Hey cat! Stop stepping on my crotch!

[loinburger]

So I'm sitting on the Comfy Chair, watching TV, drinking a bottle of wine (I've started to like Chardonnay, though I used to hate white wine), reading my book during the commercials, and what should happen to transpire? Taco the cat decides that it would be a good idea to take a nap on my gut! That's fine, more power to the cat, I freely admit that my gut is probably a pretty comfy place to take a nap if you happen to weigh eight pounds. But why, dear Taco, do you have to knead me before settling down for your nap? I'm not going to become any less lumpy by virtue of the fact that you're jumping all over me. More to the point, why bother stepping all over my testicles, if you're not even planning on napping on my crotch? I fail to see the point.

She looks innocent. Believe me, she's not. She's been endowed with Emasculation powers beyond our ken.

[Faboba]

Dammit! I hoped this was the long-awaited thread on the subject of beastiality.

[loinburger]

Nah, that ****'s only cool with monkeys, man. Otherwise it's a sin against God and Snoggo.

[Faboba]

Yeah but everything else has already been discussed. Beastiality deserves its shot in the limelight.

[loinburger]

Good point. The board could use some variety...

[Faboba]

So... to lower the tone even further; if you were trapped on a desert island with no women and no hands to what dark level would you deign to stoop in order to fulfill your raging sexual desires?

[loinburger]

Coconut-****ing.

[Az]

no hands? now that's just cruel.

[loinburger]

That's like that Twilight Zone/Futurama episode. "Ah, thanks to that nuclear war that wiped out all of mankind, I'm finally left in peace to read to my heart's content. Ahh, I've broken my glasses! Oh, wait, nevermind, I'm farsighted. Ahh, my eyes, I've lost my eyes! Whew, good thing I learned Braille. Ahh, my hands, my hands have fallen off! Noooooo...."

[Faboba]

Originally posted by Azazel
no hands? now that's just cruel.

Come on. With hands it'd be too easy.

Mind you, try screwing a sheep without! They don't half struggle!

[Az]

hmmm, gotta tune into futurama more often.

Faboba: ewwwwww.. yuck yuck yuck.

[loinburger]

Now the cat's hitting the 'esc' key with her head while I'm trying to type a response! Will her madness never end???

[Faboba]

Originally posted by loinburger
Now the cat's hitting the 'esc' key with her head while I'm trying to type a response! Will her madness never end???

I miss having a cat....

You know how people are supposed to be either cat people or dog people? I used to imagine myself the latter and want a dog. But over time I've come to realise I much prefer a pet I can respect.

[loinburger]

We had a dog for about 9 months (this was close to 10 years ago), but had to adopt it away when my brother's allergies meant that we couldn't keep it. Good Lord was that thing dumb! Cute, though.

We also had a guinea pig named Buster Brown, back when I was about 3 and my brother was about 5. Well, same thing as with the dog, we were allergic to the damn thing, so my parents "gave it to a better home." Twelve years later I got to thinking, "Wait a minute, nobody[ wants a used guinea pig!" So I ran to my brother, and said, "Hey, I think that Mom and Dad killed Buster Brown!" Oh, did he ever get pissed! So we both confronted Mom and Dad, and said, "Hey, guys, you remember Buster Brown? Our guinea pig from twelve years ago? Well, whatever happened to him?" Our parents (not knowing the trap we'd set) said, "Oh, that smelly thing? We put it to sleep." Wooooo-dan! My brother and I were royally pissed off at the fact that we'd been lied to twelve years ago, believe you me! My parents still haven't heard the end of it, seven-odd years later...

Anyway, long story short, I think that I'm still more of a dog person, even though most of them are undoubtedly dumber than cats. Taco's the best cat on the planet, but most other cats in my experience are too unfriendly.

[Urban Ranger]

Originally posted by Faboba
So... to lower the tone even further; if you were trapped on a desert island with no women and no hands to what dark level would you deign to stoop in order to fulfill your raging sexual desires?

[straightlaced]

Without hands, your sexual urge is your least problem. Think food, water, and shelter.

[/straightlaced]