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Dubya's Resume

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  • Dubya's Resume

    GEORGE W. BUSH RESUME
    The White House, USA ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
    I attacked and took over two countries.
    I spent the U.S. surplus and bankrupted the Treasury.
    I shattered the record for the biggest annual deficit in history.
    I set an economic record for the most private bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period.
    I set all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the stock market.
    I am the first president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.
    I am the first president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.
    In my first year in office I set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in US history.
    After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, I presided over the worst security failure in US history.
    I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips by any president in US history.
    In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their job.
    I cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work Americans than any other president in US history.
    I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
    I appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history.
    I set the record for the fewest press conferences of any president since the advent of TV.
    I signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any other US president in history
    I presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.
    I presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have.
    I cut health care benefits for war veterans.
    I set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind.
    I dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history.
    I've made my presidency the most secretive and unaccountable of any in US history.
    Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history. (The poorest multimillionaire, Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her).
    I am the first president in US history to have all 50 states of the Union simultaneously go bankrupt.
    I presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud in any market in any country in the history of the world.
    I am the first president in US history to order a US attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did so against the will of the United Nations and the world community. I have created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States.
    I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any other president in US history.
    I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the Human Rights Commission.
    I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the Elections Monitoring Board.
    I removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US history.
    I rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.
    I withdrew from the World Court of Law.
    I refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.
    I am the first president in US history to refuse United Nations election inspectors access during the 2002 US elections.
    I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.
    The biggest lifetime contributor to my campaign, who is also one of my best friends, presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world  history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).
    I spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US history. I am the first president to run and hide when the US came under attack (and then lied,saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1) I am the first US president to establish a secret shadow government.
    I took the world's sympathy for the US after 911, and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history).
    I am the first US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability. I am the first US president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the US than by their immediate neighbor, North Korea.
    I changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
    I set the all-time record for the number of administration appointees who violated US law by not selling their huge investments in corporations bidding for gov't contracts.
    I have removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in US history. In a little over two years I have created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided that the US has been since the civil war. I entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down.

    RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
    I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available).
    I was AWOL from the National Guard and deserted the military during time of war. I refuse to take a drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.
    All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my father's library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
    All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. All minutes of meetings of any public corporation for which I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.

    PERSONAL REFERENCES:
    For personal references, please speak to my dad or uncle James Baker (They can be reached in their offices at the Carlyle Group where they are helping to divide up the spoils of the US-Iraq war and plan for the next one).
    Christianity: The belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree...

  • #2
    Well, that didn't work so good.
    Christianity: The belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree...

    Comment


    • #3
      Why would you bump a thread after 1 minute?
      I make no bones about my moral support for [terrorist] organizations. - chegitz guevara
      For those who aspire to live in a high cost, high tax, big government place, our nation and the world offers plenty of options. Vermont, Canada and Venezuela all offer you the opportunity to live in the socialist, big government paradise you long for. –Senator Rubio

      Comment


      • #4
        I screwed up the title.
        Christianity: The belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree...

        Comment


        • #5
          ...and you wanted to highlight that fact?
          No, I did not steal that from somebody on Something Awful.

          Comment


          • #6
            well, at least Dubya is always well dressed.
            justice is might

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by chegitz guevara
              Well, that didn't work so good.
              Bush's accomplishments:

              Eliminated Saddam's regime after 12 years and specifically 8 Clinton years of status quo.

              Liberated the Iraqi people from genocide, after 12 years and specifically 8 Clinton years of status quo.

              Showed crucial leadership following the devastating 9-11 attacks.

              Attacked and seriously weakened Al Queda.

              Created Homeland Security Department that can better protect Americans from future attacks.

              In the process of getting North Korea to talk multilaterally, after Clinton failed '94 agreement.

              Helped encourage the Israelis and Palestinians unto the Road map for peace that seems so far to be working, after 8 years of failed Clinton diplomacy and terrible bloodshed.

              Promoted tax cuts that have prevented an even worse recession and are now encouraging a slow but sure recovery.

              Signed the bipartisan "no child left behind" education Act.

              Looks pretty good to me. It is certainly better than any Dem could hope to do.
              'There is a greater darkness than the one we fight. It is the darkness of the soul that has lost its way. The war we fight is not against powers and principalities, it is against chaos and despair. Greater than the death of flesh is the death of hope, the death of dreams. Against this peril we can never surrender. The future is all around us, waiting, in moments of transition, to be born in moments of revelation. No one knows the shape of that future or where it will take us. We know only that it is always born in pain.'"
              G'Kar - from Babylon 5 episode "Z'ha'dum"

              Comment


              • #8
                Showed crucial leadership following the devastating 9-11 attacks.
                yeah, he ran away and hid in a bunker.
                eimi men anthropos pollon logon, mikras de sophias

                Comment


                • #9
                  Eh, he was a good leader during 9/11. About the best you could ask of anybody after such a horrific attack.

