The World Cup Excellent Adventure!!

[Sirotnikov]

With a B-movie type shimer, the Invisable Homo, Boris Godunov, appears out of thin air.

No fair, I wanted to write that

[reismark]

This thread is both incredibly hilarious and inherently stupid at the same time

Imran: You *had* to bring my Bucs (who, according to Sportsline, have had the best offseason of anyone in the league ) into this, right? And I am NOT repulsive... a bit reclusive, maybe, but I am not horrible to look at

Other than that... a fine introduction. But make my purpose clearer...

[Az]

hey , Siro , keep writing me in the story. I'll write stuff of my own . promise.

[Tuberski]

When I get the time and inspiration, Texans WILL have a say in the proceedings.

[OzzyKP]

*-*-*-*Possible Spoiler!*-*-*-*

Originally posted by Ming
Hmmm... after checking through everything BEFORE Imran's last post... we were on the same side

Actually the conspiracy of this plot is rather twisted. If you all recall the first post that started the whole adventure MtG had singlehandedly killed off 90% of General Dalgetti's troops in N. Korea. And at that point it was Markos behind the whole Greek/Communist/Plot and MtG warned Imran and Siro about the plot which put the crime fighting duo into action.

So if MtG is really working for Markos then it would appear that getting Imran and Siro involved is a part of Charlies...wait I mean Markos' evil Greek plot. But what is the connection.... hmmmm.

And I want to see more action from Chegitz and the Commie troops. Bring them back into the story, the Canadian Homosexuals have overshadowed the Communists as the villians in this story, thats just not right. It is improper for any group to overshadow the Communists as public enemy number 1. Especially not Gay Canadians, hehehehe, they must be the least threatening demographic on the planet.

[Sirotnikov]

Patience Ozzy - there are chapters.

The commies are bussy in N. Korea.

I'm writing the intro for that.

[Imran Siddiqui]

Oh good, Siro... can't wait to see it (I'll write a response )

And I am NOT repulsive

All Apolytoners are repulsive, the faster you get acquainted with that idea, the better .

[Sirotnikov]

Meanwhile in S. Japan… no wait… oh whatever… near the stadium, Eli and Asher are waiting in line to get into the field. Chris 62 has departed from Siro and Imran earlier, due to a sudden plot twist in which Imran and Siro stopped heading to the N. Korean border.

Asher: So… um… Eli, right? Have you ever tried… drugs?

Eli: Does allergy medicine count?

Asher: No, not really.

Eli: Nope then.

Asher: So, tell me, you like girls?

Eli: Erm.. yes. Girls and Computer Science.

Asher: Ever though of guys?

Eli: erm… in what way?

Asher: Well you know, expanding your horizons, not being so conservative. Having a good time, if you know what I mean, wink wink, nudge nudge.

Eli: no…

Asher: Ok then. Well, have you ever thought about moving to Canada then?

Eli: Nah, waaaay too many Jews there. I like Israel better.

Asher: So what brings you to save the worlds from communists?

Eli: We have to be able to continue our opr… fight against terror, and the commies deprive us of that.

Asher: But why do you keep on with oppressing the Pals? I mean, you don't oppress anybody else. You have black Jewish communities which you are helping. You are quite tolerant towards Gay people.

Eli: Erm… well, they started it.

Asher: So mature.

Eli: But they did, they…

Asher: Sure what ever.

Eli: No, seriously, just look at…

Asher: You're just being mean.

Eli: Come on, take for a example…

Asher: I already know that'll be irrelevant.

Eli: You're not even listening to what I have to say!

Asher: Oh please, more straw men from you.

Eli:

Asher:

Eli: Hey, what's that?

Asher: That's a Canadian.

Eli: No but he looks and behaves all important, even though he's way too young. And he's wearing an Apolyton shirt.

Asher: Hmmm…. Let's ask him the time. (addresses the man) Excuse me, what is the time?

Canadian: Dear Sir, Allow me first to congratulate you for initiating this conversation. Following your inquiry as to the time, I can't directly answer you since it does not depend on me or Apolyton in general. If you would be so kind to buy a watch and learn to read it, I'm sure you will find it useful in the future as well. I was glad to help.

