Mafia XV - It's death Jam, but not as we know it...

[FlameFlash]

Cool...

/me declares "Now may God have mercy on our souls" and promptly crosses himself.

[Tuberski]

Oh Great! I'm the sadistic Head of Security?

I'll be voted to death quickly.



ACK!

[Jon Miller]

I would have prefered science officer too (or something more creative than data sorting officer)

Jon Miller
(and well, I am a Physicist (Grad student actually))

[FlameFlash]

I just wonder why I'm religious for a second time...

[Urban Ranger]

I want to be a mad scientist

Since I can't, I will conduct experiments on the hull, and on Tuberski when he's drunk.

[Spiffor]

Aging senator travelling in the stars, being the humane voice out there. Sounds like a great retirement plan

[FlameFlash]

/me begins praying harder...

[Skanky Burns]

I want to be involved with alcohol
/me checks his occupation

Woohoo!

[Theben]

"best shot in the navy" w00t! DOn't mess with me, you mafia bastards! I'll irradiate yer hide twice before ya look at me once!

[Theben]

Originally posted by Skanky Burns
Its a sad day indeed when Theban's name is spelt correctly and mine isn't.

[Jamski]

@ you guys.

Episode 1

3 shiphours before the warp jump Skanky Burns was polishing the glasses in the Enlisted Men's Bar, and whistling a happy tune. The party last night, called to say goodbye to the good old space station "Proxima" which the ASS Apolyton called "home", had been a real party to remember, and thanks to his friend Kassi, who had smuggled a few crates of non-standard-issue whiskey onboard, Skanky was sure that it wouldn't be the last great party on this voyage. Skanky patted the boxes under the bar.

"Keep safe there, my babies," he muttered to the bottles.

On the other side of the room Doc flipped open a small recording device and spoke into it.
"Subject : male, human, talks to himself. Reminder : Check physcological profile in datalinks."

Skanky looked up at the Medical Officer.
"Are you here for your shots?" He quipped, "I thought you had enough of them last night."

Doc groaned and threw an ashtray at Skanky's head, missing pitifully.
"Dammit!" he complained "Next time I'll order Theben to take a shot at your stupid grinnng face"

Skanky just laughed and kept polishing his glasses.

"Shouldn't you be in the Officer's Tea Room, Doc?" asked ADG as he entered.
"I prefer slumming it down here with you low-life" replied Doc, "Which reminds me - what's for dinner tonight?"
ADG grinned broadly "Guess!" he called and went over to the windows to look out at the stars.

Just then Tuberski entered, and the banter in the Enlisted Men's Bar came to an abrupt halt.
"Why aren't you men at your crappy posts?" he sneered "Oh I forgot, none of you men have proper jobs on this ship."

Mart7x5 looked up from the zero-G pool table. "Is that so?" he asked mildly "I seem to remember making the engine work was a very important task..." he paused for effect "...but I must have been mistaken, I'm getting it mixed up with stomping around bullying people"

The men in the bar muttered and looked at each other. The insult had hit home, and Mart was in trouble now.

Tuberski snapped back,
"Insolence to the Head of Security - 3 months toilet cleaning duty."

Mart smiled. It was worth every punishment to stand up to that rag.

Tuberski had gone behind Skanky's bar and was poking around with his walking cane.

"What's this crap?" he asked "Eh, Mr Burns, I asked you a question, what's this crap here?"

"What?" replied Skanky.

Tuberski grabbed Skanky Burns by the hair and rammed his face down hard into the whiskey crates under the bar.

"THIS CRAP here, you miserable... son... of... a... aaagch..."

Tuberski fell backwards away from Skanky, his firm grip was weaker and weaker. The security man clutched at his throat and tried to speak, but no sound came out. His hands were shrivelling into claws.

Skanky got to his knees and backed away from Tuberski, who was spasming out of control.

"Umm... Doc?" said Skanky "I suppose you have to help him."

