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How being a parent changes you...
Yeah, this is yet another in one of my "JohnT gives life advice to those who didn't ask for it" threads. Usually they tend towards investments and other such (more or less) objective assundries, but this time I'm going to tell you what people who say
"Having a child will change your life FOREVER"
and then grin mysteriously w/o going any further, mean. (Pre-birth, nothing pissed me off more than this, btw, so I'm performing a valuable service here.)
Note that this depends upon the child - baby Sophia is a perfectly healthy, happy little girl. Otoh, if you have an infant who is undergoing health issues, the lessons you'll learn will be amended a bit.
For starters, you WILL become more conservative in word and deed. By "conservative" I don't mean that you'll change your political affiliation or beliefs, but that you will suddenly start to measure, to weigh your actions/words and how they affect the baby. You'll catch yourself before letting out that extra-loud "GAWDDAMMIT!!!" You'll change the channel from the sex-soaked bikini babes on MTV to something more boring, more adult - like the Weather Channel. Hell, you might actually start going to Church because, well, who else is going to teach your kid about one of the foundations of Western Civilization?
The most important lesson you can learn is a corollary (sp?) of this: Remember that your child is always watching you. Anything and everything she sees will be considered "normal." Beat your wife? Your kid will grow up thinking that it's "normal" for Daddy to hit Mommy - maybe not "right", but "normal." Come home stinkin' drunk every Friday night? Your five year old will think that EVERY dad gets drunk on Friday night. Hug your wife, and tell her that you love her 10 times a day? Ditto.
Of course, once the kids hit school and start to seriously socialize, they will realize that this isn't the case, that not every family is like their own. So why be the one to set the bad example?
You'll also realize that all the things you promised yourself to do as a parent... well, most of them you won't do. I remember thinking that MY kid wasn't going to waste their time watching stupid kid shows like Barney and Sesame Street, that Daddy would read to them every evening - and not kids books, no, MY kid is going to be raised on the classics, and that modern, post-1955 music will be verboten - nothing but Bach and Mozart for MY child - it'll make 'em SMART! YEAH!!
One word:
It ain't gonna happen - having a child is stressful enough w/o undergoing a total personality change as well. You'll realize that "stupid kid shows" are anything but, that reading Shakespeare to a 6 month old is just damn silly, and that your toddler will oh-so-adoringly dance to pop tunes more readily than she will the Brandenburgs. You'll also realize that not having modern culture in your house is just as wrong as having none of the classics.
Another thing, is that you will mysteriously turn into your parents. Not totally, not completely, but you'll say something and realize - "My God, I just sounded like Mother - and I swore that I would never do that." The punishments that you remember hating you'll start using because you will realize that their effectiveness is what made them stick in your mind for 20+ years after the fact.
You will love your child. Wait, let me correct myself: You will fall in love with your child. If you think that post-birth you will still be #1 in your spouses eyes - no way, uh-uh, is NOT gonna happen. This is true for both men and women, and if you realize this beforehand it makes the adjustment to being second-fiddle that much easier.
Kids take time, as well they should. The greatest gift you can give your child is your time, your attention, and, if you are a dedicated parent, your days of coming home and sitting at the computer, ignoring the world, is behind you. And you'll be glad!
Children are a lot of work, but damn, they are a lot of FUN as well! Spend as much time with them as possible - these are special times and every second should be cherished because, well, neither of you can get these moments back.
I'm sure the other Apolytoner parents can chime in with their lessons learned. Or not... it is my experience that these threads tend to deteriorate into a morass of "I'm not going to be that way - I'm gonna be different!" responses.
"Having a child will change your life FOREVER"
and then grin mysteriously w/o going any further, mean. (Pre-birth, nothing pissed me off more than this, btw, so I'm performing a valuable service here.)
Note that this depends upon the child - baby Sophia is a perfectly healthy, happy little girl. Otoh, if you have an infant who is undergoing health issues, the lessons you'll learn will be amended a bit.
For starters, you WILL become more conservative in word and deed. By "conservative" I don't mean that you'll change your political affiliation or beliefs, but that you will suddenly start to measure, to weigh your actions/words and how they affect the baby. You'll catch yourself before letting out that extra-loud "GAWDDAMMIT!!!" You'll change the channel from the sex-soaked bikini babes on MTV to something more boring, more adult - like the Weather Channel. Hell, you might actually start going to Church because, well, who else is going to teach your kid about one of the foundations of Western Civilization?
The most important lesson you can learn is a corollary (sp?) of this: Remember that your child is always watching you. Anything and everything she sees will be considered "normal." Beat your wife? Your kid will grow up thinking that it's "normal" for Daddy to hit Mommy - maybe not "right", but "normal." Come home stinkin' drunk every Friday night? Your five year old will think that EVERY dad gets drunk on Friday night. Hug your wife, and tell her that you love her 10 times a day? Ditto.
Of course, once the kids hit school and start to seriously socialize, they will realize that this isn't the case, that not every family is like their own. So why be the one to set the bad example?
You'll also realize that all the things you promised yourself to do as a parent... well, most of them you won't do. I remember thinking that MY kid wasn't going to waste their time watching stupid kid shows like Barney and Sesame Street, that Daddy would read to them every evening - and not kids books, no, MY kid is going to be raised on the classics, and that modern, post-1955 music will be verboten - nothing but Bach and Mozart for MY child - it'll make 'em SMART! YEAH!!
One word:
It ain't gonna happen - having a child is stressful enough w/o undergoing a total personality change as well. You'll realize that "stupid kid shows" are anything but, that reading Shakespeare to a 6 month old is just damn silly, and that your toddler will oh-so-adoringly dance to pop tunes more readily than she will the Brandenburgs. You'll also realize that not having modern culture in your house is just as wrong as having none of the classics.
Another thing, is that you will mysteriously turn into your parents. Not totally, not completely, but you'll say something and realize - "My God, I just sounded like Mother - and I swore that I would never do that." The punishments that you remember hating you'll start using because you will realize that their effectiveness is what made them stick in your mind for 20+ years after the fact.
You will love your child. Wait, let me correct myself: You will fall in love with your child. If you think that post-birth you will still be #1 in your spouses eyes - no way, uh-uh, is NOT gonna happen. This is true for both men and women, and if you realize this beforehand it makes the adjustment to being second-fiddle that much easier.
Kids take time, as well they should. The greatest gift you can give your child is your time, your attention, and, if you are a dedicated parent, your days of coming home and sitting at the computer, ignoring the world, is behind you. And you'll be glad!
Children are a lot of work, but damn, they are a lot of FUN as well! Spend as much time with them as possible - these are special times and every second should be cherished because, well, neither of you can get these moments back.
I'm sure the other Apolytoner parents can chime in with their lessons learned. Or not... it is my experience that these threads tend to deteriorate into a morass of "I'm not going to be that way - I'm gonna be different!" responses.
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