Eli: Hmmm… that's suspicious. I have an idea. (addresses the Canadian) You've been awfully slow lately.

Canadian: Hello again. If you experience any technical difficulties in watching me walk, perhaps you should get your glasses clean, or purchase a video camera, record me walking, and play it in high speed. Either that, or you can try pinging me and you'll see that I'm not the source of the problem, but rather the …. SH!T!! I blew my cover! Markos will be mad!

Eli: DanQ!! I knew it!

DanQ quickly ran into the Stadium.

Asher panics and runs around in circles. After a while he stopped.

Asher: We better stop him.

Eli: Yeah.

Following which they run into the stadium.

* back to imran and siro on the other end of the stadium *

Siro: So, reismark, have you been following WWF lately?

reismark: oooh yeah! The rock is huge! He and Triple H, caught up against Bad Ass Undertaker and Chyna, and now they are fighting in a cage mach with Vince McMahon as the referee…

Imran: Cut that out.

reismark: what?

Imran: Talking about wrestling. We have a mission to complete. And anyways, it's not even a real sport.

Siro: What do you mean?

Imran: You were never told? It's fake! A show! An act! A soap opera for the easily excited!

Siro: Huh?

reismark: shhhh nothing happened. Imran is having a bad day. (to imran) Shut up! Aint it enough Jews don't believe in Santa, you also want to take away professional wrestling?

Imran: But Santa doesn't exist. And neither does MarkG

Siro: Bah!

Imran: Sorry, I just had to

Siro: Anyway, I say this – Imran, you go to the entrance with a big black bag and refuse to be checked. Meanwhile, reismark will infiltrate the building. At that point I will appear and rescue you from the guards.

Imran: Why would they listen to you?

Siro: I'll say I'm Israeli and I have experience with arresting ara….

Imran:

Siro: …I mean muslims.

Imran: Alright.

(Meanwhile, on the North Korean border)

Chris62: "Oh sure", they said, "why don't you go drag your ass across the border, where it's cold and there are electric barbed wires", they said, "We'll go to the stadium and watch… prevent some gay plot" they said. I'm freezing my ass here, and they are watching a game.

Suddenly, Chris62 notices a figure standing next to a tree. It was touching itself.

Chris: Identify yourself. And put down the weapon! I'm armed!

Figure: No! Don't shoot! It's me! I wasn't doing anything! Just… measuring.

Chris: Put down the weapon and no one will get hurt!

Figure: No, it's not a weapon! And I can't put it down!

Chris: What the hell are you doing! Put it down man!

Figure: I can't! It's my penis! I was just comparing it to this tree branch here.

Chris: Oh, Dalgetti, it’s you!

Dalgetti: Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm not gay, really. I'm not even that communist. I ran away. I don't like them. They support the Palestinians.

Chris: Sure sure… whatever.

Dalgetti: Listen, I know all about the communist scheme. I have this special communist radio that can decode their secret frequencies.

Chris: Really?

Dalgetti: Yeah, you get one for free after you purchase 3 red flags and a Karl Marx book.

Chris: But aren't you a Leninist?

Dalgetti: No, I'm a Ruski Jew.

Chris: Erm… ok.

Chris and Dalgetti continue to walk towards the border.
After a while, they notice two people standing at a border gate, with several trucks filled with heavy machinery.

Chris: Fall on the ground!

Dal: Wha..

Chris pushed Dalgetti on the ground, and quickly dropped too.

Dal: Ouch, now my hand hurts…

Chris: Maybe you should have w anked less infront of that tree.

Dal: I wasn't wan…

Chris: quiet! Let's look!

(lazy zoom to the couple at the gate)

Osweld: We got everything here, as you asked.

KH: Yep, nuclear core and everything.

Communist Border Guard: Aha, thank you. The regime is very grateful. If you ever need chemical weapons…

Osweld: Those are immoral…

Guard: Well, yes, obviously, I meant to say, if you ever need chemical weapons, it means you have degraded yourself to the level of western capitalism and imperialism.

Osweld: Oh that's good, because you know…

Guard: Yeah, sure. (turns away and walks away)

Osweld and KH turn around and begin walking back into S. Korea.

Suddenly Chris62 and Dalgetti jump at them.

