Tricks to look busy at work

[Asher]

Originally posted by Japher
Tell your boss that it will take twice as long to do something than you belief it will, then get it done early... You then have the choice to look good, or to post on poly!

I work for a small business, the only people in the office are me, my boss, his wife (receptionist/accountant). No one knows anything 'bout computers but me.

He described what he wanted in his program, asked if I could do it in four months. I told him sure, four months is do-able.

I could've done it in one month.

And I get paid hourly, with no supervision, on a 2.53GHz P4 w/ 1GB of RAM (dual monitors).

It's awesome! Poly! Poly! Poly!
Money! Money! Money!

[gunkulator]

Originally posted by DAVOUT
All those tricks will not fool for long an experienced supervisor (experienced meaning that the guy was on your chair the year before).

Most managers where I work switch jobs as fast as they can to avoid the blame that comes when the sh1t hits the fan. As such, the average boss rarely has a clue what is going on. It's pretty easy to fool them and you only need to keep it up until they move on to their next job.

Another good trick is when you finally do produce something, send it to everyone you can possibly think of. So when the boss comes by and asks for a status report you can claim you are STILL waiting for input from persons X, Y and Z and that you can't go on until then.

[Jaguar]

Originally posted by Asher

I work for a small business, the only people in the office are me, my boss, his wife (receptionist/accountant). No one knows anything 'bout computers but me.

He described what he wanted in his program, asked if I could do it in four months. I told him sure, four months is do-able.

I could've done it in one month.

And I get paid hourly, with no supervision, on a 2.53GHz P4 w/ 1GB of RAM (dual monitors).

It's awesome! Poly! Poly! Poly!
Money! Money! Money!

I can only imagine.


I got my sister to pay me $50 to change the default screen resolution on civ3. (It annoyingly defaults at 1024x768, and I changed mine to 1280x1024.) When she saw it on my computer, she asked for me to do it to hers.

It takes one line of code in the ptw.ini.

[Japher]

Another good trick is when you finally do produce something, send it to everyone you can possibly think of. So when the boss comes by and asks for a status report you can claim you are STILL waiting for input from persons X, Y and Z and that you can't go on until then

That totally works!!! PTB all the way, baby!

[C0ckney]

ah, i need an office job (work on a farm), so much slacking so little time

[gunkulator]

Might as well add another one.

Whenever possible, try to work on more than one project. Just make sure that each project has a different boss. Bosses are even lazier than workers and most have the communication skills of a 2x4. When boss #1 asks what you're working on, you say it's boss #2's project and vice versa. Make sure to stress that you're almost done and should be able to get back to his job real soon.

The more jobs you work on the better. At any given time, one job will be in a crunch so bad that even all your dim witted bosses will have heard about it. You just claim to them that you're busting your butt on the crunch job. The goal is to have something moronically simple and unimportant to do on the crunch job. It will be so low on the radar that you can stretch it out for weeks.

[alva]

Can't think of any tips. Typically I am always busy - that's the British workplace though, long hours and low productivity.

True, short hours are much better for productivity.
-
And I know what you mean Cockney, know what you mean.
Damn desk-jockeys

[Az]

Originally posted by Jaguar Warrior



I can only imagine.


I got my sister to pay me $50 to change the default screen resolution on civ3. (It annoyingly defaults at 1024x768, and I changed mine to 1280x1024.) When she saw it on my computer, she asked for me to do it to hers.

It takes one line of code in the ptw.ini.

What kind of a bastard are you?

damn greedy jews.

[gunkulator]

Ah, hell I'm on a roll.

Meetings, meetings, meetings. Get yourself invited to as many as possible. Nothing says busy to the boss like a full calendar. The ideal meeting ends at either 11:00 AM or 3:30-4:00PM. Noone can expect you get anything done after that because of lunch/quitting-time. If the meeting ends before the ideal time, hang out with one or two attendees in a seemingly ad-hoc post-meeting rehash session that should get you through til 11:00 or 4:00.

One thing to watch out for are action items. Most meetings produce at least a few. Dodge them, or better yet, get them assigned to someone not at the meeting. "Well, this is really Bill's area of expertise." Occasionally, an action item is so easy that you should actually volunteer for it. Then get it done in an hour or so but make sure the boss thinks you'll need a couple days at least to finish it.

[alva]

Let me guess, you're the kind of manager that comes in with a full smile on monday morning right? Cheering everyone on, telling everyone how much you missed work and are glad to be back.
x 1000000

[gunkulator]

Last one for the night:

Training is the new corporate buzz word of the day. Managers love to ramble on and on about how they support employee training. Call their bluff. Fortunately, sue-happy lawyers have forced most corporations to provide a plethora of useless training dealing with such earth-shattering items like sensitivity, diversity, sexual harassment, drug free workplace, ethics, wellness, management, team-building and heaven knows what else. Then there are idiot-level courses like how to use Word, Excel, Windows, etc.

Most of the training is run by touchy-feely types who are even more worthless to the company than you. Sign up for all of them and make sure to recommend to management that you think the employees need even more kinds of training. You can literally waste weeks taking all these. The best training classes are "offsite" - offered by some valueless consultant. That's pretty much a free ticket to leave early and play golf.

[Makeo]

what kind of bastard charges his sister $50 bucks for a little computer help?

[Az]

gunkulator: this is all very true for the corporate world, but much less so for small sized companies. The boss is also the major shareholder, and also a workaholic. He can sit on you till he stomps you.

[Ming]

Yeah... offsite client meetings is the real key during the Summer. If you head out around noon to a meeting, NOBODY expects to see you back in the office. You can get your meeting done, and be on the golf course by 2:30...

[Az]

I think that's the saddest part: You get a meeting done, and have so much free time, and then... you waste it.