 25, and nothing. I'm pissed off that the same thing happened last year. I was here too, he's right there in the living room. I tried to help him and direct it so that he is forced, but no. Nothing. **** it I figure then.
2. I'm pissed off that he threw away my sunglasses. I had a really good pair I bought few years ago, and I always had crappy ones so I finally made a difference and put money on the table to get good pair. Like 200 euros almost. I left them at the table in here (back at home), and he threw them to trash, thinking it was his glasses and he didn't feel like wearing them. But they were mine. And they were EXPENSIVE. I don't have sunglasses now and I can't afford to buy ones now or in the near future and it's sunny as hell. When I mentioned just few minutes ago that they were mine, he didn't even apologize. It pisses me off that I can't say anything to him, because if I would say like 'well they were mine, expensive and now I don't have glasses..' he would get angry and make it my fault. And complain hwo I never do anything, which is a weird allegation. But he knows it pisses me off to hear it so that's what he says, and he gets angry too I don't have to say anything anymore at this point, just point out that he screwed up. Do I get apology and offer to get me new pair? Hell no. The fact that he screwed up doesn't even get acknowledged.
3. I'm pissed off that he also threw away everythign else I had. This day, celebrating my new quarter century year did not start as good one with 'hey nice present, thanks dad'. It started with 'you threw all my stuff away?'. And I can't get angry about it, or even mention it. Otherwise he gets pissed off and it's all my fault. He threw away my second computer, not THAT old, damn 2 years only, I wanted to use as some kind of server later on. No questions asked from me though. He threw away ALL my CDs. About 300-400 of them. He threw away ALL my burned CDs. About 400 of them. He threw away most of my clothes, because I didn't have them with me in my place now. Well that's because I hadn't had the time to get them because I moved there some time ago and I haven't yet gotten all my stuff. Now I don't have that stuff. Oh and I have very few clothes with me in my place. Nice. I can't afford buying clothes either. ****ing brilliant. He threw away everything I had, all my graduation gifts, everything, also the box that had all the bling bling, golden pins and few very special piece of jewelry I had gotten from my granpa, who gave them to me as special gift. These REALLY classy things, not only super expensive and valued, but also mentally valued. They were my price posession. now? Gone in some damn garbages. Because it was in a box, what do I do with a box?!?!? He didn't even bother to look in.
5. It pisses me off that he has hogged all my plates, well the only few I have, my glasses, forks and knives. They have also been a present from different years to me, actually design stuff. Again, valued in price, and even more valued mentally to me. Now that I need them again, to my new place, he has taken them and says he has bought them. What pisses me off is that I know he really thinks he has bought them. And because of that they're not mine and I still 'have my stuff'. But that IS my stuff and I don't know anything else!!!! ****ING *******! I now have those plastic plates and stuff you eat once from and throw away. That's what I eat off from now. Really classy ****, with similar forks and knives. Knowing that I have MY STUFF, but he's on a brain fart course. Does he then say 'OK you can have them anyway since you need them'? NO!
6. It pisses me off that I don't have anything in my place, even a place to sit. Well that's untrue I have this one ****ty chair for my computer and desk but that's it. Otherwise my place is empty like a school hall. I wanted a sofa, but I can't afford one. 'Buy used one?' YEAH but I can'ta fford one, get it?! Hell yes I am working, and I am working HARD and stupid freaking hours too, but you think I get paid so much that after rent and food and gasoline something is left? NO! Well about 100 euros is left every month, so I can buy something for me and party wild! Nice. Can't get ****. And that money always goes during the month anyway, when I decide to go luxorious and buy something fancy like cheese and maybe few times eat another warm meal in day, which I naturally make myself. Or go buy breakfast stuff from grocery store.
7. It pisses me off that I now pay 31.5 income tax, even though I have gotten few pay cheques to my name now. This whole year. Already 31.5? Who is the genious mofo that takes the lasts cents of my pay cheque and re-distributes it to drunken bastards who don't do nothing but drink the money and use taxi to get back home with social security money? I will kill one of those ****ers one of these days, just to ease up the load on this society. I do't give a rats butt anymore about those losers. They can die all I care if they don't even have the will to straighten up their act. Or drink with money they get from their relatives or friends I don't care but state supported alcoholism is straight from the anus it makes no sense.
8. It pisses me off that I don't have free time usually at all. I only work work and work, which is what other people do as well, so that's normal. But it doesn't show in my account. I still can't afford anything, like a shirt or shorts or go out and party wild once in a while or get something I need, a used sofa. It pisses me off that some young PUNK comes my way and starts arguing how he feels taxes are so good thing since if there were no taxes, I woudl be in trouble too. Get real mother****er and get a job. That's my only argument and if it doesn't stop, I just have to break something in their bodies.
