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Here's the scene: I started working at Double Diamond Athletic Club in Reno back in October 1999 as a cleaner. He worked as a swim instructor at the time and our paths nary crossed. Six months later in June, the owners eliminated my position as day cleaner (club closes late night and we already had evening cleaners til closing) and moved me to a position at the Front Desk. He had already been working the FD for a month or two prior to me, while still doing swim instruction.
The moment I was introduced to him, my long-dormant gaydar activated (being gay doesn't always mean your receptive to who is and is not gay, nor have good fashion sense, nor spend every waking moment acting like a flaming drag-queen). I didn't say anything to him privately, I didn't have to. He was friends with my best lady-friend and they met...at a gay support group up at UNR. So we quickly knew about each other. Except for the first few months, we worked almost exclusively together at the Front Desk. The owners and General Managers knew about him and the GM knew about me, but our both being gay wasn't why we were put together. It was because he could be DAMNED obnoxious. It's not like he was a openly flaming queer (nor am I, but we're not describing me right now
), he was just...well...annoying at times. But not a single soul at the club - neither members nor staff - hated, or even really disliked him. He could be trying at times, but he was friendly and kind and loud and energetic and...fun. And I was infatuated with him from the get-go.
I'm not the type who is comfortable with the idea of dating coworkers (same might be said of classmates), so I never said anything. For a little more than a year, four days a week, between 5 and 9 hours a day, we worked together at the FD. We shared stories (well, he did, mostly
) we told jokes, talked about any and all stuff, we worked well together. And I was infatuated with him from the get-go.
In November of 2001, I got fired (not "let go", not "layed off", not "downsized" ... F I R E D fired) from DDAC. Now that we weren't coworkers any more, one would think I could have let him know my feelings for him. Problem was: by the time I lost my job there it was already common knowledge the he was going to be moving to San Francisco early the next year (2002) as soon as a good job offer came. He'd just graduated from UNR with a Biomedical career path in mind, earning well over I-don't-know-how-much PLUS benefits...a far cry from "Thank you for calling the Double Diamond Athletic Club. This is *NAME*, how can I help you?" I was staying in Reno to continue towards credits in Architecture for transfer to UNLV (after this Spring, the next Fall and Spring semesters have all passed as it's a 2-year program I'm in currently). With only a few short months before hundreds of miles were to seperate us, why would I tell him. Why would I do that to him AND myself. And I let go.
In mid-spring he moved to an apartment on the peninsula. On rare occasion we talk, he's even been back to Reno 2 or 3 times since leaving. Had a boyfriend there, but that one turned out to be a jerk, so that ended quickly. Not much more to say in this story...
...except when I got home from work this evening (at another club for the women who was (past tense) general manager at DDAC), I checked my email. I signed up for the free portion of Yahoo! Personals a while back simply for a laugh every so often.
And there was Matt's ad.
That hurts. That hurts a lot.
*********
Note: There's talk between the Architectural programs of TMCC and UC Berkley of setting up a transfer program between the 2 schools. There's the slim possibility I could transfer to UCB instead of UNLV and be a Bay Bridge away from Matt, but that academic agreement might not be fleshed out in time before I'm ready to transfer elsewhere from TMCC.
*********
Now that I've shared my unexpected and unwelcome feelings of heartache this evening, what are your stories of lost loves and missed chances?
The moment I was introduced to him, my long-dormant gaydar activated (being gay doesn't always mean your receptive to who is and is not gay, nor have good fashion sense, nor spend every waking moment acting like a flaming drag-queen). I didn't say anything to him privately, I didn't have to. He was friends with my best lady-friend and they met...at a gay support group up at UNR. So we quickly knew about each other. Except for the first few months, we worked almost exclusively together at the Front Desk. The owners and General Managers knew about him and the GM knew about me, but our both being gay wasn't why we were put together. It was because he could be DAMNED obnoxious. It's not like he was a openly flaming queer (nor am I, but we're not describing me right now
), he was just...well...annoying at times. But not a single soul at the club - neither members nor staff - hated, or even really disliked him. He could be trying at times, but he was friendly and kind and loud and energetic and...fun. And I was infatuated with him from the get-go.I'm not the type who is comfortable with the idea of dating coworkers (same might be said of classmates), so I never said anything. For a little more than a year, four days a week, between 5 and 9 hours a day, we worked together at the FD. We shared stories (well, he did, mostly
) we told jokes, talked about any and all stuff, we worked well together. And I was infatuated with him from the get-go.In November of 2001, I got fired (not "let go", not "layed off", not "downsized" ... F I R E D fired) from DDAC. Now that we weren't coworkers any more, one would think I could have let him know my feelings for him. Problem was: by the time I lost my job there it was already common knowledge the he was going to be moving to San Francisco early the next year (2002) as soon as a good job offer came. He'd just graduated from UNR with a Biomedical career path in mind, earning well over I-don't-know-how-much PLUS benefits...a far cry from "Thank you for calling the Double Diamond Athletic Club. This is *NAME*, how can I help you?" I was staying in Reno to continue towards credits in Architecture for transfer to UNLV (after this Spring, the next Fall and Spring semesters have all passed as it's a 2-year program I'm in currently). With only a few short months before hundreds of miles were to seperate us, why would I tell him. Why would I do that to him AND myself. And I let go.
In mid-spring he moved to an apartment on the peninsula. On rare occasion we talk, he's even been back to Reno 2 or 3 times since leaving. Had a boyfriend there, but that one turned out to be a jerk, so that ended quickly. Not much more to say in this story...
...except when I got home from work this evening (at another club for the women who was (past tense) general manager at DDAC), I checked my email. I signed up for the free portion of Yahoo! Personals a while back simply for a laugh every so often.
And there was Matt's ad.
That hurts. That hurts a lot.
*********
Note: There's talk between the Architectural programs of TMCC and UC Berkley of setting up a transfer program between the 2 schools. There's the slim possibility I could transfer to UCB instead of UNLV and be a Bay Bridge away from Matt, but that academic agreement might not be fleshed out in time before I'm ready to transfer elsewhere from TMCC.
*********
Now that I've shared my unexpected and unwelcome feelings of heartache this evening, what are your stories of lost loves and missed chances?
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