Chris: Aha! I caught you! You were giving nuclear weapons to the North Koreans! Traitors!

Osweld: What nuclear weapons? They aren't at all building anything nuclear.

Chris: Then what are they building in that super guarded site?

Osweld: They promised us that it's actually a top secret soccer training field.

Dal: What???

Osweld: Yeah, they said they suck at soccer and they want to train their team, but without being picked up by western evil satellites that steal their game tactics, so we gave them radar jammers and darkness generators (© Red Alert^TM).

Chris: Oh yeah? What for do they need the nuclear core then?

Osweld: They promised me that they simply want to heat up the stadium since it's cold.

Chris: Oh that's nonsense! They fooled you! Typical Canadians!

Osweld: What? They wouldn't! They are all good people! It's you western imperialist evil doers that make them appear evil! It's your dehumanizing propaganda!

Dalgetti: Oh come on, even I know that they are lying.

KH: Ok listening to Osweld is kinda funny, but enough with that. You know and I know that the US is the source of hegemony in the world, and that can't stand. We need balance.

Dalgetti: Ok, so supply nuclear weapons to… umm… Australia or something like that. N. Korea is crazy! And Evil!

KH: Because bush said so?

Dalgetti: No! They are enslaving their own people! That's far from communism!

KH: Oh comeon! Everyone enslave their people!

Faded Glory: Not at all! Everyone in America are free!

Dalgetti: Where did you come from?

Faded: I came with Chris, but I fell asleep in his pocket where it's warm.

Chris62: It's this damn roomy army jacket.

Dal: What else have you got in there?

Chris: Let's see… a hand grenade, a box of Belgian chocolates, Colon, of course, an American flag, a user's guide to inflatable … erm.. nevermind.

Dal: So what do we do now?

Chris: We tie the Candians up, leave them here and proceed to N. Korea.

Dal: Isn't that kinda harsh?

Chris: you're right. If someone accidentally encounters them, he'd have to listen to their communist raving. Let's burry them in the snow.

Faded: That's an excellent idea.

Dal: Yeah, ok, I guess we gotta.

Osweld: Wait? Don't we get a word in this? I mean, it's undemocratic and force really doesn't really solve anything…

KH: Oh shut up already. Would you mind burying him deeper?

(to be continued)

(I would like to comment that while we should make fun of every possible stereotype, the gays have been presented in a kinda stupid way. I think that if it would be less obvious and less "generally gay" and more particular to each person, it will be better.)

[Jon Miller]

Suddenly a Cellphone rings

It is evening and a truck is parked next to a old abandoned pier

a young man named A Cow Killed ME answered the phone inside of the truck

"yes sir, the superfast transport hovercraft NAV-129 will be deployed"

from the phone the sound of crackeling laughter is heard

in an invisible quiet helocopter hovering over the stadium Boris sits laughing as he turns off his cellphone

"Ha ha ha, those fools never realised that they only see the clone I sent to spy on them. aburtt, take me to the secret advanced base."

With that the helocopter starts flying south.

Jon Miller

[Imran Siddiqui]

(Meanwhile in South Korea)

Axi is seen to be bowing in front of a robed figure clad all in black. On him is the mark of the Communist Homosexuals (A Red Rainbow..... don't ask me!). He is inside of a factory, which seems to be producing weapons, each with the mark of the revolution (a big smily).

Axi: My lord, the plan is moving along well. Markos has Ming and MtG positioned at the front of the stadium to look for Siro, Imran, and Reismark. Mr Fun and Boris are moving quickly to the Boy's... *ahem* Turkish Locker Room.

Figure: Good. My young apprentace is learning well in unleashing his 'Angels'. I am very impressed with the one named MtG and his power with a banning rod...

Axi: Yes my lord, and the Gays sure love a man with a big stick in his hands!

Figure: Yes... and the Canadians?

Axi: They are playing into our hands, my lord. They have given the North Koreans all sort of missles and weaponry in the futile belief their friged landscape will ever be heated... HARR HARR!

Figure: Good. Soon the Turkish Team will be in my grasp and we shall set the ransom. You my go.

Axi: Yes, my lord. Shall we continue to keep your power a secret?

