Violence against women- is it ever OK?

[blackice]

Circular dis your conversation elludes from the topic, read the stats, do some research find out who is more violent and in which ways.

Strength and fighting ability as you perceive it is not common day to day domestic reality...

It is just what you read and obviously percieve it to be, could you be wrong?

BTW I did not vote simply because it is bias, come up with a more non bias reality poll and I may do so.

Nuf said...

[MRT144]

ill hit a woman just as quickly as id hit a man. course i havent hit anyone in 10 years.

[Dis]

well you could be correct in that.

Most fights don't occur in a controlled environment such as a boxing ring.

In a domestic situation there are many variables that could influence a fight. Not to mention the element of suprise.

I was just trying to compare the two on even grounds. The best way to do that is to imagine them in a boxing ring with no element of suprise.

[blackice]

A Common Dynamic: How Violence ERUPTS

There are a number of commonly reported interactions in which violence against men erupts. Here is one example that illustrates a common dynamic.

The woman is mildly distressed and upset. The man notices her distress and then worries she may become angry. The woman attempts to communicate and discuss her feelings. She wants to talk, feel supported and feel less alone. She initially attributes some of her distress or problems to him. The man begins to feel defensive, shuts down emotionally and attempts to deal with the problems rationally. He feels a fight is coming on. The woman feels uncared for, ignored and then gets angry. She wants him to share the problem and he doesn't feel he has a problem. The man will attempt to remain unemotional and stay in control of himself. He avoids accepting any blame for how she feels. He is also worried that she may explode at any moment and that she will certainly do so if he talks about his feelings. The man will start talking about her problem as if she could feel better if she would only listen to him and stop acting so upset. He fails to understand how she feels and tries to remain calm. He tells her to calm down and ends up looking insensitive. She begins to wonder if he has any feelings at all. She tells him that he thinks he's perfect. He says he is not perfect. She calls him insensitive. He stares at her and says nothing but looks irritated.

The woman is frustrated that he won't reveal his feelings and that he acts like he is in control. On the other hand, the man feels out of control and like there is no room for anybody's feelings in the conversation but hers. Communication breaks down and the woman begins to insult the man. When the man finally expresses his disapproval and attempts to end the fight. The woman becomes enraged and may throw something. The man will usually endure insults and interactions like this for weeks or months. This whole pattern becomes a recurrent and all too familiar experience. The man becomes increasingly sensitive to how the woman acts and becomes avoidant and unsupportive. The man begins to believe that there is nothing he can do and that it may be all his fault. His frustration and anger can build for months ike this.

This risk of violence increases when the woman insults the man in front of their children, threatens the man's relationship with his children, or she refuses to control her abusive behavior when the children are present. She may call him a terrible father or an awful husband in front of the children. Eventually he feels enraged not only because of how she treats him, but how her behavior is harming the children. At some point the man may throw something, punch a wall, or slam his fist down loudly to vent his anger and to communicate that he has reached his limits. Up till now she has never listened to what he had to say. He decides that maybe she will stop if she can see just how angry he has become. Rather than recognizing that he has reached his limits, expressing his anger physically has the opposite effect. For a long time the man has tried to hide his anger. Why should the woman believe he really means it? After all, he has put up with her abuse for a long time and done nothing. Instead of realizing that things have gotten out of control, the woman may approach him and say something like, "What are you gonna do. Hit me? Go ahead. I'll call the police and you'll never see your children again." Once he expressed his anger physically, the situation became dangerous for him and for her. The door to violence has opened wide. He should walk away. When he does walk away, she ends up more angry than ever, will scream obscenities at him and strike him repeatedly. She may even strike him with an object.

[blackice]

Violent period...

[blackice]

Why Do Men Stay In Abusive And Violent Relationships?

Men stay in abusive and violent relationships for many different reasons. The following is a brief list of the primary reasons.

Protecting Their Children. Abused men are afraid to leave their children alone with an abusive woman. They are afraid that if they leave they will never be allowed to see their children again. The man is afraid the woman will tell his children he is a bad person or that he doesn't love them.
Assuming Blame (Guilt Prone). Many abused men believe it is their fault or feel they deserve the treatment they receive. They assume blame for events that other people would not. They feel responsible and have an unrealistic belief that they can and should do something that will make things better.
Dependency (or Fear of Independence). The abused man is mentally, emotionally or financially dependent on the abusive woman. The idea of leaving the relationship creates significant feelings of depression or anxiety. They are "addicted" to each other.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Who Can Help If You Are In An Abusive or Violent Relationship?

