Evil, evil girlfriends

[Urban Ranger]

Come to think of it, she needs psychological help than he does. This sort of toxic personality is usually a result of some sort of trauma, she probably got abused when she was little.

[Ted Striker]

That's exactly what has happened.

[Spiffor]

Pekka:

From what I read, I think violence towards the girl is in order. If she indeed threatened you last time when you asked if it would be okay to hit her, then don't restrain next time.
To understand how it is to be hit because someone else is thinking you are an butthole, she has to experience it. Hit her, hurt her, and win. And once she's calmed because she has lost, explain her, why you did so. Use the simplest possible explanation. Use her words if you need to.

This person is not a "woman" in the meaning of a weak person unable to defend herself. It is violent and trained in fighting. It is a rightful opponent. It is someone you can beat the crap out without going against your code.

If it doesn't work, there is always the police. Household violence is as much forbidden as any violence. Since you are precisely describing a household violence situation, the police can very well punish her, and force their separation.

As since the friend is the wuss you described, I hardly think their separation would be bad. I'm sure he stays with her because of a mix of apathy, fear, and still a tad of love.

Get them separated, with help of the police if you need to, and talk to your friend into hating her after that. If he's easy to influence, you'll have no problem doing so. Help him finding a new girlfriend (by hanging out in girlfriend hunting grounds). He has to replace this monster before she absorbs him definitely.

As Che puts it, it is a common domination relationship. You have to get your friend out of it

[MRT144]

im sure pekka would kill her with one blow spiffor

[C0ckney]

spiffor, you can't hit women, it's just wrong...

sorry to hear about this pekka, i can't really offer much useful advice though :/

[Spiffor]

Originally posted by MRT144
im sure pekka would kill her with one blow spiffor

Erm, maybe... I suppose he'll have to control his strength then.

[Spiffor]

Originally posted by C0ckney
spiffor, you can't hit women, it's just wrong...

Society has changed. Especially in Finland, women have now the same rights as men. It includes the right of being hit like a man. There is something worng in hitting defenseless people. There is something wrong in hitting innocent people. There is nothing wrong in hitting strong and violent people - the gender is irrelevant.

[C0ckney]

well i don't know how things are over there, but over here (at least where i live) hitting a woman is somewhere between beastiality and buggery on the scale of wrongs you can do...

[Urban Ranger]

Originally posted by Spiffor
From what I read, I think violence towards the girl is in order. If she indeed threatened you last time when you asked if it would be okay to hit her, then don't restrain next time.

I don't think Pekka should initiate or provoke violence, but yeah, if she starts striking.

[tinyp3nis]

In Finland there are lots of people who think you should never ever hit a girl, even a demon like described, and they are called juntti's here. I don't know what they are in England, but in USA juntti is called a hick. Chivalry before common sense.

Well anyway, there is a possibility of her being a psychopath, not just an ******* with broken childhood or something. If she is, you can't cure that, nobody can. If that is the case, you cant change her at all, so your only hope is changing him. Remember, most psychos aren't easily noticed, they appear to be somewhat "normal". Here a short describtion: "a person who has no feeling for other people, does not think about the future and does not feel bad about anything they have done in the past".
I think you should influence him regardless, even if she is not... I mean how are you going to find out if she is or isn't. Oh and if she is, I don't think she will learn anything if you punch her, she will just have fear influencing her after that, not regret or understanding of what she is doing to him.

[LTEC!]

Pekka, get yourself a girlfriend

[Pekka]

UR, Never thought of that. I mean trying to build his confidence and courage in order for him to get back on the track. I'll be sneaky!

[Pekka]

Spiffor, I can't really do that.. even if she attacks me. We're so backwards country still, that we think protecting women should be number 1 priority. Even if the woman in question is not worth it.
Some women use it to their advantage, I once saw outside bar in closing time this woman yelling 'woman beater' and pointing to a guy, and I know he wasn't touching her at all, but it doesn't matter, you don't have to know the woman when the code is to punish the one 'guilty'. It was like magic words, suddenly he got all the attention. Fortunately bouncer was alert and he knew nothing was going on and protected the guy.

Some women have this weird logic, that they can hit men when they so please. They can respond things with violence and hitting. And that men can't hit back. I believe, that women can't hit men like men can't hit women. Sure, it's likely that it hurts more if men hit women, but so what? Hitting is wrong to begin with, and if you start hitting seriously, you're asking for it.

But I won't do that. I'll just grab her hands, but I might apply a little pressure for her to remember. She won't attack me, I know it. So I'm not in trouble.
Here, hitting a woman is asking for troubles. It's more safe to stab the president. You'll be labeled forever and people will remember. It's enough for the rumour to spread and someone to hear, complete stranger, that I supposedly hit a girl, and I know I'll be wrestling in a matter of few seconds. Even if it was few years ago. These people are the true hicks, who attack anyone without a good reason.

Besides, I have had my scuffles and I can't really engage with anyone without a very good reason and clear self defence, or I'm looking at bad times. I don't have any problems controlling myself though, I'm the master of myself.

About domestic violence, cops won't even come. Here, domestic troubles are believed to be mans and womans personal troubles. When it gets dangerous and really violent, then maybe cops come to check out. In this case, no chance.

I don't think she's a true psycho, but that she really has issues controlling her anger, and that she's always angry. She's dominant person with her friends as well, but she's the worst with my friend. Ok, I'm out of here for a moment, have to prepare the BBQ for few minutes.

[Urban Ranger]

It's a very sticky situation. The best hope is your friend's girlfriend suffered some psychological trauma, so by getting her professional help you will help your friend as well. I am sure your friend knows more about her past to shed some light on the situation.

Regardless, you need to minimise her impact on him, which is not easy. It seems like he has developed some sort of dependency on her already, bad news. Maybe he could use some professional help to get rid of this dependency, but he has to be willing to accept help.

I don't envy your position, guy.

[Pekka]

mrt144, besides I'm not some kind of one man killing machine.. you have the wrong impression. I'm a nice and gentle guy. I've got my butt kicked once, so it's not like I'm some kind of champion. Just wanted to make sure you all understand..