Clash of Empires (Metaliturtle's first NES)

[Cinna]

Mr. Hernando and the republic

While all of England was simply fascinated to learn of your mothers bedroom antics, we found the rest of your letter rather boorish. I however, a ruler of the people, know exactly what you mean. Last month the royal kitchen ran out of bear claws and I refused to eat any 'danish' or 'french' pastries. And two years ago the entire colony of India damn near burned down when I dropped a scrap of meat on the ground. While we don't feel your pain directly, several Londoners were surprised to learn that humans really can live outside of solid gold houses.

In order to help you out in these difficult times, we are commanding all of our poor colonies to donate half their earnings to your nation. The wealthy and English are obviously exempt. We are also forcing many Irish to sell their houses as well. If they don't like it we'll ship some of my boys down to teach 'em a lesson.

HRM Queen Vickie

ps: Oooh just name the time and the place my spanish stallion. Lets "escape" to New Zealand for a few months and just maybe you can catch some limey feel

[SKILORD]

I'll try to match you this time.

[SKILORD]

Vickey, Baby,

I doin't think it's gonna work out, you bein a Queen and all and myself being only a hispanic whoreson.... well some people may object. I dunno what their deal is, but I guess it would invole scandals baby. I've had my shares of scandals, I remember the first time my mother walked in on me and her sister......

but let bygones be bygones.

Some noblemen in Brazil were truely offended by your lack of Bearclaws on that particular instance, and have had several slaves whipped in sympathy with your plight.

Anyway, I had them pay for the Railroad they wanted, in punishment for serf abuse. Killed about 30000 impovershed to get it, but I suppose in the end that just leaves more dirt for the rest of us.

So, thanks for the aid, if you have to send troops to Ireland tell the natives i said 'hi'.

-

Thumppita Thummmpita, ah dooh!

(Now, after the beautiful musical interlude you will see.... orders in story form)

Hernando was thinking

"So... you're saying that if we brought back human sacrifice.... we would be seen poorly"

"I dunno... probably..... I mean, maybe we can convince the Liberals that it's like... a cultural thing....or maybe a late abortion of some sort..... maybe if we got the preists degrees in medicine...... but I don't think people would buy it."

"Welll... damn. Coulda gone and solved the whole food shortage right there," Hernando laid down on his mat.

His palace was really just a tent in an abandoned lot. He didn't really fear assasination because all the real assasins would target his doubles in the fake Palace designed to emulate the Taj Mahal, only grander. His advisor was a childhood freind 'Joe', which was short for Fredrique Gonzales.

The only real problem were the drug dealers who constantly harassed the security, a blind chiuaua and a mute bodybuilder.

Yes, this was the elite gaurd of the Mexican army, "Sachez force"

Which was probably short for something else, Hernando didn't really care, he found the gaurd boring and he dog annoying, at best. Every single attempt at conversation had been stifled by the two.

Ayway, he decided, on a lark, to beef up the army, maybe start giving them dobermans rather than chuiauas.... however the hell you spell it.

[Cinna]

The big day had finally arrived. The new Parliament was finally being sworn in and officially inaugurated. During the entire ceremony, however, the queen was in hysterics. She couldn’t put down the latest letter from her new Latin American ‘interest’. Several times the ceremony had to pause so that Her Majesty could compose herself. The new government was in session and ready to make big changes in the Empire

To Mr. Hernando, His Republic, and to whom it may concern:

We are most glad to see that you have been on such good terms with the government lately, but sadly we must revert back to a cordial peace with your nation. While it has been ‘fun’ England and her Empire have more pressing issues to attend to. We will however make good on the agreement Her Majesty has already offered by contacting the German Reich.

Sincerely Prime Minister Smithe
And the British Parliament

To the Most Excellent German Reich:

We have contacted you in order to work out a deal regarding your South American colonies. Perhaps some sort of beneficial transaction could be worked out to give the Latin Republic more control over the colonies affairs. We will contact you when we have decided on an appropriate offer.

Sincerely Prime Minister Smithe
And the British Parliament
--

My Sweet Spanish Bear Claw:

Parliament has all but forbidden me to contact you. They are afraid of us getting too close and jeopardizing plans, and possibly causing a scandal. But I just can’t stay away. I have dealt with scandal before, but I do it with class. Last year I dressed in drag and mutilated some prostitutes, hehe if they only knew! And a while back I ‘entertained’ myself with two handsome Scots outside the servant’s hall. It was great, a little too much leather for my liking, but great.
Since we can’t get caught I advise you to use an alternate address found below. Stay good and maybe I can have some Irish whores shipped out to Mexico’s streets later this year!

Queenie Vee

PS: You can reach me at:

LiL’ ChUnKy Ho
123 James Street,
London, Great Britain

[Sheep]

The German Reich united after the long period of disunity in 1871. The Reich headed by the Hohenzollern Kaisers was indeed the most powerful nation in Europe if not the world. However the new Kaiser Wilhelm III and his Chancellor Herr Hitler struggled to keep the rebels in the South American colonies from being troublesome. Indeed the Reich needed lebensruam but not in the Americas.

The Russian encampation on German soil in the provinces of Silesia was troublesome. Whatever they said the Jews needed to be taught a lesson for their attempted uprising in Bavaria. Perhaps this blatant show of support for the rebels could be used to secure the much need land sought after by the German people.

****ALL SECRET***

To Russia: Remove your forces from our territory, or suffer war.

To France: Our exulsion of the food critic to France was so you could enjoy him, honsetly he was really annoying us.

To Mexico: We no longer wish to hold such a great colonial empire. It is utterly useless to us. Help us defend the Panama Canal, and allow for an alliance and the territory shall be released to you.

To the United States: Your attack was unfounded. However if you help us against a possible Russian menace we shall endevour to forget about this crime.