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**chequita guevara** · December 19, 2002, 20:53

Have your self an Ozzy little Christmas
(Parody of Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas)

Have yourself an Ozzy little Christmas
Give a bat a bite
Decorate your devil head with twinkling lights
Ozzy Christmas, Ozzy family Christmas

Have yourself an Ozzy little Christmas
Let the “F” word fly
From now on those censors will be up all night
All those bad words, mother bleeping bad words

He’s repented his bolder days
And his druggy ways of yore
Faithful friends who got smashed with him, don’t bring hash to him no more

We’re pretty sure
Through the slurs you almost can decipher
When he speaks aloud
He’s the hottest star among the head-bang crowd

So have yourself an Ozzy, Ozzy, Ozzy, Ozzy, Ozzy little Christmas now

**chequita guevara** · December 19, 2002, 20:54

Merry F*cking Christmas by Mr Garrison

I heard there is no Christmas
In the silly Middle East
No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus
They have different religious beliefs

They believe in Muhammad
And not in our holiday
And so every December
I go to the Middle East and say...

"Hey there Mr. Muslim
Merry ****ing Christmas
Put down that book the Koran
And hear some holiday wishes.

In case you haven't noticed
It's Jesus's birthday.
So get off your heathen Muslim ass
and ****ing celebrate.

There is no holiday season in India I've heard
They don't hang up their stockings
And that is just absurd!

They've never read a Christmas story.
They don't know what Rudolph is about
And that is why in December
I'll go to India and shout...

Hey there Mr. Hinduist
Merry ****ing Christmas
Drink eggnog and eat some beef
And pass it to the missus.

In case you haven't noticed
It's Jesus's birthday
So get off your heathen Hindu ass
and ****ing celebrate!

Now I heard that in Japan
Everyone just lives in sin
They pray to several gods
And put needles in their skin.

On December 25th
All they do is eat a cake
And that is why I go to Japan
And walk around and say...

Hey there Mr. Shintoist
Merry ****ing Christmas
God is going to kick your ass
You infidelic pagan scum.

In case you haven't noticed
There's festive things to do
So lets all rejoice for Jesus
And Merry ****ing Christmas to you.

On Christmas day I travel `round the world and say,
Taoists, Krishnas, Buddhists, and all you atheists too,
Merry ****ing Christmas, To You!

(Clapping)

Thank you Mr. hat

**monolith94** · December 19, 2002, 21:05

I much prefer the Nutcracker Suite… myself

**The Emperor Fabulous** · December 19, 2002, 21:05

Adam Sandler just did a third one on the SNL Christmas Special

**Boris Godunov** · December 19, 2002, 21:26

Weeeee wish you weren't living with us,
We wish you weren't living with us,
We wish you weren't living with us,
We're not happy you're here.

You drive everybody crazy,
You're hopelessly fat and lazy,
You're constantly in the way here,
So pack up your gear!

You're feeding your face,
And taking up space!
We wish you weren't living with us,
We're not happy you're here.

Correct us if we're mistaken,
But those are long distance calls you're making,
How long do plan on taking
Advantage of us?

We wish you weren't living with us,
We wish you weren't living with us,
We wish you weren't living with us...

Get out of town!

