What would you say in a State of the Union speech?

[Stefu]

I was perusing the Real Ultimate Power site (you know, the one about ninjas) and it struck me that if I was the president and was having the SOTU speech (well, I was thinking more about Finnish president's traditional New Year's speech, but the principle's the same) I'd want to work the sentence "I love this country with all of my body, including my pee pee" somewhere in there. "This country's so sweet I want to crap my pants" would also be great.

Also, immortal opening "Efficiency and progress are ours once more, now that we have the neutron bomb" would be nice to set the mood.

[Bereta_Eder]

Hello

[Bereta_Eder]

anything beyond that would be controversial

[Evil Knevil]

"Fuck me, I'm still alive!". Followed by Homer-esque going round in circles on the floor.

[Eli]

"Moo!"

[Bereta_Eder]

And now, the end is near
And so I face the final curtain
You cvnt, I'm not a queer
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain
I've lived a life that's full
And each and every highway
And yet, much more than this
I did it my way

Regrets I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention
But dig, what I have to do
I'll see it through with no devotion
Of that, take care and just
Be careful along the highway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way

There were times,
I'm sure you knew
When there was nothing
****ing else to do
But through it all,
When there was doubt
I shot it up or kicked it out
I fought the just as before
And did it my way

Knocked out in bed last night
I've had my fill, my share of looting
And now, the tears subside
I find it all so amusing
To think, I killed a cat
And may I say, oh no, not their way
But no, no, not me
I did it my way

For what is a brat,
What has he got
When he finds out that he cannot
Say the things he truly thinks
But only the words,
Not what he feels
The record shows,
I've got no clothes
And did it my way

[Main_Brain]

You have to Include bananas

[Timexwatch]

"Drinks are on me tonight!"

[Dis]

This country is ****ed and it is going down the tubes. But I'm going to get off on my power trip in the process. And while I'm doing this, I'm going to bang every hot female intern that works for the white house. And there is nothing you can do about it because you already elected me.

[Guynemer]

"The first one of your jackasses to stand up and applaud during the middle of speech, or interrupt me in any way, will be summarily executed on the spot. Now let's get through this damned thing so I can go home and watch the hockey game."

[Zkribbler]

"Members of the House and Senate [standing ovation], I come here tonight [standing ovation] to present to you the State of the Union message [standing ovation]. Now, if you'd all take your seats [standing ovation] and stop that damn clapping [standing ovation], I'll get on with it [standing ovation].

"Sit down, dammit! I say, sit down!!! [Standing ovation.] Please, stop clapping!! [Standing ovation.] I want to give my speech! [Standing ovation.] I spent weeks working on it! [Standing ovation.] Me and my staff! [Standing ovation.] Stop it, pleeeeeeeese!! [Standing ovation.] F*ck you! F*ck you alllll!!! [Standing ovation.]"

[Spiffor]

I'd tell the truth about how the economy tanks, about the true motives of war, about the bigot agenda of the Republicans, and about how middle Americans will be screwed by big business next time a crisis arises.
And I'll get impeached by the end of the speech

NOW that's a ay to avoid standing ovations !

[Zero]

First and foremost, I'd like to give a shout outz to da stewardess on Air force one for being very accomdating. Werd up biatch~

(arms crossed, homie pose) (west coast symbol)West sieeeeeeee~

I would be the coolest president. Shortlived... but the hippest

[MrFun]

Well, if I was to role-play as a Republican, just a few, honest words:

"My fellow Americans . . . we're going to screw you over royally."