Gnome NES

[bipolarbear]

Join the Red Army Today! Or Else!



So update eh?

ninja edit: Note: that is a local artist's rendering of the citizens in action.

[foolish_icarus]

Most impressive. The NKVD will study this carefully and learn to use its best qualities for our own purposes.

[bipolarbear]

NKVD?

[Gamecube64]

Exactly!

[bipolarbear]

Is it some secret alliance?

[foolish_icarus]

gNomen Klature Variety Department. The Clay Gnomes' Secretive Service.

[bipolarbear]

"gNomen Klature" And the best pun I could dream up was Ted Koppelopolis.

My hat is normally quite tipped to you as it is Icarus, but today I remove it fully. Good pun.

[Micha]

This is even funnier when you realize it was first mentioned on April 1st, back on the first page

/me shakes his head about bipo´s long line

[appleciders]

Careful... The phrase "Peace at any cost" is a registered trademark of Bush Family Middle-Eastern War, Inc.

Hopefully the update will be done today, I am about halfway through it. Sorry about the wait, I made the mistake of buying Halo and got distracted from my modly duties.

[bipolarbear]

This is even funnier when you realize it was first mentioned on April 1st, back on the first page

the joke's on you!ever trust ANYTHING done on April Fool's Day! It's the most crazy topsy turvy day of the year! Psyche!

"Peace at any cost" is a registered trademark of Bush Family Middle-Eastern War, Inc.

Well Morgan Freeman says, "Bring those M0th3rf^ckers on. If that b@$t@rd almost died eating a pretzel, let's see how the b!7ch does against a swarm of bees!"

!!!GNEWS FLASH!!!

After his short leave of absence to narrate the movie "March of the Penguins" Morgan "Bad A$% Mother$%&#@!" Freeman has made his semi glorious return to his rightful seat in his empire (which may or may not be at the right hand of the father).

[foolish_icarus]

Originally posted by foolish_icarus on 31-03-2005 16:54
...an additional 5 will be permanently assigned to tell them to the public, marking the creation and first agents of the gNomenKlatureVarietyDepartment, or NKVD.

ah, the trickeries of timezones. April Fool's is so powerful it reaches BACK THROUGH TIME!!


bp, did you see march of the penguins? I read the review...If someone had told me you could make an (apparently entertaining) hour and a half movie out of penguin footage, I would have been sceptical.

[bipolarbear]

Skeptical. Sorry to nit pick but I need something to repair my bruised ego.

I haven't seen it yet. I actually didn't know it was Freeman associated until 1889 PM'd me a link about it.

[appleciders]

Seventh Update:

The POWARS, after drafting even more gnomes into the army, have created a near frenzy among expansionist elements by drafting fifty more gnomes into the army. While these new Twig Gnomes are poorly armed and trained compared to other nations' armies, the POWARS have made another agressive gain.

The major resettlement of the newly renamed Koppelopolis was heralded as a good solution to the minor overcrowding problems in Gnew York. The fortifications were also widely approved of by the population, especially after the Barbecue Gnome attack during the founding of Koppelopolis.

The major project of the last few turns is still secret, although rumors are circulating that Morgan Freeman has come up with a new secret weapon that will drastically improve the POWARS military.

However, Morgan Freeman's bag of tricks doesn't seem to be empty yet. Twenty POWARS were seen moving westward towards the garage, guarded by a large complement of Wall Gnome guards. The POWARS also recieved rope technology from the Wall Gnomes in return for a dozen tame bees.

Finally, twenty POWARS scavenged for food, while five more attempted to appease the population.

Even with the major deployment, the POWARS still had 416 gnomes left to reproduce, for a gain of 273 gnomes.


The Clay Gnomes made their first major military movements this turn. Though there had been talk of Bush Gnome help, no orders came through and the Clay Gnomes were on their own.

The Clay Gnome generals proved more than competant, however. Sufficent scouting allowed for maximum efficiency in small raids, and a well planned ambush damaged the Trash Gnome contingent that responded to the attacks. Many Trash Gnome workers were taken prisoner, and were taken back to Karthago to be held and questioned. While the Trash Gnomes were not foolish enough to stay and fight when they were clearly outclassed, their retreat gave much ground to the Clay Gnomes, whose forces now threaten the anthill that provides ants that perform much of the heavy labor of the Trash Gnomes.

A small group of trainers reached Karthago and taught the Bush Gnomes how to train Advanced Axe Gnomes and how to make rope.

