I need help: lost in life......

[MORON]

I should introduce myself:

I'm 20 years old, currently taking a break from school for a year after 2 years of engineering science at university of toronto. I am currently living in Taiwan with my parents.

I was born in Taiwan, move around the country for most of my childhood, excluding grade 3-4, which I studied in the United States. I then moved to Vancouver, Canada, since the second half of grade 9, living with my mom for the most part. I then moved to Toronto for university.

My problem:

Well it really isn't a singular problem, but just a completely messed up life. Since I'm not so good at descriptions anyway, I'll post a comic that kinda reflects my life

http://mangainc.com/archives/cat_nhk_ni_youkoso.html

Just download chapter 1 and you should get the general idea. I'm not a comic character so I'm not so dramatic, as I do not express insanity (directly anyway, even if my mind is going all over the place) nor do I do drugs and hallucinate....or even drink

But nonetheless, I've lived two years in near total seclusion, and much social phobia. It is not that social interaction is impossible, just very difficult and it is almost impossible for me to do many things without overwhelming pressure. Without it, things gets procastinated on the order of years, like applying for an health card. (procastinated 2 years and counting)

There is also all the other crap that comes with it, depression, suicidal thoughts, and difficulty dealing with everyday life. (let alone effectively 6 calculus courses all the time and the problems of moving out from home for the first time)

Knowing that I'm self destructing at an alarming rate, I packed up and get back home. While this solve no problems whatsoever, at least I won't screw my physical health over completely, and I'm less likely to kill myself.

Aside from that, I've kinda given up seriously trying anything in real life to change anything. I have no real idea on what to do anyway, as everything just seems too messed up to sort out. Things I'd do all lie in the extremely easy and safe things, like posting on the internet. Seeking professional help is difficult obviously, and it has not been wholely untried.

..........and at this point, I don't know what to add.

[Lawrence of Arabia]

well, if you are an america citizen

https://www.peacecorps.org

maybe two and half years in the bush will give you perspective, help you grow, and motivate you.

[chequita guevara]

Moron, are you on any medication?

[General Ludd]

I can kind of relate.


What are the things you would do... besides posting on the internet? Your ideals, philosphies, or concepts of happines. Find something that is comforting, or reafirming, and follow it. Don't do anything becuase you feel that you need to. I find that for me, that is the msot overwhelming and oppresive feeling in my life - societal expectations. Don't be afraid to be different, unusual, or to strive for something that no one else seems to. (there's always someone else who does, though.)

Social phobia can be hard to deal with at times, but try remembering that what you say is just words, and what other people think ultimately can't be known or guessed by you, and doesn't always matter anyways. I know that I often stress and panic about interactions I have with people that are, in later reflection, so insignifigant that I'm the only person who would ever remember them, anyways. The times that I am most at ease are when I go into a situation thinking along the lines of "there's nothing to lose" .

[Dis]

I can't help you there, I suffer from the same problems . I haven't found a solution.

But there are jobs out there that don't require much social interaction. They aren't great jobs. But it still feels good to do something. Sitting around the house does no good.

[:) Smiley]

Where in Taiwan are you now?

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

I've long suspected that the single most effective remedy for social phobia is beer. Go join a club and suggest grabbing a quick drink at the end of it.

[Dis]

Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
I've long suspected that the single most effective remedy for social phobia is beer. Go join a club and suggest grabbing a quick drink at the end of it.

yeah it gave me a drinking problem. . NOw I have 2 problems in my life.

[Spiffor]

I take it you wish to cure your social phobia. Is it for the sake of principle (an abstract belief that curing it would improve your life, but nothing really that urgent)? Or do you really concretely strive to change things?

These questions are maybe a bit obscure , so here is something that might help understanding them. I personally am slightly fat. Nothing alarming. I know I should go on a diet and do sports, and I sometimes make a token effort to that effect. It would be nice if I was more fit, but I won't bother any significantly changing my lifestyle, because I can't be arsed.

Is it the same for you? Can you be bothered making a real effort at changing your social phobia? Or do you feel you have it good enough so that you're not motivated to make real hard efforts?

This question is nothing personal, because I don't know you. It's nothing judgmental either, because it's neither "bad" or "good" to have some extent of motivation. But it can help us Polypeople giving you more adequate advice.

[Barinthus]

Originally posted by Lawrence of Arabia
well, if you are an america citizen

https://www.peacecorps.org

maybe two and half years in the bush will give you perspective, help you grow, and motivate you.

Bad idea. Peace Corps volunteers are pretty much guarnteed to be put on an anti-malarial regime (I forgot its name... mef or something). There are side effects that a certain percentage of people will get including hallucinations. There are cases in which people have killed themselves due to halluincations and emotional changes caused by mef.

I remember I had some nasty dreams in which I thought I was being ate alive by bugs and spiders. Fortunately for me that was it. Some people have jumped out a window several stories high fleeing from something they hallucinated.

IIRC only US government approve this drug - no other country on this planet would force their employees or whatever to take this.

[Barinthus]

Moron - go get some counseling. That's the only meaningful advice I can offer. Good luck and I do wish you best.

[Dinner]

I believe Taiwan has a national health care system so you should be able to speak to someone trained to help people with social anxiety. Is there something you enjoy doing as a hobby? I ask because if you would like to get out more then it might ease your mind a bit if you were doing something you enjoy.

[chequita guevara]

IIRC, Chinese culture doesn't view mental illness very well.

[Dis]

Originally posted by chegitz guevara
IIRC, Chinese culture doesn't view mental illness very well.

neither does the U.S.

[General Ludd]

Originally posted by Oerdin
Is there something you enjoy doing as a hobby? I ask because if you would like to get out more then it might ease your mind a bit if you were doing something you enjoy.

Yes, that can be good.

For me it was walking (after 'inheriting' a dog from my sister) and then gardening, and then volounteering, and then bike riding, and then ceramics (something that I might actually be able to make a meager living with).


Each "hobby" lead to another in one way or another. When I first started walking the dog, I had no interest in any of that. I rarely left the house - volounteering was a foreign concept to me. I'd given away my bike years before. I laughed at the idea of gardening and I wouldn't even contemplate doing ceramics, despite having someone suggest to me that I'd probably enjoy pottery.