Help for men who are victims of domestic abuse and violence is not as prevalent as it is for women. There are virtually no shelters, programs or advocacy groups for men.

Most abused men will have to rely on private counseling services. Community resources for breaking the cycle of violence are scarce and not well developed.

National Domestic Abuse Hotline 1 (800) 799 - SAFE
National Child Abuse Hotline 1 (800) 4 - A - CHILD

[Dis]

I don't think you need to put the telephone number here.

Most men here would be lucky to be in any relationship, let alone an abusive one . including me.

I can't imagine any Apolytoners are in an abusive relationship with a woman beating on them.

[blackice]

CTS Survey #1 CTS Survey #2 Kentucy 1975 (N=2143) 1985 (N=3520) 1979
wife husband wife husband wife victim victim victim victim victim

1) Threw something 28 52 28 43 29
2) Pushed, grabbed, or shoved 107 83 93 89 85
3) Slapped 51 46 29 41 48
4) kicked, bit, or hit with fist 24 31 15 24 14
5) Hit or tried to hit with something 22 30 17 30 22
6) Beat up 11 6 8 4 18
7) Threat with gun or knife 4 6 4 6 14
8) Used gun or knife 3 2 2 2 4

Overall violence (1-8) 121 116 113 121
severe violence (5-8) 38 46 30 44[

[tinyp3nis]

I don't think just a little training will get you upper hand. I don't think little training for even a smaller man would, but a lot of training will.

This girl don't need any training

http://www.cloud10.org/newimages26/beatdown.wmv

[Dis]

I"m not sure I want to know where you got that link from

[Ecthy]

where's my post gone?

I said "Diss " according to your remark about posters in relationships..

[tinyp3nis]

I'm not sure if I want you to know.

[lightblue]

Originally posted by tinyp3nis
I don't think just a little training will get you upper hand. I don't think little training for even a smaller man would, but a lot of training will.

This girl don't need any training
http://www.cloud10.org/newimages26/beatdown.wmv

Heh, she is a good 3 inches taller than him and about 100lbs heavier. That and he's obviously under the influence of something, just by looking at the way he moves.

I'd never hit a woman unprovoked, but then I have never hit anyone unprovoked. Just because of the physical differences I'd think that if woman attacked me I'd try and parry/block first, and if it wasn't just a few punches/kicks, I'd go for the restraint option. As a 6'5", 220lbs athlete, I think bets would be on me holding someone of 5'4" and 130lbs under control fairly easily.

Same goes for men, though if a man obviously comes after me with the intent of hurting me (and people have done before), I don't go for restraint but try to disable, either by tackling them if they rush me or kicking if they slowly close in.

[Velociryx]

Been in that boat one time....holds didn't work....she was slippery as a d@mned eel (tho I tried that first), and my choices were to lose an eye (very sharp fingernails, aimed for my face), or to end the matter with neither person seriously hurt.

I didn't like it (felt like ****e after), but yep...she got a (single) jab to the jaw, which made her sit down rather abruptly and took all the fight out of her.

Didn't like it, but I also didn't like the prospect of bein' blind in one (or both) eyes, so if put in the situation again, and having exhausted other options, I'd surely respond the exact same way.

-=Vel=-

[CerberusIV]

Physically attacking someone is not culturally acceptable in North America or Europe. That is why it is illegal and you can be sent to prison for it. If duelling, etc were still culturally widespread it might be different but it isn't.

Self defence is legal but (in the UK at least) you are only allowed to use reasonable force - that means as little as possible.

I would use force to protect myself or anyone important to me, regardless of the gender of the person causing the threat. Deciding how much force is appropriate (or how much damage to the other person you think you can get away with causing when it goes to court) is an individual decision.

Personally I would use less force against a woman than against a man in similar circumstances, simply because the chances of causing her serious harm are much greater for the reasons outlined earlier in this thread.

As a side note, the proportion of the female prison population in the UK who are locked up for violence or murder is much less than the proportion of male prisoners who are doing time for those type of offences.

As for an obsessive who won't get out of your life, the UK legal system has just about reached the point where our laws on stalking and harassment can be used by men against women. Injunctions forbidding women from contact with a man they have harassed are now given and it is seen as a solution.