9. I'm pissed off that I can't afford gym membership anymore and the nutrition I was holding up and trying to go through to peak once more. I detoriate fast when I'm not working out regulary and eating right. It's already starting to show. I hate the fact that I'm losing muscle, and gaining fat. I would LOVE to work out, but since my weird working hours, it's next to impossible now and I can't afford it. I can always do free stuff like jog and stuff but yeah..
10. I'm pissed off that my mom is ready to give me tickets to go to US and visit her, any price is OK, but she never asks me if I need anything in here, knowing I'm poor amongst poor students. I'm pissed off that someone has the balls to say to me what they think I should do, quit drinking etc, when I don't even drink with the studying time because I can'ta fford it. Supposedly if I stop drinking, I can affrod stuff. Well reality check, I can't. They can always go and look in the mirror, whose parents pay their way when they need money all the time, their partying and stuff. I don't get that money so I can't afford it, and that's OK that's the reality, but if that same person comes to me and tries to teach how I'm doing it wrong wearing brand new clothes and just coming off from trip to Thailand, I ****ing kill them. When push comes to shove, they are pussies and I am not so.. they better start thinkign when to shut up since I'm not the kind of guy who likes to listen crap all day long every day. Action isn't an option left out from me. If fair warning and polite one is given first, anything goes after that.
11. I'm pissed off that I don't have the time to continue fighting now, and I was so excited about it. I just don't have the time, this would pair up with the training part.
12. I'm pissed off that few of my relatives are coming to my place to stay because they want to see the town. It's ok that they come, but it's not OK that they stay night in my place, simply because I'm working all that time and I'm tired when I come home. They are adults, not young relatives. They can go and get a hotel room and THEN come to see my place, hang out, all that stuff, but my place is simply small, and I want to sleep there when I get home from work, not to host them. Because that's what I have to do, I have to be the host. Make them food, make sure they are having a nice vacation. I have to wonder why they chose the poor relative to come and waste their vacation in MY place when it's small and I don't feel comfortable with it anyway. I did suggest they take hotel room, because I was blunt with it, I didn't want them staying at my place, period. Did they accept it? NO! They will stay in my place ANYWAY. So I said OK. I didn't want to be a huge butthole with the whole thing. But.. it'll take up my energy, my space, my hard earned few cents of money and I get back what? Nothing. Head ache maybe. They should be more smart about it and realize since i told them how it is, and take a ****ing hint. But NO!
13. It pisses me off that I'm now 25 and I have nothing to show for.. now that my dad threw away all my property and possession, now I literally have nothing but the few sets of clothes, my computer, desk adn chair for it. That's it. Oh and a car that is broken and can't afford to fix it up properly.
14. it pisses me off that I'm the only driver in our car pool for work, and the ones who get in with me don't pay their share on time, pay too little from what we agreed on, and then ***** about it too. I have to get up way earlier to pick them all up from their home, I biggest share of gasoline ALONE, I'm always on time and they are not, and they ***** about the prices. Can't they count? I STILL PAY MORE THAN ANYONE OF THEM! How is that fair? They should shut the hell up. But I need to take them because otherwise I ca n't afford it. So I need to do it. But next time someone starts *****ing about it again and doesn't pay me on time and too little even then.. I'm seriously not responsible for my actions if I get too hot headed.
15. I'm tired of sucking up all the stuff above. I sound like a guy who is in rage about all of these, but to my dad I can't say anything to him because then it's my fault and he gets pissed off. To anything else.. well, I have to vent here because I feel like I have pressure in my brains after all this crap. I'm tired of keeping my mouth shut and my fists unused.
16. I'm pissed off that there are all these things I want to do and some things I will do but they are still so far away. I'm pissed off that I know this situation will continue at least two years more. I just want a freaking sofa to sit on. That's all. Just to have normal things, so that my place wouldn't look like an empty storage hall for two years in different places now. I just want to be able to relax normally, or do stuff. Afford at least something. TO have something to show from all these years. I guess all the property I have from all these years is in my head in plans and to be executed and implemented hopefully soon enough, but I'm just getting tired with the slow advancing and I just might kill a man.
17. The summer is about to end and it's back to 8 motnhs of darkness soon. This summer I accomplished nothing fun but work only, so I wasted the sun. So I will get depressed in few months and it'll last until the summer comes again. Really fun, ha-ha.
18. I just want to get out of here. I want to live and not wait.
19. It pisses me off that someone with no time or effort will post 'summary please' and then the next one replies 'he's pissed off about some small things'.
to life.
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