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Shoe Laces are burden on modern society
Now, over the weekend a reoccuring theme presented itself in my state of affairs: how utterly retarded and disgusting shoelaces are.
I mean:
-They're irrelevant. Elastic shoe technology makes for a perfect fit everytime. Watch out for velcroe, though - because the majorty of velcro based designs will make you look like a ****** from the 80s!
-They look stupid, in a fashion sense. The leaders of tommorrow are labels like Prada, Boss, Diesel and Gucci - and their youth lines have been progressively piling on minimilast, sleek footwear with materials taking front stage over the past 5 years. Of course the "classic" Italian dress shoe does currently have longevity, but they'll be about as appealing as a powdered wig in 50 years.
-In the early 90's: The height of fashion for the trend of the month company "LA gear" was an atrociously overdone pile of footwear sh*t with THREE (3) neon laces bundled together. I think it also had a pump, so if you like laces - go get pump shoes, too!
-Aside from the fashion sense, shoelaces just look plain ugly, and get worse with time. Where's the aesthetic appeal in old, frayed, gray, dirty laces bloated with moisture flapping about with every step? NONE. Unless, of course, you're a follower of some weeklong fad in Japan which also somehow involves wearing everything and anything with a Union Jack or Barbara Streisand on it.
-They often drop down onto the floor (even when tied) and pick up all sorts of garbage & bacteria that you'll later handle - which is especially nice when you're at a urnial (Yes, I picked this gem up from the 3rd season Sopranos)
-Shoelaces are a phenomenal loss of production for the individual and society. What point is there to waste several minutes of each and every day fumbling two pieces of thread together in an attempt to dress yourself? Let's not forget all of the times they come undone and render even more of your time a useless frustration (and giving even those with slow wit something to laugh at!). Even masturbation is a better way to spend your time, as you're practising for something important. The only thing more redundant I can think of right now is a tie, but they don't constantly undoe themselves (unless you're being a party animal, which is a good thing). All in all, they figure if you combine the average 3-5 minute a day loss figure with the working populations of the western world, and divide it by 3.14x (x being a number of other figures I've yet to decide), we could have sent a whole continent to the moon by now - like the earth and water and lakes and everything!
-Shoelaces are produced by kids in foreign factories somwhere in Tyraniam, I think. Well - that was just a sad attempt at converting people like Chegitz and Urban Ranger...
Seriously though, the only shoes that laces should have should be for athletes, those who need a precision fit for sprints of competition (the underserving and potentially tattering laces are then thrown out after each competition, for the serious athlete). I have not bought a pair of shoes with laces for near 6 years, and must I say - I feel liberated! I am not only getting constant compliments and ensuing hot sex for my astute fashion sense, but I feel like the purpose of my days lack yet one more tedious obstruction. I'll make another thread of this nature b*thcing about ties in about 25 years or so, when the time is right, but for now - please, free yourselves and by cool footwear!
(I'd also like to take the liberation of posting for PH, just to save him the wit and time of doing so below):
"What's wrong Zylka, haven't learned to tie your shoes yet?
"
I mean:
-They're irrelevant. Elastic shoe technology makes for a perfect fit everytime. Watch out for velcroe, though - because the majorty of velcro based designs will make you look like a ****** from the 80s!
-They look stupid, in a fashion sense. The leaders of tommorrow are labels like Prada, Boss, Diesel and Gucci - and their youth lines have been progressively piling on minimilast, sleek footwear with materials taking front stage over the past 5 years. Of course the "classic" Italian dress shoe does currently have longevity, but they'll be about as appealing as a powdered wig in 50 years.
-In the early 90's: The height of fashion for the trend of the month company "LA gear" was an atrociously overdone pile of footwear sh*t with THREE (3) neon laces bundled together. I think it also had a pump, so if you like laces - go get pump shoes, too!
-Aside from the fashion sense, shoelaces just look plain ugly, and get worse with time. Where's the aesthetic appeal in old, frayed, gray, dirty laces bloated with moisture flapping about with every step? NONE. Unless, of course, you're a follower of some weeklong fad in Japan which also somehow involves wearing everything and anything with a Union Jack or Barbara Streisand on it.
-They often drop down onto the floor (even when tied) and pick up all sorts of garbage & bacteria that you'll later handle - which is especially nice when you're at a urnial (Yes, I picked this gem up from the 3rd season Sopranos)
-Shoelaces are a phenomenal loss of production for the individual and society. What point is there to waste several minutes of each and every day fumbling two pieces of thread together in an attempt to dress yourself? Let's not forget all of the times they come undone and render even more of your time a useless frustration (and giving even those with slow wit something to laugh at!). Even masturbation is a better way to spend your time, as you're practising for something important. The only thing more redundant I can think of right now is a tie, but they don't constantly undoe themselves (unless you're being a party animal, which is a good thing). All in all, they figure if you combine the average 3-5 minute a day loss figure with the working populations of the western world, and divide it by 3.14x (x being a number of other figures I've yet to decide), we could have sent a whole continent to the moon by now - like the earth and water and lakes and everything!
-Shoelaces are produced by kids in foreign factories somwhere in Tyraniam, I think. Well - that was just a sad attempt at converting people like Chegitz and Urban Ranger...
Seriously though, the only shoes that laces should have should be for athletes, those who need a precision fit for sprints of competition (the underserving and potentially tattering laces are then thrown out after each competition, for the serious athlete). I have not bought a pair of shoes with laces for near 6 years, and must I say - I feel liberated! I am not only getting constant compliments and ensuing hot sex for my astute fashion sense, but I feel like the purpose of my days lack yet one more tedious obstruction. I'll make another thread of this nature b*thcing about ties in about 25 years or so, when the time is right, but for now - please, free yourselves and by cool footwear!
(I'd also like to take the liberation of posting for PH, just to save him the wit and time of doing so below):
"What's wrong Zylka, haven't learned to tie your shoes yet?
"
Yes that would be the word.
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