The Boys down in the South

[Joseph]

I think this is a "rerun" but I still enjoyed it.
Hope you do too. Sally

Hope you enjoy SOUTHERN HUMOR

An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on
I-40 and says
to the driver, "Got any ID?"
The driver says, "'Bout what?"
******
Two Mississippians are walking toward each other, and
one is
carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy
Ray, whatcha got
in
th' bag?"
"Jes' some chickens."
"If I guesses how many they is, kin I have one?"
"Shoot, if ya guesses right, I'll give you both of
'em!"
"OK. Ummmmm...five?"
******
An Alabamian came home and found his house on fire. He
rushed next
door, telephoned the fire department and shouted,
"Hurry over here -
muh
house is on fahr!"
"OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"
"Shucks, don't you fellers still have those big red
trucks?"
******
Why do folks in Kentucky go to R-rated movies in
groups of 18 or
more? Because they heard 17 and under aren't
admitted.
******
Ida Mae passed away and Bubba called 911. The
911-operator told
Bubba that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.
"The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"
After a long pause, Bubba said, "How 'bout I drag her
over to Oak
Street and you pick her up there?"
******
Know why they raised the minimum drinking age in
Tennessee to 32?
They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
******
What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Mississippi?
Documentaries
******
Where was the toothbrush invented?
Arkansas. If it were invented anywhere else, it would
have been
called a teethbrush.
******
Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Tennessee State
Lottery? The
winner gets $3 a year for a million years.
******
A new law was recently passed in North Carolina so
that when a
couple gets divorced, they're still brother and
sister.
******
What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas and
a hurricane in
Florida have in common?
No matter what, somebody's fixin' to lose a trailer.
******
How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky
hotel?
When you call the front desk and say "I've got a leak
in my sink,"
and the person at the front desk says, "Go ahead".

[Pekka]

reminds me of a joke where you play the box game.
The other one gets into the box and then the other one tries to guess which one of them is in the box.

[SlowwHand]

A couple of Texas hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to
the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in
his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can
help. But first, lets make sure he's dead."

"OK", the hunter says.... He puts down the phone, then there is a silence, then a shot is heard.....

The hunter says, "OK, now what?"

****************************************


A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He goes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling.

"WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HOSS?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.
No one answered.

"ALRIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHA BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINNISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS! AND I DON'T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly.

He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse is back! He saddles-up and starts to ride out of town.

The bartender wanders out of the bar and asks, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."

****************************************

Texas has always been known as the number one natural gas producing
state. That is really no surprise seeing as the number of Taco Bells
we have serving bean burritos.

***************************************

Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on a lonesome Texas prarie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous. A night of tall tales begins.

The first one says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns with my bare hands."

The second cowboy can't stand to be bested. "Why that's nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen-foot rattlesnake slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit its head off and sucked the poison down in one gulp. And I'm still here today."

The third cowboy remained silent, silently stirring the coals with his hands.

**************************************

There was this Texas cowboy and he had been riding his horse across the great plains on his way to California nonstop. Both him and his horse had gone days without sleep. As he rode in to one of the few towns on his trip he decided to stop in at the saloon and get a shot of wiskey to satisfy his thirst. As he got off his horse he realized that since his horse had not slept in a few days it might fall asleep now that they had finally stoped and it might take a few hours to wake his horse up.

He grabed this young indian who just happened to be walking by and told him of his predicament, he then asked the indian if he could run back and forth in front of his horse to keep it awake while he was tending his thirst in the bar. The indian agreed.

After a few drinks the cowboy forgot about the trip as he made friends and drank down round after round in the bar. As the hours past a cowboy entered the front door of the sallon and asked who owned the brown and white horse out front.

The cowboy who owned the horse said "I do so what about it?"

Well replied the cowboy you left your INGIN' RUNNIN'.....

[Pekka]

Sloww, wasn't the first one selected as the best joke in the world in huge a huge international poll? I think it was..

good ones... especially the last one

[Japher]

My brother-in-law told me this one, I don't think I have it quite right though:

Billy Joe and Bob were out hunting when Bob accidently shot Billy Joe... Bob ran all the way back into town to get a doctor, and, gasping as he spoke, explained to the doctor what had happened. Bob and the doctor ran back to Billy Joe who was still there.

"Well," Bob asked, "Is he going to live?"
"He would of," the doctor replied, "Had you not of field dressed him."

[St Leo]

An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on
I-40 and says
to the driver, "Got any ID?"
The driver says, "'Bout what?"

Is there a sequitur in there that I am failing to fathom?

[mrmitchell]

Spoiler:

st leo-"ID" = "idea"

st leo use the spoiler

[Boris Godunov]

What do you call a West Virginian girl who can outrun all of her brothers?

A virgin.

[self biased]

down in georgia, two good ol' boys are taking a leak off of a bridge. the first one says, "man, this water sure is cold." the second one says, "yah, it's sure deep, too."

[Joseph]

Originally posted by St Leo

An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on
I-40 and says
to the driver, "Got any ID?"
The driver says, "'Bout what?"

Is there a sequitur in there that I am failing to fathom?

Boys in the South back in the old days would say "ID" instead of idea.

[Lonestar]

How do you circumsise a Alabamian?
Kick his sister in the mouth.
********
Why doesn't Mexico just float away?
Because Texas sucks so much.
*****
How do you Piss off a Texan?
Tell him they're gonna divide Alaska in two and make Texas the Third largest state.