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What the hell do I say?

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  • #1

    What the hell do I say?

    I'm re-establishing contact with my biological father, a man I barely remember and who I haven't spoken to in at least 17 years, mainly cause I was raised to think my (step)dad was my bio-dad. Big family secret, now out in the open. Except to my (step)dad. Cause things can never be simple and clear cut in my family. That would defeat the point of being in my family.

    Anyway, so via my Nan, I tell bio-dad I'm back in England and I know the ins and outs of what happened. I've now got an email from him sitting in front of me and....I don't know what to say. All my witty cultural references have drained away. How do I condense the past life I've led into an email? What do I say that doesn't sound like the kind of thing you read in, say, a Poly profile? Do I jump into the nitty, gritty details like fave food, personal hero, the fact I sleep with men, the ten things I'd take to a deserted island? Do I just provide the personal equivalent of a free sample, the actual package provided upon return email?

    do I send a picture of myself? Are there pictures of me that show me sober?
    Exult in your existence, because that very process has blundered unwittingly on its own negation. Only a small, local negation, to be sure: only one species, and only a minority of that species; but there lies hope. [...] Stand tall, Bipedal Ape. The shark may outswim you, the cheetah outrun you, the swift outfly you, the capuchin outclimb you, the elephant outpower you, the redwood outlast you. But you have the biggest gifts of all: the gift of understanding the ruthlessly cruel process that gave us all existence [and the] gift of revulsion against its implications.
    -Richard Dawkins
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Who says you have to cram everything into your first e-mail?

    That would likely just create confusion, miscommunication, and frustration via overwhelming amount of information anway.
    A lot of Republicans are not racist, but a lot of racists are Republican.

    Comment

    • #3
      Wow!



      No idea, but I'll give some suggestions.

      Your relationship with your father has nothing to do with you being gay. Well, seeing as there isn't a relationship, uh, well it really is none of his buisness even if there was a relationship, so I just wouldn't bring it up. Actually, if your dad says "The reason I left is because I realized I was gay" then maybe you could bring it up

      I would just keep it CV-ish for now. The guy is a perfect stranger afterall. Tell him what you have been up to, what your interests are, ect... And just ask him a lot of questions and see what he volunteers. Really, IMO, it is up to him to make the effort to get to know you. He owes it to you...
      Monkey!!!

      Comment

      • #4
        Originally posted by Japher
        Really, IMO, it is up to him to make the effort to get to know you. He owes it to you...
        It's an ieeensy bit more complicated than that. With my family, it always is.
        Exult in your existence, because that very process has blundered unwittingly on its own negation. Only a small, local negation, to be sure: only one species, and only a minority of that species; but there lies hope. [...] Stand tall, Bipedal Ape. The shark may outswim you, the cheetah outrun you, the swift outfly you, the capuchin outclimb you, the elephant outpower you, the redwood outlast you. But you have the biggest gifts of all: the gift of understanding the ruthlessly cruel process that gave us all existence [and the] gift of revulsion against its implications.
        -Richard Dawkins

        Comment

        • #5
          No idea really.
          Can't you just meet him someplace? You could send an e-mail about that.

          Comment

          • #6
            It's an ieeensy bit more complicated than that. With my family, it always is.
            That sucks. I ditch drama... I have no room for it.
            Monkey!!!

            Comment

            • #7
              Originally posted by Starchild


              It's an ieeensy bit more complicated than that. With my family, it always is.
              Like I said, why cram everything in the first e-mail?
              A lot of Republicans are not racist, but a lot of racists are Republican.

              Comment

              • #8
                Tell him to come to this site and have him get to know you by reading your posts... Yet, tell him your name is Park Avenue
                Monkey!!!

                Comment

                • #9
                  Perhaps the more pressing question is, what don't you tell him. Be careful with that one.
                  "Love the earth and sun and animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown . . . reexamine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency" - Walt Whitman

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Japher
                    Tell him to come to this site and have him get to know you by reading your posts... Yet, tell him your name is Park Avenue
                    That will be the day -- if he can ever pass for Park Avenue, then I can pass for Slowwhand.
                    A lot of Republicans are not racist, but a lot of racists are Republican.

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Is the desire to become reaquainted mutual ?
                      Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.
                      "Hating America is something best left to Mobius. He is an expert Yank hater.
                      He also hates Texans and Australians, he does diversify." ~ Braindead

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Re: What the hell do I say?

                        Originally posted by Starchild
                        Do I jump into the nitty, gritty details like fave food, personal hero, the fact I sleep with men, the ten things I'd take to a deserted island?
                        youcan combine all these

                        Jon Miller
                        Jon Miller-
                        I AM.CANADIAN
                        GENERATION 35: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Re: What the hell do I say?

                          Originally posted by Starchild
                          I'm re-establishing contact with my biological father, a man I barely remember and who I haven't spoken to in at least 17 years, mainly cause I was raised to think my (step)dad was my bio-dad. Big family secret, now out in the open. Except to my (step)dad. Cause things can never be simple and clear cut in my family. That would defeat the point of being in my family.

                          Anyway, so via my Nan, I tell bio-dad I'm back in England and I know the ins and outs of what happened. I've now got an email from him sitting in front of me and....I don't know what to say. All my witty cultural references have drained away. How do I condense the past life I've led into an email? What do I say that doesn't sound like the kind of thing you read in, say, a Poly profile? Do I jump into the nitty, gritty details like fave food, personal hero, the fact I sleep with men, the ten things I'd take to a deserted island? Do I just provide the personal equivalent of a free sample, the actual package provided upon return email?

                          do I send a picture of myself? Are there pictures of me that show me sober?
                          Just email him and tell him who you are - a raving alcoholic queen with a penchant for the biosciences - he'll just have to like you for who you are!
                          Speaking of Erith:

                          "It's not twinned with anywhere, but it does have a suicide pact with Dagenham" - Linda Smith

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            Why not easy him in and not put out to much information at once?
                            Try http://wordforge.net/index.php for discussion and debate.

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Well, the reason I asked my question was because the answer will help determine how much and how fast to say what you want to say.
                              Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.
                              "Hating America is something best left to Mobius. He is an expert Yank hater.
                              He also hates Texans and Australians, he does diversify." ~ Braindead

                              Comment

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