When I'm home I feel like Mrs horse is monitoring me all the time

[Tiamat]

Ok, well then.....as someone who is married and has this same problem doing this to my husband......let me let you in on the secret. WE DON'T KNOW!!! The only thing I can equate it to that when I ask for something to be done he usually doesn't do it the right way, or fast enough or the way I would have done it. I really think the later is the case for women.

I think it's that we feel that we are the only ones who are going to do it the right way so we basically set you up for failure because even if you did it the right way we aren't going to think you did and we will still think we could do it better.......hence the irritation because in our minds we've perceived that even though you've done what we asked, it still wasn't done correctly.

It's the old line.......if you want something done right you have to do it yourself and if you and Mrs. Horse have been married for quite sometime she may have gotten in a rut with this perspective and in the end nothing you do is going to be right.

I get irritated with my hubby about this sometimes but sometimes he's just a mindless git. For example for some reason he can't seem to find anything he's looking for even when it's in front of him in the frige or pantry. I think this is an inbred traight in all men.

[Alexander's Horse]

When we were first married I would wash the dishes and then I would catch Mrs Horse washing them again because I didn't do a good enough job

[Tiamat]

Something else to take into consideration would be is she under any stress or could there be things that she is worried about that she may not be sharing with you. Do you have a sense that things are bothering her or could she be worried or upset about the boys. I tend to get upset with mine because he loves to play WWII online. But when he plays he does it for a minimum of 8 hours or more which as you could imagine becomes a source of irritation because I feel a bit neglected.

You mentioned that you and the boys retreat to your games and toys and "boys den" as it were but she always finds you there. Did it ever occur that maybe she feels left out, like she's the fifth wheel? By your own admission it is very much a blokes house how about finding something for her to share in or cut down on some of the boy time and see if that lets up on some of the irritation. I would bet that she is feeling a bit left out like you do more with the boys then she does. Oh sure she gets to do the laundry, cooking, probably the homework help, and I would imagine does the sick runs to the school when there ill etc.....but in her mind you get to do all the fun stuff and she's has to do all the other mindless crap so consequently she finds things for you to do then picks them apart.

Any of this make sense?

[Jon Miller]

Originally posted by Alexander's Horse
Yes some good ideas here. But it only relates to when I'm home - I can go out as much as I like because when I'm out of course my presence doesn't annoy her

I knew I was on a downward spiral when I lost control of the TV remote

my sister and her boyfreind have two rooms with TVs

one that she controls (the living room)

one that he and his freinds hang out in (the garage)

Jon Miller

[Alexander's Horse]

Yes I think she does feel left out. Now if we could only interest her in Warhammer.....

[Tiamat]

That's not to say that what you do being the provider isn't important but if you have a house full of boys and she's the only woman there then she may be feeling a bit overwhelmed by all the testosterone going on there.

I have found that when I'm feeling a bit neglected by my husband I do tend to get a bit more bitc*ier then usual....if that's possible but I also get more nit picky as well and look for things to pick on him about. He usually gets the message and makes some quite time just for us and things tend to get a bit more normal until I feel neglected again.

Do something nice for her......surprise her with something totally unexpected....maybe a little unexpected time with you....or you and the boys or do something that she would like to do.....a movie night at home with her favorite flick or something similar. Doesn't have to be anything huge or super special just a small jester that lets her know you care and are thinking about her and are trying to include her. I would bet it would make a difference.

[Bloody Monk]

Have you tried talking to her, AH??

I mean a real conversation not based on blaming, flaming, or complaining. Listen for the thing not said. Women are not direct like men. She may not even know herself what is bothering her. I bet that whatever has motivated this behavior is not the obvious surface thing she blames it on.

Also, you have a right to feel at home in your house. That she makes you feel this way may be because she is pushing you to be the man. The bossyness may be the result of exhaustion, or a feeling of "I'm tired of being the strong one."

What it sounds like is that your marriage might benifit from the equivalent of a hard drive defrag.

Good luck.

Monk

[Tiamat]

And you might have to expect her to refuse at first because she won't be sure where it's coming from but keep at it and she will eventually join in. Just try to make her feel more wanted or included and I think she will let up.

[Alexander's Horse]

Mrs Horse doesn't like to be actively managed. Need to be careful about that.

[Tiamat]

Originally posted by Bloody Monk
Have you tried talking to her, AH??

I mean a real conversation not based on blaming, flaming, or complaining. Listen for the thing not said. Women are not direct like men. She may not even know herself what is bothering her. I bet that whatever has motivated this behavior is not the obvious surface thing she blames it on.

He's right about this conversation will probably open up her flood gates and you will eventually get to the root of the problem. He's also right in that she feels slighted in some way by you and blames you for that. But if you do open up converstation talk sweetly with out blame as he said. Be nice, sweet, get close and really let her know you are interested in what she has to say.

[Urban Ranger]

Originally posted by Tiamat
Doesn't have to be anything huge or super special just a small jester that lets her know you care and are thinking about her and are trying to include her.

You're calling Horsie a jester?

[Alexander's Horse]

Originally posted by Tiamat
That's not to say that what you do being the provider isn't important

Sorry I have to correct you there - Mrs Horse brings home more money than me

[Tiamat]

I would never make that presumption. I've been here long enough and read enough of his post to say ............not even on a good day

[Tiamat]

Originally posted by Alexander's Horse


Sorry I have to correct you there - Mrs Horse brings home more money than me

Sorry, ment no offense. Of course I don't know your monetary status but you get the drift.

[Alexander's Horse]

Originally posted by Bloody Monk
Have you tried talking to her, AH??

I mean a real conversation not based on blaming, flaming, or complaining. Listen for the thing not said. Women are not direct like men. She may not even know herself what is bothering her. I bet that whatever has motivated this behavior is not the obvious surface thing she blames it on.

Also, you have a right to feel at home in your house. That she makes you feel this way may be because she is pushing you to be the man. The bossyness may be the result of exhaustion, or a feeling of "I'm tired of being the strong one."

What it sounds like is that your marriage might benifit from the equivalent of a hard drive defrag.

Good luck.

Monk

a. you've taken this thread way too seriously

b. there's no question of who wears the pants in our house - both of us

You basically have 2 very independent and strong willed individuals duking it out every day of the year.

This makes for poor communication but great ........never mind.