Figure: Yes. While I am armed with a banning rod, I am powerful. And at the same time no one suspects poor little MLeonard. I have simply been biding my time, learning the ways of the vBB, while the other sqander their power. Only a few know of what I really am, but soon they will all know. Now see to it that all goes as planned.

--

(At the stadium.. wherever the Hell it is floating)

Imran: Ok, so, knock out the Homosexuals. We have to have a plan though. They are already almost to the locker room.

Siro: But what can we do?

Imran: Reismark, with all that crap in your backpack, you think you got a bullhorn?

Reismark: Of Course! I always carry around a bullhorn!

Siro: Why?

Reismark: What?

Siro: What?

Reismark: ...

Siro: No, why do you always carry around a bullhorn.

Reismark: Well, you never know we you are going to need it.

Imran: That works for me, now listen.

In about ten minutes the bullhorn was connected to a powersource and amplifier that allowed it to be heard across the stadium. There also was placed a voice disguiser on it. Suddenly a voice rang out.

Voice: I have a kitty here belonging to KrazyHorse... it is in pain! PAIIIIIN!

(In the stadium)

Boris: So what, the cat was in pain. Right, Mr Fun, I mean.... Mr Fun?

Mr Fun was halfway back to the main entrance huffing and puffing.

Boris: Awww, sh!t.

Boris hustles back and catches up with our cat-concerned friend.

Boris: What are you doing?

Mr Fun: Didn't you hear that announcement?! The cat is hurt!

Boris: So?

Mr Fun: You evil man! How could you even call yourself gay?

Boris: Um... because I like men?

Mr Fun: That's not the point!

Boris: Then what is?

Mr Fun: (pause) .... I don't know! But I do know I'm saving that cat.

Boris: Don't know? How can you not know what the point is?

Mr Fun: Well, I just don't. Do I have to?

Boris: Do you have to?! You know I can't be on Poly every second. We need to have Homosexuals that know what the point of things are.

Mr Fun: Are you free Saturday?

Boris: Well, mayb.... wait? Are you asking me out?

Mr Fun: Um... would you say yes if I did?

Boris: That depends if you were asking me out.

*awkward pause*

Mr Fun: Alrighty then.

Boris: Can you at least give me the sleep inducer?

Mr Fun: No, can't slow down. Kitty needs me!

Boris: MLeonard's gonna have my balls for this, isn't he?

[Sirotnikov]

(imagine this happenned before imran's post)

on the other side, the phone is closed.

Imran, Siro and reismark are all rolling on the floor laghing their asses of, all in tears.

Siro: That was brilliant.

Imran: Ahhh, sweet god, I love prank calls.

reismark: Let's call someone else now.

*dials random number*

voice: hello.

reismark: the israelis are attacking.

siro: hey now...

voice: what? are you serious?

reismark: yes. allah is great, you know what to do.

siro: hey, stop that. it's dangerous.

voice: yes sir, i do.

reismark closes the phone and proceeds to laugh histerically with Imran.

Siro: hey guys, do you know what you could possibly have caused?

Imran smacks Siro on the back: come on, loosen up, jew. It's just pure fun. No one gets hurt.

But Siro had a wierd feeling about that.

[Jon Miller]

at the abandoned pier the sound of machinery is heard

water is spraying every which way and a fearsome shape is rising

A Cow Killed ME sits calmly by his truck (which looks to have peanuts in it) and waits

after a half hour or so, a strange craft sits in front of him

the pier is steady enough and the hovercraft is situated such that the truck can be driven into the hold

as A Cow Killed ME drives the truck into the hovercraft he sees made in finland printed on the sides of the hovercraft

Jon Miller

[Sirotnikov]

Stefu: Get out of here you jerk! How many times do I tell you not to get the hovercraft all dirty!

ACKM: But... but...

Stefu: Now you go and clean that up. And anyway, why do you drive your truck in here? It's an attack hovercraft, not a transport.

ACKM: I just...

Stefu: And what are the rest of you waiting for? Unload the bombs from the truck and get this hovercraft ready. We're going to australia.

Lightening: Australia?