**chequita guevara** · December 19, 2002, 21:44

Bob: Ok g'day. This is the Christmas part of the album, you can play this at your Christmas partys uh, or to yourself on Christmas eve if there is nothing else to do
Doug: G'day eh? in case you thought like I wasn't on this part.
Bob: Oh i gaurentee ya, you'd be on.
Ok so good day, this is the Christmas part, and we're gonna tell ya what to get your true love for Christmas.
Doug: Look out the window!
Bob: Where? Whaddya doin?
Doug:Snow!
Bob: Oh it's the great white north, and it's snowin cuz its Christmas time.
Hey, hoser! heres a quiz.. quiz for doug:
Doug: Ok, I got my thinking toque on!
Bob: Yeah, right. What are the 12 days of Christmas?
Doug: Um.
Bob: Cuz figure it out , right? Christmas is when?
Doug: The 25th.
Bob: Right, well whats the 24th? Xmas eve ,right.
Doug: Thats 2.
Bob: Then , whats after that?
Doug: Wrestling day
Bob: No.
Doug: Boxing day.
Bob: Thats 3. Then whats after that? Nothin'.
Doug: New years.
Bob: 4.
Doug: New years eve.
Bob: 5. Where da ya get 12?
Doug: Uh... theres 2 sat's and sun's in there , 4. Thats 9 and 3 other days which i believe are the mystery days.
Ok, this is our Christmas song, in case ya don't know what to get someone for Christmas.
Doug: Theres lotsa ideas in here, so listen and don't get stuck. By the way , thats me on the organ.
Bob: Ok geeze.
Doug: Ok, you start.
Bob: Ok, on the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me.. beer.
On the 2nd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me... 2 turtlenecks, and beer.
On the 3rd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me.. 3 french toast, 2 turtlenecks, and beer. There should be more there, eh? Where?
On the 4th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me.. 4lbs of backbacon, 3 french toast, 2 turtlenecks, and beer in a tree. Oh. See? ya need more.
On the 5th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me.. 5 GOLDEN TOQUES! 4lbs of backbacon, 3 french toast, 2 turtlenecks, and beer in a tree.
On the 6th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me.. 6 packs of two-four. 5 GOLDEN TOQUES! 4lbs of backbacon, 3 french toast, 2 turtlenecks, and beer in a tree.
Ok.
On the 7th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me.. 7 packs of smokes, 6 packs of two-four, 5 GOLDEN TOQUES! 4lbs of backbacon, 3 french toast, 2 turtlenecks, and beer in a tree. oh, i keep forgettin'.
whew, this should be just the 2 days of xmas, this is too hard for us!
On the 8th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me.. 8 comic books, 7 packs of smokes, 6 packs of two-four, 5 GOLDEN TOQUES! 4lbs of backbacon, 3 french toast, 2 turtlenecks, and beer in a tree.
Wow,That beers empty
Day 12.
G'day and welcome to day 12.
Yeah.
5 GOLDEN TOQUES! 4lbs of backbacon, 3 french toast, 2 turtlenecks, and beer in a tre-e.
Where did you learn to do that? Uh, Albums. Boy, so thats our song merry Christmas, and g'day. G'day everybody. Happy new years.
Ok, ya know what ya left out? What? Donuts. I told you to get me donuts. Oh no! Either on the 9th day, or the 10th day or the 11th day. I wanted donuts. The song is over merry Christmas everybody, or the 12th you coulda gotten me a dozen donuts. Go to the stores and get some presents. you coulda gone down to the donut shop where you buy a dozen donuts, you get another donut free. Then it coulda been 13 for the 13 days of Christmas.
Next Christmas, get me a chainsaw.
Take off!
Boy that song was a beauty.. it moved me. Yah , it ranks up there w/ stairway to heaven.
What?

**jdd2007** · December 19, 2002, 21:50

the hanukah song is the best, man. adam sandler is GOD...

**chequita guevara** · December 19, 2002, 21:54

No one's gonna post Mr Hanky the Christmas Poo?

**Tuberski** · December 19, 2002, 22:02

Originally posted by chegitz guevara
Bob: Ok g'day. This is the Christmas part of the album, you can play this at your Christmas partys uh, or to yourself on Christmas eve if there is nothing else to do
Doug: G'day eh? in case you thought like I wasn't on this part.
Bob: Oh i gaurentee ya, you'd be on.
Ok so good day, this is the Christmas part, and we're gonna tell ya what to get your true love for Christmas.
Doug: Look out the window!
Bob: Where? Whaddya doin?
Doug:Snow!
Bob: Oh it's the great white north, and it's snowin cuz its Christmas time.
Hey, hoser! heres a quiz.. quiz for doug:
Doug: Ok, I got my thinking toque on!
Bob: Yeah, right. What are the 12 days of Christmas?
Doug: Um.
Bob: Cuz figure it out , right? Christmas is when?
Doug: The 25th.
Bob: Right, well whats the 24th? Xmas eve ,right.
Doug: Thats 2.
Bob: Then , whats after that?
Doug: Wrestling day
Bob: No.
Doug: Boxing day.
Bob: Thats 3. Then whats after that? Nothin'.
Doug: New years.
Bob: 4.
Doug: New years eve.
Bob: 5. Where da ya get 12?
Doug: Uh... theres 2 sat's and sun's in there , 4. Thats 9 and 3 other days which i believe are the mystery days.
Ok, this is our Christmas song, in case ya don't know what to get someone for Christmas.
Doug: Theres lotsa ideas in here, so listen and don't get stuck. By the way , thats me on the organ.
Bob: Ok geeze.
Doug: Ok, you start.
Bob: Ok, on the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me.. beer.
On the 2nd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me... 2 turtlenecks, and beer.
On the 3rd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me.. 3 french toast, 2 turtlenecks, and beer. There should be more there, eh? Where?
On the 4th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me.. 4lbs of backbacon, 3 french toast, 2 turtlenecks, and beer in a tree. Oh. See? ya need more.
On the 5th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me.. 5 GOLDEN TOQUES! 4lbs of backbacon, 3 french toast, 2 turtlenecks, and beer in a tree.
On the 6th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me.. 6 packs of two-four. 5 GOLDEN TOQUES! 4lbs of backbacon, 3 french toast, 2 turtlenecks, and beer in a tree.
Ok.
On the 7th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me.. 7 packs of smokes, 6 packs of two-four, 5 GOLDEN TOQUES! 4lbs of backbacon, 3 french toast, 2 turtlenecks, and beer in a tree. oh, i keep forgettin'.
whew, this should be just the 2 days of xmas, this is too hard for us!
On the 8th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me.. 8 comic books, 7 packs of smokes, 6 packs of two-four, 5 GOLDEN TOQUES! 4lbs of backbacon, 3 french toast, 2 turtlenecks, and beer in a tree.
Wow,That beers empty
Day 12.
G'day and welcome to day 12.
Yeah.
5 GOLDEN TOQUES! 4lbs of backbacon, 3 french toast, 2 turtlenecks, and beer in a tre-e.
Where did you learn to do that? Uh, Albums. Boy, so thats our song merry Christmas, and g'day. G'day everybody. Happy new years.
Ok, ya know what ya left out? What? Donuts. I told you to get me donuts. Oh no! Either on the 9th day, or the 10th day or the 11th day. I wanted donuts. The song is over merry Christmas everybody, or the 12th you coulda gotten me a dozen donuts. Go to the stores and get some presents. you coulda gone down to the donut shop where you buy a dozen donuts, you get another donut free. Then it coulda been 13 for the 13 days of Christmas.
Next Christmas, get me a chainsaw.
Take off!
Boy that song was a beauty.. it moved me. Yah , it ranks up there w/ stairway to heaven.
What?

