As I was getting a bite to eat yesterday morning listening to one of the morning radio talk shows I got a call from my Guard unit. It looks like the 224th will be making a second trip to the good ole Mid East. We were going to California in April for annual training, but it looks like our plane ride may be a lot longer.
It's been awhile since I have made a thread and most of my contributing to poly has been kept to the occasional topic that I find that I must comment about. Mostly I have kept away from most things in order to bring my life back in focus. Valentines day yesterday was the one year anniversary of Rebecca's death. I spent it not only in remembering her but in running around town getting my affairs in order getting things ready to leave. Things are in a state of rapid change here. I have gotten a good new job and I have decided to go back to school in order to become a counselor. Everything was getting back on track and now I find myself on alert awaiting decisions by people far away. Don't get me wrong, I knew it would go down this way. As long as I was miserable and wanted nothing more than to go away to some far away land and leave my grief back in Arkansas, I knew that I would be made to stay here and face up to it. And now that things are getting back on track and my reasons for living are slowly gaining on my reasons to just give up, I find myself going to that far away land. Up until just last month I figured that there would be no great loss if I was to go away and never come back. There was after all nothing here for me except a never ending stream of people that needed to hook up to the great emotional support system that I had become. Just a few weeks ago I began to think in a new way. I realized that at least some of those people did indeed see me as more than that. That my presence did matter to them and that in some way, great or small, I made a difference in some of them. I was more than just a little ashamed of myself for my previous attitude and I suppose I fell into the trap of pushing my victim status. The hurt is still there of course, I just have it put in a new perspective.
So, is there anyone living around Iraq that would like a visit from old Sprayber?
It's been awhile since I have made a thread and most of my contributing to poly has been kept to the occasional topic that I find that I must comment about. Mostly I have kept away from most things in order to bring my life back in focus. Valentines day yesterday was the one year anniversary of Rebecca's death. I spent it not only in remembering her but in running around town getting my affairs in order getting things ready to leave. Things are in a state of rapid change here. I have gotten a good new job and I have decided to go back to school in order to become a counselor. Everything was getting back on track and now I find myself on alert awaiting decisions by people far away. Don't get me wrong, I knew it would go down this way. As long as I was miserable and wanted nothing more than to go away to some far away land and leave my grief back in Arkansas, I knew that I would be made to stay here and face up to it. And now that things are getting back on track and my reasons for living are slowly gaining on my reasons to just give up, I find myself going to that far away land. Up until just last month I figured that there would be no great loss if I was to go away and never come back. There was after all nothing here for me except a never ending stream of people that needed to hook up to the great emotional support system that I had become. Just a few weeks ago I began to think in a new way. I realized that at least some of those people did indeed see me as more than that. That my presence did matter to them and that in some way, great or small, I made a difference in some of them. I was more than just a little ashamed of myself for my previous attitude and I suppose I fell into the trap of pushing my victim status. The hurt is still there of course, I just have it put in a new perspective.
So, is there anyone living around Iraq that would like a visit from old Sprayber?
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