The 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do in the U.S. Army

[The Mad Monk]

http://www.avalanchetankers.us/archives/000058.html

58. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we've all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.

edit: thanks to MDA from counterglow!

[Ted Striker]

[Skanky Burns]

[ravagon]

My favourites -


Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.

Must not valiantly push officers onto hand grenades to save the squad.

I am not allowed to mount a bayonet on a crew-served weapon.

Never, ever, attempt to correct a Green Beret officer about anything.

[loinburger]

Classic.

[Space05us]

[Ramo]

Very nice.

[Nubclear]

Er, I'm not finding the humour in this.

[debeest]

The only real humor is the suggestion that one person might have tried all these things.

[Skanky Burns]

Well duh.

[Kingof the Apes]

145. I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.


146. Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream during the same.

Great stuff!

[Tingkai]

The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them "You don't need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for."

[Mr. Harley]

72. Woad is not camouflage makeup.

The man is priceless, and inspired.

[Chemical Ollie]

Reminds me of my buddy who was on 6 UN peacekeeping missions. He tried numerous things on the list, or similar stunts.

[Sikander]

7: Not allowed to add 'In accordance with the prophesy' to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.

16: Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my 'Sampson like powers'.

29: The Irish MPs are not after 'Me frosted lucky charms'.

64: Inflatable novelties do *not* entitle me to BAQ or Separation pay.

210: Must not make T-shirts up depciting a pig with the writing "Eat Pork or Die" in Arabic to bring as civilian attire when preparing to deploy to a primarily Muslim country.