What do you expect out of parenthood?

[Dinner]

I want a big family. I'm thinking three boys and two girls so I guess why wife is going going to drive a Suburban or some other large SUV.

[JohnT]

<--Owns Isuzu Rodeo

[JohnT]

Spiffor PM'd me and asked if I could post the following. Thanks for the +0's, Spiff!

I'm currently banned (I need to get off 'Poly this week because of the uni), but I found your thread very interesting, hence this PM reply.

1. Is it important to have a child inside of marriage or irrelevant?
It is essential to have a child in a very stable relationship, that will last at least until he's independent. It may be a 'marriage' or simply a 2-decade-long relationship - the official label matters little, but the stability matters hugely.

2. What do you expect of yourself as a father/mother?
Mostly, to teach. My main good trait is to be quite a good teacher, and I sure want to transfer as many of my experiences as possible (= as they'll accept willingly) to my kids. Despite me being pro-self-determination and such (as you could read in the "irreligious household" thread), I admit I'm likely to try getting my kids on the communist side; I sure hope Mrs. Spiffor will fight off this inclination.

3. What do you expect of your spouse as a mother/father?
As shameful as it is, I'd probably expect her to manage most of the boring, day-to-day chores regarding the child (diapers etc.). Of course I'll try to do my part of the job, but I have been raised in a household where the father did no domestic work. And even though I know it's wrong, it is deeply installed in my head.

4. What traits would you prefer the child to have ?
Rather booky, but I'd have no problem with other traits (artisty, athletic). However, I'd insist for the kid to be at least a bit booky, because it is essential for success at school, and success later in life.

Any special interests that you want your child to enjoy
Again, pretty much whatever the kid wants. But I'll do my best for the kid to be interested in "politics" in the broad meaning (being interested in the world that surrounds us beyond our own micro-world).
I'll also try to have the kid get a knack of foreign languages as soon as possible. Subtitled media is the way to go

5. What sort of lifestyle would you like to lead - two earner families or one stay at home parent?
Two earner families. Not really for the kid, but for the family in general. It is essential to have a balanced relationship in order for it to be healthy (and to remain stable). Should one spouse be utterly dependent on the other financially, the relationship will be unbalanced, and that'd suck.
I think the kid can develop well if the parents don't work too many hours each (let's praise the 35 hours week )

To be continued...

[JohnT]

Another +0 from Spiff.

6. How would you deal with such hot button issues as punishment, TV time, schooling (home? public? private?), sex ed., etc.?
- Punishment: punishment is a needed tool in raising a kid, but one should not overuse it. I'd do symbolic punishments (lectures) when the kid has knowingly done something wrong, without the misdeed being too risky.
I'd do physical punishment in only two circumstances: 1) when the kid has been misbehaving on something important repeatedly, despite my lectures. 2) if a very strong signal has to be issued: for exemple, if the kid is having a very dangerous behaviour for itself, a physical punishment may ensure it'll not try it again; this of course would be accompanied by a clear lecture whose purpose if for the kid to understand why it was wrong.
As the kid grows, less and less misdeeds will go punished (the unimportant ones that is). One has to let some freedom to the kids if one wants to build a truthful relationship with them. Many non-risky things will be allowed early, such as eating at a friend's house, coming back at 18:00 or 19:00 without notice, etc.

- TV time: Entirely dependent on school results. If the school results are good, TV time will be allowed. If they're bad, he'll have to take more time understanding what is required. But all in all, I do not intend to have any strict rule regarding TV time. However, I intend to explain the kid that TV must be watched with critical thought turned on.

- Schooling: Public obviously. In general in France (except in the worst neighborhoods), public schools have a great social variety. And it may be the only place in his life where my kid will have equal relationships with middle-classes, workers or bourgeois in the same place. Home schooling is a strict NO, unless the kid has some terrible affliction, like the Peanut Allergy

- Sex ed. : well, I am likely to wander naked at home, so nakedness should be something deemed as natural. I intend to explain sexuality in a "scientific" way to the kid as soon as it asks how one makes babies. All of this in a de-dramatizing way: I take sexuality as something completely natural the kids should understand. I'll also explain very clearly that he'll be able to practice it only once puberty is reached.
I do not intend to have any influence over the kids' sexual behaviour (I merely want to transmit knowledge ), but when puberty comes, some discussions about it would be welcome. Of course, they'll be successful only if I manage to build a trustful relationship with the kids during their childhood, so that they may want to listen to me.
After puberty, any lecture the kid doesn't want to hear is completely useless, and even contra-productive.

[blackice]

I expect that I can and have started to raise a moraly (right from wrong) based child with a concience. The rest is day to day.

[Jon Miller]

a 6 bedroom house
a porshe
a minivan of some type
a sail boat
a cabin

hmm...

Jon Miller

[Kuciwalker]

What do I expect out of parenthood? Well, at the very least, I would expect to have one or more children

[Bereta_Eder]

Why ON earth is Spiffor banned? What did he do? He's always polite! Sacre Blue! If you can hear me Spiffor, hi!

[Kuciwalker]

Spiffor got banned?! What the heck? I agree with paiktis; he's always a polite, calm person.

[JohnT]

He banned himself to rid himself of Apolytemptation during a hectic week of his life.

[Kuciwalker]

[Bereta_Eder]

Well it doesn't look like it's working Spiffor

[JohnT]

No it doesn't.

[KrazyHorse]

What's wrong with TV? I watched a bunch of it as a kid...

As for the rest, I'm not sure if I want to raise one. Maybe I'll just go donate to a sperm bank so the world doesn't lose my genes...