47 gnomes were born, while 21 died. Out of the captured Trash Gnomes, 28 expressed a wish to defect to the Clay Gnomes and be granted asylum.


The Nomads mostly stayed at home this turn. The training of 10 more bow gnomes occupied much of the workforce, and the rest mostly foraged for food.

A centipede rushed through the camp in the early hours of the morning, disturbing many inhabitants and destroying some dwellings.

7 gnomes died, while 13 were born.


The Trash Gnomes suffered from Clay Gnome attacks again this turn, but by refusing to engage fully when the situation turned against them, they avoided major losses. The Trash Gnome army has been expanded to compensate for recent losses, and a new security force, the KGB, has been formed to curb the feelings of unrest amongst the peasants.

A small detachment of KGB agents made their way into Twin Lake territory, where they managed to steal rope-making technology.

43 gnomes died, while 102 were born, for a gain of 59 gnomes. Eight ants were captured.


The Twin Lake Gnomes got a head start on their olympic bid this turn, training their swimmers and big eaters. They also continued their constant military upgrades, successfully training ants to carry gnomes on their backs, and improving spear design by attaching a heavy and sharp pebble to the tip. This design could be applied to all existing Spear Gnome units, and will be applied to all new ones.

They also designed the first defensive piece of equiptment, the acorn cap shield. This small, light piece of an acorn cap is strapped to a gnome's arm, and provides some protection against enemy strikes. It may be given to any gnome unit that does not already possess two pieces of equiptment (i.e., not the Legionaires because they have both a short and a long spear, but it could be given to Spear Gnomes to create a whole new unit).

A piece of tree bark, brought to the Twin Lakes from BBQ City, was found to be a large and stable, if slow and clumsy, raft. This raft is expected to be helpful for fishing.

116 gnomes were born, while 29 died, for a gain of 87 gnomes.


The Wall Gnomes continued their widely varied projects this turn. More research was done regarding pond skaters, which are now setting records in pond-transit time. The rope-network was improved, expanding the capacity of Brickbane. Six more pondskaters were captured and broken to the harness. The pondskater enclosure makes it much easier to mount the skaters. While they are useful for transportation, they have been found to be a poor fishing platform.

The Walluminati, a secret society rumored to be working for King Mika, was rumored to be founded this turn.

Many gnomes began a forced resettlement from Brickbane to Fata, in a hotly opposed government project. While Fata is now more heavily garrisoned, Fata is still seen as a frontier city near the historically agressive BBQ gnomes. King Mika may have gotten off on a bad foot with this move, although the building of defensive trenches may help.

Major food-gathering expeditions in both CAC and Fata have raised food supplies to previously unheard-of levels.

12 bees arrived from the POWARS, in exchange for the rope technology.

134 gnomes were born, while 9 died, for a gain of 125 gnomes. Six pondskaters and sixteen ants were captured.


The Bush Gnomes were once again quiet, with no orders coming from the government. Productivity fell, and with the end of the food supply from the Clay Gnomes, the colony's food stores have rapidly been depleted.

Only 36 gnomes were born while 42 died, for a loss of 6 gnomes.


The Barbecue Gnomes gave up any pretense of control of their former capital, Barbecue City. Their new colony New Barbecue is thriving, though focused mainly on simple survival this turn. Only a small military was built, for simple defense only. Emissaries were sent to both the POWARS and the Wall Gnomes, asking to begin friendly relations and possibly trade.

41 gnomes were born, while 8 died, for a gain of 33 gnomes.

[Micha]

The wall gnomes welcome the BBQ emissaries and offer them food and housing during their stay. The trade issue is being discussed by King Mika and Mikahontas, his alter ego, and rumors say a positive outcome is most likely.

However, the past attacks cannot simply be forgotten, so the Wall Gnomes demand a sign of goodwill from the BBQs. This will include a one-way military alliance, meaning the BBQs help the Wallers in case of war. The payment will be a regular food shipment from C.A.C. and a permanent NAP.

The Walluminati are being expanded by 30 new agents, all of whom will do what was said in the recent PM.

More orders later.

EDIT:
Please remove both "special unit: bow gnome" and "tech: archery" from the Wall Gnome stats post. Thanks.

[Micha]

Oh well, since I´ll be leaving today for a long summer holiday, I´ll have to leave my precious little gnomes to the wrath of the mod...

Don´t let them die! Please!

Good bye folks, see you in September. Have fun!
- Micha