This is a classic.

Hey, Canadians, what exactly is a Toque?

ACK!

**General Ludd** · December 19, 2002, 22:03

Starchild posted this a while ago but no one paid attention to it.

"The Carol of the Old Ones"

Look to the sky, way up on high
There in the night stars are now right.
Eons have passed: now then at last
Prison walls break, Old Ones awake!
They will return: mankind will learn
New kinds of fear when they are here.
They will reclaim all in their name;
Hopes turn to black when they come back.
Ignorant fools, mankind now rules
Where they ruled then: it's theirs again

Stars brightly burning, boiling and churning
Bode a returning season of doom

Scary scary scary scary solstice
Very very very scary solstice

Up from the sea, from underground
Down from the sky, they're all around
They will return: mankind will learn
New kinds of fear when they are here

Look to the sky, way up on high
There in the night stars are now right.
Eons have passed: now then at last
Prison walls break, Old Ones awake!
Madness will reign, terror and pain
Woes without end where they extend.
Ignorant fools, mankind now rules
Where they ruled then: it's theirs again

Stars brightly burning, boiling and churning
Bode a returning season of doom

Scary scary scary scary solstice
Very very very scary solstice

Up from the sea, from underground
Down from the sky, they're all around.

Fear

(Look to the sky, way up on high
There in the night stars now are right)

They will return.

**monolith94** · December 19, 2002, 22:03

Nope, I didn't want to take the pleasure away from you…

**chequita guevara** · December 19, 2002, 22:05

Christmas At Ground Zero

It's Christmas at Ground Zero
There's music in the air
The sleigh bells are ringin' and the carolers are singin'
While the air raid sirens blare

It's Christmas at Ground Zero
The button has been pressed
The radio just let us know
That this is not a test

Everywhere the atom bombs are droppin'
It's the end of all humanity
No more time for last minute shoppin'
It's time to face your final destiny

Well, it's Christmas at Ground Zero
There's panic in the crowd
We can dodge debris while we trim the tree
Underneath a mushroom cloud

(siren)

You might hear some reindeer on your rooftop
Or Jack Frost on your windowsill
But if someone's climbin' down your chimney
You better load your gun and shoot to kill

Oh, it's Christmas at Ground Zero
And if the radiation level's okay
I'll go out with you and see the all new
Mutations on New Year's Day

It's Christmas at Ground Zero
Just seconds left to go
I'll duck and cover with my yuletide lover
Underneath the mistletoe

It's Christmas at Ground Zero
Now the missiles are on their way
What a crazy fluke we're gonna get nuked
On this jolly holiday
What a crazy fluke we're gonna get nuked
On this jolly holiday

(siren)

**Boris Godunov** · December 19, 2002, 22:06

No Fair, Christmas at Ground Zero was mine! I posted it in the other thread...

**Asher** · December 19, 2002, 22:12

Hey, Canadians, what exactly is a Toque?

Not sure if you're being serious or not.

A toque is sometimes referred to as a "beanie" by Americans, or sometimes simply a hat.

Allow me to demonstrate:

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