What the hell do I say?

[Rufus T. Firefly]

Drop the whole "dad" thing -- there's too much pressure in that. Sure, technically he sired you, but for your purposes right now he's really something like a distant relative you are trying to get to know better. If your family put you in touch with your third-cousin-twice-removed, how would you start that conversation? I suspect the same thing applies here.

[CerberusIV]

Do you intend to meet him face to face eventually? If so then you need to say a bit about your attitude to life as well as something of what you have done in the last few years (what you did at school as a child can wait).

Try and say just enough that if you do meet him then he won't wonder if you are the same person who sent the email.

[JohnT]

I'm re-establishing contact with my biological father, a man I barely remember and who I haven't spoken to in at least 17 years, mainly cause I was raised to think my (step)dad was my bio-dad. Big family secret, now out in the open. Except to my (step)dad. Cause things can never be simple and clear cut in my family. That would defeat the point of being in my family.

Actually, things can be as clear as you make them - tell your stepdad you know and be done with it: there is no need living a lie. It's your life, take it into your own hands.

Anyway, so via my Nan, I tell bio-dad I'm back in England and I know the ins and outs of what happened. I've now got an email from him sitting in front of me and....I don't know what to say. All my witty cultural references have drained away. How do I condense the past life I've led into an email? What do I say that doesn't sound like the kind of thing you read in, say, a Poly profile? Do I jump into the nitty, gritty details like fave food, personal hero, the fact I sleep with men, the ten things I'd take to a deserted island?

I would mention that you were gay. I wouldn't mention getting drunk. I'd send a less flamboyant picture, one that won't shock a church-goer (you never know). Try not to sound defensive, hurt, or whatever - there's only one time you can make a good first impression.

Do you want to meet face to face? You might bring up a restaurant you two could have dinner at (maybe including your aunt).

Don't lie, but don't feel that everything needs saying... you'll be surprised the number of wrongs that have been righted by the mere passage of time and silence. Be tactful.

[Agathon]

Better to tell him you are gay right off the bat. At least that way you won't be spared massive unpleasantness down the line. At least he will then know what he's dealing with.

Most of the time these things go pretty well. A friend of mine always knew he was adopted and when his birth mother requested contact with him, to his horror and that of the state authorities, it turned out she lived just down the street from him. So he knocked on her door - they had been seeing each other for years without realising it.

[MrFun]

Originally posted by Oerdin
Why not easy him in and not put out to much information at once?

That's what I said.

[Bereta_Eder]

IMHO, if you think you can handle it, it would be better to see him face to face. E-mails are no match in any way for the info you will gather instantly just looking at him in person. Then you can decide more easily your course.

Just my two eurocents, good luck.