Okay, advice gurus, here's one for you...

[Frogman]

I agree with AH. If he hasn't talked to her to find out himself then its not your job. They split, they have separate lives.

If he had any interest in her, he should have been pumping you for information all along.

[Urban Ranger]

What kind of a friend are you?

[Frogman]

I'd have said something sooner if I was going to say anything. At this point you'd have to say Rufus hasn't been much of a friend to Rob. If they aren't that close anymore, than its really no longer Rufus' place to get involved. If Rob says anything to Rufus, all Rufus can say is "I thought you knew"

[Kirnwaffen]

The fact that the man is clueless, contrary to what some have said in this thread, is even more reason to tell him. How is he supposed to know what's happening in his ex's life when she's in another city unless she tells him? If he thinks there is still a possibility of their getting back together, she has a responsibility to tell him that that is not going to happen. If she won't, then you should.

First, you need to have an honest conversation with Rob about his understanding of the relationship. If he's already moved on, great, wonderful, problem solved. If not, it's time to go to Laura and make sure that she understands what's going on. If she does, yet still refuses to tell him, I think it's you're duty as a friend to let him know.

You can't let him be hung up forever. The sooner he is able to move on, the better.

[Rufus T. Firefly]

Originally posted by Alexander's Horse
The fact he's so completely unaware of what is actually happening in her life is probably why she left him in the first place.

Give the man a cigar! That's exactly right.

Frogman - I've tried to be a good friend here, but both my wife and I, with each new development in Laura's life, have thought, "surely she'll tell him now." Then some time elapses, and it turns out, no, he's still in the dark. He's also a closed-down, WASP-y kind of guy, so it's not like we do a lot of caring and sharing by e-mail; this makes the gambit of suddenly introducing a difficult, personal topic very tricky. I still think leaning on Laura to tell him may be the way to go, but maybe someone here will change my mind.

[monolith94]

lol
lean on laura

[MarkG]

yes, that's it, give the job to someone else!

[Alexander's Horse]

Originally posted by Rufus T. Firefly



Frogman - I've tried to be a good friend here, but both my wife and I, with each new development in Laura's life, have thought, "surely she'll tell him now." Then some time elapses, and it turns out, no, he's still in the dark. He's also a closed-down, WASP-y kind of guy, so it's not like we do a lot of caring and sharing by e-mail; this makes the gambit of suddenly introducing a difficult, personal topic very tricky. I still think leaning on Laura to tell him may be the way to go, but maybe someone here will change my mind.

Jesus Christ - have you ever seen a French movie called "The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie"?

I put your social problems in that category.

[CerberusIV]

When a couple split up their friends are usually forced to take sides, even by default. The fact that you have not kept him up to speed with what has gone on puts you in Laura's camp whether that is what you intended or not.

I suspect the damage has already been done as far as your friendship is concerned, it just hasn't surfaced yet.

I would let it go and not say anything. One day you will get an angry phone call and that will be that.

[Sikander]

You chose these names just to see the auto-censor make a mess of "The **** Van **** Show" didn't you?

It's a complicated situation, made more so by your refusal to take on the apparently arduous task of telling Mr. Puposefully Dense the bad news earlier. The reason I would have told him is that his Ex is acting in bad faith. Doubtlessly she has her reasons, but you are under no obligation to assist her revenge, and I daresay some small obligation to point out the danger lurking in your friend's blind spot. Now your friendship with Rob is in danger, but it doesn't sound like you are all that broken up about it. Doing the right thing (in my less than humble estimation of course) may still be the intelligent course. He may get mad and your friendship may be finished. This action on the plus side removes your lingering disgust at the situation insofar as Rob believes you and gets on with his life. Even if he doesn't get over this you can move on with your honor intact, your obligations fulfilled, and all the blame laying squarely where it belongs.

[Rufus T. Firefly]

Originally posted by Sikander
You chose these names just to see the auto-censor make a mess of "The **** Van **** Show" didn't you?

Actually, Rob, Laura, and Ian are the love triangle at the center of Nick Hornsby's High Fidelity. I have always wondered if he swiped them from "The **** Van **** Show," though.

It's a complicated situation, made more so by your refusal to take on the apparently arduous task of telling Mr. Puposefully Dense the bad news earlier. The reason I would have told him is that his Ex is acting in bad faith. Doubtlessly she has her reasons, but you are under no obligation to assist her revenge, and I daresay some small obligation to point out the danger lurking in your friend's blind spot. Now your friendship with Rob is in danger, but it doesn't sound like you are all that broken up about it. Doing the right thing (in my less than humble estimation of course) may still be the intelligent course. He may get mad and your friendship may be finished. This action on the plus side removes your lingering disgust at the situation insofar as Rob believes you and gets on with his life. Even if he doesn't get over this you can move on with your honor intact, your obligations fulfilled, and all the blame laying squarely where it belongs.

My fear is not Rob being all broken up, or even him ending our friendship, sad as those things would be. My fear is that he'll go have a big ol' confrontation with Laura, who is also my friend and has just as much claim to agrieved-party status as he does (only the most doctrinaire Jesuit would put her current sins of omission on par with his break-up inducing sins of commission). My latest inclination is to tell Laura, "look, one of us has to tell him"; she'll probably pass the buck to me, but then I can at least use that somehow to soften the blow.

AH - you're wrong. "Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie" is a great film; there's no Bunuel-esque profundity here. This is more like a cheesey John Hughes movie that took so long to finish that all the actors turned 40. Lucky me, I'm a fat, balding Anthony Michael Hall.

[Ted Striker]

Well it's obvious that leaving it alone (which you should have done in the first place) isn't an option for you, so stop passing the buck and do what Sikander said so you can rest your busy mind.

[Tuberski]

Originally posted by Rufus T. Firefly


Actually, Rob, Laura, and Ian are the love triangle at the center of Nick Hornsby's High Fidelity. I have always wondered if he swiped them from "The **** Van **** Show," though.

You know when you first wrote the guys name was Ian I was tempted to post:

What F***ing Ian Guy!?!?!?!?!?



ACK!

[Rufus T. Firefly]

Originally posted by Ted Striker
Well it's obvious that leaving it alone (which you should have done in the first place) isn't an option for you, so stop passing the buck and do what Sikander said so you can rest your busy mind.

Leaving it alone is what I did in the first place; in fact, it's what I'm still doing. I'm just starting to second-guess myself.

[Alexander's Horse]

Originally posted by Rufus T. Firefly


AH - you're wrong. "Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie" is a great film; there's no Bunuel-esque profundity here.

The reference is to the fact you think this little comedy of manners is even important