                  Promoted tax cuts that have prevented an even worse recession and are now encouraging a slow but sure recovery.
                  Like the last two tax cuts? And on top of that, spending a sh*tload of money that's not there on drug coverage while forcing states to foot the bill for homeland security measures. He's flushing the budget down the toilet.
                  "Perhaps a new spirit is rising among us. If it is, let us trace its movements and pray that our own inner being may be sensitive to its guidance, for we are deeply in need of a new way beyond the darkness that seems so close around us." --MLK Jr.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by The Andy-Man
                    yeah, he ran away and hid in a bunker.
                    That was Cheney!

                    Bush did show leadership after 9-11. Remember the inspiring visit he made to ground zero where he hugged the firemen. Bush also gave many good moral speeches that encouraged and strenghtened the country at a time when we really needed it.
                    'There is a greater darkness than the one we fight. It is the darkness of the soul that has lost its way. The war we fight is not against powers and principalities, it is against chaos and despair. Greater than the death of flesh is the death of hope, the death of dreams. Against this peril we can never surrender. The future is all around us, waiting, in moments of transition, to be born in moments of revelation. No one knows the shape of that future or where it will take us. We know only that it is always born in pain.'"
                    G'Kar - from Babylon 5 episode "Z'ha'dum"

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Jac de Molay
                      He's flushing the budget down the toilet.
                      I'll remind you that the budget is also made by congress. As they say, "it's takes two to tango". You can't just blame the President.
                      'There is a greater darkness than the one we fight. It is the darkness of the soul that has lost its way. The war we fight is not against powers and principalities, it is against chaos and despair. Greater than the death of flesh is the death of hope, the death of dreams. Against this peril we can never surrender. The future is all around us, waiting, in moments of transition, to be born in moments of revelation. No one knows the shape of that future or where it will take us. We know only that it is always born in pain.'"
                      G'Kar - from Babylon 5 episode "Z'ha'dum"

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        che, you forgot some of his other accomplishments, like lying in a state of the union address to congress, having his sec. of state lie to the U.N., and, of course, his administration has blown the security cover of CIA personnel out of petty vengeance.

                        Oh, and he was also the first president in U.S. history to single-handedly lose his party control of the Senate via a party affiliation switch, thanks to his petty vindictiveness.
                        Tutto nel mondo è burla

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Showed crucial leadership following the devastating 9-11 attacks.
                          Why is it that any blathering about the attacks is "crucial"?

                          Eliminated Saddam's regime after 12 years and specifically 8 Clinton years of status quo.
                          Yes, it was very advantageous to America to eliminate the 8 years of prosperity, peace, and such.

                          Attacked and seriously weakened Al Queda.
                          Bungled attempts on 2 nations and called them successes.

                          Created Homeland Security Department that can better protect Americans from future attacks.
                          Created Homeland Security Department that can strangle freedoms at any time it wishes.

                          Helped encourage the Israelis and Palestinians unto the Road map for peace that seems so far to be working, after 8 years of failed Clinton diplomacy and terrible bloodshed.
                          1) The road map isn't working. They still hate each other.
                          2) Clinton was probably the most active President ever on the issue.
                          3) Quit coming up with cheap Clinton-bashing, damnit. No one cares.

                          Promoted tax cuts that have prevented an even worse recession and are now encouraging a slow but sure recovery.
                          A guy starts some tax cuts. If they fail, then they kept us from falling worse. If they succeed, then they worked. Come up with an actual yes-or-no one and then we'll see.

                          Signed the bipartisan "no child left behind" education Act.
                          It's got its problems. But any President probably would've signed in any bill labeled "No Child Left Behind" just for political hoo-ha. It's like crediting a soccer player for running across the field.

                          Looks pretty good to me. It is certainly better than any Dem could hope to do.
                          Bungled wars.
                          Led the nation into severe budget deficits.
                          Signed in strangleholds on freedom such as Patriot Act I and the DHS.
                          Can't pronounce "subliminal".

                          Yeah, that sure is better than Dems could hope to do.

                          -
                          yeah, he ran away and hid in a bunker.
                          Speaking of bunkers, does anyone remember the last time we heard from Cheney?
                          meet the new boss, same as the old boss

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by The diplomat
                            Bush did show leadership after 9-11. Remember the inspiring visit he made to ground zero where he hugged the firemen. Bush also gave many good moral speeches that encouraged and strenghtened the country at a time when we really needed it.
                            OooooOOOOOooh! Only Bush could have gone to ground zero and hugged firemen!

                            How about the fact the Republicans are using photos from that visit as campaign fundraising tools? Doesn't that strike you as appallingly cynical, capitalizing on a monstrous tragedy to raise campaign funds?

                            The times made the man here. Bush did not excel in any of his post-9-11 remarks or appearances. Hell, his hiding out in Air Force One was actually discouraging.
                            Tutto nel mondo è burla

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I'll remind you that the budget is also made by congress. As they say, "it's takes two to tango". You can't just blame the President.
                              The budget is very heavily influenced by the President. For example, had he not been parading all the tax cut bull****, then would it have happened?
                              meet the new boss, same as the old boss

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