feeling confused

[Q Classic]

about a personal matter.

like, i know how i should feel about something, but that's not what i'm feeling. i know that i should be able to move on, because that's what we agreed do, but somehow i'm still stuck on it.

so how do you deal with this feeling? suggestions, anyone?

[chequita guevara]

Accept that you are human, not a machine, and that you will feel what you feel. Go out with some freinds, have a beer, hang out by the lake and reflact on how life sucks and how wonderful life is.

[Giancarlo]

I have felt confused a lot in the past year.. just get out there and enjoy life.

[Q Classic]

something more specific. can't go out and have a beer, 'cause the card here in atl, and i'm still four months shy.

do plan on going out this weekend... but that doesn't help me now. hm..

[Giancarlo]

Go eat at a nice restaurant or something... take a walk... I can't drink beer for another two years because of dumb laws here in the US (blasted)...

[Spec]

Originally posted by chegitz guevara
Accept that you are human, not a machine, and that you will feel what you feel. Go out with some freinds, have a beer, hang out by the lake and reflact on how life sucks and how wonderful life is.

I agree with Che. For example, 2 years ago my Grand ma died but for some unknown reason I didnt feel sad or didn't feel the need to cry like the rest of the family....I thought I was a unsentimental freak or something....but the fact is, when ever I see an animal die in a movie, it gets to me, but if a human dies I dont care. So that's just how I am. We are not machines programmed to react a certain way to certain things, everyone is different and thats what makes the world a cool place to live in.


Spec.

[Flubber]

It sounds like a break -up the way you talk about agreeing to move on . ..

But no matter what it is, the ONLY thing to do is gut it out and try to move on-- You may feel like crap for a while but just try to immerse yourself doing fun things-- I know things will get better.

As for being confused . . . if we are talking about feelings, you will likely be a little confused all your life. There are few certainties out there in interpersonal relationships.

So have fun . . eat. drink. talk to a friend, ride a bike . . . just do something to get on with living

[Q Classic]

it's not a break-up per se. because of my relapse, we'd agreed to take a small break from each other, i.e., not be exclusive anymore. was partly to give her a way out if i ever got too self-destructive, but instead she kept trying to involve herself with me.

somehow, even though i know that we're no longer exclusive, her actually arranging a date (even though she did stand him up...) feels... odd.

incidentally, my shrink says i'm not in touch with my emotions, to which i think bollocks.

[Japher]

Your shrink is right on the nose Q^3, but then no one really is.

You broke up, get over it. Non-exclusive! That's a break up, but by putting it in those terms is only confussing yourself even more.

She probably put it that way because she doesn't want to break up with you, but feels that your "bad" for her in some way.

Either you need to be willing to commit yourself totally to her or let her go.

Quit lying to yourself and face up to reality.

[Imran Siddiqui]

can't go out and have a beer, 'cause the card here in atl, and i'm still four months shy.

Your uncle Imran is 23 and can buy beer to drink in an apartment if you need to hang out and talk later this week.

Drop me a PM if that's what you need.

[Kidlicious]

You're a good guy Q cubed. You need to convince yourself of that. Think about your qualities. Relationships don't work sometimes. It just means that you need to find the right person. I can tell that you are worthy of that person. Don't get down on yourself.

[Q Classic]

japher: see, that's part of the problem. my head kinda already knows that. and this is what i hate about me--there's a huge disconnect between head and heart.

and the latter, well, it's still not completely under control.

hm.. imran, i might take you up on that. we'll see.

[Urban Ranger]

Q^3,

That sucks. If you feel like crying, cry to your heart's content. It does help.

[NeOmega]

Stop seeing the shrink. Just a paid friend.... not a real one. He/she'll confuse you with his/her way of thinking.

Basically what I am saying is: "GOOD GOD SON WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM! LOOK AT YOURSELF! STOP BEING SUCH A P**** AND MOVE ON! LIFE IS GONNA GET ALOT HARDER, SO EITHER PUT THE GUN TO YOUR TEMPLE IF YOU CANT HANDLE IT OR MOVE ON!"

And some realistic advice:

Depression feels good. It feels good to give in and be weak, to cry, to feel sorry for yourself. But it is not productive. YOu have to destroy the desire to feel sorry for yourself, or you may never recover. Here is what I did:

It took me a long time, but one day I figured I was prolonging the pain by constantly revisiting, just to feel that familiar pain of my heart bleeding, the memories. It was like an addiction. So I placed a thick rubber band around my wrist. Every time I thought of her... SNAP! Real pain. My wrist was read and welted the first 2 days, and tender, painfully tender. In one week, believe it or not, it was over. After 2.5 years.... Nothing. And within months I was easily back on the prowl. Now with my current G?F, I lok back and see what a little whiny B**** I really was, and am angry at myself for wasting so much of my time when I could have been making the changes to myslef that needed to be made years earlier.

[Q Classic]

the shrink is not my idea. i have to see one as part of the terms of my leave of absence from the university.

soon as i get back to chicago, i'm ditching the shrinks in atlanta, permanently. i don't have one in chicago, outside of my friends, one of whom did graduate with a psych degree.

my depression has little to do with her; this actually doesn't really affect it, either. most of the confusion lies in my mind knowing what is happening, but my heart refusing to accept it. we still have feelings for each other--of course it can work! says the heart; the brain keeps trying to move on, but there's a lasso that keeps dragging it back.

once this sinks in, i suppose i'll be fine, because hopefully by then the mind will have dominated the heart again, as it should...even if it will lead to an ulcer down the line.