How to be a good democrat

[Sava]

[Zero]

some of the stuff in the lists are weak and is purely a stab at the party... like, "You have to beleive it's ok for a presidential candidate to say one thing and do another. " isnt that for both sides really?

i enjoyed both lists tho. they so funny!

[Shi Huangdi]

How to be a good Socialist:

1. You have to be stupid.

2. See #1

[Japher]

How to be a good Socialist:

1. You have to be stupid.

2. See #1

[Kidlicious]

I had to stop reading. It was too textbookish. Is it even suppose to be funny?

[rah]

How to be a good Fascist.

1. Do what I tell you or die.

There is no #2.

[The Templar]

How to be a good capitalist:

(1) Believe everything has a monetary value.

(2) Subordinate all other values to the maximization of profit.

(3) Actually believe the market can do everything better.

(4) Actually believe that everyone has a shot at being rich.

[St Leo]

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

Shouldn't Gay Pride Parades be compared to Santa Claus Parades instead? Manger scenes are closer in spirit to governments signs saying "Gays Only Here". Like, duh.

[Victor Galis]

Re: How to be a good democrat

I really fail to see what's wrong with most of these.

1. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

Or that federal funding could reduce the spread (implying that the lack of federal funding is responsible to a higher level of AIDS spreading).

2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

You don't have to be able to read to know about sex.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese Communists.

Living in the South, I'm a billion times more likely to be killed by an American with a gun than by a Chinese commie nuke.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by liberal yuppies driving SUV's.

But I saw studies showed that global temperatures should be in decline right now. (implying that human impact was overpowering these global temperature trends)

7. You have to be against capital punishment, but in favor of abortion-on-demand.

Damn straight.

8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

Nah, just the first bit is enough. Though prosperity can result from keeping some businesses in line.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who've never been outside of Seattle do.

Yeah, they care so much they don't go out and spoil it

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important that actually doing something to earn it.

Without motivation, doing something is hard.

11. You have to believe that the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.

Are you implying that Bush is corrupt? (Not to meaning to imply that he isn't, but...)

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

Yep, the NRA supports the bad parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

ATM fees go to businesses, taxes don't.

16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is really a lady.

Nah, you just have to pretend you believe that.

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

Or because of meddlesome right wingers always trying to topple those communist regimes.

18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex-offender belong in the White House.

What is this "truth" you claim conservatives speak of?

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

If you're going to use federal funding to support your Christian ideology, of course I'm going to oppose that.

20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic funding by the Chinese Communists is somehow in the best interest of the United States.

Any democratic funding is a good thing.

[MichaeltheGreat]

Originally posted by *End Is Forever*
These sort of things are quite good when they're funny. This one, isn't.

It's oooooooold too.