Stefu: I never forgot how GP made fun of the hovercraft. Now I talked to heydy, he hid GP's sub in a local pond. Now We'll get there and kick his ass. And we'll pick up the rest of the Australians on the way.

Lightening: But aren't they our sworn enemies?

Stefu: Yes - that's why we'll throw them overboard once we're in open sea. I'm so genious. MWAHAHAHA.

[Ming]

FIRST CLASS.... ahhhhhh......

The three Angels sat down in their first class seats on the Bullet Train... so soft... so comfy... so nice...

DRINKS... WE NEED DRINKS... Ming yells as the most beautiful creature he had ever seen walks by holding a serving tray...

May I help you gentlemen she responded with a smile that could melt steel...

Hmmm... Three beers... and what do you guys want Ming asked.

MtG... Beer... NO WAY... I want a man's drink. Bring a bottle of your best tequila... and make sure it has a worm...

She then notices MLeonard... at first, there was a strange look in her eye, but then, her smile just grew larger. She leaned over to provide MLeonard with a "wonderful" view, and placed her hand on the inner part of his thigh... And what would you like oh great one...

He drew her ear close to his lips... almost to the point of licking them... he wispered a few words...

OH... she yipped... I won't tell your secret...

MtG and Ming look at each other... "secret"????

I'll just have a diet coke... he responded with a smile.

She dashed off, and within seconds, and ice cold diet coke was placed in front of MLeonard... It's the freshest we have master...

Shhh... I'm just a poor traveler...

OH.... she responds as she continues to rub the inside of his thigh...

That will be enough... please get my friends their drinks.

Yes master she says.... MLeonard just rolls his eyes as she dashes off... with both Ming and MtG watching her lovely butt bounce back and forth.

The long train ride went by smoothly... with what seemed like an endless supply of drinks... MtG was on his third bottle, and Ming had to switch from Old Style to Miller Lite, because he had killed their supply...

MLeonard just sat quietly... humming the theme from Star Wars... and drinking his Diet Coke...

They arrived and transfered to the bus... as they boarded, a dark small object was seen running between the tires...

What was that... MtG looked at Ming... probably just a rat... don't worry about it... Another dark object darted out... Hmmm Ming said, looked more like a ferret...

A shadow crossed over the sun... no sounds could be heard... the quiet was complete... and all three screemed in unison.... FERRETS.... OH NO...

They raced onto the bus... MtG pulled out the largest hunting knife you could possibly imagine... He put it to the bus drivers throat... MOVE IT... NOW...

While the bus driver didn't speak any English, he seemed to get the message as the bus tore out of the lot... heading at 100 miles per hour toward the stadium.

Ming and MLeonard sat at the back of the bus looking out the back... Do you see anything... No... do you...

It looks clear MLeonard yelled to MtG...

The rest of the ride was uneventful...

When they arrived at the stadium MtG looked at Ming... While I've seen that crappy picture of DanQ on Apolyton, I'm not sure I could pick him out of a crowd... how are we going to find him... Ming was too busy taking a piss on the side of the bus to answer...

MLeonard looked up... Don't worry, I know what he looks like... as a matter of fact there he is right now outside the stadium...

As they approached him... MLeonard grabbed Ming and MtG by the collars... WAIT... hide here.

From their hiding place they could see DanQ talking to two people... Is that who I think it is...
Yeah... it's Asher and Eli...
Damn responded Ming... now what.

MLeonard smiled and said don't worry... they won't recogonize him... Suddenly, DanQ runs for the stadium as Eli is heard to scream "DanQ... I KNEW IT"... they followed him into the stadium.

Now what... MtG asked. MLeonard quickly responded... I know another way into the stadium... follow me. We will catch up with DanQ after he has lost them...

As they moved toward the stadium... two little creature could be seen following them at a safe distance....

[Boris Godunov]

Ming: Naw, y'all seem to be doing ok by yourselves, I wouldn't want to destroy plot continuity with my rather Dickensesque writing style.

Imran: Don't you even think about hooking me up with MrFun. One of my key requirements in men is a sense of humor.

And all I have to say is this: There better not be at any time a point where the Boris clones get it on with each other. That would just be disturbing.

*glances at mirror*

Hmmm...or would it?

*flexes bicep in mirror*

Oooooh...