"Stuff the bloody Hippocratic Oath" relied Doc, leaning on the bar "I want to watch and make notes here"

Tuberski's hair suddenly turned white, then crumbled into dust. His face wrinked like a prune, then the skin broke apart into dry flakes, which were sucked up into the air conditioning, followed by the flesh and revealing the bones of Tuberski, now clearly dead.

Doc, Skanky and the other men in the bar watched as the bones also crumbled away into white powder.

"Oh crap," said ADG "We have to tell the Captain."

* * * * *

Captain Hercules looked to General Ludd, his first officer.
"Well, Ludd, do we have this warp jump all planned and ready to go?"
"Yessir" replied the 1st Officer.
"What does that mean?" asked Jonny.
"It means hold onto your pants, son," said Alva kindly "We're about to hit highspeeds"
"Engage warp jump," said the captain.
"Yessir!" said Ludd "Navigation - you heard the man, get to it."

GJRamsey pressed some buttons and moved some levers and the sip shuddered as it accellerated to unimaginable wild speeds. The stars on the forward viewscreen blurred to lines.

"Sir?" called Vlad "I'm picking up some kind of strange signal..."
"Captain? The engines aren't responding..." shouted GJRamsey

Herclules spoke to Ludd "Get me Engineering"
"Yessir!" replied Ludd.
"Chief?" called the captian "Can you hear me? What wrong with the engines?"
"She won't take anymore captain, she's going to blow," said Mart, who had just entered the bridge behind the captian's chair.
"Really?" asked Jonny "Are we in danger?"
"Shut the engines down!" shouted Hercules "At once!"
"I can't," said Mart "I'm here on the bridge.

There was a moment's pause.

"Shall I shoot him for you, sir?" asked Theben

The engines coughed and died.

"I managed to manually override the security configuations with a delta-based wormloop" said Jon Miller.
"Is he allowed to do that?" whispered the captian"
"Yessir" replied Ludd "I'm afraid so."
"Why are you not at your post, Chief?" demanded Hercules "It would have been nice to have an engineer in the engine room when we are using the engine to fly halfway accross the galaxy, or am I being stupid here?"

Everyone shrugged.

"Captain" said Mart "I have some news"
"Security, take this man back to his post and make sure he stays there," said Hercules.
"That's the problem," said Doc "There is no security."

The captain was quickly informed of the happenings in the Enlisted Men's Bar, and he called all the crew together.

"Men of the ASS Apolyton," he began "Today our Head of Security died in tragic and mysterious circumstances."

There were muted cheers from the back of the room.

"He appears to have aged 5,000 years in just minutes," commented Doc "Judging by the carbon dating I did on this dust"

"How is that possible?" asked Ghengis "Its like something out of a science fiction holofilm."

"I don't know," replied the medical officer, "It could be a poison, or an alien virus, or some kind of invisible radiation, or even a nanodevice in his bloodstream - and those are only the options the computer could suggest."
"Pah!" spluttered FlameFlash "That ungodly machine ALWAYS suggests alien viruses. I don't know where the men would catch such things."

Rah and Kassi exchanged glances, which the Captain saw.

"Did you let Tuberski go on one of your special excursions?" he asked, "No, actually forget it, he'd never meet your prices... umm.. that is... if I knew what your prices were... umm..."

The chaplain looked bemused.

"Aaanyway..." continued the captain "...we're stuck in uncharted space with a possible killer on board. What do we do?"

The crew looked at each other and frowned.

Alva whispered furiously into Jonny's ear.

"We vote for who we think did it and throw them out the airlock?" asked Jonny.

Everyone looked at him in horror.

"Excellent idea!" said Hercules "You have 24 hours to report back with your vote."

It is now day, and you can vote.

-Jam

[DrSpike]

Originally posted by Skanky Burns
Its a sad day indeed when Theban's name is spelt correctly and mine isn't.

[Jamski]

Clues sent

Hehehe

-Jam

[DrSpike]

No clue for me so I'm off to the holodeck. I may be some time.

[Mart]

I have no clue what might have happened...
I'd better check the engines. I'll be in the engineering